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Posted

Hi, I'm 28 yrs. old. I've never experienced dating with any women. I am a good-looking guy and very talented as well, and I can't seem to find out why I'm not attracting any women. I do have respect for women. Is it because I'm shy, or reserved? I honestly can't tell. My other friends are so charismatic and sure about themselves that when they go out, women are attracted to them. When I walk around the city most of the time alone, I don't have an opportunity to speak to a woman.

 

 

I wonder what's wrong with me? I do dress decent and maybe my confident factor needs to be upgraded. Does anyone have a comment?

Posted

well as u said that ur shy..so i guess its the big factor why ur not attracted by women....sometimes goodlooks is not enough...u should have self confidence, a good sense of humor is very attractive to women....so be kinda arrogant sometimes it gets attention...:)

Posted

I guess you need to build your self confidence since women like that, not sure if being self confident will mean you're not shy anymore though. :confused: Can anyone clear this up?

 

You could find ways of getting self confidence on the net, or even see a therapist.

Posted
Hi, I'm 28 yrs. old. I've never experienced dating with any women. I am a good-looking guy and very talented as well, and I can't seem to find out why I'm not attracting any women. I do have respect for women. Is it because I'm shy, or reserved? I honestly can't tell. My other friends are so charismatic and sure about themselves that when they go out, women are attracted to them. When I walk around the city most of the time alone, I don't have an opportunity to speak to a woman.

 

 

I wonder what's wrong with me? I do dress decent and maybe my confident factor needs to be upgraded. Does anyone have a comment?

 

I find shy guys attractive, and guys who are somewhat reserved. Question, do you ever go up to women, or are you waiting for women to approach you?

Posted

u might be a little shy, but thats part of your personality. u can try being brave next time u feel to say hi or start a little conversation. a smile goes a long way. small talk gets u noticed. also, try to watch some examples of guys and how they interact with women and see what u would like to be like. thats how we learn, my mimicing people. watch Hitch...its a great movie and will smith is awesome. or go to a bar with a buddy and observe how men make their moves. good luck!

dont change too much though, u'll meet the perfect person for u only by being u!

Posted
My other friends are so charismatic and sure about themselves that when they go out, women are attracted to them....

 

I wonder what's wrong with me?... Does anyone have a comment?

 

Since your friends probably have personalities similar to yours, I would suggest you ask them for pointers. I would also consider going around with them and having them guide you on what to do and not do. Have them watch you and advise you on how to improve. :)

 

Personally? I think you may be looking in the wrong places for the type of women you're looking for for your personality. For instance, if you're not a "bar" person and you go to bars to pick up women because you think that that's the only place to find them, you are looking in the wrong place because you are in a sea of women who like guys who like going to bars.

Posted
Hi, I'm 28 yrs. old. I've never experienced dating with any women. I am a good-looking guy and very talented as well, and I can't seem to find out why I'm not attracting any women. I do have respect for women. Is it because I'm shy, or reserved? I honestly can't tell. My other friends are so charismatic and sure about themselves that when they go out, women are attracted to them. When I walk around the city most of the time alone, I don't have an opportunity to speak to a woman.

 

 

I wonder what's wrong with me? I do dress decent and maybe my confident factor needs to be upgraded. Does anyone have a comment?

 

 

I find myself in the exact same situation, except I have had a little dating experience. Women find me physically attractive, but because of my reserved nature, they lose interest. It often seems like women don't care for the reserved type at all.

Posted

Sometimes being shy or reserved comes off as not being interested.

If you don't talk to a woman, approach a woman, make any effort to show your interest~ it stands to reason that women will see that as a sign of you not being interested.

 

Personally, I don't approach men as a general rule. I have in the past- but I dislike doing it.

 

I once slipped my number to a good looking guy helping me out at the home depot. We did end up having a date, but he was soooo shy and nervous on the date- It was difficult to have a conversation with him. I felt like I had to do 90% of the talking or our date would have been painfully silent. That was a turn off.

 

The bottom line is that if you aren't asking anyone out, you won't get a date. If you get lost in the pack of our outgoing friends- you'll be overlooked.

 

I have a male friend who is a bit shy~ when we all go out, I will chat up a girl he is interested in and introduce him to her, stick around for a bit to get the conversation going, then leave them to get to know one another.

Sounds like maybe you need a wingman/woman.

 

If your friends are willing- ask them for some help. However, the bottom line is that once she's standing in front of you, you have to be able to make conversation. That takes practice.

  • Author
Posted

Hi Abrokenwing,

 

Thanks for your comment. I do have my moments where I speak to a women. Sometimes the conversation is good and sometimes it doesn't go anywhere- it depends. I guess maybe I need to stop focusing too much on myself, I feel like an open book easily being read by women.

Posted

D-Lish has some excellent advice. Ask your buddies for some help breaking the ice and then take it from there. Personally, I'm a bit shy/quiet myself. All you can really do is embrace that fact. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be more outgoing, but if you accept it, you'll already be better off. Some women are attracted to more reserved people as one poster already said. A quiet confidence can be pretty attractive and relaxing to be around. Ask her a lot of questions and it will seem like you're a better conversationalist than you really are.

Posted

You need to build your self confidence, women usually want a man with confidence, sometimes need it. It's not skills or looks women often want most, but they like a guy who accepts and loves his genuine self, have a strong personality, why would a girl want to be with a guy who doesn't like himself? They want a guy who stands by his own genuine authentic interests, hobbies, opinions, belifes, desires, and goals not because it suits him or wins approval of others, but because it makes sense to him in a universal level.

 

I often see guys learning new skills like playing the guitar, investing time on learning this or that, buying fancy gadgets, etc... not for themselves, but in the hope and intent to minipulate girls to fall for them. This strategy alone rarely works out. I'm not saying to completely not do this, it's okay to dress up and do a few things for her, but i'm just saying don't let it consume you, don't do things you genuinely don't like just because you think girls like it.

 

Confidence you can't turn on or off like a light switch, a girl can smell a phony guy from miles away. Confidence is a state of mind, you have to excersise your thinking to build your confidence, like excersising in the gym, you can excersise your thinking.

 

When you say you want women to be attracted to you, do you expect or want them to just come up to you and ask you out? Whether you like it or not, it doesn't often happen that way. Why should they have to do all the hard work? You say you dress decent, I guess it helps but that's mainly the girls job, your job is to go after the girls you want. Unfortunanty, more often than not, men get rejected, it's a fact of the game. It is your responsibility to learn how to cope with the risks when it happens, you can lower the risks if you know what you're doing.

 

You can start out by practicing by simply making small talk to girls, making conversations with the ones you have to have to make contact with at their or your work (ex. cashiers) and not necessarily have to ask them out, point on this is to build on your social confidence. Eventually once a couple more days or weeks pass when you're more comfortable, you can move on next step and flirt with them, talk to strangers, than it will get easier to the point where you can build courage to ask them out. It may take days, week, months, maybe years, but who cares, just be persistence about it, persistence is insurance to success no matter how many times you fail. Thomas edison failed over 10,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb.

 

You can try to look for other solutions, but you will usually come back to the same thing... confidence, good news is that you don't need superior confidence, often than not guys with just decent amount get women. Maybe you do have confidence, but simply just lack the skill of suducing girls, work on that too. There are books, websites, youtube vids, etc.. that cover these subjects, but be cautious of bad advice out there. I want to add, it doesn't sound like you have it, but in case you have a severe problem of anxiety, self esteem, unsecureity, and or etc... that's consuming your life, consider therapy.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
You need to build your self confidence, women usually want a man with confidence, sometimes need it. It's not skills or looks women often want most, but they like a guy who accepts and loves his genuine self, have a strong personality, why would a girl want to be with a guy who doesn't like himself? They want a guy who stands by his own genuine authentic interests, hobbies, opinions, belifes, desires, and goals not because it suits him or wins approval of others, but because it makes sense to him in a universal level.

 

I often see guys learning new skills like playing the guitar, investing time on learning this or that, buying fancy gadgets, etc... not for themselves, but in the hope and intent to minipulate girls to fall for them. This strategy alone rarely works out. I'm not saying to completely not do this, it's okay to dress up and do a few things for her, but i'm just saying don't let it consume you, don't do things you genuinely don't like just because you think girls like it.

 

Confidence you can't turn on or off like a light switch, a girl can smell a phony guy from miles away. Confidence is a state of mind, you have to excersise your thinking to build your confidence, like excersising in the gym, you can excersise your thinking.

 

When you say you want women to be attracted to you, do you expect or want them to just come up to you and ask you out? Whether you like it or not, it doesn't often happen that way. Why should they have to do all the hard work? You say you dress decent, I guess it helps but that's mainly the girls job, your job is to go after the girls you want. Unfortunanty, more often than not, men get rejected, it's a fact of the game. It is your responsibility to learn how to cope with the risks when it happens, you can lower the risks if you know what you're doing.

 

You can start out by practicing by simply making small talk to girls, making conversations with the ones you have to have to make contact with at their or your work (ex. cashiers) and not necessarily have to ask them out, point on this is to build on your social confidence. Eventually once a couple more days or weeks pass when you're more comfortable, you can move on next step and flirt with them, talk to strangers, than it will get easier to the point where you can build courage to ask them out. It may take days, week, months, maybe years, but who cares, just be persistence about it, persistence is insurance to success no matter how many times you fail. Thomas edison failed over 10,000 times before he successfully invented the light bulb.

 

You can try to look for other solutions, but you will usually come back to the same thing... confidence, good news is that you don't need superior confidence, often than not guys with just decent amount get women. Maybe you do have confidence, but simply just lack the skill of suducing girls, work on that too. There are books, websites, youtube vids, etc.. that cover these subjects, but be cautious of bad advice out there. I want to add, it doesn't sound like you have it, but in case you have a severe problem of anxiety, self esteem, unsecureity, and or etc... that's consuming your life, consider therapy.

 

This is a really great post. Thanks, ratzskinakie.

Posted

Listen, don't talk. Not only will girls think you "really do care", but you can make it seem that you are a better conversationalist than you really are. Also, pump up that ego! Do something you're really good at and get some confidence. Even though some girls like calm, collected guys, if you lack self-esteem and are too quiet, they doubt your role as a good bf. Hope this helps.

Posted

I suggest getting more friends. Some people are just bad at social situations and girls can sense this. It sometimes comes across as weird or creepy. I am not saying you are, I have a lot of weird and creepy friends and I can see how other people think this of them.

 

But if you get more friends, and different kinds, you might be able to learn how to interact with them and that will help you with woman.

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