want her back so much!

[sad_dude]

Hey all,

 

I hate to moan, but over the last few days things have been getting to me! My friends have been trying to make me open up my heart to them, but I feel as though it's not over with my ex g/f.

 

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The story

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Myself and my ex had been 1.5 years ago, things were great and had been till 2 weeks ago. Since before last xmas she has spoken about how she would love to get married to me have kids and move in together, heck she even telling me the week before we broke up!

 

Couple of weeks ago, I noticed she was being really quiet, she had been tired from work and had a tough day, I asked her if all was ok, she said she was feeling a bit controlled in the relationship and wanted to just have a week off still as g/f and b/f but just to do some of her own stuff on the weekend, I freaked out inside and went back the next night with some flowers to chat ... bad idea she basically said she was freaking out about the whole marriage/kids/moving in together thing ... even though for the last 6 months to a year she had been persuading me! I told her not to worry we will get it sorted and a break would be good for both of us. That week I gave her space until she contacted me and even then didn’t contact till the day after. A week after we met up and she said she just needed a proper break from us. To break up at the time I was hurting inside but thought if I love her I must let her go, I simply told her I didn’t want this break up but if she wasn’t going to change her mind and work at it then we would have to do as she wished. She agreed and was crying soo much she couldn’t even breathe properly. It hurt to leave her in that state but I did. She told me at the time she loved me and would miss me, but we would be best friends forever.

 

Over the next few days we exchanged pleasantries, she always wanted to know about my day and things, it was getting tough for me. I don’t think she was trying to send any hopeful signals, she was just being caring. But I rang her a few days later and said if we can’t be together, right now I can’t be your friend, she was sad and crying but said she would not change her mind. I wished her well and decided to cut all contact. It’s now been 5 days of NC, it’s been tough as I miss her so much, but I feel as though if she misses me she might want to at least think about how much she hurt me and maybe really miss me.

 

I feel like everything was perfect, she portrayed the same, everything was great, something has triggered these feelings of uncertainty and I’m not sure what, she just says she’s confused and just wants a proper break. I guess I just want to know if she even misses me, because I haven’t stopped thinking about her.

 

Breaks can make couples stronger and this could make her know she wants me, what scares the hell out of me is that she might actually decide the decision she made was right. I will keep you all updated.

 

Any comments would be appreciated either of success or failures of getting back together with ex g/f’s or b/f’s and i’m sure there will be reality checks from others which wont be so nice to read ) but I will read and appreciate also.

 

Many thanks

 

Sad_dude

[apple21]

based on what you said, the break up did seem very sudden. I can't imagine what truly triggered her feelings to make her feel as though she could no longer be with you.

 

The one thing i could think of is that she had been feeling this way for a while, but overcompensated by saying that she wanted to marry you and move in with you. But then she realized what her true feelings were. I'm not saying this is what happened, but just a thought.

 

But i'm actually willing to bet that she is just confused. She doesn't know what she is truly feeling.

 

And to give you some hope, my brother was dating someone for a while and then she decided to break it off after a year. She was confused and didn't know what she wanted. But about a month later, she came back to him and now they have been married for 4 years and have a kid together.

 

I hope things work out for you!

[Truly Lost]

I really don't know what is going on with your ex, but I do know her situation is very similar to mine. I wanted to move in with my ex while we were still together (eventually get married, have kids) I told him what I wanted. But it never looked like it was going to happen. We were together for 1.5 years too. I felt like the relationship was hopeless and had no future. I was hurt that he didn't show that he wanted to have those things with me. At that point, it didn't matter what I wanted anymore. I really resented him for making me feel this way. I couldn't control my temper when it came to him. Every little thing he did bothered me. But in my defense, he was pretty inconsiderate when it came to making me happy. He took me for granted and it really showed. It didn't help and only fueled my anger and disappointment. We got in one last fight 3 months ago and broke up. We haven't really talked at all since then. I did make some very small attempts to communicate with him 2 months ago, but it didn't go anywhere. I guess it was too soon and he was still mad and hurt. He also owed me money so I guess he thought that was really the only reason I was contacting him. I haven't done anything else. I love him still and would like to work things out, but he has made absolutely no attempt to communicate with me except to deliver what money he owes. Since he seems to have no desire to work things out, its going to stay that way. He was the one who disappointed me. He is going to have to make some kind of effort to make me consider being with him again. Anyway, I wasn't trying to steal your thread. I just was telling you about my feelings towards a similar situation. Maybe she is feeling the same way?

[sad_dude]

Hi apple21 and truly lost

 

Thanks for the responses.

 

Apple, yes the break up was very sudden, and we were having a great time, I suppose it’s not only guys that get freaked out by commitment, she said when I stopped and started looking in the shop for wedding rings it scared her. (I thought it was what she wanted so was showing my commitment.)

 

A really great story about your brother though, what is life without hope, I hold no bad feelings against her, she is a great woman that I dearly love. I hope our time apart brings a decision in my favour. Thank you for your advice and words of hope.

 

Truley lost, no problems at all about adding to the thread, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say

 

Thing is I agreed to everything, all her dreams, the 2.4 children the little doggy the house etc..... We ended it really well, I held her to stop her crying, grabbed her and gave her our last dance made her smile one last time that day. I just couldn’t handle being friends and then one day her coming back and saying I have a new b/f. That would have killed me inside, I just need some space and time to heal and have hope that our love is strong enough for us to get back together.

 

I’m thinking maybe the whole thing got too real, or maybe she thought this is it kind of thing? I know I wondered about all these things when she first started talking about marriage and I was scared, my problem was I never told her because I didn’t want to hurt her, I then figured out she was the one and was going to be happy forever then bang she got freaked out! I look back and think if I would have spoken to her then we could have slowed things down enough and communicated better. And I tell you what, everyone used to say up till we broke up how strong we were and she would say to me it's cos we communicate well.

 

I hope your guy does talk to you though, as I hope my ex at least does the same. I have faith in her, it might be stupid to do so, but I do. Do let us know how you get on. No contact is tough, ive done it before ... you just want to see them speak to them etc....

 

All the best

[Truly Lost]

Oh, so you did make an effort and she scared? I wish my ex would have done that for me. But there truly was no hope for me. My ex has too many unresolved issues that would take at least 10 years to fix. I can't wait that long. Geez, if someone was looking for a ring for me I would be crying for joy, but it would have to be someone that I want to marry, of course. I hope she will come around and things will work themselves out. She must have been caught off guard. People don't like losing control of their situation. Commitment is a big issue and I guess a little scary if you're not ready. Unfortunately, I don't know too much about commitment and marriage. Never been asked and I'm in my mid-30s. Time will tell if you two work things out. I wish you luck and hope it does. I don't think there is any chance for me with my ex. Our relationship ran its course. He made a lot of bad decisions in his life and sabotaged his ability to take care of anyone else, let alone himself. He is pathetic. I'm sorry I met him. I'm still angry about it. I guess I've reached that anger/sad stage now in my break up with him.

[sad_dude]

Yeh I did try to make her the happiest girl I could, I would have done anything for her, she said I was an awesome boyfriend, just that she was confused. And she doesn't want to me unfair to me while she feels like this.

 

You know what, this guy sounds like he doesn't deserve you, it sucks to hear that as i'm sure loads of people have probably told you that and that there are plenty of fish in the sea blah blah blah. I wish you loads of luck in finding a man that you deserve, someone that always makes you happy. (i think thats important ... my ex always made me happy, i was always soo excited to see her, thinking about her still puts a smile of my face when i think of all the fun we had) if you know you really don't want to be with him I suggest cutting him out of your life and getting back to having fun. I know you said you are mid 30's and you probably had dreams of being settled etc... but you can def still have all those things still, just like me i reckon keep the faith and love the next guy with out remembering the lasts actions.

 

Being angry is important, i'm sure if we don't get back together i will feel much anger against her and the respt of the world LOL - i can be a bitter person when things go wrong! but I suppose its how you get over that and keep moving forward that shows what type of person you are. I really hope things work out for you

[RainyNight]

Sad-dude

I'm impessed . You belong to a unique type of men who are ready to commit & work hard for a relationship to work .

 

She didn't want to leave you . She was just afraid and reluctant.

I wish you gave her the space calmly without making a fight . She would've recognized how important you are to her and would've come back to you fearless of your response .

I bet she misses you now , & want to come back to you , but since she left you in an angry mood , she's even more reluctant than ever.

Well, I suggest you go to her , physically . Just tell her " we needed that break , now what do you want ? " . Get things cleared . Either she says it's over and you leave with the pride that it was you who did everything for this relationship to work , or she confesses her need to you & you get back to each other .

Please , Give her a chance , it's worth it .

[sad_dude]

Hey RainyNight,

 

Thanks for the reply,

 

Part of me thinks you are right, as all the preceeding behaviour indicated all was well. I'd be concerned to scare her even more by physically turning up at her doorstep, and also I think it's a bit too soon. She needs time and space to decide what she wants, if I crowd her and scare her again I could loose my best friend forever. I think maybe I need to give her the time and space she needs? what do you think? I feel as though she might feel like i'm forcing her and I know she won't repsond well to that...

[Sher417]

sad_ dude, I totally understand your predicament. I'm at a loss, too, right now, and here's why.

 

I'm 41, and have had my share of boyfriends. Always was upset when we broke up, but have never truly been in love, before now.

 

Met the supposed love of my life, just in October, via online dating. Been together since November, 2008. Man, he swept me off my feet! It was only about date six that he was professing undying love for me. I said it was too soon, but only about two days later, confessed that I was in love with him, too.

 

He's a wonderful, part-time (week on, week off) dad to two lovely daughters, ages nine & 16. I get along well with both of them. My life has been totally chaotic for months, though he's been strong, and supportive of me, throughout: My mother (I live with her) went into a nursing home in Jan., my dad's cancer has returned (albeit treatable, thank God), his wife went in for a day surgery in Jan., and they screwed it up & she's still in intensive care, my company's experiencing layoff after layoff, etc., etc., etc. But, throughout it all, I've been strong, because he's been at my side.

 

I truly thought I'd found my soulmate! I am so in love with this person, and that elated me, because I thought I'd never find true love, given my track record. And, even more incredible, was that he was professing it, too (and backing it up with very caring actions).

 

So, I thought all was well. We'd even discussed marriage (one day - but, he's only legally separated from his ex, who's around all the time...was a cause for concern, but they're friends, for their kids, so he says. I've even met the ex), or at least, moving in with him, after his daughter goes to university.

 

Well, last week, he went away on business. Our thing, when he does that, is to chat on MSN Messenger. Well, the first day, he didn't even tell me he hadn't gone yet - he was still here. I caught up with him the next day (Tuesday), via a text. His reply was very proper & unlike him. Said he'd catch up with me online later. Stayed up late. No online.

 

This happened a myriad of times that week, followed by flimsy excuses (computer frozen; sorry, out late, etc.). I had sent him a very important email that I thought he'd reply to, about my family. No response, until a very terse email, I think it was on the Friday.

 

Finally, caught up with him last Saturday night, online, and asked him what was going on - that he was acting weird. He said "I know".

 

He said he didn't think he could give me what I needed (moving in, marriage), and that I needed someone who could love me as much as I love them (thought that was him!!!). I asked if there was anyone else (including the ex - his house is a shrine to her, quite frankly - pictures all over the place, a carved nameplate by his bed of her surname - weird!), or if he was looking. He neither confirmed nor denied, just said "it's not about that". Huh???

 

I said he mustn't love me anymore. He said he didn't know, but then said "I need a shrink - why can't I love anybody but my kids?". Now, I've always commended him on being a wonderful dad, and I've totally understood how he puts his kids first (I insisted on it, too!), but this came out of left field.

 

He said that I love him, and that he wants to feel that, too, but can't. Up until that week, it was a given that a) he felt the same way I did and b) that we had a future together!

 

I was blown away. I told him that, yes, I do love him, but it's evident he doesn't love me. And, if that was the case, goodbye (never in my wildest dreams did I ever want that!). But, then I suggested that perhaps he did love me (remember, it was only a four-month relationship - love can GROW - I didn't expect it to be marriage material so soon, and I regret bringing it up, even though he did first!), but everything else may've been clouding it (besides my family/job problems, he has his share, too), and if that was the case, perhaps time away from me would clarify things.

 

So, I signed off (quite rude that this all happened on Messenger, don't you think???), and haven't contacted him since. I won't, either.

 

My feeling is this: If he misses me, wants to reunite with me, and act like a grownup (he's 43!!!), he knows where to find me.

 

I'm devastated, but am getting through this. I've never been the type of woman who's fantasized about her wedding day, but this one was, I thought, a keeper. I was excited about spending my life with him.

 

Sorry for the long diatribe, everyone, and thanks for listening. My question to you is this: Do you think he's just scared, or involved with someone else? I have a feeling he may be back online, or could've been even while we were together.

 

He said he was a coward, when I asked him why he'd never told me any of this before. Obviously it must've been bugging him for some time, though his actions/the loving look in his eyes/his touch/his words/his kisses were always filled with complete & utter love for me. Can someone fake this??? He deserves an Oscar, if the answer to that question is "yes"!!!

 

TOTALLY CONFUSED!!!!

[sad_dude]

Wow - totally know how you feel.

 

Firstly, sometimes to make life easier for the person breaking up they do it over MSN, I know that hurts, i've had it done to me! I personally think he needs to miss you, you need to be strong and get on with your life, to do what he has done to you is very hurtful, i felt the same, I was thinking why did she make me live her dream, make me want everything she wanted, then pull out.

 

I have been trying to look at it objectively over the last few days:

 

1) we should never let our lives revolve around one person, we need to have other friends interests and such like

 

2) I truely feel you can't stop loving someone even after you break up, he's probablly going through hell too, a different type though. One where he knows he has hurt you, made you sad, nobody wants to do that, nobody wants to be the bad guy/girl.

 

3) Time and space is what i think my ex and sounds like your ex need, to reflect and see if it is just guilt that makes them miss us or true love.

 

I just think to myself, imagine if you never spoke to her again, does that scare me?? - It used to, I wouldnt have been able to function if I didn't, but when someone is as confused as both of our exs you have no choice but to let them sort themselves out.

 

Also I wouldn't feel sad that all the love and care he gave you kisses etc.. was a lie, people can love soo much, but be afraid too. It's really hard to accept this fact because I know at times I feel used. But you know as someone said earlier on in this chain, after her brother had a 1 month break with his girlfriend, (she told him she was confused) she came back and said it was a mistake - they have been married for 4 years and have a kid (great story).

 

I think if you do get the chance to speak to him and get him back you will need to do it in the right way, it needs to be on your terms. You sound very clued up and strong though, so just keep at what your doing. And if you are feeling down just drop a message on here instead of msning/texting/ringing him

[drummerprince81]

sad_dude - a very similar thing happened to me too. I find it so hard to let go of my best friend. Its an absolute beautiful today and I just want to be with her. Its sad to think they don't want to be with us after making us 'live the dream'. She was scared of commitment when the reality set it in - and its a horrible thought to think all that love was a lie but I don't believe it could be for either of us. Problem is, whereas you left on good terms I didn't leave on the best of terms because I just wanted to tell her that she has hurt me so much but she was defensive about it. And this is making it very hard for me.

 

I agree with your second point - I think love for some people may never die. We can all live in hope but hope is something that isn't physical and we can't hold on to it. I just have to give it time - but we have to heal faster than we cling on to hope. I wish you the best of luck man.

[Darkness7]

Hey Sad_dude, I'm sorry you're going through this, I could feel how much you were hurting by reading your post. You sound like a decent guy and it's a good thing that you are committed to the relationship and want to put the effort in to make it work.

 

I think all you can do at the moment is give her some time and space. It sounds to me like she is very confused about her feelings and needs some time to sort things out in her head. (Been going through a similar thing with my ex-fiancee.) She will respect you if you accept and respect her decision and give her some time to be alone with her thoughts. How long it will take for her to figure out what she wants, no one can know - she probably doesn't know herself. All you can do is be patient and try and have faith in your love and that she will come back to you because she finds she feels the same way about you and just wants to come back. Give her some time to miss you, to see what life is like without you there. If it's meant to be, she will miss you and want to come back. Good luck, mate.

[sad_dude]

Hi Drummer prince,

 

In my weaker moments I do wish the same, that I could spend all my time with her, wonder about in the sun, holding hands etc... But I think that's not the guy she fell in love with, a weak man, a man that can't control his emotions etc... I think to truely have a chance to get with her we gotta just let go! How long has it been since you guys broke up? do you still talk to her?

 

Thanks for the wishes of luck, I am sure if our love is strong enough we will get back together and i'm sure if it does work it would make us stronger. If not time is a great healer, it's just the first time i think in my life i thought she was the one!

[sad_dude]

hi darkness7

 

thanks for the wishes also, how are things going with your ex financee? did you give her the space she needed? I'm def going with the no contact, miss me route. And in the mean time working out in the gym hard, avoiding alcohol and trying to be happy and surround myself with happy fun people. I want to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to get through this whatever happens! life sucks, but I suppose we only think that when thngs are going badly, if I can prove no one but myself controls my happiness, if she ever wants to come back then I'll be a better stronger person to take the relationship on further.

[Darkness7]

hi darkness7

 

thanks for the wishes also, how are things going with your ex financee? did you give her the space she needed? I'm def going with the no contact, miss me route. And in the mean time working out in the gym hard, avoiding alcohol and trying to be happy and surround myself with happy fun people. I want to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to get through this whatever happens! life sucks, but I suppose we only think that when thngs are going badly, if I can prove no one but myself controls my happiness, if she ever wants to come back then I'll be a better stronger person to take the relationship on further.

 

I haven't heard from my ex fiancee for 3 weeks now. I've also been trying to make the best of the situation at the moment and been going out and meeting new people, making new friends. I want to be strong for her, because I believe that she's more likely to want to come back if she sees I'm actually ok and not a crying mess. I hope things work out for you.

[sad_dude]

Thanks buddy - and you good luck! )

[huck]

Hi Sad Dude.

 

As the previous posters have said - let her be and give her some space. Focus on yourself and friends/family in this time..

 

If things are meant to be and she loves you - hopefully she will walk back into your life soon.

 

Have gone through a very similar situation with you over the past 6 weeks.. We broke up for the same kind of reasons.. I did the No contact thing for a couple of weeks.. Ive been a big style mess, up and down days, crying, reflecting on the past etc.

 

Have also made the big big mistake of starting to see someone else in this time - when it was obvious I was still hung up on my ex.. Id like to stress to everyone, do not do this.. Its not fair on that person or yourself...

 

Anyway a couple of days ago I told my ex that I still loved her and shes agreed to give things a try, take things slow and see how it gos.. I really cant say how things will turn out - but im willing to take that risk..

 

So this kinda proves there is always hope...

 

Chin up mate - good luck

[sad_dude]

Thanks for the advice Huck, Great news that you got your ex back, it must be a good feeling but at the same time you must have concerns. Try not to cling onto her too much and show you can live without her, trust her as i'm sure the break up has given you lots of pain and hurt, if you both heal together and get stronger from it ... it could be one of those life defining moments... I truely wish you luck... and it seems your love was strong enough, for that you should be very proud and happy!

 

I will focus on my life, i have a lot of friends that want to spend time with me and are worried, i have put a brave face on everything so not to moan and they think i'm bottling it up. Sometimes it's easier just to speak to strangers hey!

 

Hope you and your partner every success in the future all the best

[drummerprince81]

Hey sad_dude - well, I haven't talked to her in person for almost 6 weeks now. Her last contact with me was almost 2 weeks ago and said that she hoped we could be friends but I did not answer her. I just keep blaming myself for they I was in our last few weeks/months or so together. I think I got lazy in the relationship after putting in so much groundwork. Every relationship goes through that rut after the 'honeymoon' period. But it seems like she took it the wrong way. I still love her to bits and think I always will but I think I need to heed advice and stick to NC, and if she has somebody else now then I guess I have no chance. This doesn't sound like it is the case with you the dude, so keep your chin up and carry on living happy, if you can. We must!

[sad_dude]

Hey Drummerprince,

 

I think it's good you didn't answer her about friendship, you need time to know if that's what you want. If you bow down to her again she will know you are always going to be there, she will not on purpose but subconciously think you are always there for her, why bother running back straight away, he'll be about if I need him.

 

I would wait for as long as you can before you contact her, it's hard but it shows you aren't desperate for her and you are being strong ... getting on with things. It might be killing you inside, but she will not respect you as a person otherwise.

 

Also think about it, if you do get back together unless you are a superb actor she is going to want to leave you again pretty soon if you aren't happy and are needy etc... all the bad traits we all probably did to freak out our ex's!!

 

Blaming yourself will be a vicious circle, and will only bog you down. You can't change the past, but you can change the future, there are 2 ways to look at things:

 

1) sometimes things aren't meant to be

 

2) impossible is nothing

 

Both contradict each other, but i really think if you have both in your mind set you will have the greatest success.

 

sure you might never get with her, but it's not impossible, she was attracted to you for some reason, was it becuase you were funny, confident, happy? you need to figure out what it was. Also be selfish and give yourself the time to recover, show her your true worth.

 

Example of which after i broke up with last ex before this one, I trained really hard and ran a marathon and raised money for charity for terminally ill children. I also went out met soo many new ppl, by the time my ex came running back, i realised i didn't want her. Crazy how things work out! But she was attracted to the old me again. Not because i'd stopped caring about her but because i was like the old chap she fell for.

 

Maybe running isnt your thing, but go help people more in need than you, show that even when love and life hurts you you are willing to be the bigger man, it's sooo hard, i know mate, but if you do this and later on down the line maybe in a couple of weeks when you chat to her she sees you are doing things for yourself, improving yourself and others, she will respect you. One thing i would say is when you do help others do it whole heartedly don't do it just so you can tell your ex about it.

 

Sorry to rant on, i just know exactly how you feel, i have felt this way a few times, and even sometimes now, i also know helping others less forturnate than you and getting on with your life can make all the difference. I hope that things will work out with your lady. I'll keep posting progress updates through the weeks, i suggest you do the same, it's good to vent off. Heck who knows in a couple of weeks you could be telling me that she's been missing you and is impressed with how you have been getting on with things.

 

Take care bud,

 

Best wishes

[sad_dude]

Hi all,

 

6ish week since I made my original post, I thought it was time for an update, incase there are some people about to start going through the same thing as me.

 

As I had said I had cut all contact, low and behold 2 weeks later she called and wanted to meet up, we did meet up and it was like nothing had changed. I thought then everything will be ok, she has just freaked out at the commitment of things. Few days after that she told me she couldn't see me for a while as she was stilll confused, a few days after that I got a call saying that she was very jealous I might be meeting new girls, she cared for me greatly and loved me so much! But here's the killer line she said: "I don't know if love enough?"

 

I tried to sweep her off her feet by telling her love was enough, I loved her still and wrote her a poem, she loved the poem, but still no break through. She was still confused?! By this point we had reached week 4 of the breakup. My emtional state was changing I was starting to see my friends alot more, going out having fun, back into the gym. My work life was going amazingly well!

 

I had a decision to make, was it time to move on, I could get stuck in a spiral of going back and forth in hope or be single and happy! I was thinking about this and bang she started messaging me like crazy, I was getting so much attention, in my head i decided I would give her one more chance, I would meet her and see her intentions, we arranged another meet up and a week later we met for lunch. She was very cold to start, I think trying to make it clear we were just friends, and when she left to say goodbye we had the same no hugs or a kiss on the cheeks.

 

I came back home, I had a decision to make, life is about choices, did I want to have a life of wanting someone that would never want me or if we did eventually work things out, have the fear she would leave. It wasn't an easy choice, but I decided it was time to leave this situation behind. I deleted her from Facebook, numbers out of my phone, off MSN all my picutres were deleted. Now I know this sounds extreme, but that day I felt amazing, like I could shut that chapter of my life. I had checked at lunch that day, she was happy, she had new plans in her life, I knew she would be ok and i'm sure soon start dating again.

 

So here we are, I told her when we started dating I never stay friends with ex's, for her I tried it, it wasn't working as the signals were far to confusing for me. It's time to move on, I know many of you here will be able to stay friends with your ex partners, but i'd like to summarise what i've learnt this last 6 weeks:

 

1) Always be your own person, never merge into one person

2) After a breakup give your partner space but more importantly give yourself space to think

3) I've had a lot of relationships (this was different - I was ready to marry her to live the rest of my life with her) but all I can say is know when to walk away, always know what you expect and deserve. Stick to it!!!

4) If you can be friends that's brilliant, i've never done it and now truly believe I never will, it's the way i am with my women, I demand everything and once in my head i think of them like that i can't be friends with them after. but take a few months out.

5) Enjoy your freedom, you never know how short lived it maybe.

6) I seriously think rebound relationships are a bad idea, just because you have had a bad experience never take it out on the next person. Always, always be the better person. I am only 25 but I don't want to look back at my life and think I wasn't ever the better person.

 

Right I think i've written all I want to, I am hoping some will see that there is light at the end tunnel, I didn't get my ex back, but i had time to myself and realised that if she was back how would i feel. this is an important point, insecuirty, fear of loss again. These aren't good feeling and aren't indicitive of a good relationship. I'm a very lucky boy, I have some amazing friends and family, they listened to me at my lowest points, made me do the craziest things on nights out speaking to random girls etc.. and bang it was a light switch clicking in my head, why are you one sad_dude, look at what you have, my last thing i'll say is always look at the big picture, my boss always says to me:

 

"the ppl that focus in on one thing are brilliant, they are the doers of this world, but will never make it to the top, the ppl that will make it to the top are the ppl that can see the bigger picture in achieving their goals in life"

 

Best wishes

Happy_dude (formly known as Sad_dude)

[soyou]

Hi Happy Dude,

 

I've read all of your writings. Congratuations!!!

 

Through what you have written, I have a feeling that you are a very nice, kind but strong guy. Keep heading your head up like now.

 

I like the new Happy Dude. It's your BEST AND VERY WISE decision.

 

When a girl says she is confused or needs space or time, it is definately a bad signal. She does not love you anymore..But she keeps holding you back, gets jealous when you are going to meet new girls. It does not mean she loves you. It only means that she wants possession. Just like, when a girl has a doll, even when she does not like it anymore, she doesnt want to give it to another girl.

 

Once again, congratuations!!!!

[seductress989]

Hi Sad Dude,

 

I can definitely understand what you're going through and I am the type of woman who fears commitment so I can understand your ex on this. I am currently broken up with a guy that I was engaged to last year. He has made it clear in his recent texts during our NC that he still wants to marry me.

 

I am undecided about marriage in general due to the fact that my sister and my best friend had terrible marriages. I have not married yet and am in my mid-twenties.

 

I think your ex may be a commitment phobe like me, don't take it personally. I believe that she hasn't lost feelings for you she just needs time. Give her the time to think (it may be 2 months) but don't give up on her.

 

I still love my ex-fiancee deeply and after the NC period is over, I may still have those feelings. Just use this time to better yourself and see what happens. Hang in there dude!

[sad_dude]

Hi Soyou,

 

Thanks for the message, i think sometimes it's easier to make excuses for someone that to face the truth. I'm glad i faced the truth early on, it'll make the whole process of getting over her alot easier.

 

thanks again for your message

[sad_dude]

Hi Seductress,

 

The thing with my ex was super commited and i was just happy keeping everything going nice and slowly. I didn't force on any commitment, she created this whole scenario and time scale then freaked out.

 

I found out through a mutual friend last night randomly that she has been speed dating, on dating websites and is probably going to start seeing new people, if not already dating new guys. I must admit i was slightly shocked due to the length of our relationship she was going to be doing stuff like that so early on, but everyone gets over things in their own way and i told our mutual friend her personal life is none of my business anymore and to not come running over to tell me gossip all the time about her, I then enjoyed the rest of my evening out with my other friends.

 

I have no hope or expectation of ever being with her again, I am happy that i have made my choice of never speaking to or seeing her again.

 

I hope you and your ex work things out, for me i will demand the best from my partners from now on, this means loyality and trust are at the top of the list. I don't think my ex is loyal or trustworthy, therefore no future. She would have to do something amazing now to prove her worth and I really don't think she can anymore.

 

One piece of advice btw, don't go on what others have or do, you and your partner are your own persons, speak to him tell him your fears. If you feel it is right, if your gut feelings is yes that is the way to do it then you should do it, or maybe it's time to move on and not prolong the pain.