Laurel20 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 [FONT=Calibri]Hey.[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][FONT=Symbol][sIZE=2]I[/sIZE][/FONT] hope someone can help me (20 – Taurus). I’ve known this guy for about a year (He’s 22 – Virgo). He’s considerate, definitely wouldn’t cheat, very smart . But I’m not really that attracted to him. He’s good looking, he has a nice smile and sharp blue eyes. But there’s something slightly girly about him in the way he stands and he has really soft hands. Way softer than mine. I’ve never really dated a friend before, finding it very weird. We kissed the other night and it didn’t feel as weird as I thought, but it was still odd, and when I touched his hand I wanted to puke because they were so soft. I understand that these reactions are a reflection of me and my own issues (I find it hard to let people close to me) he knows this and accepts this. I said he should date another girl but he won’t. I like being alone, I feel safe but don't want to end up like a crazy old cat lady. I like the attention from guys but rarely like taking it further. The other bad thing about him is that he complains a lot, he’s a bit intense (I’m fairly relaxed). He also doesn’t really have any friends and is not spontaneous. I have lots of friends (very few close ones though, and I’m quite fun – on the surface, but I might be boring underneath it all). The best thing about him is that he is really smart and keeps me mentally stimulated. Oh and he's good at art - he drew a nice picture of me. There is no burning passionate desire on my part, is this needed? Is this not important in a relationship?[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri]Am I looking for things that aren’t right because I’m scared of getting close to someone? Or is he actually not right? Please someone help me! I feel like an emotional desert.[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri]Putting in context: I’ve had boyfriends in the past that I thought that I loved, but they liked emotional distance too. Oh and as well, it might be a deep seated problem (my parents don’t get on at all, they hate each other, but they still live together and refuse to get separated – it’s really weird). My mum married my dad based on looks, and I don't want to end up like that.[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri]It might not even be because of that but it could be a consideration.[/FONT] [FONT=Calibri]This message looks like it's going to post in an odd way - I'm not good at formatting :S sorry![/FONT]
sotired Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 If touching his hands make you want to puke then I really don't think you should force yourself to date this guy....
Author Laurel20 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Well that’s just it. Am I looking for trivial things to stop myself getting closer to him? Is not liking someone’s hands a reason not to take things further? I’m not being facetious I really don’t know[/FONT][/sIZE]
loser101 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 you don't fancy him that's all. even if you are scared of getting close to someone, that won't stop you fancying a man if you have good chemistry.
sotired Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 You can't make yourself be attracted to someone. If you are looking for trivial things, then it's probably because you just aren't attracted and looking for a reason to justify it. There is no way you can make yourself like someone that you have such a strong negative reaction to no matter how perfect they seem. Do you have similar reactions with other guys? If every guy you meet has something that freaks you out then it probably is you. I've met people that were great but there was no spark, no chemistry at all and little things about them would bother me more than they normally would. I think it's perfectly normal. My boyfriend has really soft hands too. Softer than mine and small too..Normally that would creep me out, but he's all man otherwise and I adore him so it doesn't really bother me.
Lucky_One Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 You are way too young to be worrying about whether or not you will be an old cat lady! If this guy's hands make you want to puke, you will never ever be happy with him, so why in the world would you force yourself to endure his touch? Time to explain that you are simply not physically attracted to him, and probably he will want/need to end the friendship.
Kaii Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Physical attraction is a must in a relationship. I cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship where I felt zero physical attraction to the other person. How could you even have sex with someone who's "soft hands" made you want to "vomit"???? If it were me in such a position, I'm sure I would stray at some point....so I would NEVER enter into a relationship with someone who didn't rock my socks off. I think you are just not really into this guy and are looking for reasons why it wouldn't work.
Author Laurel20 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 It wasn’t like that with my last boyfriend. I was really into him. But it turned out he had major issues with letting people get close to him. So then I thought, is that why I liked him a lot, because on some level I knew it was safe because he couldn’t love me back. But there’s nothing I can think that really freaked me out about him. This self psychologising has proven quite embarrassing lol. But, I think you’re all right, I just needed to hear it. I hope I don’t lose him as a friend but it’s probably inevitable. He’s a really good guy. I just hope I find someone that ticks some of the same boxes + more.
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