Juristhea Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Wow, I don't know what to say after reading your story. That girl's a cold hearted bitch. So selfish of her to do those things to you. Why is that girls always want to make themselves the victims of a break up when it's their fault to begin with?
Juristhea Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 @Copaisking I know you've done a lot of reading for getting your ex back and I want to share this link with you. It's got a video after a short quiz : http://www.getbackwithyourex.info/quiz.html My friend just shared it with me and I thought it may come in useful for you or anyone else in this forum.
Author copaisking Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Hi Juristhea Honestly, i've brought about 7 of these courses about getting back with your ex, and they pretty much all have all of the same information in them, which is to go no contact with the ex for 30 days, focus on yourself etc etc. After the 30 days, show them that you have changed for the better and you are now what they want. This didn't work for me, honestly, all the advice that the books gave me pushed her further away... and I should have not listened to them. Now, 2 months later, i'm completely miserable, her face keeps popping into my head... its horrid.
samspade Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Honestly, i've brought about 7 of these courses about getting back with your ex, and they pretty much all have all of the same information in them, which is to go no contact with the ex for 30 days, focus on yourself etc etc. After the 30 days, show them that you have changed for the better and you are now what they want. This didn't work for me, honestly, all the advice that the books gave me pushed her further away... and I should have not listened to them. Now, 2 months later, i'm completely miserable, her face keeps popping into my head... its horrid. Quit trying to get her back. You need a full mental overhaul. You are drawing all your validation as a man from one woman; it's pathetic. Be a man and live your life and stop thinking about her and communicating with her. Stop making women the centerpiece of your life as a man. You weren't born with this woman, and you won't die without her. MOVE ON.
Author copaisking Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 yes, I do need a full mental overhaul. Yes, I validate my life though her. Yes, it's pathetic. Unfortunately, i'm finding it very hard to stop thinking about her... yes I was born without her, and I won't die without her, but right now it seems like that. I do like your tough love approach though
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Hi Juristhea Honestly, i've brought about 7 of these courses about getting back with your ex, and they pretty much all have all of the same information in them, which is to go no contact with the ex for 30 days, focus on yourself etc etc. After the 30 days, show them that you have changed for the better and you are now what they want. This didn't work for me, honestly, all the advice that the books gave me pushed her further away... and I should have not listened to them. Now, 2 months later, i'm completely miserable, her face keeps popping into my head... its horrid. Do you want to know why these books don't work for MOST people. I mean, there are a select FEW individuals that these books work for but for the most part I'd say for 99.9% of the population they are worthless. Why? Because the "Get your ex back" books work on the premise that your ex left you because you didn't love or appreciate them enough. If that is the TRUE and ONLY reason they left then the books will work for you to get them back. Won't help you keep them though unless you have made a concerted effort to change - significantly - and that takes a lot of time. For the rest of us? Most of the time dumpees are dumped because of the following reasons: 1. Your ex fell out of love with you. 2. Your ex met someone else. 3. Your ex grew out of the relationship. 4. Any other reason except for them feeling unloved by you. Fact is, if someone truly loves you and hasn't given up hope yet, they aren't going to dump you in the first place. If however they have decided that enough is enough and they are attracted to someone else, they will start emotionally pulling away from you weeks/months in advance of actually breaking it off. As it takes time to develop a relationship, it also takes time for most people to break one off (especially in the case of women as they are notorious for being slow to pull away but when they do it, it's FOR GOOD and she will not change her mind). If that is the case, and I believe it is for 99.9% of us, then those books will do NOTHING to help you win your ex back. It takes TWO people to make a relationship. If one of you doesn't want it then you simply do not have a relationship at all. Begging, pleading, sending flowers, crying, calling, texting, IMing, internet stalking, etc. When someone doesn't want to be with you, each and every aforementioned behaviors will simply TURN THEM OFF and solidify the reason they left you in the first place. You can not "reason" with attraction and feelings. Neither are logical. Men especially spend a lot of time trying to reason with an ex using "logic" as to why they should get back together. Love doesn't listen to reason. Attraction doesn't listen to reason. It's a FEELING that people have and for the most part, they have little to no control over. They can't help who they are or ARE NOT attracted to. Sorry for the long post but I see this quite often where someone says "I bought all these eBooks that promised I can get my ex back...." but the authors don't tell you the stipulations under which it works or does not work. Like I said, unless your ex dumped you because they felt unloved or unappreciated, the eBooks aren't worth the paper they are written on. If you were dumped for any other reason then NO CONTACT is your best and ONLY option. Clinging to them for dear life? That will push them away further. Chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught by you? WHY?! Why on earth do we chase, pursue, beg and plead to be with people who DO NOT want to be with us? Do you see what I am saying? If your ex thinks he/she made a mistake, trust me: THEY WILL FIND YOU. Neither hell nor high water will stop them from finding you. They have not forgotten you or how to get in touch with you. If their feelings change, they'll contact you. But if YOU pursue them, if you chase, if you try to convince them their decision was wrong, you will simply push them away for good. Trust me, if they aren't contacting you they are simply not interested in being WITH you. If they love you, they're there. THEY are contacting you, THEY are pursuing you. THEY are trying to win YOU back. I know it's hard to let go of someone you truly love. But if you love them with the type of unselfish love we all deserve then you'd want them to be happy, with or without you. So give them the gift of missing you. Stick to NC, work on yourself, improve where you can, work out a lot, find new hobbies and make new friends. Breakups happen to us all. They are not the end of the earth or of life. Someone BETTER for you will come along when you finally LET GO of the past. But until you do let go of the past the door will not be open for someone better and new to find you. Cheers.
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Hi Everyone thanks in advance for your responses, I really appreciate it. I was dating a girl for 5 months, I fell in love with her after 1 month ... Dude, I read most of your message. You do realize that this woman has lots of issues, right? I don't care how "hot" she is. She has commitment phobia. She doesn't nor WILL NOT commit to any one man because she sees a career ahead of her (and possibly fame). If I had to guess here it's simply that she's keeping her options open for "someone better" (in her eyes). Reading the stuff she wrote, reading her history it's like "Man, why would you even bother?!" You seem to not have trouble attracting women. Why are you wasting your time on this one?! She's broken (to you at least!). Let her go!! You should be thanking your lucky stars that you're not in the position her ex-husand is in (that's another red flag, by the way). I know it's hard for you to see clearly in the position you are in, but dude, I mean....reading your post I can see that you got yourself wrapped up in her charm quite quickly. I will tell you this about women and relationships like her: "Relationships that start off like a rocket will always come crashing down like a rocket...and explode..."
GorillaTheater Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Do you want to know why these books don't work for MOST people. I mean, there are a select FEW individuals that these books work for but for the most part I'd say for 99.9% of the population they are worthless. Why? Because the "Get your ex back" books work on the premise that your ex left you because you didn't love or appreciate them enough. If that is the TRUE and ONLY reason they left then the books will work for you to get them back. Won't help you keep them though unless you have made a concerted effort to change - significantly - and that takes a lot of time. For the rest of us? Most of the time dumpees are dumped because of the following reasons: 1. Your ex fell out of love with you. 2. Your ex met someone else. 3. Your ex grew out of the relationship. 4. Any other reason except for them feeling unloved by you. Fact is, if someone truly loves you and hasn't given up hope yet, they aren't going to dump you in the first place. If however they have decided that enough is enough and they are attracted to someone else, they will start emotionally pulling away from you weeks/months in advance of actually breaking it off. As it takes time to develop a relationship, it also takes time for most people to break one off (especially in the case of women as they are notorious for being slow to pull away but when they do it, it's FOR GOOD and she will not change her mind). If that is the case, and I believe it is for 99.9% of us, then those books will do NOTHING to help you win your ex back. It takes TWO people to make a relationship. If one of you doesn't want it then you simply do not have a relationship at all. Begging, pleading, sending flowers, crying, calling, texting, IMing, internet stalking, etc. When someone doesn't want to be with you, each and every aforementioned behaviors will simply TURN THEM OFF and solidify the reason they left you in the first place. You can not "reason" with attraction and feelings. Neither are logical. Men especially spend a lot of time trying to reason with an ex using "logic" as to why they should get back together. Love doesn't listen to reason. Attraction doesn't listen to reason. It's a FEELING that people have and for the most part, they have little to no control over. They can't help who they are or ARE NOT attracted to. Sorry for the long post but I see this quite often where someone says "I bought all these eBooks that promised I can get my ex back...." but the authors don't tell you the stipulations under which it works or does not work. Like I said, unless your ex dumped you because they felt unloved or unappreciated, the eBooks aren't worth the paper they are written on. If you were dumped for any other reason then NO CONTACT is your best and ONLY option. Clinging to them for dear life? That will push them away further. Chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught by you? WHY?! Why on earth do we chase, pursue, beg and plead to be with people who DO NOT want to be with us? Do you see what I am saying? If your ex thinks he/she made a mistake, trust me: THEY WILL FIND YOU. Neither hell nor high water will stop them from finding you. They have not forgotten you or how to get in touch with you. If their feelings change, they'll contact you. But if YOU pursue them, if you chase, if you try to convince them their decision was wrong, you will simply push them away for good. Trust me, if they aren't contacting you they are simply not interested in being WITH you. If they love you, they're there. THEY are contacting you, THEY are pursuing you. THEY are trying to win YOU back. I know it's hard to let go of someone you truly love. But if you love them with the type of unselfish love we all deserve then you'd want them to be happy, with or without you. So give them the gift of missing you. Stick to NC, work on yourself, improve where you can, work out a lot, find new hobbies and make new friends. Breakups happen to us all. They are not the end of the earth or of life. Someone BETTER for you will come along when you finally LET GO of the past. But until you do let go of the past the door will not be open for someone better and new to find you. Cheers. Solid 24-carat gold. This post should be made a sticky in this and other forums.
Author copaisking Posted May 16, 2009 Author Posted May 16, 2009 again... some fantastic advice. Its just hard right now, but if I look back 2 months ago at the mess I was in then, i'm like 10 times better now, and i'm sure ill be 10 times better in another couple of months... I just can't seem to get her out of my head at all, it's almost like she is haunting me. Since we split, i've been completely respectful of her, I haven't 'stalked' her, called her, emailed/im'd/text her unless she has initiated contact, and even then, I kept it short and sweet. I wonder what would have happened if I had chased her. I think its the fact that I didn't chase her that makes it weird, because usually, I mean in the past, I have chased exes with pretty good results... but I loved this one so much that I did decide to respect her decision and let her go. The only reason that I took that letter in to her was because she was saying that I was 'sceney' and that she never knew me... that annoyed me, I know it shouldn't have, but it did, and I just wanted to let her know that she was wrong about that, and that she did know me... I actually thanked her, because she had shown me that I had issues to deal with in my life that I hadn't seen before and that I was dealing with them, and I was getting happier internally etc etc Anyways... Caliguy and everyone else, thanks for your response, i'm sure that one day I will see this as black and white, and look back and think 'why did you let her have such an impact'... one day
Soul Bear Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 ''I wonder what would have happened if I had chased her. I think its the fact that I didn't chase her that makes it weird, because usually, I mean in the past, I have chased exes with pretty good results...''
Author copaisking Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 So... i've formulated my 'get over Nicole' plan, and I was doing really well, until I checked my myspace last night, and she had commented on one of my blogs ( http://www.myspace.com/coachdave23 feel free add me and to read my blogs, i've just started writing and need constructive criticism) about my next tattoo. She wrote: "interesting...i love your writing and always have. however, i just got a lyric tattooed 3 weeks ago...stalker. lol, juuuust playin..but i swear if you get that **** on the center of your spine, i might not be kidding! cant wait to see :)" Now... she never contacted me about the letter that I sent her (I also put in another letter titled 'did you know the real me?' which explained that yes, she did know the real me, but the real me is now evolving, it was an edited version of the one further back in my thread). I had no idea that she had a new tattoo, let alone a lyric from a song (i'm getting 'i'm just a soul whose intentions are good' on my shoulders), so it does look a bit weird from her point of view... She knows that by calling me a stalker, even in a playful way, it will irritate me... I haven't looked at her myspace in a month and there was no way of knowing that she had a new tattoo (as strange as this sounds, we have no mutual friends... Los Angeles is weird like that). I mean, honestly, you ignore my letter, which is cool, I get it, and the letter was mostly for me to get a few things off my chest so that you could stop twisting things... then you make some bitchy ass comment on myspace. OR... it's completely innocent and playful and i'm reading waaaaaaaaaay too much into things. On another note, to help with my co-dependancy issues, i've brought a dog His name is going to be Gunner (after my fav soccer team, Arsenal) and he's a miniature English Bulldog What do you think? Obviously, I had trouble sleeping last night, my heart was pounding when I saw that she had left a comment... cheers Dave
CaliGuy Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Honestly I didn't read the entire post, but knowing your story, I am wondering why you can't keep away from her. I don't care how hot she is, she's bad mojo. Getting a dog is a step in the right direction and, from your own words I believe, you have no problem meeting attractive women. So here's my advice: You can't drive your car while staring in the rear view mirror. The more you focus on the past, the less likely the future will be bright enough for you to wear shades.
Island Girl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Honestly I didn't read the entire post, but knowing your story, I am wondering why you can't keep away from her. I don't care how hot she is, she's bad mojo. Getting a dog is a step in the right direction and, from your own words I believe, you have no problem meeting attractive women. So here's my advice: You can't drive your car while staring in the rear view mirror. The more you focus on the past, the less likely the future will be bright enough for you to wear shades. Here Here CaliGuy. You have been there done that on one side of the equation and I have been there done that on the other. copaisking --- PLEASE. I have tried to explain this to you. The comments that were made about "not knowing the real you" etc. are to push specific buttons. She already knew that she was with the real you. I learned these pressure points easily in a relationship and knew exactly what I could say that would cause the guy I dumped to think it was something he did or there was something he could have done but didn't do so that he'd still be hooked. If I needed anything, especially an ego boost, all I'd have to do is reach out in the most minor way -- and no matter how cruel I'd been at the end or the last time I had separated myself from him -- the guy would come back like a yo-yo on a string and give me what ever I was looking for. AND ALWAYS TO HIS OWN DETRIMENT. *Head down - eyes clenched tight* Please please please let this sink in. The dog is a great move in the right direction. I hope you think of YOURSELF and your OWN well being and you keep moving in that direction. You seem like a really nice guy. My victims were too. It is horrible to have to say it that way. But it is the truth and I can see that now that I am not so screwed in the head and I actually know what compassion and empathy feel like.
Author copaisking Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Thanks guys, CaliGuy and IslandGirl, you always make such good and valid points, while giving great advice. Advice I know I should follow...but have trouble doing. Deep down in me, this girl has anchored on my gut... its there, hanging on for dear life, and just when I start to genuinely move on, its like she knows, and she tightens the anchor some more, whether it be by myspace message or whatever. I feel like I have been so fair to her... I haven't chased her, begged her, pleaded, never acted needy, i've just plain accepted it and left her alone... yet she still finds a way into my heart. It killed me when she ignored my letter... but today... ready for this?... I get this text from her: FYI, my status on myspace was 'David Copeland-Smith is gonna be a daddy!!! (i've just brought a new puppy So I get this text: Her: Please answer this as quickly as possible. Did you really get someone pregnant????? Me: LOL... my baby boy is called Gunner (Arsenal's nicname) and he's 8 weeks old... he's a miniature English Bulldog, I pick him up tomorrow Her: I knew it!!! Hahaa ok good. You had me nervous for your future offspring haha jk awww I wanna see him when you get him!!!!!!!!! Me: I'll bring him to your work in the next few weeks. I get him Saturday and have to go to Florida on Monday weirrrrrd about the tattoo btw... you must have been stalking my mind... Her: No Sir! I got that thing 3 weeks ago and have contemplated it for almost a year! You know this! Haha Her: Who's taking care of him while your gone???? Puppies need ALOT within those first few weeks otherwise they'll be traumatized. Tell the people to hold him til you get back at least... Me: ssssshhhhhh....ill let you in on a secret, these are the lyrics i'm getting...'baby don't you understand, I wanna be your nasty man, 24 carat gold, to warm the nights when you get cold'*...nice huh? *this is the lyrics of a song we used to make fun of all the time Her: Gross. I would puke if that's what you got! Hahaa i'm serious about your dog! Me: Well... if you want to see him before I leave, and depending if he's cool from the flight (and if he has an opening in his schedule i'll bring him to starbucks for a bit on Sunday morningish Me: Jaymos gonna look after the lil guy, they couldn't hold him Her: Oh I see, well im sorry to burst your sceney starbucks bubble, but i'm taking Jonathans daughter (her boss) out to Franklin Canyon and then on to lunch on Sunday, and then work at 330 so i've got a full day...ill wait til you get back Me: lol... you SO know how to push my buttons Nicole! Gunner and I are street not scene! Have a great weekend Her: Ya, you keep it street you little starbuckian So here we go again... it's a completely innocent text to something she has read and presumed that I have got someone pregnant. If I had... so what? It has nothing to do with her! Why did I respond? because all I want is her back... thats why. There... I admit it, thats all i've ever wanted. Will it happen? no. If I take a step back from these messages and look at them, she again takes a swipe at me for being 'sceney' which she knows will piss me off (honestly... is starbucks really sceney, its coffee) and get a reaction from me... then she patronizes me by calling me a 'little starbuckian' but ends it with a cute 'smiley face', fu*k those smiley faces! IslandGirl, I shudder when you respond, but I do read what you write and absorb the information. I can see from these text that at first, she thought '*****, one of my satelites has gone and gotten someone else pregnant, wtf?' so she needs to find out if its true. She finds out its not true, and thinks 'phew, I still own him' then quickly loses interest and fires off some snipes. Nice. You guys are right, I just wish my gut (with butterflies and all) would listen to you, because right now, its going crazy. Again, I think I handled myself quite well with regards to the responses that I gave, I don't think that I sounded needy, or indeed rude, but just fun and friendly. Which basically sums me up. CaliGuy, honestly, I don't have a lot of problems attracting women, the problem is attracting the ones that i'm really attracted to... and when I do... the whole putting them on a pedestal thing starts...
CaliGuy Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 CaliGuy, honestly, I don't have a lot of problems attracting women, the problem is attracting the ones that i'm really attracted to... and when I do... the whole putting them on a pedestal thing starts... Too much yacking at her, feeding her self-esteem. She is feasting off you. You are boosting her confidence when you talk to her and she is draining you. You need to learn to cut things short, be busy, etc. You don't have time for that wench. Epsecially if you CAN attract a lot of attractive women. Get me?
monkeymaid Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 i believe the proper answer to that initial text is ... that is,just put "..." everytime she contacts you and you respond, no matter how indifferent you seem, she knows she has you. she knows nothing has changed. it seems to me as though you are living your life based around your view of how she sees you. and its killing you and feeding her twisted mind. you are giving her the tools to have the bitchiness that you hate ...i am probably way wrong, but i have been reading up on your thread here since the 1st day you posted it months ago as you and i were in the same boat, so let me know if i am out of line, but i get the feeling that you are a hard ass man on the outside (and probably in most of your endeavours),but a pussy and a child when it comes to relationships. hence the uneasyness and unwillingness to cut the cord here. i also get the feeling that you want her back, and though its probably the worst possible idea for that to happen, it is still possible. i am a firm believer that anything can be accomplished given the proper sequence of events and actions. oddly enough the proper sequence for both healing and moving on, and getting her back are down the same road. start being a dick to her. give her bs answers and create distance because you obviously wont go nc. you need to get your balls back and apparently you need her chasing you to do that. if your not going to get over her with nc, then get over her full contact. give her the gift of having you as an a-hole. either she will come around or you will be empowered enough to reject her. good luck howeever you handle this.
Author copaisking Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 hello monkeymaid you're right about most things.. I should start being a dick to her, just answer her with short sharp answers... but these god damned butterflys in my stomach kill me. with regards to the 'hard ass man', I mean, sometimes I am, but i'm quite a sensitive soul, but you hit the nail on the head with regards to relationships. It's quite pathetic really, but I am trying to change it using a combination of therapy and hypnosis. It's all about loving yourself first apparently, something which I haven't done for a long, long time. The messed up thing is, i'm a relatively good looking guy, and i'm a good person, yet when I fall for a girl like her, I just automatically think she's going to get bored and dump me.
CaliGuy Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 hello monkeymaid you're right about most things.. I should start being a dick to her, just answer her with short sharp answers... but these god damned butterflys in my stomach kill me. Just don't answer her at all. COMPLETELY IGNORE HER as if she doesn't exist. Silence speaks VOLUMES! with regards to the 'hard ass man', I mean, sometimes I am, but i'm quite a sensitive soul, but you hit the nail on the head with regards to relationships. It's quite pathetic really, but I am trying to change it using a combination of therapy and hypnosis. It's all about loving yourself first apparently, something which I haven't done for a long, long time. Better approach: Learn to be happy, alone. Learn to make yourself happy and then you will truly understand how to make others happy. Be confident in who you are and others will as well. The messed up thing is, i'm a relatively good looking guy, and i'm a good person, yet when I fall for a girl like her, I just automatically think she's going to get bored and dump me. That's because you're not confident, secure and self-assured. If you THINK negative thoughts like "She's gonna get bored and dump me" she probably will. Just be yourself, have fun and enjoy life. If she wants to hang with you, she will. Gotta remember: Never make someone else the center of your life. They should COMPLIMENT your life but not be the reason for your existence. That is what I mean by being happy single and alone. Look, I am happy, confident and I don't HAVE to have someone in my life. I want someone, but even if I had them, they would not rule my world. I still have my own life and my own interest (Golf, working out, computers, friends, motorcycles, wrenching on things...etc). Have a life to share with people, ya know?
monkeymaid Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 ok, so you and i are in the same boat. i have the same pedestal problem, andi must say it is to my detriment. it comes from a fear of abandonment, and the only way out is all the way through. you have to keep telling yourself you are worth more consciously and with a never ending vigor while you go through your pain, and when you some out the other side, some of what youve told yourself will stick and become yours. ie, you wont have to tell yourself you are valuable, you will just inately believe it. caliguy is essentialy a relationship guru (G-you are you ...think about it) he apparently has a strong sense of self and as such, it is easy to see, and he is right about everything he has written in all of the posts ive read by him (thats alot!!). he has helped me out more than hell ever know and im sure others here are supremely greatful for his wisdom and expereince. that being said, copa, you still need to get your balls back and in your own hands before you can move forward with your head held high, but not as a power play, more as a boost in yourself. as if you need to knock her off the pedestal so you can stand on it yourself. i think the quickest, easiest way to do that is rather twisted, but deadly effective, and that is to be a full contact ******* to her. it will be hard at first, but the loss of power and control will drive her mad and make you feel like a mans man (its all testosterone).when that feeling subsides and youve gotten her all riled up, then you know you can walk without any regrets cuz it will be on your terms. i didnt say it was right or moral, but it does work. just dont let it go to your head
James1984 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 ok, so you and i are in the same boat. i have the same pedestal problem i think the quickest, easiest way to do that is rather twisted, but deadly effective, and that is to be a full contact ******* to her. it will be hard at first, but the loss of power and control will drive her mad and make you feel like a mans man (its all testosterone).when that feeling subsides and youve gotten her all riled up, then you know you can walk without any regrets cuz it will be on your terms. Did the bitch come running back then?
monkeymaid Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 actually yes she did. in about 3 weeks. at first seh was like "whatever your just being a dick i know you want me" and i just told her "its actually sad that you need to feel like im still stuck on you but hay, whatever helps the princess sleep at night is alright. call meifyou want a good night lay to tire you out" a week into it,she seemed indifferent, but txted more than normal by the end of the third week, she wanted to know how many girls i had, what i had been up to, how im getting along in my life (school, family, friends, projects etc...)and asked if i wanted to hang out to which i replied, um i wil have to think about it. i scheduled a date with her,but canceled ...twice, and then it just clicked that i was being ridiculous for the past 3-4 months. now therapy isntabout getting over her,but softening my hard ass heart. (its getting way better, andi care about people again) i think it would have taken way longer if i tried to get over it being nice. cuzlike copa, NC was not working when i needed it to.
Author copaisking Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 so a quick update... I set up a facebook for the dog, inadvertently added her (I didn't know she had a facebook, she didn't when we were dating so I guess when I signed the dog up it went through my emails and just added people). She left a comment on his page: you've lost it... officially 2 minutes later: 'oh, and Gunner (my dogs name) I see you went to the Grove today, very seceney ' (I hate those smiley faces with a passion' This made me furious, its the only thing that she says that pisses me off. So I went to my therapist and bleated on about it for an hour, but I just drifted further into depression... by the end of the day I was suicidal so I decided to do something really stupid and go and see her. I went into her work (with the dog) and she seemed happy to see him, not so much me. I told her that the 'sceney' comments need to stop, she said she was only joking, but she knew that it pisses me off (why do it then???) She then proceeded to tell me how great her life is now, she has the best friends of her life, and last week she had the best day of her life with these new best friends of her life (she knew 3 out of these 4 best friends ever in the world when we were together and never had anything really positive to say about them let alone want to hang out with them) and that these people are so cool and positive that she can't ever imagine living in Florida again because her best friend is dating her ex-husband behind her back etc etc. Basically, all of what she had to say made me feel like absolute sh*t. Like, when we were together, she seems to think of it all as negative... awesome. She thanked me for coming to see her, thanked me for listening to her problems and said we should get a beer next week. Honestly, I still want her back, but I don't want to be her emotional tampon (I told her this)... I have therapy in the morning, I think I need anti-depressants...
boogieboy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Well after all that, it took you over two months to find out that continuous contact with her has made her lose all respect for you. She used you so she can get an ego boost and attention, you gave it to her, and in her mind, youre a sucker. So now, that you ARE the emotional tampon to her (in her mind), you better be ready to give up on your dreams of reconciliation, because its never happening. You gonna continue to torture yourself? You HAVE to cut her off completely or you will never get over her. No matter what you do, she wants attention and nothing you do will make her stop tbeing a friend to you now. And if you dont stop it now, you'll puppy dog behind her for years, and ruin other possible relationships.
CaliGuy Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 so a quick update... I set up a facebook for the dog, inadvertently added her (I didn't know she had a facebook, she didn't when we were dating so I guess when I signed the dog up it went through my emails and just added people). She left a comment on his page: you've lost it... officially 2 minutes later: 'oh, and Gunner (my dogs name) I see you went to the Grove today, very seceney ' (I hate those smiley faces with a passion' This made me furious, its the only thing that she says that pisses me off. So I went to my therapist and bleated on about it for an hour, but I just drifted further into depression... by the end of the day I was suicidal so I decided to do something really stupid and go and see her. I went into her work (with the dog) and she seemed happy to see him, not so much me. I told her that the 'sceney' comments need to stop, she said she was only joking, but she knew that it pisses me off (why do it then???) She then proceeded to tell me how great her life is now, she has the best friends of her life, and last week she had the best day of her life with these new best friends of her life (she knew 3 out of these 4 best friends ever in the world when we were together and never had anything really positive to say about them let alone want to hang out with them) and that these people are so cool and positive that she can't ever imagine living in Florida again because her best friend is dating her ex-husband behind her back etc etc. Basically, all of what she had to say made me feel like absolute sh*t. Like, when we were together, she seems to think of it all as negative... awesome. She thanked me for coming to see her, thanked me for listening to her problems and said we should get a beer next week. Honestly, I still want her back, but I don't want to be her emotional tampon (I told her this)... I have therapy in the morning, I think I need anti-depressants... You know, I've never said this to anyone on LS before, but you need to be "SMACKED!" You knew she would be added to facebook. This woman is poison for you and yet you will not simply do what you know you need to do and that is go complete NC with her. Delete her from FB and block her. Get rid of her cell number. Block her email. Block her from IM. Do you not understand that she is like a drug and you are addicted? She is causing you harm emotionally -- but only because YOU LET HER. You are abusing yourself. Not her. You.
Miguelrg Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I second caliguy, you knew she would be added, why would you add all your emails to your dogs profile? And why the hell do you make a facebook for your dog? i'm seriously confused about that
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