bac Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I am dating a man who does not say any complements to me. That turns me off a lot. As for him, he wants to have sex with me. We both used to complement each other at the begining of dating. I have noticed that I do not say anything pleasant to him as well. I guess it turns him off too. From my female experience the most sexually stimulating thing is what a man says to me. I ache to hear how wonderful and beautiful I am and I like that in details and with enthusiasm. Sure I know that it is not 100% true but I want to hear that anyway. Please, I need an advice from men perspective about the complements that men desire to hear from a woman they are dating/having sex. What kind of nice things about themselves would men enjoy to hear ? What exactly the words of admiration/approval would turn a man on? Is there any good complements about sex? I am not really creative. All I use to say are...... you are so handsome, I like your hair, your thing is very handsome and big.
confused_2008 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I don't really know any specifics to tell you, but what turns me on personally is when a woman makes me feel like I'm the only one she needs. She doesn't need to flirt with other guys for validation. Just being with me is enough for her. I guess I don't really need a lot of compliments as long as they're genuine. Also, guys like to solve problems so when I know she depends on me for things in her life, it makes me feel good about myself. As far as translating all that to the bedroom? Just being there is usually enough of a turn on for me
colosseum Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I am dating a man who does not say any complements to me. That turns me off a lot. As for him, he wants to have sex with me... I have noticed that I do not say anything pleasant to him as well. I guess it turns him off too. ... What kind of nice things about themselves would men enjoy to hear ? What exactly the words of admiration/approval would turn a man on? Is there any good complements about sex? I am not really creative. Sounds like you're not even really enjoying this relationship; are you? I ask because, assuming that compliments in relationships are just articulations of why X likes Y: 1. That neither of you is sharing with each other what you like about one another might drive at a deeper issue (of...well, whether you really do like him or not) 2. That you are fishing for what kinds of compliments one should provide begs the question of whether you're really enjoying this relationship because I think one should not have to search for reasons why one enjoys the other's company, and sharing these things should be really natural. Not to cry at your party or compel you to break up with him, but just to ask from my limited view...you are enjoying this relationship? To answer your question though I guess, I say whatever is on my mind when something happens that I like about her, and I would hope she would do the same to me; looking good, smelling nice, being talented, kind, warm, good kisser, w/e. And yes, as above post says, showing rather than just saying also helps.
Author bac Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 Sounds like you're not even really enjoying this relationship; are you? I ask because, assuming that compliments in relationships are just articulations of why X likes Y: 1. That neither of you is sharing with each other what you like about one another might drive at a deeper issue (of...well, whether you really do like him or not) 2. That you are fishing for what kinds of compliments one should provide begs the question of whether you're really enjoying this relationship because I think one should not have to search for reasons why one enjoys the other's company, and sharing these things should be really natural. Not to cry at your party or compel you to break up with him, but just to ask from my limited view...you are enjoying this relationship? To answer your question though I guess, I say whatever is on my mind when something happens that I like about her, and I would hope she would do the same to me; looking good, smelling nice, being talented, kind, warm, good kisser, w/e. And yes, as above post says, showing rather than just saying also helps. Thank you for your reply. You were kind of critical of me. And that is fine but I would like to mention that you do not know anything about me: my age, my past experience with men, my native language, my chance to have any relationship, my objectives and ..... If I ask this stupied question it does not mean that I am a bad person who fishing for stuff and insincere. It just mean that I have a problem. In fact, I have this problem because of all these things that you do not know about me.
Kaii Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Well, I don't know if this is what you are looking for, but with my bf, we talk dirty to each other during sex and we both really like that. Some things I tell my bf: "I love you, Baby" "I love your c*ock" "Your c*ck is so big" "F*uck me with that big c*ck" "Oh, dirty boy...", etc...... However, this may not be what you are looking for. We are not expressing our love for one another, we are just talking dirty and getting the other one going.
bayouboi Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Thank you for your reply. You were kind of critical of me. And that is fine but I would like to mention that you do not know anything about me: my age, my past experience with men, my native language, my chance to have any relationship, my objectives and ..... If I ask this stupied question it does not mean that I am a bad person who fishing for stuff and insincere. It just mean that I have a problem. In fact, I have this problem because of all these things that you do not know about me. You are right that we don't know anything about you... except for what you post here. I did not read colosseum's post as being critical of you. In fact, I would say that I think I interpreted your post the same way they did. Which part of their post did you feel was being critical of you?
colosseum Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 just to ask from my limited view...you are enjoying this relationship? I said I don't know you. In no way are my statements some diatribe against your birthplace, culture, personality--things I have ZERO notions about and frankly am not so compelled to know about. You're doing yourself a disservice by taking this personally. We're here to help, not make you feel bad; sometimes that means asking the tough questions. Best of luck to you.
You'reasian Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I disagree with Kaii, although I think he has the right idea. Dirty talk is fine, but it has to be the real deal - not ego-stroking, doesn't have to be extremely explitive just what she would say... sometimes its just moaning that gradually escalates after each stroke until she starts getting loud and if that's what she does, great. sometimes its just a little noise she makes every time you hit the right spot until she's about to cum and then starts bursting out with "I'm gonna cummm!!" with that frozen expression on her face, a few seconds of silence.... and then a couple of eruptive moans. The point is - you don't have to talk during sex, just do what you do
Dittohd Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I am dating a man who does not say any complements to me. That turns me off a lot. As for him, he wants to have sex with me. We both used to complement each other at the begining of dating. I have noticed that I do not say anything pleasant to him as well. I guess it turns him off too. From my female experience the most sexually stimulating thing is what a man says to me. I ache to hear how wonderful and beautiful I am and I like that in details and with enthusiasm. Sure I know that it is not 100% true but I want to hear that anyway. Please, I need an advice from men perspective about the complements that men desire to hear from a woman they are dating/having sex. What kind of nice things about themselves would men enjoy to hear ? What exactly the words of admiration/approval would turn a man on? Is there any good complements about sex? I am not really creative. All I use to say are...... you are so handsome, I like your hair, your thing is very handsome and big. You've given us little information about yourself and your boyfriend, as you've acknowledged in a previous post, so it's hard to be specific in a reply. First of all, you need to learn to tell the men you have relationships with what you like and need and desire. That's part of getting to know each other and of course, the purpose of dating. Pleasing each other should not be a guessing game. Then he gets to decide whether he can fit your needs and desires and likes into his personality. Men who aren't compatible with you will look elsewhere if they think you're too high maintenance. Others will be happy to please you as long as you are attentive to their needs and desires and likes. All compliments of men should be honest compliments to be effective, so you need to pay attention to what he does or has done that deserves complimenting and also what he does that pleases you. Once you start noticing and complimenting him more often, (but not to the point that they start to sound contrived) there's a good chance he'll start complimenting you on his own, but my first suggestion about telling him what your needs are is far better. Most men don't like guessing games.
Author bac Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Men who aren't compatible with you will look elsewhere if they think you're too high maintenance. All compliments of men should be honest compliments to be effective, so you need to pay attention to what he does or has done that deserves complimenting and also what he does that pleases you. my first suggestion about telling him what your needs are is far better. Most men don't like guessing games. Thank you. I am sure I am a woman who is a very low mantenance. I even do not know what are my specific needs exept the very basic needs like sometimes to see him for sex and a conversation. What kind of needs do you imply?
Dittohd Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Thank you. I am sure I am a woman who is a very low mantenance. I even do not know what are my specific needs exept the very basic needs like sometimes to see him for sex and a conversation. What kind of needs do you imply? Hi Bac: "High maintenance" is a subjective phrase. All men are not the same and all women are not the same. This is why we date each other rather than pick our mates at random. So when you originally asked what men like in your original question, you basically told this audience that your attitude toward men was on the wrong track. What one man likes and desires, another guy may consider a reason to drop you because he finds it so objectionable. If my woman ever talked “dirty” to me in bed, as suggested by a contributor above, I would immediately drop her because that is not a part of my definition of the femininity and softness that I need from my woman. Same with cursing. Many men are different. I don’t consider good loving dirty but rather the most beautiful thing in the world, so if I found that my woman did like talking “dirty” at that time, or any other time, she would be gone as quickly as I could arrange it. This is not bad when it happens, it’s good. If your needs, desires, and likes, like your need to be complimented often, are such that your boyfriend finds it a pain in the butt to satisfy because his personality is such that having to do that to keep you happy grates on him for whatever reason, for instance because he feels that it shouldn’t be needed because you should be perceiving his frequent compliments to you in other ways, based on his actions every day or every time he sees you, you have a problem that may or may not be easy to fix. In that case, no matter how simple it may seem to you to add in those spoken compliments, he may consider you "high maintenance". Also, I hate to have to say this, but based on his perceptions and past experience, the things you may wish to be complimented on may, in his opinion, not deserve complimenting but need improvement. If this is the case but he certainly doesn’t think these things about you are bad enough to ever mention, he may really find complimenting you on the points you wish to be complimented on to be very difficult or even objectionable to do. Then again, on the other hand, he may like you so much based on how much you fulfill his needs that he may desire that you tell him your specific needs so that he can do them and make you more happy in return. Then again, he may bristle when you bring this up if he feels that you have been indifferent to his needs and desires and likes. Have you taken any actions to find out what his hidden needs and desires and likes are? Do you know what he specifically looks for and needs from his woman that he may not feel comfortable telling you about but is always looking for from every woman he dates? Another possibility that just came to mind is that he has complimented women in the past and found that by doing this, his women have relegated him to the "nice guy" and "let's just be friends" heap and he has found this action distinctly unproductive in the past. Maybe this is getting too complicated. This is a hard subject because no one solution will fix every problem. And you both certainly know each other better than I know you both. The biggest solution is to remember that we are all different and to constantly try to learn as much as we can about each other and help our mate learn about us and not assume that because we are a man or woman, we have certain traits. Addressing your last question above in particular, when I talked about needs and desires and likes in my previous post, I wasn’t thinking about any in particular because everyone is different. Addressing one or two or three in particular would just be addressing the tip of the iceberg. But there are many subjects that need to be learned about each other in the process of developing a great relationship. And almost nothing should be off limits. How many different reasons are there that men and women get divorced? How many of those subjects were never discussed before the marriage? You being a woman and the impression I get of how many women marry men these days with the intention of changing them, I can tell you that most men don’t like it when a woman marries them with the intention of changing them. It’s considered by many men to be a slap in the face and disrespectful. Most men want to be loved and appreciated for who and what they are and do. I’d bet you are no different in this case. So talking about what's important to each other as much as humanly and as comfortably as possible beforehand is the best bet. Best of luck to you both.
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