r2ka Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 First time poster here so hello to everyone. I'll try to keep it simple because everything is so messed up for me right now.Me and my girlfriend we broke up 20 days ago.The reason was .. she doesnt want a serious relationship.And i was thinking that i could handle it.But not...i said everything i wanted to tell her.That i love her that i care about her more then myself,and i will do everything for her.The answer was still no,and we said we can chit chat sometimes,see us once in a week and stuff like that.Two days ago we went to a movie together.The night was just perfect.After the movie we went for a long walk and we talked alot,but not for our relationship.When i send her to her home,she huged me very strong.I mean you dont hug someone you dont care about like that...On the next day she said that the last night we almost broke the rules we had about us.One more thing..she found out that i wanted to meet another girls,and she was kinda angry and she asked me some questions about that.And that happened after we broke up. Please help me with some advice,because im freaking out.My moods are very mixed,i dont sleep normal,i dont eat normal i dont do anything normal.Nothing is normal for me.Im trying to tell myself that i can handle,but the truth is i cant.I love her.And i love her very much.I will do EVERYTHING to get her back. So please give me an advice what to do.Thanks in advance and sorry for my poor english.
Ronni_W Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Hi r2! Your English is fine , and welcome to LS. I think what you may need to focus on is that your ex told you she doesn't want a serious relationship -- somewhere in your mind, you have GOT to totally respect what she told you. Which really means that you need to back off from all your "serious" talk -- that just freaks her out cos it is the OPPOSITE of what she wants. It would be better for you to go 'no contact' (n/c) than just keep telling her stuff she doesn't want to hear, and that freaks her out. That is, stop telling her stuff like: "...i love her that i care about her more then myself,and i will do everything for her." Also stop telling her, or acting like: "...i dont sleep normal,i dont eat normal i dont do anything normal.Nothing is normal for me." It's all TOO MUCH for her; it's all too SERIOUS. And she does NOT want "serious." If you can't give her 'light, friendly and casual' right now, it will be better to just go n/c. Otherwise you're just pushing her further and further away with all your neediness and clinginess, and there won't be too much chance for even a friendship. Sorry you're going through this -- it's definitely tough and rough! Hugs, and best wishes.
belocchoc129 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I dont know how long have guys been dating. But she's probably not ready for a serious relationship, but the way you acted freaked her out, so that may be the reason which led to the breakup. However, as what you said, I think she still cares about you. So just keep acting normal, cool, and friendly with her, still show her that you care about her (keep in mind that just care about her like friends, dont show anything more than that), and dont do anything that makes her think you're so crazy in love with her. Trust me, guys, girls will think about you more if you keep acting cool but a little cold.
Author r2ka Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 Thanks alot guys I'll try to do that.I realized that calling her every day is not very right.Either for me or her.So i'll play it cool acting friendly for the moment.I was thinking if it's right not to call her or msn/skype her for like week or something.And do you guys think that i really got a chance to get her back?Thanks in advance :-)
Capten Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Im trying to tell myself that i can handle,but the truth is i cant.I love her.And i love her very much.I will do EVERYTHING to get her back The answer to your question 'Can I bring her back?'..... is NO. Don't despair, what I'm saying is she doesn't want to be 'brought back', other wise she wouldn't have left, right? It's understandable that people sometimes need to re-asess things.... You should absolutely give her time and space.... respectfully leave her alone. Don't 'play it cool', be cool.... really. Respect her wishes and now, dissappear from her for awhile. If you are really willing to do everything, then do NOTHING but respect her wishes...... She will miss you, I promise. But I stress, do not make this a game, be genuine... If you really love her, then you should not need her. Be strong in yourself, and then... just maybe, she will be wondering how she can bring you back.
D-Lish Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 The answer to your question 'Can I bring her back?'..... is NO. Don't despair, what I'm saying is she doesn't want to be 'brought back', other wise she wouldn't have left, right? It's understandable that people sometimes need to re-asess things.... You should absolutely give her time and space.... respectfully leave her alone. Don't 'play it cool', be cool.... really. Respect her wishes and now, dissappear from her for awhile. If you are really willing to do everything, then do NOTHING but respect her wishes...... She will miss you, I promise. But I stress, do not make this a game, be genuine... If you really love her, then you should not need her. Be strong in yourself, and then... just maybe, she will be wondering how she can bring you back. Very good advice. Calling her every day is NOT a good idea. She has no reason or chance to miss you when you're in her face all the time. Back off and start doing the opposite of what you have been doing. Sounds like she is giving you mixed messages by giving you little scraps of hope.... Don't accept the scraps.
lonelypiscesguy Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 The answer to your question 'Can I bring her back?'..... is NO. Don't despair, what I'm saying is she doesn't want to be 'brought back', other wise she wouldn't have left, right? It's understandable that people sometimes need to re-asess things.... You should absolutely give her time and space.... respectfully leave her alone. Don't 'play it cool', be cool.... really. Respect her wishes and now, dissappear from her for awhile. If you are really willing to do everything, then do NOTHING but respect her wishes...... She will miss you, I promise. But I stress, do not make this a game, be genuine... If you really love her, then you should not need her. Be strong in yourself, and then... just maybe, she will be wondering how she can bring you back.Great advice! Well done! It's hard to do but it has to be done. Again, really well put!
CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 To answer the direct question: NO. NEVER. EVER. You have NO CONTROL over other people. The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be.
stephy Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 First time poster here so hello to everyone. I'll try to keep it simple because everything is so messed up for me right now.Me and my girlfriend we broke up 20 days ago.The reason was .. she doesnt want a serious relationship.And i was thinking that i could handle it.But not...i said everything i wanted to tell her.That i love her that i care about her more then myself,and i will do everything for her.The answer was still no,and we said we can chit chat sometimes,see us once in a week and stuff like that.Two days ago we went to a movie together.The night was just perfect.After the movie we went for a long walk and we talked alot,but not for our relationship.When i send her to her home,she huged me very strong.I mean you dont hug someone you dont care about like that...On the next day she said that the last night we almost broke the rules we had about us.One more thing..she found out that i wanted to meet another girls,and she was kinda angry and she asked me some questions about that.And that happened after we broke up. Please help me with some advice,because im freaking out.My moods are very mixed,i dont sleep normal,i dont eat normal i dont do anything normal.Nothing is normal for me.Im trying to tell myself that i can handle,but the truth is i cant.I love her.And i love her very much.I will do EVERYTHING to get her back. So please give me an advice what to do.Thanks in advance and sorry for my poor english. Ok so she tells you she doesnt want anything serious and breaks up with you but agrees yall can still talk and see each other twice a week. sounds ok to me.You told her what you needed tot ell her which is a good thing now atleast you know you told her and she knows how you feel.She still said no after that.Which tells you her feelings are not the same.After the movie you said she hugged you longer then just a hug but said that you almost broke the rule with the hugging.I never knew there was a rule on hugging and if she hugged you then she is trying to put that off on you doing it and not her. She says no to you and finds out you want to see other girls and gets mad about that. Sounds to em like she wants to keep you to herself but only on the back burner so she will have a back up plan if other things doesnt work out.You say you will do everything to get her back.Respect yourself enough to not do that.If she wants you she will come back but dont try to force her to come back and dont keep trying to get her back.There are other fish in the sea to me she is just playing you and keeps on stringing you along to keep you in case she needs you.Dont feed into the game.Let her know you aint a toy to be put on a shelf to only be played with when she hasnt got other toys around or when someone else tries to grab the toy.
Capten Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Very good advice. Calling her every day is NOT a good idea. She has no reason or chance to miss you when you're in her face all the time. Back off and start doing the opposite of what you have been doing. Sounds like she is giving you mixed messages by giving you little scraps of hope.... Don't accept the scraps. Thanks D-Lish Great advice! Well done! It's hard to do but it has to be done. Again, really well put! Thanks piscesguy To answer the direct question: NO. NEVER. EVER. You have NO CONTROL over other people. The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be. Exactly!
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