chutzpah89 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 hey all, I've been in an LDR for nearly two years now. Its been hard, a lot of ups and downs, but we've always seemed to get through it together. He goes to school in North Carolina, and I stay in Virginia going to school. We're only about 3 hours apart, so he comes to visit about once a month. I was sure that because of everything we've gone through, and how much we loved each other, that I would share my life with him one day. We've even talked about it, kids, buying a home, etc. He graduates next month and the LDR will finally come to an end. However, for the past month or so...my feelings have drifted. I don't feel that "connection" anymore. As much as I try, I can't seem to find it. I love him sooo much and care about him a whole lot. But I don't feel as though I'm "inlove" with him anymore. I'm not eager to see him when he visits. He came home last night and we met up this morning to go have a picnic in the park...and I felt ackward. The whole time I was thinking about how different it was to be around him now. How the whole hand holding wasn't making me smile. How I wasn't laughing or giggling as often as I used to with him. How the butterflies in my stomach were no longer there. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm confused. I'm not sure if this is a normal thing to happen to a couple after 2 years of being together, or if I've actually fallen out of love. I'm probably going to talk to him tonight about it, he's been asking me all day whats wrong. He knows me well enough to know that something isn't right, and I think he deserves to know how I'm feeling. Part of me, however, wants to just wait it out until he comes home for goo and I can see him everyday....maybe that will boost our relationship enough for me to feel sparks again? I'd hate to quit now, but a month can be an awfully long time to wait for someone, and be with someone that you aren't in love with...at least I don't think I am. I did txt him last week when he was in North Carolina, we talk everyday, but it was different this time....I told him how I was feeling and he called me crying. He said he couldn't lose me...and that he did all of this (going to school) for "us". He really is an amazing guy. He begged me to wait it out until he comes home, so with much deliberation...I told him I could do that. I just wanted it to be like it used to be; and I'm not sure it ever will be. So maybe I should wait because I told him I would, but even seeing him today hasn't changed my mind. I just don't seem happy, and he hasn't gone out of his way to show me anything or to keep me around. I just want to get people's opinions on whether you think waiting will help or hurt me. And whether this is just a phase or if you think I really have fallen out of love. Thanks, I appreciate it
colosseum Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I say if it hasn't improved since you talked to him and met with him, it's not a good sign that it will last much longer. It seems to me now that the longer you wait, the more painful the inevitable break-up will be. Just my 2cents. Best of luck through this.
prettybaby Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Funny you mention the two year mark. I read an interesting article ages ago about how the chemical in our brain that gives the whole "butterfly/in love feeling" only has a maximum "life expectancy", or "capacity" if you will, of two years. Some people then either step over to genuine, solid love and affection, while others just drift apart when the flutters start fading. I don't know how true that is, but always found it an interesting theory. I personally think: you've already made it this far, at least give it a shot when he graduates (which is very soon) and that you guys start living much closer to each other. See how it evolves then. And if you're still feeling like something's off at that point, then you'll know it's not just a funky phase you're temporarily going through right now and which may be influenced by external factors (which you may not necessarily be aware of at the moment). Not sure if a heavy topic like this should be brought up over the phone when you've only got one more month left before you two can work it all out in person.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I personally think: you've already made it this far, at least give it a shot when he graduates (which is very soon) and that you guys start living much closer to each other. See how it evolves then. And if you're still feeling like something's off at that point, then you'll know it's not just a funky phase you're temporarily going through right now and which may be influenced by external factors (which you may not necessarily be aware of at the moment). Not sure if a heavy topic like this should be brought up over the phone when you've only got one more month left before you two can work it all out in person. I totally agree! Not much wasted in giving him a few more months. If your still not feeling it, then it's over. BTW... PB, if that is your real picture, then you chose your screen name Very well.
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