daveuk43 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I have been friends with someone for around 20 years. We never dated, but regularly had lunch. We still met regularly after she was married - but just for lunch and very platonic. I was always attracted to her, but never made a move and respected her marriage. She recently got divorced and I am still very attracted to her. I really want to take our friendship further and sleep with her but am afraid to make a move and jeopardize our friendship in any way. Any suggestions please?
hopesndreams Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I have been friends with someone for around 20 years. We never dated, but regularly had lunch. We still met regularly after she was married - but just for lunch and very platonic. I was always attracted to her, but never made a move and respected her marriage. Did her husband know you were her friend and had lunch dates? You had the hots for this woman for 20 years and it was all just platonic and you say you respected her marriage? How is taking some other guys wife out for lunch and being "friends" with her show any respect to her marriage when you knew you were attracted to her? She recently got divorced and I am still very attracted to her. I really want to take our friendship further and sleep with her but am afraid to make a move and jeopardize our friendship in any way. Hey, now she's a free agent and you want to sleep with her so what's stopping you from trying to get her into bed? Or, do you want to keep the friendship for another 20 years, have the hots for her all the while she goes out with other men?
Author daveuk43 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Hopes - thanks for the quick response. Maybe my question was not phrased correctly. We have just been friends getting together for lunch during the business day from time to time - in our reserved British way - nothing more than that. My point is, I've always been attracted to her, but because she was married for some time and I have always been dating on and off, I never thought about taking it further. I've reached a point in my life where I would like to pursue something further, but also really like our relationship how it is. I want more but don't want to mess anything up. I didn't want my original post to sound like I was some kind of marriage-wrecking monster. Thanks.
GorillaTheater Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It's probably not for me to say, but Hopes has always struck me as a very decent person; but she's going through an extremely difficult experience that may effect her delivery right now. All I can do is tell you what I'd do: I wouldn't tolerate an unrequited love any longer than I had to, but I wouldn't attempt a relationship until you sense she's ready for one. I suppose that depends on how far she's moved on from her divorce (i.e., try to make sure you don't become a mere rebound guy). If you think she's ready, go for it. I would accept the risk that it may end the friendship, and you need to be willing to take that risk as well.
SunnyJulie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Gorilla, It's now or never. Make your move, or you'll always regret it. You never know, she may have been feeling the same way. Good luck!
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I have been friends with someone for around 20 years. We never dated, but regularly had lunch. We still met regularly after she was married - but just for lunch and very platonic. I was always attracted to her, but never made a move and respected her marriage. She recently got divorced and I am still very attracted to her. I really want to take our friendship further and sleep with her but am afraid to make a move and jeopardize our friendship in any way. Any suggestions please? How about asking her how she feels first.. before making any kind of moves..
bede86 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 go out to dinner and bring a bottle of wine, losen up and have fun then ask if she wants to go back to urs and watch a movie or somtin.....if it happens it wont happen...or u might just end up watching Wall-e and lie on a bed next to her for 2 hours while she msg's someone else...but i had to be sure
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 OP, IMO, she knows you're attracted to her. She likely has for many years. Men are lousy at hiding such things, though we think we're real good at it. IMO, if you're single and she's single, and you're willing to risk a 20 year friendship for romance, I'd seize the day ASAP. Life is short. IMO, a rebound-type situation is a marginal risk, considering you've known each other for a generation. You have a strong basis in friendship and likely know many/most of each other's foibles and weaknesses and can work through her marital remains. Be firm and patient. Also, be realistic. A friend whom you've had romantic feelings for can make a great friend but an incompatible romantic partner. Don't let the attraction cloud your judgement
bede86 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 worse comes to worse just make sure ur watching a better movie than Wall-e.
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