Isis1808 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 What would be the reason a man would join a sex dating site while having a SO and a child? I need to know what is going through a mans head when hes joining these sites while his SO is in the other room with his child. Does this mean the man will ultimately cheat? or hes just joining just to join?
Mr. Lucky Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Does this mean the man will ultimately cheat? or hes just joining just to join? Well, I don't know what time frame you meant with "ultimately", but someone typically signs up at a sex dating site to have sex NOW. Like this month, this week, today. It's kind of like calling Pizza Hut - your intention is to get a pizza delivered in the next hour or so. How did you find this out and what are you going to do with this knowledge ??? Be prepared for all the denials - "I was just curious", "It was for a friend", "I wasn't going to really do it", etc... Mr. Lucky
jj33 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Pizza Hut... that is a good analogy. But he did it in front of you.... so he must of known you would know. And you didnt say anything at the time?
Author Isis1808 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 At this point im not sure what im going to do with this knowledge. Im thinking to approach him about this when he gets home from work. Mr. lucky by ultimately i was thinking within the month or so, then again im not sure when he started doing this and if hes met other women already. JJ- He didnt do any of these things in front of me. i actually came across this wheni turned on the computer and he had a weird "bookmark" so i clicked on it, im not sure why i did it but im glad i did. There was a time when he "just came across" a you see me i see you porn site. I approached him about it and he said that he only when on it for the porn and nothing else, so i dropped it. Now im seeing this... We do not have an opened marriage at all. If thats what he wants then im not sure i can be a part of it.
JackJack Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 At this point im not sure what im going to do with this knowledge. Im thinking to approach him about this when he gets home from work. Mr. lucky by ultimately i was thinking within the month or so, then again im not sure when he started doing this and if hes met other women already. JJ- He didnt do any of these things in front of me. i actually came across this wheni turned on the computer and he had a weird "bookmark" so i clicked on it, im not sure why i did it but im glad i did. There was a time when he "just came across" a you see me i see you porn site. I approached him about it and he said that he only when on it for the porn and nothing else, so i dropped it. Now im seeing this... We do not have an opened marriage at all. If thats what he wants then im not sure i can be a part of it. If you really want to know what he may or may not be up to...don't call him out on it. Make you a profile on one of these sites he belongs to..start chatting him up and see where it goes..then you'll know for sure exactly what you may be dealing with. Chances are, if he is into this kind of thing and you call him out on it..he'll just make sure he hides what he is doing better.
Author Isis1808 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks Jack Jack.. Ill definitely do that, that sounds good.. ill keep you all posted,. thanks for the feedback
Athena Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 It means he is on the track towards having sex with any willing and available woman. Whether he has already done this or not, I don't know, but his actions are on that track to doing it. Prepare to deal with the situation and give him sharp and severe consequences so he knows not to repeat those things should you decide to stay with him.
Sco Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Everyone is right on track with the diverse answers and suggestions you've received so far. You go on sex websites to find sex partners to have sex, period.. but I also see " a big elephant in the room ".. and that is to identify the reason he joins in the first place. It's one thing to catch him and know the punishment you'll inflict on him, but it is also vital to get to the core of the problem. 1) How is your sexual relationship with him? Would you rate it a 10, or 6, or 2 etc.? 2) Is an 8 rating to you equivalent a 4 to him? 3) Do you all communicate openly about sex? 4) Is he addicted to sex etc..? Joining a sex dating website while you're still living with your SO is no laughing matter. It sure is a dilemma and needs to be eradicated 'prompto'. Good luck to you!
jj33 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Im not so sure you want to entrap him on the website. Then you are a member as well. It makes it messy. The fact is he joined and bookmarked it. That is enough. He can deny all he wants but you have caught him already. If you want to play secret spies get one of those trackers that tracks what websites people visit etc but dont join. You shouldnt have to play private eye in your own marriage.
JackJack Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 If its free website that she doesn't have to pay for, she can delete her account after she gets the info she needs...it shouldn't be a problem to do that..if you would rather do the tracker thing too that's up to you..good luck.
ForumFool Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Im not so sure you want to entrap him on the website. Then you are a member as well. It makes it messy. The fact is he joined and bookmarked it. That is enough. He can deny all he wants but you have caught him already. If you want to play secret spies get one of those trackers that tracks what websites people visit etc but dont join. You shouldnt have to play private eye in your own marriage. I am with jj33 ...maybe get a keylogger but you nailed him anyhow...he will cheat or has...and he has by going to those pizza hut like sites..I am sorry for your pain....Frankly I would just walk on him boot him out....doesn't matter if your sex life rates a 10 or a 2 ...he has committed to you and failed to live up to it Hugs and sorry
Author Isis1808 Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Thanks for all the feedback. Sco, our sex life at the moment isnt so great. We both admit that, we have gotten too comfortable with one another and from my opinion there isnt any spark anymore. We have sex less frequent and its routine. But To be honest with you even when we were trying to fix things and have a better sex life, i noticed him still on these porn sites. He might just be addicted to it. Once i found out that he was still on these sites, i felt like i wasnt enough even when he said i was. its discouraging. I didnt try to entrap him on the site cause i felt that the situation would of been worse and i just wanted to talk to him about it ASAP, instead of waiting. I spoke to him about the problem at hand and all he said was that he had this account from way before we got together and he went on it recently because he received an email about some girl that messaged him. He also said that he went on to add a picture and to entertain the girls messaging him. I dont believe him, thats a big pill for me to swallow since noone goes on these sites just because he wants to entertain anyone else. Im extremely upset at him and disgusted and he cant seem to fathom why. He also blamed it on me that hes even on these sites because our sex life isnt that great. I asked him if that was the case then it would be ok for me to go out and get someone who gives me the emotional attention i crave since im not getting it from him, he disagreed. He doesnt understand why im so upset at him since he said that he wasnt planning on doing anything, but why have to website bookmarked? He said that he bookmarked it accidently, which i dont believe. The only time he uses Firefox is when hes going on his porn sites cause i dont like Firefox, i use Safari. so he has all his porn sites bookmarked on Firefox. he knows exactly what hes doing and doeant want to own up to it.
JackJack Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks for all the feedback. Sco, our sex life at the moment isnt so great. We both admit that, we have gotten too comfortable with one another and from my opinion there isnt any spark anymore. We have sex less frequent and its routine. But To be honest with you even when we were trying to fix things and have a better sex life, i noticed him still on these porn sites. He might just be addicted to it. Once i found out that he was still on these sites, i felt like i wasnt enough even when he said i was. its discouraging. I didnt try to entrap him on the site cause i felt that the situation would of been worse and i just wanted to talk to him about it ASAP, instead of waiting. I spoke to him about the problem at hand and all he said was that he had this account from way before we got together and he went on it recently because he received an email about some girl that messaged him. He also said that he went on to add a picture and to entertain the girls messaging him. I dont believe him, thats a big pill for me to swallow since noone goes on these sites just because he wants to entertain anyone else. Im extremely upset at him and disgusted and he cant seem to fathom why. He also blamed it on me that hes even on these sites because our sex life isnt that great. I asked him if that was the case then it would be ok for me to go out and get someone who gives me the emotional attention i crave since im not getting it from him, he disagreed. He doesnt understand why im so upset at him since he said that he wasnt planning on doing anything, but why have to website bookmarked? He said that he bookmarked it accidently, which i dont believe. The only time he uses Firefox is when hes going on his porn sites cause i dont like Firefox, i use Safari. so he has all his porn sites bookmarked on Firefox. he knows exactly what hes doing and doeant want to own up to it. I'm sorry, I don't buy what he is saying either. I'm also sorry you chose to call him out on it, although it is your choice and I understand your anticipation and really wanting to know. However, I honestly do not think he will stop what he is doing just because you called him out on it. Like i said before, more than likely he will just be alot more careful now and probably will hide it better. If you want to save your marriage and HE does too, I would suggest marriage counseling, but he will have to get off those sites like that, and stop them all together. The sites are not the real issue, you both need to get to what the real issues are and work on them if you want to try to save things.
Author Isis1808 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks a lot JackJack. I think i just might go to counseling, I feel a bit stupid for calling him out on it, cause i realized that he will just be more careful when he couldnt understand why that hurts me so much. I tried to explain to him and he still doesnt get it. So i was too eager to find out the truth and i feel like thats going to bite me in the behind later.
Sco Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 So i was too eager to find out the truth and i feel like thats going to bite me in the behind later. Well I still don't think it was a bad thing to call him out early on it.. because it's better to nip it in the bud as to prevent the bad seed from flowering. Yes it's true he can go underground, but same goes for breaking the vows behind our back and cheat.. we have no control over that either. The truth is, at the end of the day, it all comes down to " TRUST ". Marriage counseling sounds like a good idea, give it a try.
jj33 Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Why should you feel stupid? Would he want you posting pics of yourself and entertaining men online? Maybe you and your H have different boundaries than most couples. But my guess is 99.9% of husbands would go BALLISTIC if their wives were entertaining men online. So even if it wasnt meant to be more, why are you stupid for being upset. Seems to me you have every right to be upset, unless you have different rules in your marriage as to what is acceptable. Counseling seems like a very good idea.
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 Isis 1808, you and I are Buddhists. If you want to talk, send me a message. But if not, remember the basic teachings. Look to that. It will help.
Author Isis1808 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks everyone, your feedback is greatly appreciated. I spoke to him about going to counseling, he hasnt said yay nor nay yet but im going to push for that. Isis 1808, you and I are Buddhists. If you want to talk, send me a message. But if not, remember the basic teachings. Look to that. It will help. TaraMaiden, i tried to message you and your not accepting private messages.
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I don't understand. in my profile, it says I can accept messages from everyone.... But how can I send you a message, also?
Trimmer Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I don't understand. in my profile, it says I can accept messages from everyone.... But how can I send you a message, also? You need to be a member for a nonspecific amount of time and have a certain nonspecific number of posts before the LS system will let you use Private Messaging. (Although I think they are generally believed to be a month or two and around 50 posts...) On the other hand, if it is important to you, I believe if you become a Supporting Member (hit the "Subscribe) link at the top left, under the LS logo...) then PM's become enabled immediately. The only official and specific statement I can find is a few years old (maybe there has been something since): "]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...9&postcount=10 A thread telling how to enable private messages once you are entitled (they come up "OFF" by default, or at least they used to...): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t111180/
JackJack Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 NO Isis you shouldn't feel bad for calling him out on it, and thats not what I was getting it. And as someone else said it was good to "nip it in the bud". Well just because you called him out on it doesn't mean its been "nipped" in the bud. Because I highly doubt it has been. You said yourself he doesn't understand WHY you feel the way you do. I think he DOES understand, he just doesn't want to acknowledge it, because then what he is doing will seem all to real and he doesn't want to deal with that or stop. But anyway, counselign is a good place to start. If he wont go right now, you can.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 You need to be a member for a nonspecific amount of time and have a certain nonspecific number of posts before the LS system will let you use Private Messaging. (Although I think they are generally believed to be a month or two and around 50 posts...) On the other hand, if it is important to you, I believe if you become a Supporting Member (hit the "Subscribe) link at the top left, under the LS logo...) then PM's become enabled immediately. The only official and specific statement I can find is a few years old (maybe there has been something since): "]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...9&postcount=10 A thread telling how to enable private messages once you are entitled (they come up "OFF" by default, or at least they used to...): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t111180/ Thank you Trimmer. I cannot afford to do this, so I will have to wait.
Juniper22 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Is he still looking at the websites? How are things going in your relationship now?
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