Update: Frightened.

[Els]

I've just gotten past a horrendous 2+ weeks with 12-hour days and 3 hours' sleep each night. That did push me into 'survival mode', though... I knew I couldn't afford to get emotional over ANYthing, so I pushed EVERYthing to the back of my head. Getting past the 2+ weeks was imperative, everything else secondary.

 

Now, it's all over, I have time to breathe, and I'll be getting a good night's sleep for the first time in ages tomorrow... and of course my mind goes back to our most recent problem (I made a thread about that some time ago: not sure if I should link it?)

 

To those who don't know, basically my bf MIGHT not make it back this summer, due to unchangeable but EXTREMELY STUPID UNIVERSITY ADMIN-RELATED PROBLEMS. Which means our next chance will be winter.

 

It just scares the BEJEEBUS out of me when the thought strikes me. As in really frightened, to the point that I don't know what I'd do and what'd happen between us if he didn't make it back. And I don't want to bring it up too much with him because he already knows and the problem's affecting him even more than me, because his entire career's at stake. And he ends up feeling helpless because there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

 

But gosh, I don't think it's good that I mainly swing from being worked to death, to frightened to death whenever I have spare time! Argh!! :mad:

[Island Girl]

It just scares the BEJEEBUS out of me when the thought strikes me. As in really frightened, to the point that I don't know what I'd do and what'd happen between us if he didn't make it back.

 

Hello Elswyth.

 

I have been thinking of you and your situation.

 

We are faced with a lot of the same, you and I. I can detail if you don't already know. I know my SO are married but in the grand scheme of things I am still faced with more time than originally thought - and mine is still indefinite.

So I do completely understand your state of mind as far as that goes.

 

As to the above quote, what do you mean "if he didn't make it back"? Is his safety at risk?

 

I know it is difficult to detail but there is a method to my madness. Would you line out exactly what it is you are afraid of?

 

You may not want to go there. But a friend of mine told me to do this a long time ago because my thoughts were bouncing back and forth and everything seemed overwhelming. Once I did and I got to see them all in black and white I felt better. And then each one was addressed and I did feel better and more in control.

 

I hope I can be of some help. You are not alone.

[Els]

Oh, IG, I know your story as well. Administration is such a pain in the ****....

 

Sounds logical, I'll play! Well firstly I suppose I'm afraid of the disappointment, how hurt I'd be, how I'd react. I was looking forward to it so much, it played a huge part in helping me get through the distance.... and yes I'm afraid of the pain. Of the many nights crying and thinking of how he could be with me now if it weren't for some stupid policy, when the admin could just take 5 minutes of their time to discuss his case and give him an answer.

 

I'm also afraid that we'll drift further away before we can see each other again -- times together IRL help bring us closer, and even though I can think that if it were meant to be, it'd be despite any difficulty... sometimes circumstances really can play a part. A relationship that would have ended well in any other circumstance can fall prey to especially bad ones and turn the other way instead. I've seen it happen.

 

Edit: When I said 'he won't make it back', I actually meant during the summer, of course. If things turn out according to the worst case scenario (they wait until the end of the year to tell him that they're making him retake the year), he'd still come back... in 2 years or so....

[Island Girl]

Oh, IG, I know your story as well. Administration is such a pain in the ****....

 

Absolutely it is! I am on the phone with the attorney's office as I type this...and now off again waiting for another call back. Damn.

 

Sounds logical, I'll play! Well firstly I suppose I'm afraid of the disappointment, how hurt I'd be, how I'd react. I was looking forward to it so much, it played a huge part in helping me get through the distance.... and yes I'm afraid of the pain. Of the many nights crying and thinking of how he could be with me now if it weren't for some stupid policy, when the admin could just take 5 minutes of their time to discuss his case and give him an answer.

 

Oh how I understand this.

 

All I can say is prepare yourself for the worst possible option. The worst case scenario.

Focus on just that one. And coming to terms with that possibility.

 

Then if one of the others ends up being the solution it isn't as bad as you would have expected.

 

If it is how it works out then you have already been readying yourself for the circumstances.

 

I had a deadline too. And I didn't think I could make it past that. It was April/May of 2007. That was supposed to be my worst case scenario. And as you know it went to hell from there.

It didn't break me. And it won't break you either.

I won't say it's easy. But it wasn't devastating although it seemed it would be. We are stronger than we think we are I suppose.

 

This entire time it has been very easy for me to imagine what life would be like without him at all.

And that is WAY worse than the waiting ever could be.

 

For now I just work on how I can keep the two of us strong through the next God-Knows-How-Long. For us there is no deadline...

That is what gets me through the day to day. And I will say I can't believe we are in year 7.

It sounds ridiculous but I can't. It doesn't seem like that long (it does but then it doesn't - I am not sure how to explain that).

I just hold on every day and that works. The next day I hold on just as tightly (even if he is being a jackass) and time does go by. And it isn't nearly as bad as I originally thought back in December of 06.

Yes it is painful.

But I still get to talk to him. I still have him "with" me.

 

In your worst case scenario you DO have an "end date". That IS a light at the end of the tunnel. This is NOT going to go on and on and on...

 

I always think about how empty my life was before him. How many dead end relationships there were. How many years of my life that was.

And I think of our marriage - the relationship - and how many years we are looking forward to.

A couple of years is nothing when we are looking at the next 35 to 40 together.

 

I'm also afraid that we'll drift further away before we can see each other again -- times together IRL help bring us closer, and even though I can think that if it were meant to be, it'd be despite any difficulty... sometimes circumstances really can play a part. A relationship that would have ended well in any other circumstance can fall prey to especially bad ones and turn the other way instead. I've seen it happen.

 

There are just as many relationships that weather all kinds of storms.

One of my best friends was cheated on. During her marriage, right after they bought a new house and had a 17 month old and a 4 year old. He just decided to up and separate - had an affair that lasted almost 8 months that she didn't know about until month 7. Most relationships would end I think. Here on LS there are several that have.

Her relationship is stronger 7 years after than it ever was before.

 

I was deathly afraid that because we weren't going to be seeing each other that my husband and I wouldn't last.

I went to see him as soon as I possibly could when he left (we had been separated for 9 months at that point).

 

It was never supposed to be 3 years of not seeing each other after that. But that is what it ended up being.

And we grew stronger within that time than I would have thought possible.

 

Other relationships don't matter. How other people handle difficulties - that doesn't matter. It isn't even worth thinking about.

 

There are plenty of LDRs that don't work out. Even the ones here on LS. But that doesn't mean mine won't.

Every relationship is different. The people in them are different.

How the two of you survive the circumstances is up to the two of you. This is the one instance when I can say put your blinders on and focus on the end goal.

Right now doesn't matter anywhere near as much as what 10 years from now looks like.

 

Edit: When I said 'he won't make it back', I actually meant during the summer, of course. If things turn out according to the worst case scenario (they wait until the end of the year to tell him that they're making him retake the year), he'd still come back... in 2 years or so....

 

And if that does happen, and it is 2 years or so, will it be possible for you to go there and visit? Especially if you have time to pre-plan, etc.?

[Els]

Oh no, the two years' time thing is just a certainty in terms of a visit. I MIGHT be able to go there to further my studies then, if things go well. But it's certainly not a fixed permanent end-date... although I'll definitely do my darndest to make sure it is!

 

I can't visit him, for parental and financial reasons. If he has to retake the entire year, he can't come back for financial reasons as well.

 

I just can't bring myself to even imagine the worst-case scenario -- that would just lead to depression. Definitely. Right now, how I'm getting through it is telling myself MOST LIKELY it won't happen. Because he promised to go ask the admin again when the time comes near, to try and get them to just tell him whether or not there's a possibility of them asking him to do a resit/interview/etc etc during THOSE two weeks, so that he'll be free to visit his homeland if there isn't any such thing scheduled. Oh, so many things can go wrong with that, they might just refuse to tell him... but if I think about it I become depressed, so I try not to!

 

IG, you're at least reasonably SURE that you've 40, 50, 60 years together in the future. But I've never lived with this guy before. However strong the connection, the mutual understanding, the compatibility, we've a long way to go before being able to say that with even a reasonable certainty. It just wouldn't be logical. The problem with LDRs though, I realize, is that we can't just enjoy the relationship's progress one day at a time. It's an investment, so we truly have to weigh it, fret and ponder about what the chances of it becoming lifelong or at least very long term is... because only then is it worth the wait. And it's so difficult to do that without a stable foundation. All we have is our trust and belief that what we have is special and that it COULD be worth the wait.

[Island Girl]

Oh no, the two years' time thing is just a certainty in terms of a visit. I MIGHT be able to go there to further my studies then, if things go well. But it's certainly not a fixed permanent end-date... although I'll definitely do my darndest to make sure it is!

 

I am glad you may have this as an option. I certainly hope it works out this way if in fact it ends up being the worst case of circumstances. All is not lost no matter what the outcome.

Strength and perseverance always prevail.

 

I am definitely understanding the two years as just a visit - that is SOOOOO f'd up! Sorry about the language but it certainly warrants some expletives!

 

I can't visit him, for parental and financial reasons. If he has to retake the entire year, he can't come back for financial reasons as well.

 

I completely understand financial reasons. I wish I was making the kind of money I was a couple years ago. I would have visited hubby at least 4 or 5 times by now!

Money issues just SUCK.

 

Pardon me being so dense but if he is retaking a year how does that translate into more than two?

Sorry if I just missed that part but will you please clarify?

 

I just can't bring myself to even imagine the worst-case scenario -- that would just lead to depression. Definitely. Right now, how I'm getting through it is telling myself MOST LIKELY it won't happen. Because he promised to go ask the admin again when the time comes near, to try and get them to just tell him whether or not there's a possibility of them asking him to do a resit/interview/etc etc during THOSE two weeks, so that he'll be free to visit his homeland if there isn't any such thing scheduled. Oh, so many things can go wrong with that, they might just refuse to tell him... but if I think about it I become depressed, so I try not to!

 

Well then you are working with it as best you can. And really, under the circumstances, I DO understand that.

 

Right now I am just focusing on getting required documents together. And not thinking about the fact that one particular doc could take a year to get - then the file goes to Manila so that is when the "3 to 6 months or longer" starts. That just makes me physically ill. So while I have that in the back of my mind I am not focusing on that either right now.

 

He is going to wait until closer to the preplanned visit to ask them about it?

And - well - I am surprised you had to make him promise...unless it is more like a conversation I'd have where I am pushing on my side for that "understanding" so that he knows how crucial it really is. Sometimes I have been known to do that too. After all I am trying to get some 'insurance' that all is being done as I would do it (does that make sense to you at all?).

 

IG, you're at least reasonably SURE that you've 40, 50, 60 years together in the future.

 

As much as I can be. I mean all relationships are not set in stone and depend upon two people.

If it was only up to me I would be absolutely sure.

But just last week after he returned from Fiji I hadn't heard from him, the was told he moved back to his grandmother's - but hadn't told me or gotten a phone number for me to be able to call - and that caused me some anguish about what he was thinking on his side.

 

So fears still happen. Upsetting shaky crap happens and has happened all along.

In the end my fears were for nothing and he hadn't moved it was just another cousin answering questions in English that aren't understood.

 

This whole journey has been somewhat of a roller coaster.

 

I KNOW you know what I am talking about.

Most LDR posters out there do, well, those who have been at this for any length of time with a higher level of seriousness.

 

But I've never lived with this guy before. However strong the connection, the mutual understanding, the compatibility, we've a long way to go before being able to say that with even a reasonable certainty. It just wouldn't be logical. The problem with LDRs though, I realize, is that we can't just enjoy the relationship's progress one day at a time. It's an investment, so we truly have to weigh it, fret and ponder about what the chances of it becoming lifelong or at least very long term is... because only then is it worth the wait. And it's so difficult to do that without a stable foundation. All we have is our trust and belief that what we have is special and that it COULD be worth the wait.

 

As you say it IS difficult without a stable foundation.

So what kind of future have you discussed?

 

Because certainly as you say it is an investment. And both of you are making the investment at the same level.

So you MUST be important to him and he does see more than a short term relationship with you.

 

When my husband left, yes we had lived together, but we had also had a MAJOR hiccup in the trust department and we had to work that out LD.

It was so tough. And there could be no real move toward permanence without that being worked out. It took about two years to move past that and then an additional year to go there and marry him.

So those first three were a difficult line.

I had times where I second guessed my investment of time, etc. and I definitely weighed what I was "missing out on" but also during that time I poured the real me out to him (usually in letters) and we came to know each other so well because of it.

 

Most things in life can be viewed in two ways.

And sometimes the "good" can only be seen in retrospect.

 

If you had asked me back then what the benefits of being separated those three years were I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

 

Certainly weathering what we have and what we continue to serves to show how dedicated we both are to this.

Insecurities (mostly mine) do pop up due to circumstances sometimes. As they did last weekend but then when they are put to rest it is much quicker than it was in the beginning and then it feels even stronger. And I never think it could get stronger. Even now.

 

In the end the questions of weighing should we or shouldn't we - is it or isn't it - can plague you. And that is the same with just about anything in life. It is just that an LDR can easily be picked at ad nauseum.

There always seems to be just as many cons as there are pros. And the list just seems to go on...and on.

 

This is love Elswyth. It is always a risk. Always a gamble. Some couples have the easiest of circumstances. Money not an issue, illness not an issue, family not an issue, and they fail.

On the other side of the spectrum there are those with all of those problems and possibly infidelity, etc. as well and they are still together.

Usually the successful couples just seem to have a "together no matter what" attitude.

That is how I hang on. All I can do is make sure on my side I have that kind of dedication. And I do because I know what the alternative feels like (without him in my life). I get reinforcement and reassurances when needed from him and he does the same.

 

So far that works. But it is always day to day effort.

 

In the end it is up to the two people in the relationship.

 

You sound brilliant.

He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

And both of you sound like you know how rare the kind of connection you have is.

I can't imagine either of you would be quick to just throw that to the wind without a fight.

 

Maybe all of that doesn't help you right now.

 

But I soooooo hope it does. I am hoping it did give you something to hold on to right now.

[Island Girl]

And now I am feeling like I am not being helpful to you.

 

I know you are upset. And I hate that you are.

 

I admire you and we are usually so like-minded in our posts, well, a lot of the time anyway.

 

If anything just don't stay with it all bottled up going around in circles in your head.

I've been there too and it will drive you crazy enough that other people will have trouble relating to you if you don't get it out.

So write "journal" entries and burn them if you have to.

 

If you don't then you have the same thoughts repeating and I have found that initially it is that thought one time but as they repeat you get that same thought but the feelings and stress get compounded each time you have that particular thought so pretty soon it is that same thought but the emotion and stress is x eight, nine, ten, etc.

 

It is just really really awful.

[Island Girl]

Your situation is as much on my mind as my own.

 

For the first time there is a story here that parallels my own somewhat and I hope you understand how much I feel your pain and angst with this unknown.

 

I hope I have given you some things to hold onto.

 

There have been times when it has felt as if I am adrift on a raft with no land in sight just being carried along.

I imagine you are feeling that way these days.

 

I wish I was Samantha on Bewitched and I could just wiggle my nose and fix all of the sh*tty circumstances for me, you, and anyone here who is stuck dealing with administration and bureaucratic bull -- the people who treat us all like we are a number and have no compassion for our emotions.

 

*sigh*

[Els]

IG! Thank you so much for your concern and support -- you really have been a great help, even while dealing with issues of your own! I read all your replies but just didn't have time to reply for a while cause I've been a bit occupied (swinging to the other side again, heh), and he's been free enough to spend a lot of time with me these couple of days, a refreshing change!

 

Pardon me being so dense but if he is retaking a year how does that translate into more than two?

Sorry if I just missed that part but will you please clarify?

 

Because he'll be so tight on funds then that his family probably won't want him to come back for his 3-months' break at the end of the year even. And he was supposed to do some internship thing during the end of the year in his homeland but that'll have to be postponed if he will have to retake.

 

Right now I am just focusing on getting required documents together. And not thinking about the fact that one particular doc could take a year to get - then the file goes to Manila so that is when the "3 to 6 months or longer" starts. That just makes me physically ill. So while I have that in the back of my mind I am not focusing on that either right now.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that! My opinion of bureaucracy shall remain purely in my mind though, since I don't want to get banned.

 

He is going to wait until closer to the preplanned visit to ask them about it?

And - well - I am surprised you had to make him promise...unless it is more like a conversation I'd have where I am pushing on my side for that "understanding" so that he knows how crucial it really is. Sometimes I have been known to do that too. After all I am trying to get some 'insurance' that all is being done as I would do it (does that make sense to you at all?).

 

Because he already asked them twice and the last time he asked, they told him to wait and they would let him know when THEY decide to contact HIM. So if possible he wants to avoid trying again since they're the ones who decide his fate -- so not a very good idea to piss them off.

 

 

As you say it IS difficult without a stable foundation.

So what kind of future have you discussed?

 

Because certainly as you say it is an investment. And both of you are making the investment at the same level.

So you MUST be important to him and he does see more than a short term relationship with you.

 

We're on the same page. But despite all good intentions, there are still too many unknowns. I don't know if he's the kind of guy who'll take a girl for granted after being with her for several years. I don't really know, except for the few weeks living together, how he's like as a roommate. All the kind of things that people in typical ITRs ask.. except that they can just enjoy themselves while waiting for the answers to unfold, there's no sacrifice and wait. If the answers turn out to be not favourable after two years, they just had two good years of dinner dates and sex and cuddling. They don't lose anything.

 

But we never really had the chance to do that. There just wasn't enough time. Even though we started as a couple online, we got much closer when he visited at the end of last year. I believe another visit would have the same result -- because as far as dating IRL is concerned, we're stuck at week #4!

 

Most things in life can be viewed in two ways.

And sometimes the "good" can only be seen in retrospect.

 

I'll certainly agree to that, with experience of my own!

 

This is love Elswyth. It is always a risk. Always a gamble. Some couples have the easiest of circumstances. Money not an issue, illness not an issue, family not an issue, and they fail.

 

That is also true. I must admit that I never understood that. The only reason I could think of is that they were never really compatible to begin with but for some reason they tried to stick it out, and despite the perfect circumstances it obviously couldn't work. But then again, I suppose those who've never had to weather storms will never know how they and their partner react to them and whether they have the strength to withstand it.

 

The thing is, I know I'll be hard pressed to ever find a guy like this. I've observed how other guys in my social circle treat their gfs or women in general, and some of the other women have confided in me. I have plenty of guy friends. He's a rarity. And I hate to think that we might screw something so very good up just because of... administration! And unfortunate circumstances.

[Island Girl]

IG! Thank you so much for your concern and support -- you really have been a great help, even while dealing with issues of your own!

 

My situation is old news. I am so used to dealing with this crap after so many years it isn't even funny.

I guess that isn't really good but it is what it is.

 

]I read all your replies but just didn't have time to reply for a while cause I've been a bit occupied (swinging to the other side again, heh), and he's been free enough to spend a lot of time with me these couple of days, a refreshing change!

 

Well that is a whole lot better than anything I could post here.

Nothing compares to connecting with the SO especially if they have been particularly tough days.

So I completely understand and that is happy news.

 

Because he'll be so tight on funds then that his family probably won't want him to come back for his 3-months' break at the end of the year even. And he was supposed to do some internship thing during the end of the year in his homeland but that'll have to be postponed if he will have to retake.

 

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that! My opinion of bureaucracy shall remain purely in my mind though, since I don't want to get banned.

 

I KNOW!!

 

ME TOO!!!

 

Because he already asked them twice and the last time he asked, they told him to wait and they would let him know when THEY decide to contact HIM. So if possible he wants to avoid trying again since they're the ones who decide his fate -- so not a very good idea to piss them off.

 

Years ago the embassy originally told me that they couldn't accept the spousal paperwork because of The Adam Walsh Child Protection Act passed in January 2007.

 

In actuality the law never applied to us and then the embassies overturned their acceptance just months later (but they didn't bother to tell me THAT).

 

I didn't make a huge stink about it because it may end up that they'd accept the paperwork but then turn around and deny him because of my Byatchness.

 

So I completely understand having to just be patient and wait it out even though it feels like Chinese Water Torture.

DAMN.

 

 

We're on the same page. But despite all good intentions, there are still too many unknowns. I don't know if he's the kind of guy who'll take a girl for granted after being with her for several years. I don't really know, except for the few weeks living together, how he's like as a roommate. All the kind of things that people in typical ITRs ask.. except that they can just enjoy themselves while waiting for the answers to unfold, there's no sacrifice and wait. If the answers turn out to be not favourable after two years, they just had two good years of dinner dates and sex and cuddling. They don't lose anything.

 

If he is the type of guy that would take a girl for granted then it doesn't matter if you are close or far - it'll happen.

 

However - He is sacrificing just as much on his side as you are yours.

I always think my husband is in fact sacrificing more just because the male libido can be so strong AND he has to deal with my craziness and demanding personality.

 

So with all of this it has just made me so incredibly sure I have a remarkable man in my life. One who comes along once in a lifetime.

Whatever I have to go through to have THAT the rest of my life is worth it.

 

And I didn't know this is the way I would feel years ago. But I can tell you the investment to figure that out is well worth finding out.

 

There are ALWAYS unknowns. And my friends who have RL marriages can not depend on their husbands the way I can depend on mine. They certainly do not treat them as well. And they take them for granted in ways that mine never has.

After what we have dealt with I can't imagine him ever taking me for granted.

Of course if he did there'll be hell to pay to be sure. LOL

 

But we never really had the chance to do that. There just wasn't enough time. Even though we started as a couple online, we got much closer when he visited at the end of last year. I believe another visit would have the same result -- because as far as dating IRL is concerned, we're stuck at week #4!

 

That physical time is just showing there is chemistry. That is all it really is.

 

That really doesn't go away especially when the two of you are going deeper and deeper emotionally and mentally than you ever would if you are in person.

 

The three years from 2003 to 2006 when we were married we didn't see each other at all. Not even pictures except a couple of them toward the end of that time.

 

Everything we went through during that separation made us so incredibly close. I just do not think we'd be the way we are about and with each other otherwise.

 

And when I got off the plane after 3 years of not seeing each other I was worried and nervous (OF COURSE) but the second I was with him all of that faded away and it was as if I had never been away from him.

 

Right now you have a lot more talking and getting to know each other invested than other couples who have been together in person for just as long - even longer.

 

Remember you past relationships. How often did you just talk to each other and share with each other? Didn't it become way more comfortable just being together and not talking like watching TV or going to movies.

 

To me two people who work on a LD relationship equally are WAY more committed than RL couples may be.

Because it IS work every single day.

Nothing CAN be taken for granted.

 

That is also true. I must admit that I never understood that. The only reason I could think of is that they were never really compatible to begin with but for some reason they tried to stick it out, and despite the perfect circumstances it obviously couldn't work. But then again, I suppose those who've never had to weather storms will never know how they and their partner react to them and whether they have the strength to withstand it.

 

That is it exactly.

 

A couple can be as in love as they want and everything is perfect has always been perfect -- and then what happens if they hit tough times financially? What happens if they face issues? How do they communicate and work through those?

Communication is a serious CRUCIAL issue and most couples do NOT do it well.

They haven't learned to be vulnerable the way we have to be (daily!!).

They can be guarded and terrified of their SO hurting them, rejecting them, not accepting their faults or running away.

 

Don't you think we have less of those issue by issue?

Don't you think we all have learned to put ourselves out there in ways most couples do not have to do?

 

Right now the two of you have been building that foundation.

Each day you work at it and overcome it gets stronger.

 

And it is not so easy to let go of something you have worked so FRICKIN' hard to maintain.

 

It isn't just that way for us. It is that way for the guys too.

 

The thing is, I know I'll be hard pressed to ever find a guy like this. I've observed how other guys in my social circle treat their gfs or women in general, and some of the other women have confided in me. I have plenty of guy friends. He's a rarity. And I hate to think that we might screw something so very good up just because of... administration! And unfortunate circumstances.

 

I know exactly what you mean Elswyth.

 

And I have had to stand against having them -- the powers that be -- the administration "people" (I am not using choice words here) -- not having the last say in my happiness.

Not being strong enough to weather circumstances when I have seen friends marriages deteriorate and now seeing them single and hearing about their dates. The types of guys that are out there only prove to me time and time again that I am lucky even if geographically I am not.

These women do not have someone who they KNOW cares about them no matter what.

 

Even the married ones - they do not honestly know if they were in an accident and could not be physical, etc. if their husbands would step out on them. If they'd leave if things got REALLY rough.

 

I do not have any of those fears. I know for a fact he wouldn't use those as "reasons" - or excuses - to have it be over.

 

There is so much safety in that.

 

That makes all of this worth it. To have what we have and know for a fact that is what we have - every day proving it again and again (and again, etc! LOL).

Tested tried and true and THAT is why I married him.

Because of our circumstances I KNEW that when I married him. FOR SURE.

 

How many people can really say that?