cen Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 my girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up about 3 weeks ago after having some communication issues, mainly due to my emotional distance (which has been a problem in all of my relationships, and I am not going to therapy for it to fix myself). We are EXTREMELY close and had been basically best friends for 6 years before we even became a couple. When we broke up it was sort of on uncertain terms, she says that she needs some time to think about everything and work on herself. We've done the no contact thing, but within that we had one big talk in which she agreed to do couples counseling .. not with the intent of getting back together (which she says she cannot do "right now") but just to really see what went wrong and what we're each feeling. my question is what does this needing time/space really tend to mean? I'm doing all I can to deal with this, and to better myself and be patient but it has been so difficult. I know she has no interest in dating anybody else or anything like that, which helps .. but I still struggle with this every day. Am I handling this correctly? Thanks so much.
ATR Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It means: "I've found someone else and don't want to hurt you terribly, so i'm going to let you down gently"
copaisking Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I refer to the 'I need time (and/or space)" thing as the green mile. It's the walk you have to make before you are executed my friend. As ATR said, they don't want to hurt you, so they think that by giving you a week to get used to the idea. If you do meet up after the week, expect to hear how much more productive they've been, how much better they feel, and that your relationship is holding them back for something. It sucks, but thats just the way it is...
Thomas X Forever Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It means: "I've found someone else and don't want to hurt you terribly, so i'm going to let you down gently" Bzzt wrong. I know psychology well and im telling you, there never is any one reason why girls say this.
Author cen Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks guys. I do know for a fact she has not met anybody new, and I also know she is completely not interested in dating or trying to meet anybody .. she has not only said this to me, but to a mutual female friend (whom she lives with). She seems to be going through something just with her life in general, and while we did have some issues it was truly not enough to permanently break up over. She has also expressed to me and friends that she doesn't know what will happen and that its possible we will get back together ... yet theres still barely any contact from her.
EasyHeart Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It COULD mean exactly what she said -- that she just needs time to get her life together. It's a cliche, but it's true: you can't love another person unless you love yourself. Maybe she's just not ready for commitment. It could also mean that she needs some time to separate emotionally from you. In my experience, unfortunately, that's the most likely meaning. Right now you are a part of her life. If she has some "time" and "space", then she can learn to live without you and will be able to break off from you completely. But in the meantime, she has you around as a safety net and can always run back to you if she gets too lonely. And as soon as she meets someone else, all you'll see is a puff of smoke as she runs off with him and leaves you cold. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the most likely meaning. She's doesn't want to be with you, but she's not ready to let you go completely.
kizik Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Bzzt wrong. I know psychology well and im telling you, there never is any one reason why girls say this. Thanks professor Model.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 "I need time" = "I need time away from YOU" They are using that time that used to be for you, for something (or someone) else.
loser101 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Thanks guys. I do know for a fact she has not met anybody new, and I also know she is completely not interested in dating or trying to meet anybody .. she has not only said this to me, but to a mutual female friend (whom she lives with). She seems to be going through something just with her life in general, and while we did have some issues it was truly not enough to permanently break up over. She has also expressed to me and friends that she doesn't know what will happen and that its possible we will get back together ... yet theres still barely any contact from her. I think you have to be careful with the negative comments on LS in general. Some people are paranoid and they believe that every adverse decision in a relationship is related to cheating/a third party. I'm sure you are right and she is not seeing anyone else. However, it sounds like she is weaning herself off you already. If there is little contact from her, it's not looking good. sorry Try to figure out what the underlying issues are, you are saying there isn't anything major going on but she seems to think otherwise. That's pretty common unfortunately.
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