goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Okay, so this might come across as bizarre, but I'm really really curious and know I can always rely on your guys for honest feedback. Please answer this question objectively. And in order for you to be objective, I'm going to be honest. Okay, in all objectivity(tee hee) I am a very pretty girl. Throughout my life, the one thing that has been consistantly said is that I have a beautiful face,and I also know I have a great personality(in that I come across as very personable and have a great sense of -eccentric- humour). HOWEVER As of late(perhaps the past year) I have gained weight. It shows but I camaflauge it well(I'm sure the ladies know what I'm talking about). I'm not fat, but I do have more then the uh necessary curve. However when I go out in the evenings, let's say I wear a little black dress, great make up/hair, and a strategically placed cardigan...I don't look 'over-curvy' at all and thus I generally do get alot of attention. HOWEVER Once I meet these gents again-whomever they may be- I'm naturally not always going to be dressed up...and well then the 'wobbly' bits make an appearance. Do you think this could contribute to a guy losing interest...ie initially he thought one thing, but upon spending more time with me, he sees I'm not as fit as I may 'appear'. You guys, I know it's a dreadfully shallow question, but I need honest answers. I'm not stating this question because I'm suffering from a terrible sense of self esteem, but rather it has recently come to my attention. I don't believe it's necessary to be stick thin to be attractive(and I never will be stick thin because my head would simply be too large to maintain that type of twig like body)...but I do think it's important to be a size at which you feel your best...and I certainly don't feel my best 70 % of the time because I know that underneath that spandex and strategically placed gear...I got more jiggly bits then is necessary for my frame...I just hide it well. However obviously once you get closer to a guy, he sees this...can this contribute to fall of interest? Have you had similar occurances? Let me know darlings! Forever yours in gratitute:)
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It could be. But it also could be that you act differently when you feel those "bits" are camouflaged and when they aren't. It could be the subtlest difference to you (you may not even notice it) but they meet a confident bubbly girl and then don't get that girl in follow up. You aren't comfortable with the way you look. How can they be?
boldjack Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Gold, All men SAY that they have different preferences. But these are like opinions, only. I always said that I was attracted to slender girls with small breasts and butt. My wife is curvy, and while her ass isn't huge ( her boobs are huge ) (140 lbs.) , it's bigger than I ever thought I would be turned on by. When I first saw her nude, every other woman was chopped liver. You will attract some men and not attract others, if you lose weight, then you will attract guys, different from the first group. The guys that you should be interested in are the men who are interested in YOU, the person. You needn't try to please men, you should please you.
Author goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Hey you guys, Thanks so much for the responses. Maybe it is me then? I didn't think there was too much of a discrepancy in my attitute but come to think of it, some of my attitute might be based on how I feel (within my skin) in a particular moment. It's just odd, cause I feel good about myself, but yet I don't. It's like over the past year I've come to be reliant on my 'camouflaging' skills, that when I'm not 'appropriately' presented I sort of go into my shell and assume he'll probably not be that interested in me anyways... I have a really contradictory personality too. I know initally most men are taken by my bubbly personality and find me sexy, but I get get very withdrawn based on a sudden flash of a mirror(if i suddenly see my arms and they look fatter then I like). I thought I masked it well, but can men actually see the difference? And as for wanting to get back to my previous weight, its really for me because nothing is better then feeling good within your skin. Oh a side note Redrussian, I'm not a 'fatso'...haha! I just happen to know that when I clean up, I clean up really good, and well when I don't, I feel kind of a shadow of myself I think? haha
RedRussian Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 It is good to hear that you "clean up really good"...we men like it fresh down there....for sure
Author goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Redrussian, Good grief! I think that explains it best:p
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Confidence is the most attractive quality. I know plenty of men that are attracted to some women whom they normally wouldn't be because of how she carries herself. How would you feel if you meet a guy whom you are attracted to with a great outgoing personality and then when you go out with him he is withdrawn and lacking the qualities that attracted you in the first place? Would you keep seeing him and then just hope that other guy resurfaces? Or would you question your initial attraction and just move on to another? If it was a first date I'd cut and run. There are just too many guys out there to deal with the weirdness of wondering who I am going to meet up with on future dates (Mr. Personality or Mr. Selfconscious).
Author goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Island Girl, Your post made me laugh! You're so right. I probably do come across as rather unpredictable in that sense. But I truely believed it wasn't obvious. Naturally I do have a very 'vivid' (for lack of better terminology) in that one day I can be very outgoing, the next withdrawn, the next bubby, the next ...you get the drift..but that I guess can pertain for most people...how do I ensure I don't let this project how I feel about myself? An incident that that occurred recently. I was on a date, and mentioned I had joined the gym. The guy was like good for you but you look great. I was like haha thanks, but I gained weight in the past few months and need to lose it. EEK! probably not the best of things to say, but it's almost like I say it so they can know that yes indeed my body will return and match up to my face. Gosh this is probably the first place I've ever confessed this too!
nicki Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I'll tell you that one guy I was with didn't even notice that I had gained 15 lbs after a few months of dating. (no, he wasn't lying -- just delusional!) I researched why that was, and found out that people don't easily "update" their first impression of you. They go with the original info. So, I wouldn't worry about it at all, for that reason and many others. But, I would think it might be one reason to wait to sleep with a guy. Once he likes you as a person, the rest doesn't matter so much, and he will be wearing rose-colored glasses that make you look perfect. Suddenly, a big butt becomes the ideal, or a skinny body becomes athletic and trim. I've noticed a guy who is into you and who is happy you are into him, will like your body, and turn your perceived flaws into positives, or simply not see them!
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 An incident that that occurred recently. I was on a date, and mentioned I had joined the gym. The guy was like good for you but you look great. I was like haha thanks, but I gained weight in the past few months and need to lose it. Comments like these can seem self depreciating and sound like the person may have a complex about their appearance. Both of those things aren't attractive. The way you carry yourself is important as far as attraction goes. This could be where they are seeing the difference and then your "acknowledgment" is a safety mechanism. Kind of "I know but it is going to change so don't focus on it". But by doing that it leads to "I'm pointing out something you may not have even cared about or noticed and I clearly have an issue". See? BTW - glad I made you laugh. This is a tough subject.
The Collector Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I don't get how 'am I less attractive because I've put on weight' is a 'very bizarre question.' But if a girl turned out to be heavier than I thought, it wouldn't be a bonus. Wouldn't be a deal-breaker either.
Author goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Collector, I said it's 'bizarre' because I met all these men whilst at this weight I'm on(they have no idea I gained) but I manage to camouflage it...but at the same time, its bl**dy exhausting..AND in some ways (even though they probably don't care cos they went for me regardless) I 'justify' how I feel about myself by letting them know i gained weight prior to meeting them,but i'll lose it GAH! even writing this makes me feel pathetic! Island girl, there is some humour to be found in tough issues, and you're right, it's like I draw attention to myself without really needing to ha!
Author goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Boldjack, Thank you. Your words were kind:) Nicki, YOU GAVE ME HOPE!!! Where did you find this article??!
bean1 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Yeah don't talk about gaining or losing weight when you meet a guy or even in the first little while (men may argue to never talk about it), it just shows insecurity. In fact, telling people that you are "going to lose weight" will probably just annoy them, because let's be honest - everyone says they are going to lose weight, but how many people actually do? It just brings out a whole host of issues that wouldn't have mattered if you didn't bring it up.
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I 'justify' how I feel about myself by letting them know i gained weight prior to meeting them,but i'll lose it I went through a stage like this in my younger years. I had a HUGE issue - I used to model and basically those years of not eating, etc. screwed my body up and when I moved back to my hometown I was eating normal meals again but I gained about 15 - 20 pounds rapidly. I went to the doctor because even working out wasn't working and I was always exhausted. And I had Hypothyroidism. So I went on medication etc. But during that time I was really conscious of it. And I made comments like you are doing. All of the guys I dated just excused it and they never stopped trying to date me. But I know I was vocal about it. When they saw pictures of me prior the comments were surprising. They said, "you look beautiful" but they also said things about my bones sticking out and how I looked too skinny like I didn't eat, etc. That really helped put things in perspective. Sometimes when we think we look our best that isn't necessarily what others see and when we see flaws others don't. You see every single thing and you look at specific areas when you look in a mirror. They are seeing the whole picture and even if they focus it isn't where you might think.
2sunny Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 every man has their own idea of what they are attracted to - so it doesn't matter at all... you need to make yourself happy. thin, fat or somewhere in between, there are plenty of men in the world that love all types of women. your great attitude will show on the outside and this is what would usually attract a person to you. looks like you may be in an area that places way too much value on being fake and thin. this doesn't necessarily equate to happy.
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