drummerprince81 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 When is it time to finally hit the nail on the coffin and embark on NC? Its been almost 6 weeks since we broke up and a week and a half NC, and I just feel like emailing her one last time to say goodbye. I don't want to phone her because it will open up a can of hurt. I'd tell her not to respond because I can't deal with anything she throws back at me at the moment, and its kind of like me having the last word. She is already at the stage of indifference and I just find it incredible really how people can change that fast. I'd like to know what other people have done, whether they went NC straightaway and never looked back or kept on going for months. I'm not trying to win her back or anything. She was my first love, and I find it so sad its over. And another question...when does the anger come? I get angry for a small amount of time before it gets replaced easily with sadness, longing and tingly feelings in all my muscles. She has been completely ruthless in this break-up and I've taken it bad. I know 6 weeks is nothing. We were together for 22 months. Everyone says you should start getting over her by now but its easier said than done :-(
Island Girl Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Don't send an e-mail. It will not give you "the last word". And sending an e-mail that says "don't respond" will get a response. It just leaves the door open. It has only been 6 weeks. It is fresh. It is painful. The anger will come later when you start focusing on the fact that she had it in her to treat you the way she did and how horrible that truly is. In answer to your question, you should have been in NC immediately. But you weren't. So start NOW.
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Trust me start nc now, and don't let her now, mistakes I made then I kept breaking it looking like a idiot. Just dissappear let her wonder where you gone and start to heal that heart. Anger comes shortly when you think of how good you treated thst person and how they treated you, you start remembering all the crap you took etc. And then you get angry, you will want to contact her caking her names etc but don't, I lived with anger for my ex fiancée for months, even when she contacted me it got me more angry, once the anger subsides you enter acceptance and you feel so much better wondering why you were holding on grasping for straws in disarray for so long.
Author drummerprince81 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 I just feel like there are certain things I've done in the last 6 weeks that have ruined my chances of any reconciliation, such as not sending her a birthday card and telling her that she has treated me badly...I guess NC is the best now. I just want to give her a heartfelt goodbye because without doing so, she might be thinking I'm angry with her, when I don't feel angry with her really :-(
Island Girl Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I just feel like there are certain things I've done in the last 6 weeks that have ruined my chances of any reconciliation, such as not sending her a birthday card and telling her that she has treated me badly...I guess NC is the best now. I just want to give her a heartfelt goodbye because without doing so, she might be thinking I'm angry with her, when I don't feel angry with her really :-( She dumped you and is in a stage of indifference. By your own admission she has treated you badly through this whole thing. Yet you still think you should have sent her a birthday card (which accomplishes what except letting her know you have no backbone and she can treat you like crap -- and then you'll just beg for more of the same). You want to give her a "heartfelt good-bye" when she is indifferent. And what purpose does this serve? I can tell you it will mean nothing. Just as she is treating you now. She is treating you -- the person -- as if you mean nothing but somehow your words are going to be received as a loving touching gesture? I have been on the receiving end of these types of letters, cards, and e-mails. And I assure you they won't be. Please do not sacrifice yourself in words or actions anymore for someone who does not respect you or give a crap. You must not be a doormat. Preserve your self respect.
Author drummerprince81 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 Thanks guys for all of your responses. I think silence is the best bet now - I treated her like a princess so she knows the type of person I am and if she doesn't believe that anymore, well what can I do. At the end of the day, just because I personally believe I screwed up any chances of reconciliation, it won't change anything. My problem is that I've been talking about how and why and what with my friends for far too long and perhaps if I stop talking about it, I'll start feeling indifference too. Thanks again.
Island Girl Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Thanks guys for all of your responses. I think silence is the best bet now - I treated her like a princess so she knows the type of person I am and if she doesn't believe that anymore, well what can I do. At the end of the day, just because I personally believe I screwed up any chances of reconciliation, it won't change anything. My problem is that I've been talking about how and why and what with my friends for far too long and perhaps if I stop talking about it, I'll start feeling indifference too. Thanks again. That is so true. Post here but quit talking about it with everyone and having it be so much of your day to day life. And I will tell you something. The guys I dated always treated me like a Princess. Even when I was cranky or b*tchy. I ended up moving on (and not so graciously either). The man who has me completely treats me like a Queen - and he is my King - but the reason it works is because he never accepts me just being a Prima Donna and treating him like crap. Do not treat someone so well that you sacrifice your own self esteem at their feet and through your feelings out the window. It is a big lesson to learn but a necessary one to have a balanced healthy relationship. I hope you feel better soon.
Author drummerprince81 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 SF99 - my favourite drummer is myself! Only joking but thats the kind of positive thinking I need to do. I feel so drained and low. I'm going to bash the hell out of them tonight. Island Girl - even though I treated her greatly, I don't believe I sacrificed my own self-respect/esteem whatever you may call it. What I'm trying to say is that I never kissed her ass/butt because I don't believe in that - that is what probably causes unbalanced relationships. I was just super super nice. Anyway - no more talking after tonight! Just LS.
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