smile23 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Okay, so let me begin by saying that I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, and it's been amazing. I really enjoy our time together, and he's exactly what I've always wanted in a guy. However, this year (I'm a sophomore in college), I have become best friends with one of the guys who lives across the hall from me. We're constantly talking on the phone, hanging out, and having fun together, but it's always been strictly friends and nothing more. You see, the problem is that I've always thought that I just really like him as my best friend, but lately I have been questioning this. What is really bothering me is that I seem to want to spend a LOT of time with this guy, I love being around him, we can tell each other anything, etc. I didn't think that I liked him more as a friend, but lately I've been having dreams where I leave my boyfriend for this other guy, and also, I find my body reacting when I see him (this is kind of awkward to say, but I feel as though I become horny). However, this doesn't seem to make sense because he is not physically attractive whatsoever. I feel really guilty that these dreams have been occurring and that I become horny when I'm around him even though I don't find him good looking or anything of that sort. I almost feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend by feeling this way. Lastly, sometimes I feel like I've been dating my current boyfriend for so long (since I was 16), and that maybe I should go and try to date other people, such as this guy. Does anyone have any suggestions as to why I might be having these dreams or feeling this way when I'm around him? Is it normal? Also, do you think it's possible that I could stay with my boyfriend forever even though I'm still young, or do you think I should go out in the world and explore?
somedude81 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Doing the math 16+3.5 = you are 19.5 years old. You've only been with one guy so it's natural to want to explore and see what else the world has to offer. The way you are reacting to the other guy is your body showing you this. There is a chance that your current BF may be the ONE for you but he may not be the ONLY one. Here is my advice, take it as a grain of salt, my relationship experience is several lacking, but I'll still say it anyways. I think you should break up with your current BF. But you must do it in the friendliest way possible. You want to make sure that the option of getting back together is still possible. He will be hurt but you need to be able to stay in control of what you do and say. While you are doing your own thing he will be doing his. Maybe 3 or more years down the line you'll run into each other again, realize how great you two are and get married. Or you might never date again. No matter what happens you can have the satisfaction that you got to experiment. If you don't do it, and you do marry this guy, the thoughts will always be in the back of your head. Better to mess with other guys now, then when you are married.
Author smile23 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 somedude- Thanks for the advice! However, do you really think I should break up with him?! We have so much fun together, and isn't it natural to wonder what else is out there at my age? Speaking of age, yes I'm currently 19 (almost 20). I've talked to my mom about it, and she says that it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't want to be with my current boyfriend. I feel like I'd be completely crushed if we broke up and I would regret it a lot. It's hard to be in a long distance relationship (we go to different colleges), and I usually have trouble with the transition from being at school and not seeing him to going home and being with him. However, after a few days I'm always fine and feel like I'm on top of the world again when I'm with him. Also, I almost feel like that while I'm at college, since my boyfriend is not here, I like having the attention from other guys. For instance, the guy I mentioned in my post earlier definitely drops hints that he likes me, and I definitely think I like the thought of this due to the attention he gives me. Is this bad?! Also, what should I do about the dreams and feeling horny?!
Author smile23 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 does anyone else have any advice or thoughts?
goldencloud Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Hey Smile23, You're only 19, it's natural to feel attracted to others..and believe me people change a lot between 16 and 19.5 If you're not comfortable making an instant decision, why don't you wait a few weeks and see if things do change. Life is really short and thus quality is more important then quanity If you feel a certain relationship may have past its expiration date, then you need to be honest with yourself... and besides you're so young, you never know what could happen in the future with anyone. Even if you decide to stay with your current, it doesn't mean it's guaranteed. Perhaps you might decide to leave him, and go with this friend, but that doesn't mean it's guaranteed either. Basically, like your life in a way that makes you happy and is good for you...whatever that means for your life is entirely within your hands. Good lucl:)
Author smile23 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 thanks so much goldencloud for the advice! it has definitely made me think a lot about my situation
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