DukeofKirkaldy Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I start with the realization that there are two sides to every story. With that in mind, I will do my best to be as objective as possible, in order to gain the best advice. So, my wife and I have been married 17 years. A long time by most standards. We have two kids, the first of which was conceived prior to getting married. Life was hard in the early years...kids, not a lot of money, etc. But none of that mattered because we were gaga in love. About 10 years ago, she...yes "she" began to change. She became critical of me in a way the had never been before. Nothing I did was ever quite right. In addition, our sex life which had been pretty satisfying and adventurous became prudish and boring. She was suddently no longer interested in any kind of sexual exploration...actually going to an extreme. No sex talk of any kind ever. She's offended by any reference to sex in any conversation. Fast forward to today. She has decided she's no longer in love with me. Of course, she "loves me" but the "in love" part...not so much. I'm not really sure of the distinction. What I am sure of is that she doesn't really seem to like me....opposes me at ever opportunity, and generlly dismisses me as foolish or irritating. She loves to point out my flaws to friends and family. Here's the thing: I'm a good guy. A really good guy. I've been a great dad to my kids. They love me, I love them. They don't get along with her at all. The come to me for advice and counsel. I'm the History and National Geographic Channels. She's American Idol. Of course I'm flawed. I'm a bit contrary, kind of a cynic at times. But, I'm smart and stay informed...I do all the cooking in the house, the cleaning, the yardwork, pay the bills. I'm well liked and loved by my friends and family. And the more this is evident the more she resents me. So, here's where I am. I still love her. She doesn't love me. Do I kiss her butt in an effort to make her stay, or do I let things take their course and if she leaves, so be it. I'm very friggin confused and I could use some clear headed advice. Thanks....
sugarmomma Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 That's one thing about relationships-there are no guarantees and people change. If she decides that she wants to go, you can't force her to stay. You can desire someone's loyalty, but you can't demand it. Just continue to take care of yourself and let her know that you desire her to stay but don't beg or kiss her ***. Good Luck
tami-chan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I would say--leave her...or let her go...it's one thing to fall out of love, but to also be utterly mean is another..BUT, have you asked her what she wants from you? from your marriage? Does she care what you want from her? from your marriage?
theycallmeprincess Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 So you've been married for 17yrs, and for the last 10, your wife has been negative and critical of you? What exactly is it that you want to save? Another 10, 20 years of criticism? Listen, I take marriage vows very seriously and am a big believer of "whatever it takes" to keep the marriage whole, however having said that, I also think that once those marriage vows have been broken, then all bets are off. Is her constant criticism of you, and public flogging of negative opinions of what she deems to be your flaws to friends and family constituted as "love, honour and cherish"? I don't think so. How much longer can you live in such a negative environment? You obviously still seem to have some self confidence left, and that you can recognize that you are a good person, loving father, and good friend. Don't you want a partner in life who also thinks these things of you?
Mr. Lucky Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I think it can go one of two ways in long-term relationships, where the familiarity of shared history can bring either a lasting bond or contempt. Some people can't help but dwell on the faults and irritants that living together sometimes brings. Is your wife a fairly down and negative person in general? Is she as critical of others around you as she is of you? It would be interesting to understand how her treatment of you fits into to her view of the world in general... Mr. Lucky
imagine Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I have heard very good report of the marriagebuiders weekend. I'm on the other side of the world so I don't have personal experience.
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