wife torn between me and her lover part 2

[shawn33]

Dont want to waste your time here however if you start to read this give yourself alot of time and more then that to respond. Please keep an open mind here however you all have hurd just about everything anyway.

Ok April 5th 1998 I met her threw aol i was 27 she was 17(little less then a year from 18) we dated and have good relationship at the time. So after about a year we move intogether. So we got married in 2001 everything was going real good she started college to be an RN september of 2007 she got in an accedent with the van and we brought the van home her brother across the street had a friend Buddie (not real name) and told me what i could do to fix it I have street smarts and had a weard feeling about this guy. Her brother introduced Buddie to the family about 4 months before this. So I was talking to some friends over the years and they told me about the swinging lifestyle my wife never wanted to do this cause she never wanted another man touch her, however I was intreged by the idea and read alot up about it. on my birthday in december she agreed to make a profile an a popular web site for swingers. She didnt want me with other woman but I let her try a 3 some with me and another man, she couldnt say she liked it or hated it but it added spark to our sex lives. We laid down the rules from the start and we would openly communicate about everything. We met 2 couples that didnt go very well but the last couple we met was funny I worked with the wife of the other couples sister and still do to this day. Now her and the husband played alot and me and the wife played only 2 times, to this day she cant put it out of her head about me and her together and she shared me. Now in December we started the lifestyle and when I umpire for rec softball for extra money in april she was across the street to he moms house and while i was working Buddie was there and she told me he was flirting with her. I asked her do you want to play with buddie and she said ya and I told her we agreed from the start no friends of the family we debated over this for a while and still told her no that I know this guy likes you and hes going to take you away from he , he wants me out of the picture. What angers me her family ****ing knew what was going on and did nothing. So we stopped the lifestyle cause she wanted to stop and i know why cause this man (buddie) got in her head. He claims to be a former US Marshel owns a dog food factory and a gun teaching school in texas, he has kids of his own and i dont think he ever sees them. Mind you this guy has a live in girlfriend who works and has a good job, he doesnt hes on disablity cause i guess of an injury so we told. We do know he has a pacemaker (thats why hes no good in bed if you have heart problem thats the first thing that goes)hes 44 years old lives with his girlfriend of 18 years and she pays everything or what ever he gets for disability. However over last summer he smooshed my kids zeroed in on our marrage weaknesses and try stealing her from me. Ok I work 40 hours my job isnt going anywhere and i umpire baseball and softball in the summer. I work come home to my family everyone knows were iam at all times , doent bother me if they do. Now they had plans for him and her to go to texas with our kids and leave my ass this is when it all come out and we talked about it but i knew what he was trying to do and she believed this guy and still does so does her family! I dont drink got to clubs nothing i work come home to my family. So she decides to make it up to me but taking me out of town to a hotel for one night and talk and get past all this. When we got home she had to go to work from 7pm to 7am the first time she cheated on me i knew cause she come home real late about 3 hours late and she made up a story but she told me i was right when we talked about it, so when the next morning after coming home i was to take the kids out while she sleeped i got up early to go past his house she was there i pulled in and text her phone to come out they both did she came right to me and i went off big time and told buddie he was a lieing peace of **** ect... I said im going to take my kids to breakfast and did she kept calling me and text me that she was there to end it with buddie and came to the restuant we where at. I said why didnt you tell me before? She said she was sorry and didnt want me to worrie she said she ended it with him and didnt want to see or talk to him anymore. I let it go so this past march about 4 weeks ago we went on a cruise saw the shuttle go up and everything in florida. Now the other day she says I have lost her cause she cant put these feelings out of her head about me being with another woman and having strong feelings about him still, but then when we calm down and i try to look for onther place to live she tells me shes comfused and I hurd that word alot in the past 6 months. As of 2 weeks ago she got a bad rash between the legs and went to the docs office and it was herpes, i shown no signs and went 2 days ago to get tested ill have the results monday.

I know she is starting to talk to him again cause she has been very upset and I told her it had to be him that gave it to her and she tells me he gets med exames all the time and he said he doent have anything, well he is going to be tested and were both going to get the results on paper. Im still not sure if she still believes this dude or not as of the past couple of days she has been happy and tyells me were going to work it out but she still cant tell me i have all her heart. So what I have been doing is still finding a place i can go to in the last minute. Im thinking about leaving her and the kids because she is a good mother just making poor choices in life and she has said she needs time and thinks we need to separate to see. I know she wont last long without me. Cause she wouldnt like me with another woman I do know that. She at work right now im home with the kids and doing the house work. Her complant about me was i wasnt spending time with the kids and wouldnt help clean house , now that i give her cause she right and for the past 2 months i have been doing the house work she does a little bit. Now back to the top of the story I did the lifestyle thing taking a gamble cause when we got to gether i knew she was young and didnt soil her oats in her younger years she was molested and raped but 2 brother in laws i was with her the second one did it and he was trown in jail. As of this April 5th we been togerther for 11 years did alot together and been threw alot together. I would like to keep my marrage going but next time i catch wind im gone, it hurts me bad to say and do it but im done feeling like a loser! I know im leaving some details out but ill touch on that when you all pick me apart here. However keep in mind I dedicated to my family and loyal. I would like a woman to comment on this cause woman have a differant view that i want to hear. thanks guys

[hopesndreams]

Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

 

Your deeds, good or bad, will repay you in kind.

[Pamcat826]

YOU invited other people into your marriage FIRST.

 

YOUR WIFE DIDN'T!!!

 

Now your wife has been stolen away by some poor pathetic weasel with a limp dick and there is nobody but yourself to blame.

[shawn33]

YOU invited other people into your marriage FIRST.

 

YOUR WIFE DIDN'T!!!

 

Now your wife has been stolen away by some poor pathetic weasel with a limp dick and there is nobody but yourself to blame.

I know what I did, however when she cheated thats was all her not me!

[bentnotbroken]

You invited people into your marriage. You blurred the boundaries. Once you opened the marriage up to whatever sleaze was out there. Maybe this other guy is giving her the respect you didn't. Any man who would want to pimp his wife out for pleasure doesn't respect her or his marriage.

 

I must say your wife needs to find her own boundaries. She let you treat her like crap, now she is continuing what you started. Stop whining, you got what you wanted, an open marriage.

[Bryanp]

For Gods sake, please tell the OM's girlfriend. By not telling her you are enabling the affair to continue. Wouldn't you appreciate it if it was the other way around? By not telling the OM's girlfriend you are sending a clear message to the OM that you are willing to live with the situation. No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change. This goes for the OM and your wife. When you tell the OM's girlfriend the chances are great that he will throw your wife under the bus. Your wife is also a real piece of work. Her lover boy gives her herpes and she still wants to be with him knowing he has a long term girlfriend. I would strongly suggest you contact a lawyer to understand your options.

[mark982]

buddy you opened up one big can of worms.i'd be ratting him to is gf fast.what are you gonna do if she didn't get herpies from him? came from someone. personally if my ol lady came home with herpies,i'd be gone in a flash

[jnj express]

You brought all this on your self, by leading her into the world of an open mge., where she thought it was OK to have sex with others even while married to you cuz the 2 of you were tag teaming with others. YOU TAUGHT HER THIS LIFESTYLE, YOU NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HAVING TAUGHT HER IT WAS OK TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE SEX WITH OTHER MEN. As to now, yes all this is on her, and she is cheating, but i think she is mixed up about all these little games that are being played. If you want to keep the mge., then you must do something strong enough to get her back into the mge. Maybe you need to tell her she needs to go NO CONTACT, and the first time she breaks that rule, she is gone out the door , and the 2 of you are seperated. See how she likes the thought of being on her own, just maybe she will wake up, and realize her life with slimebuddie is fantasy and not reality. He does not and never will pay her bills, keep house with her, deal with life's problems. Deal with family problems, take care of her in time's of crisis. He will never do any of these things for her, you need to impress that upon her. You also need to have a discussion and admit that the open mge., lifestyle was wrong, and will never be even thought about by the 2 of you. If she does not want to be completely transparent and go No Contact, then tell her you are going to a divorce atty immediately.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Pandor'as box is easy to open and hard to close.

 

Why did you allow this madness int o your life. Also why did you marry her so young? 27 to 17??? WTF???

 

There's a whole lot of issues you both need to work out before even talking about fixing a marriage.

 

I'm sorry but dude you made this situation.

[jmargel]

Wait a second.. Just because you got into the world of swinging that is NOT an excuse to cheat. Swinging should ONLY be done by couples that are VERY secure with themselves and the relationship. Swinging doesn't lead to cheating.

 

Swining is about keeping an very open line of communication and mutual respect. When swinging when one spouse is not comfortable with a situation, it STOPS. No questions asked. Your spouse maintains #1 priority over everything else.

 

Now, onto your problem. First off your wife is still very young, you married young and her going after another guy sounds like she had father problems in her past. Her immaturity and her decision to rush into marriage so fast IMO is a big reason why this is happening.

 

You holding onto things like this is not only giving her a safety net to continue this, but it allows her to be with this man without any consequences. You are the parent, she is the child. If your child does something bad and you don't punish her, what do you think is going to happen? It will continue. You tolerate it, which is giving her the signal that it's ok. It doesn't matter if you 'talk', 'yell' or 'lecture' her, unless you show ACTION then nothing will change.

 

Tough love is needed here, along with very strict boundaries. Marriage counseling and No contact to this OM is a necessity. If she refuses then walk and try to get as much custody of the kids that you can. Quit rolling over and piddling on yourself. Women love confidence in a man, and you are not showing ANY of it. Start standing up for yourself and your children.

 

Oh, and if this guy doesn't have herpies, guess what? She's been with other men than just him. She hasn't been honest with you and there's probably still things that you don't know about. Everything you have found out was from your own detective work. This needs to stop, NOW. What you need here is not her, you need resolution to this situation which needs to start today.

[Dexter Morgan]

I would like to keep my marrage going but next time i catch wind im gone

 

Are you sure about that? I mean really? Think about that for a moment.

 

I hope that you do hold to this if you find out.

[Owl]

Swinging doesn't lead to cheating.

 

I disagree, Jmargel. I would agree that it doesn't always lead to an affair. I won't argue whether or not swinging itself is cheating (I feel that it is, but I realize that not all agree...so won't debate that point).

 

But...the act of being PHYSICALLY INTIMATE with someone outside of your marriage very much sets the stage to allow you to become EMOTIONALLY INTIMATE outside of your marriage.

 

Once you justify that sleeping with someone else outside your marriage for one reason, it's very easy to let yourself take that next step and do it outside of your agreement with your spouse.

 

Both of these are clear reasons why swinging is risky behavior for marriages...and why they very easily CAN lead into infidelity...exactly as happened in this case.