jjaded1 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 He broke up with me a few weeks ago after being together a year and a half. I sent the "please take me back email" a little over a week ago(I know, I know) and he said no. I took him for granted, but for most of our relationship he was head over heels for me. We'd been arguing a lot recently...He's stressed because of not having a job which I think added to our problems. I'm doing the whole NC thing, but every day that goes by(day #9 currently) I think there is less of chance he'll call.......You know outta site, outta mind..--and he just got a new job to occupy his time I just want to know from folks who've done the dumping.....Did you miss your ex at all or were you glad? Or, were you relieved at first after the break up, and then as time passes, and your new reality sets in, you start to miss the one you broke up with? I'm asking because I think that I would feel better about the whole situation if I knew he was hurting too, that he missed me....even if ultimately he doesn't contact me again. Just to know he had some moments of sadness and grieving over our situation would make me feel better and help me to get over it. Because I am in the depths of misery right now..... Thanks for any responses..I tried to keep it short!
fofiffs Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I'm feeling the same way as you are, but the thing is my ex is already with some guy after being only broken up for a month. We also dated for a year in a half. I've had faults too in the relationship but still from this day she's blaming the everything was my fault. I did so much for her granted I did have some mistakes but I always owned up to it. She can't even own up to hers. But i'm wondering the same as you if they to feel sad or miss me at all.
BCCA Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 He's hurting right now, too, trust me. Just not in the same way. When you make a decision to end things, its never an easy one, but at the same time, you feel as though YOU will be better off in the long run. I think it's important to put things in perspective, too. If you met a new, wonderful guy tomorrow, sure - your last breakup might still sting, but not as much. On the flip side, if you couldnt find anyone to date for 6 months, you would probably miss your ex a whole lot more. I think that goes for both people. The longer you're alone, the longer you think about the last relationship you had. And everyone sends the 'please take me back' email/text/card/etc, so dont feel bad. If you could really just go 'meh' and shrug your shoulders like nothing happened, you probably weren't really all that interested. To answer your question as concisely as I can, yes, I'm sure he misses you, but more in a nostalgia kind of way if that makes any sense. Kind of like how you miss your friends that you dont talk to anymore, the places you went to as a kid, TV shows that arent on anymore...
hopesndreams Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Depends on why he broke up with you. If he broke up with you over being taken for granted, arguing and being out of work then yes, good chance he is missing you as well. Now with the stress of not having a job outta the way, he could come round. But, you did send him the take me back email (no shame in it, btw) and he said no. So, it may take him awhile to contact you again. But, if there was another girl or one enters his life at this crucial time then he may not contact you. I'm a recent dumpee though, so I, too, am interested in the responses you'll get.
BCCA Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I'm feeling the same way as you are, but the thing is my ex is already with some guy after being only broken up for a month. We also dated for a year in a half. I've had faults too in the relationship but still from this day she's blaming the everything was my fault. I did so much for her granted I did have some mistakes but I always owned up to it. She can't even own up to hers. But i'm wondering the same as you if they to feel sad or miss me at all. Here's an easy formula: 'owning' up to my faults = feeling guilty= I did something wrong everything your fault=not feeling guilty=I havent done anything wrong Its much easier to blame the other person for everything, dump them, and go on as if you've done yourself a huge favor. Dont take it personally, eventually, she'll realize its not all you, but by then its too late to say anything.
fofiffs Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Here's an easy formula: 'owning' up to my faults = feeling guilty= I did something wrong everything your fault=not feeling guilty=I havent done anything wrong Its much easier to blame the other person for everything, dump them, and go on as if you've done yourself a huge favor. Dont take it personally, eventually, she'll realize its not all you, but by then its too late to say anything. yeah your right, I' may have caused some of the problems in the relationship but the thing is she has caused some of the problems to which she still does not admit. I've caught her talking to so many guys on the internet and says that they are only friends but the thing is while your with some one you don't just give out your number to some random guy and then tell me that oh he's only a friend. But to this day she still thinks that it didn't pose no problem. But your right one day she'll realize her mistakes. It takes two people to tango.
Author jjaded1 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks for the replies. I'm glad he probably does miss me because for a long time, what we had was really special. It sucks that it hasn't worked out and though I still hold some hope for a reconciliation, deep down I think I know our break up was for the best. A reconciliation would probably just prolong the inevitable.... I think I just miss the companionship. He was my best friend. Someone who knew me better than anyone and with whom I spoke every day. I think that is what hurts more than anything. Losing that closeness. <Sigh>
sultry33 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 i spoke to my ex recently and even after a year apart he said he misses me.. but he is not coming back... not that id want him too now but the answer is the same.. they miss you but that dont mean you get back together i know the pain but in order to get better you got to occupy yourself.. get busy.. go out have some fun hugs to you x
Ruby Slippers Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I just want to know from folks who've done the dumping.....Did you miss your ex at all or were you glad? I have been the dumper every time but one, and I alway miss them a lot. Even if you know it's not going to work in the long run, you still miss the good things about him and the great times you had. I'm sure he misses you in his own way.
sparklemama Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Trust me he is feeling pain right now.It may seem like you are the only one feeling it because he hasnt contacted you but he is probably struggling with contacting you as well.You guys probably spoke everyday at one point i would assume, so he is missing that for sure.I struggled with calling my ex who i dumped for the first two months and it was very hard but once you know something just doesnt fit you have to push the feelings out of the way.He may feed into the feelings and call but you wont know if you call him first.Give him time and let him thinks things through.Meanwhile continue NC and focus on yourself.After not hearing from you he will either miss you so much and call you back wanting to get back together or you will start to forget about him.Thats the beauty of NC
entropy Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 So, a month ago I went through a more-or-less mutual break up (3 year relationship). I was completely devastated for almost that whole month. We've had our issues in the past, all the major ones being due to her making a choice, and me taking her back shortly after. A few days ago, I realized I don't know if I can anymore (she wanted to get back together). I told her so. It was by far the hardest, most difficult and punishing thing I've ever had to do in my life. It tore me to pieces thinking about how much she was hurting, and how much more I hurt her. I want so badly to take her in my arms, kiss the top of her head and make everything okay. But I know I can't. I know I need this time, and that she does too. If things should ever work out (for good) between us, we'd need to be different people... and that will take some time. So yes, I'm sure he's hurting. It's inhuman not to, and if he isn't... he wasn't, isn't, and never will be worth your time. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It really does just make me so, so sad knowing all the pain you're going through.
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Of course he misses you! Are you kidding me? People don't get over after a month or two unless they're lucky enough to meet someone great, but men usually can't switch that quickly. Nobody can tell you if he wants you back though and how exactly he feels. This depends on his personality, the situation (your relationship), and mostly on how much he loves you. Here's an easy formula: 'owning' up to my faults = feeling guilty= I did something wrong everything your fault=not feeling guilty=I havent done anything wrong Its much easier to blame the other person for everything, dump them, and go on as if you've done yourself a huge favor. Dont take it personally, eventually, she'll realize its not all you, but by then its too late to say anything.This is a very interesting thought, and I would actually like to re-formulate it and simplify it. What you're saying is that people can't accept that they have issues and flaws, so they dump you to convince themselves that they are the good guy, and they dumped you because you're the bad guy. This also serves as an emotional blackmail, as in: "I dumped YOU, so if you want me back, YOU have to change. Not me."
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