t0ri Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Don't beat yourself up, hun. But I understand how you feel...I'm doing the exact same thing! I keep finding ways to blame myself for little situations that occurred throughout my ex and I's relationship. I keep replaying scenarios and thinking that I shouldn't have done this or that, reacted that way, fought over that, etc. I'm mentally exhausted from all that crap, but it's quite hard to stop! The truth of the matter is, everything happens for a reason, and the relationship probably would have ended no matter what you did or didn't do differently. The two of you reacted however way in whatever situations because that's who you two are. There's no changing it now. He sounds like he took you for granted and was very inconsiderate (much like my ex). And you're probably remembering all the good things about him, and what you'll miss, more than the bad things, right? Hence the reason you note that he wasn't that bad. I'm doing the same. Sucks! It'll fade... It'll get easier though, supposedly Not soon enough, though! Good luck to you.
Author jmmm Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Haven't posted here in awhile but kind of having a hard time...still think about him alot and feel as though it was all my fault or something....its really hard without him and wondering whats going on with him...thinking its my fault and im the reason for this hurts alot
Author jmmm Posted June 27, 2009 Author Posted June 27, 2009 hey thanks..not cool of him you mean? its nice to be able to come back to this thread whenever needed.
Island Girl Posted July 2, 2009 Posted July 2, 2009 You have been in a cycle where your feelings have been discounted, you haven't been made a priority, and your self respect and self esteem have been battered. In order for you to truly move past this you need to start reading about self esteem and abuse, etc. or get some counseling and some recommended reading from that counselor. Here it is months later and you are still stewing and still looking for validation that he was a jackass. EVERYONE has said he was a jackass. Not one person here had a differing opinion because it is quite clear to us. It isn't clear to you because you are still looking at it through damaged eyes. Please do not try to get back to yourself and a better frame of mind all by yourself. Seek help to identify issues and why you put up with his behavior so many times and for so long because a woman with healthy perspective would have dumped him long ago. It will help you and any relationship you have in the future.
Author jmmm Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 its hard i guess b/c i hear about other guys from friends and their actions are worse even and the guys i have met, they aren't the greatest, worse etc etc so it definitely makes me miss him because in general he wasn't a bad guy and had good qualities..but this list does point out alot of negative things..so i guess i need realize those things werent the nicest way to treat me emotionally and as a person/girlfriend...but i miss him dearly at times....
Island Girl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 its hard i guess b/c i hear about other guys from friends and their actions are worse even and the guys i have met, they aren't the greatest, worse etc You aren't limited in how you will be treated or what you should expect from a boyfriend or partner. You set the standards. The man rises to the occasion for a better healthier relationship with you or he doesn't and you move on. Do not set the mark of how you will be treated, etc. by measuring a guy against other jerks. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk. Once you know a guy is a jerk then there is no better or worse. There is just "not The One" and you move on. so i guess i need realize those things werent the nicest way to treat me emotionally and as a person/girlfriend...but i miss him dearly at times.... You need to spend sometime getting yourself better and realizing all that you have to offer and bring to a relationship. THEN get a firm grasp on what your expectations are about what you want and how you deserve to be treated. THEN YOU DON'T ACCEPT LESS THAN THAT. You will get what you truly believe you deserve. A better guy is out there for you. But you need to make sure you are strong enough yourself to handle it when he shows up.
Author jmmm Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 thanks i guess the actions he did, little or big, showed a lot in some ways--like i was made to feel inferior or less than what i was maybe from the things i mentioned on that list...hard b/c he did have alot of good qualities as well.
t0ri Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 its hard i guess b/c i hear about other guys from friends and their actions are worse even and the guys i have met, they aren't the greatest, worse etc etc so it definitely makes me miss him because in general he wasn't a bad guy and had good qualities..but this list does point out alot of negative things..so i guess i need realize those things werent the nicest way to treat me emotionally and as a person/girlfriend...but i miss him dearly at times.... I'm the same way. I compare other guys to my ex a lot and seem to only remember the good aspects of my ex, so I feel like my ex wasn't that bad. But he was. And yours was too. It doesn't matter if he was a little better than some guys, he still wasn't good. It's been months since my ex dumped me and I'm still blaming myself, like you! So I don't have any advice regarding that, because I'm still trying to figure out a way to stop doing this myself. You definitely are better off without someone in your life who would make you feel like you did. You deserve better than that, and you'll find it! Take some time to really work on yourself and your self-esteem before you start looking for that though. How long have you two been broken up, and how old are you, might I ask? And are you two in contact? I hope things get easier for you! Good luck.
Author jmmm Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 Its been pretty much a year...Sometimes I think about contacting him..writing him an e-mail explaining how a year has passed and how he is still in my thoughts and I wonder what could have been if actions were done differently...i still miss him dearly, i dont know what to do...most would say--he knows you didn't want it to end when it did and he had enough time to let time heal and kind rethink things but i guess my heart is still with him
Author jmmm Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 very hard b/c i was out and heard one girl with us saying about how she was with someone for 7 years and was never involved with the family, invited for dinner etc etc(and it had nothing to do with him not being close with them etc)....i was over my ex's place 2 times a week sometimes and only saw him about 3 nights a week, his mother included me in dinners, i had a usual place to sit....it just makes me see how worse other guys were and my ex wasn't so bad...makes me feel guilty like it was my fault and i should have done this or that differently very sad right now
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