FandyMan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hi, My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me two weeks ago (she is 23 and I'm 26). We've been living together for a year now. She met another guy when I was away on holiday (on which we both agreed but she now uses it against me as an evidence of me not loving her as I left her alone). We were planning to have this holiday together but she couldn't go as she had a tough time at work. When I got back she told me that she'd met someone and I was more as a friend to her then a boyfriend and she would always love me as a brother but she couldn't love me as a boyfriend any more. Then she said that she was going to spent a night at her friends flat but I discovered that she was going to his flat and wanted to stay overnight. I sent her a text that if she did that she would lose everything that I could still fell for her. She texted me back after two hours saying that she loved me and then switched of the phone and didn't come back for the night. The day after she came to our flat and said that it was over and she had to move out ASAP but I was someone very important in her life and she wanted to stay friends. I later found out that she stayed at his flat and she said that she might be in love with him. Soon after that she moved in to his flat. There is another couple living there as well. Then we had no contact for about a week and she called me to ask how I was doing and was everything fine with me. I was pretty shocked by her calling me and said that I felt really crap for the week and that we might have to have some time to have a second thought about our break-up and didn't do stupid things (as for me was moving in to his flat). She didn't say that I was wrong but said that we could meet in two weeks time and saw how were things. There was something going on for the last three months as we were distancing from each other. I couldn't figure out what was going on back then and decided that a small time of being separated (one week holiday) would give us some time to think things over and get back to each other. Does she still have feelings for me? Why did she send me the 'I love you' text when being with the other guy? Why did she call me after a week saying that we might meet in two weeks time to see how things are? Does she treat me as a friend now and if so is it worth having any contact with her? I don't contact her but she contacts me so don't know what to think about it? Look forward for any advice. FandyMan
Author FandyMan Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Just an info piece of text. The guy she is dating now (and lives at his flat as she didn't have anywhere to go to when I decided to move out from the flat as I couldn't bare the situation) she met only two weeks ago and she told me that he is only a friend and she wanted to feel a woman again and that's why she started dating him. But at the same time when I asked her if she slept with him she neither said no nor yes which means that she did sleep with him for me. I'm really puzzled and can't figure out how a woman who text you she loves you can spend a night at the guy's flat knowing how it hurts me. Is the text she sent only to justify herself giving out to him?
lovelinefan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Apparently it is still possible to tell someone that you love them, and maybe feel some sort of love for them, while not wanting to be with them and moving on - my ex is doing the same thing. Who knows, she might be with another guy, I don't know or want to know. I know that she fell out of love with me, and it sounds like you are in the same position. I wouldn't meet with her. I wouldn't talk to her, unless you have to. One or both of you continuing contact is just going to drag things out and make it really painful. If she thinks she made a mistake and wants to come back, she will make that abundantly clear.
mark982 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 why waste your time w/ a cheating ho? she's calling you cause she's just not sure yet if she made the right choice.make the choice for her. don't answer her calls,texts,etc.If you take her back she'll lose all and any respect for you, and it will happen again.
alwayssme Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Dude...I'm not trying to be harsh because I know how horrible heartbreak is but I cant believe you're even asking the question of 'Does she still have any feelings for me?" You state on your thread that she says 'I love you as a brother and not as a boyfriend anymore." EW! First I would NEVER tell anyone I f*u*ke*d that I loved them as a "brother" even if I no longer had feelings for them but Im assuming what she means by that is that she LOVES you as a person and as a friend but is not in love with you anymore. That crap happened to me. It hurts like hell and it sucks but get some ANGER inside you. Someone who was so "in love" with you and promised you the world is throwing you away for someone she just met and thinks is "in love" ...She sounds immature. You do not fall in love with someone you just meet, its the simple rush of a first kiss and attraction and etc...which soon she will understand but you shouldn't worry about that. Do not beg or nothing. This is NOT the situation to beg. When someone tells you "i see you as a brother" why the F would you sit there expressing your undying feelings for her? Just tell her you love her and then DISAPPEAR!!!! I cannot stress this enough!!! Trust me this is coming from someone who did ALL THE WRONG THINGS!!! There is no wondering of 'what if's" in this situation. If you let her know you love her and go NC, it is COMPLETELY up to her whether she wants to come back or not. And also one thing I learned you CANNOT be friends with an ex RIGHT AWAY!! Sure when time has passed by and you both have moved on with your life, you can.
LostFocus Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 This sounds truly horrible but with time you will feel better. I can't really tell you the exact feeling why she did all this. What I can assume is that she has moved on. Although she might care for you she doesn't care enough to respect you. I recommend moving on and never look back, in a few years after she has matured then perhaps something can develop but I would stay away from her. I was once in a similar situation 6 years back and 2 years after we had broken up. My ex starts trying to get back into my life. She apologizes over and over. I accepted her apology but never got back together with her. I know that really hurt her because I guess she felt I was always going to be there. Try to keep busy with something. After my last break up I got into salsa dancing to distract me. It really worked out cause I made a lot of friends, male and female, and to get good you have to practice a lot. Feel better, bro.
Author FandyMan Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Yes, it's horrible indeed and to make it worse I have just spotted on Facebook that she's added this guy as her new guy and changed her status to 'in relationship'. You can't even imagine how I feel right now. I've already deleted her number and won't answer her call any more. The bad thing about this is that my family has good contact with her and it might be hard for me to forgot. I was going through something similar (but a lot easier to go through - there was noone in such a short period of time) 3 years ago but thought I've learnt the lesson but it seems like I'm again in the same s***. Why does she bother calling me? I've never experienced such a cruelty from a woman I loved. How stupid I was during the last 3 months. Thanks for all your replies. PS. Salsa is what I inteded to do long time ago but never had time for it. Thanks for reminding me that.
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