fofiffs Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Well my ex and I have been broken up for a month now and I'm still feeling the pain. Its not as bad as it was in the beginning but i'm getting by day by day now. My ex and I had a very good relationship but had our moments where we fought but we always got back together. When I met her she was pregnant but I really liked her. But anyways I was there for most of her appointments before and after she had the baby. I loved her so much that I got attached to the baby and treated her like she was mine. I did so much for my ex. She lived with me and didn't have to pay for anything. I took care of her and the baby no matter what they needed because thats how much I loved her. granted there were time I neglected her but no one in this world is perfect but I tried my best to make her happy. during the time she was living with me she was constantly on myspace poker talking to all these random guy. I didn't think nothing of it because I truted her and she said that they were only friends. But we fought alot about that. So anyways, the break up happenend right before I went to work. We got into a big arguement and when I came back she was gone. So the next day she called me and said that she needed time to think. But stupid me constantly called her and begged her to take me back. I regret ever doing that because I felt that I lowered myself to her. I just coudn;t bare that thought of not having her. I did so much for and she did not even spend a single penny on me. So two weeks after the break up she was telling me that she still loves me and cares about me. But the next day thats when things changed. She said some aweful and nasty things to me. She said she didn't love me and that she didn't want me to be a part of her and the baby's life. I was so hurt that I cried on the phone, but she had no remorse for me. She said that I was pathetic and a loser for groveling to her like that. That really broke my heart. So a couple days go by and I check her myspace profile and I come to find out that she is dating this 32 year old guy. And by the way she is only 20 with no job, has ababy, and living with her grandma. The comments she wrote to the guy were just so heart breaking because it sounds like she is so in love with this guy already. She told me that she was not going to see anyone for a while but then she goes off and do this. She even kept telling me she loved me and that she needed time but in the back of my head she was already talking to this guy but was just stringing me along if it didn't work out for her. she really broke my heart when she did this because I did so much for her to get her back up on her feet. I just don't know what to think about what this guy told her. He probably told her things that she wants to hear or probably just trying to get in her pants. I'm just so hurt cuz she won't even just let me see the baby when I got so attached to her. And at the same time I feel so used. It really hurts to know that. Now she won't even talk to me at all and she changed her number. I just don't get it. I wasn't the perfect BF but god sure knows I tried my best.
alwayssme Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 My heart goes out to you reading this. She sounds like a straight up b*i*tc*h...she did not have to handle the break-up like this....from what i hear people like that are never happy because their personality doesnt even allow them...i know right now you are feeling heartbroken, i completely understand...esp. the part where u feel like u lowered yourself to her by begging because u couldnt imagine not having her in your life..i did the same thing...take comfort in the fact that you're not alone in this, although it doesnt take away the pain, i know....and please for your own self do not contact this girl anymore...she sounds so dependant on others, im pretty sure her new "thing" with this guy wont be that long and if you want her to feel remorse or realize that she lost a good man, go complete NC..please dont let ANYONE in this world keep you wrapped around their finger...how does the saying go "people will only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you." No matter how much you love someone, if they are going to do you this wrong and disrespect you like that, why would you go kissing their a*s*s???? DO THIS FOR YOU!!! Disappear from her life and be strong...i KNOW how hard it is to smile when your heart is broken but you already showed her you love her...now its up to her whether she wants to get back...but would you want to get back with her after this??
Author fofiffs Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 My heart goes out to you reading this. She sounds like a straight up b*i*tc*h...she did not have to handle the break-up like this....from what i hear people like that are never happy because their personality doesnt even allow them...i know right now you are feeling heartbroken, i completely understand...esp. the part where u feel like u lowered yourself to her by begging because u couldnt imagine not having her in your life..i did the same thing...take comfort in the fact that you're not alone in this, although it doesnt take away the pain, i know....and please for your own self do not contact this girl anymore...she sounds so dependant on others, im pretty sure her new "thing" with this guy wont be that long and if you want her to feel remorse or realize that she lost a good man, go complete NC..please dont let ANYONE in this world keep you wrapped around their finger...how does the saying go "people will only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you." No matter how much you love someone, if they are going to do you this wrong and disrespect you like that, why would you go kissing their a*s*s???? DO THIS FOR YOU!!! Disappear from her life and be strong...i KNOW how hard it is to smile when your heart is broken but you already showed her you love her...now its up to her whether she wants to get back...but would you want to get back with her after this?? Thanks for the kind words. It's really nice to know i'm not the only one that's why I joined this forum. I know that I have made my mistakes but i owned up to it and apologized for it. But the thing is she told me that everything was my fault. I just don't get it. I did so much for this girl and she turns around and tells me she doesn't love me anymore. I just know for sure that this guy she is with is telling her so much things to make her feel good and hate me. Its just been still hard lately because since she's left everytime I wake up she's the first thing that pops in my head. And now that she's gone this apartment just makes it so hard because it just brings back so many memories. Sometimes I don't even want to come home and make up excuses to stay late at work. But i've been trying to move on. I started hanging out with friends again and I joined the gym yesterday to take out my frustration. I just wish I dont think about her no more. but right now thats just the hardest thing to do and it hurts me everytime. She left me with so many unanswered questions.
Donovan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 it's ok to hurt bro. i've just been thru the same thing. with me, i was only strung along for 2 months, but females like to have security while behind guys backs they search for something better but just to keep u until they find what they wants. i do feel bad for u, but i NEVER called my last ex begging for her to be with me cuz it's her loss. i got too much going on in my life right now to sweat a chick that i allowed to be seen with me in public and she doesn't appreciate it. screw this girl man, when this guy leaves her(and i'm sure he will) she'll want you back and start to call u "just to talk" to try and ease herself back in your life. don't be a fool man. u were good to her, u don't need that. women with kids are some of the most selfish chicks i've ever encounterd in my life. either they're being selfish to men playing the field or selfish to their kids not spending time with them. AVOID THEM. i've learned my lesson.
Author fofiffs Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 I just don't get her cuz she's told me countless times that I'll always be daddy to her baby and I have. I bought her diapers, food, changed dirty diapers, played with her and took care of her. Thats what just kills me. I've been NC with her for a week now, but I find myself checking her myspace no matter how hard I try to. It just seems like she is so in love with this guy already. Its just kinda funny cuz thats how she was with me. From the beginning she use to get mad about me not calling enough and when I did she said that I called to much and was clingy. I just don't get it. Also I did start noticing her change because she just stopped kissing me the way she use to. Her excuse was that she just didn't like it anymore. But at the time I didn't think nothing of it.She also useto get pissed at me for getting mad at her for playing myspace poker to much. She use to talk to random guys on there and say it meant nothing that it was just friends. But I know for sure she met this guy online but she won't admit that. She said she met him at the mall. But how many 32 year old guys do u see hanging out at the mall. She use to be constantly on the computer all the time.
alwayssme Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for the kind words. It's really nice to know i'm not the only one that's why I joined this forum. I know that I have made my mistakes but i owned up to it and apologized for it. But the thing is she told me that everything was my fault. I just don't get it. I did so much for this girl and she turns around and tells me she doesn't love me anymore. I just know for sure that this guy she is with is telling her so much things to make her feel good and hate me. Its just been still hard lately because since she's left everytime I wake up she's the first thing that pops in my head. And now that she's gone this apartment just makes it so hard because it just brings back so many memories. Sometimes I don't even want to come home and make up excuses to stay late at work. But i've been trying to move on. I started hanging out with friends again and I joined the gym yesterday to take out my frustration. I just wish I dont think about her no more. but right now thats just the hardest thing to do and it hurts me everytime. She left me with so many unanswered questions. every single word and sentence i could ahve written myself when i was on my first month...trust me, i used to wake up every mornign with this insane pain on my chest..i use the wrod insane because the pain was SO BIG it was truly indescribable...and when i told my ex how MUCH i was hurting, well...lets just say it didnt go too well...because he still wouldnt get back with me...but thats another story...i was going CRAZY!! I failed my classes because i would go to class and CRY...i felt like i wa snot living on planet earth anymore...seriously the pain was OVERWHELMING...I would look at people around me in school, when I'd go out with friends...it felt like i was in one of those movies where everyone keeps talking and you're stuck in your own mind replaying memories, and asking infinite questions in your head, not knowing how did things get to this point...getting over someone u truly love is NEVER easy...but believe me when I say that that insane pain you will feel in the few first months lessens and for that i am so thankful...because i NEVER want to experience ANYTHING like that again....i really wish u the best!! keep posting here, it helps.
Author fofiffs Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 every single word and sentence i could ahve written myself when i was on my first month...trust me, i used to wake up every mornign with this insane pain on my chest..i use the wrod insane because the pain was SO BIG it was truly indescribable...and when i told my ex how MUCH i was hurting, well...lets just say it didnt go too well...because he still wouldnt get back with me...but thats another story...i was going CRAZY!! I failed my classes because i would go to class and CRY...i felt like i wa snot living on planet earth anymore...seriously the pain was OVERWHELMING...I would look at people around me in school, when I'd go out with friends...it felt like i was in one of those movies where everyone keeps talking and you're stuck in your own mind replaying memories, and asking infinite questions in your head, not knowing how did things get to this point...getting over someone u truly love is NEVER easy...but believe me when I say that that insane pain you will feel in the few first months lessens and for that i am so thankful...because i NEVER want to experience ANYTHING like that again....i really wish u the best!! keep posting here, it helps. Your right about everything you said, I had to drop two of my classes because it was just so hard to focus. I tried but she always came to my mind. I was passing my class but it slowly started to drop so I had to withdraw to at least get a WP instead of an F. But you right the pain the lesson. I just remember a few weeks ago the pain was so unbearable. I just didn't know how to live again But now I've been doing a little fine. I still wake up thinking about her but it don't hurt as much. It's just accepting the fact that she is gone. But I know someday i'll wake up and just look back at this as a memory. It's going to be a rough road but i'm going to try my best to make it.
hopesndreams Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 donovan but females like to have security while behind guys backs they search for something better but just to keep u until they find what they wants. Males (some) can do the exact same thing. It's a character flaw some people have and is not indicative to being female.
Donovan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 donovan but females like to have security while behind guys backs they search for something better but just to keep u until they find what they wants. Males (some) can do the exact same thing. It's a character flaw some people have and is not indicative to being female. you're absolutely right, but i've never dated any males and was speaking from my own experience though:laugh:
Author fofiffs Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 you're absolutely right, but i've never dated any males and was speaking from my own experience though:laugh: Thats what I feel why she is already with this 32 year old guy. Not even a month she's already with someone new. Right now she's got no job, has a baby, and living with her grandma. In some sense I feel like she used me but I just can't get myself to believe that. I know I'm being stupid. It's just funny cuz on her my space status she's saying how amazing this guy is and that this time she found the right one. She's being so cruel right now.
DJMarky Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 She sounds like she is in the same league as my ex, who also found another guy, but kept contacting me trying to get back with me. Except I never grovelled, or begged or ANYTHING. Once she cheated on me that was that. I went NC. Shortly after she started ignoring my phone calls (while we were going out) to stay at some guys house (who I suspected she was ****ing, and which was later confirmed) I broke up with her. She wanted me back, but I was having none of it. I got advice on these forums a few days after it happened and it was great. Go NC. She can not miss you, if you are always around. I say go NC to heal, not to get her back. She is using you dude. You sound like you gave it your all, and she did sweet **** all except show she had no respect for you. Trust me, seriously listen to me, do not email, sms, msn (delete + block), facebook (delete), myspace (delete). NO CONTACT. I didn't read all the replies, but im sure someone has suggested this already. Just reiterating it. Find someone who will appreciate you and not go off with the outlaw biker (intellectual whore analogy - http://www.laddertheory.com/). Trust me. If anything she should be the one begging for you back, not vice versa. Stop lowering yourself, get some self respect and ditch the bitch.
Donovan Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Thats what I feel why she is already with this 32 year old guy. Not even a month she's already with someone new. Right now she's got no job, has a baby, and living with her grandma. In some sense I feel like she used me but I just can't get myself to believe that. I know I'm being stupid. It's just funny cuz on her my space status she's saying how amazing this guy is and that this time she found the right one. She's being so cruel right now. bro i'm gon keep it real, she definately used you. aint no shame in being used. just don't let it become a habit. i was used for 4 years. and just recently for 2 months, but i REALLY have learned my lesson this time. i'm not gonna drop my shield anymore for any chick no matter how bad their life is going at the moment and how sweet they talk. it's a learning experience. she's just leaving those comments to make u mad. just have patience my man. my ex of 4 years who i was gon marry thought she was the hotness when she had it going on but i ignored her for a year and she truly began to miss me as i ducked her emails(as i continue to do). my current ex really doesn't care about me and never did but i probably will have to see her at least once every 2 weeks. i don't hate her and she has no right to hate me, but i think she's a piece of sh*&. bottom line is, u were good to her, and she's gonna continue to use guys and one day, a guy isn't gonna take the nice route like u did and i'm sure u know the rest. Karma is real bro. there are NEVER happy endings for selfish, cheating people. NEVER. they treat those bad that treat them well cuz they hate themselves. At the end of the day, u can look yourself in the mirror and say you never used anyone and it's all that should matter.
sparklemama Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 This really sucks especially when theres a baby involved that you are attached to.From the looks of things it looks like you met this girl at a vulnerable state.She was pregnant and probably felt alone with no one to depend on in any way.She saw you almost as a life jacket.You went ahead and started taking care of her financially and gave her a reason not to go anywhere,she truly used you.Wether she loved you at one point or not it looks like right now she really doesnt want you anymore atleast for the time being.She has someone else so do not think about her anymore (yeah i know easier said than done) you have to lose all contact with her and stop checking her myspace page your only causing yourself more pain and the urge to contact her will be even stronger.Get out and do things and keep yourself busy.She has moved on so dont think about how she has moved on so quickly.Think about the fact that she isnt hurting so why should you. Also thank your lucky stars that you found out what she is about now and not 5 or 10 yrs from now.
akklavi Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Fofiffs, your situation sounds hideous! I completely agree with everyone else on here, and also that it's definitely better to have got out now, than god forbid, if she got pregnant again. Especially if it was yours, then she could deny access at anytime etc... All sorts of nightmare scenarios spring to mind. I totally get the need to want to understand why someone could treat you so badly after you've treated them so well. I've thought of this a lot, and have come to the conclusion, that decent people tend to think of kindness as somehow linked to fairness. That somehow being kind will be appreciated by the person you're kind to. That they won't take advantage, because they'll see how good you've been, and so want to 'give' in return. Sadly though, I think that a sizeable minority of people couldn't care less what you give, and feel no obligations to another person's feelings at all. But we just assume that somehow things will be fair in the end. It's like shopping - you hand the assistant your hundreds of pounds/dollars/euros whatever, and in exchange get your brand new mp3 player etc... And you're willing to pay that much, as you know the value is (roughly) equal, and that it's a fair(ish) exchange. And most people are honest, won't try and walk out of the shop without paying. But some people do, and will steal, take whatever they want, and couldn't care less about it - no conscience, feel no guilt. And those people are the same with eachother's emotions. I think most of us dislike causing genuine distress, but some people just don't care, seeing you upset doesn't move them an inch. And the only sense it makes to us who are hurt, is that they do it, because they can. And unfortunately, because we let them. The saying "we teach people how to treat us" is so very true I think. And I'm learning it the hard way. Being kind or doing the "right thing" guarantees nothing with some people. And you could become cynical, and say "that's it, I'm never going to be kind, open up etc.. again". Or, you can hone your skills in not over-giving too soon, and not being afraid to ask/expect for things that you need too. My aunt once told me to remember that "people don't love you for what you give them, but for how good you make them feel about themselves, when they are with you" And the decent people out there will neither use nor abuse you, and if inadvertently they do, will genuinely feel bad about it. Anyway, I'm rambling (seems to be getting a habit on here :-) But as I said on another thread, there really are literally millions of great, attractive, fantastic women out there, really looking for the kind of guy who's willing to give this much to relationship. And who themselves want to give in return. Seriously, don't waste another second on this ***** You can and will do SO much better. And whoever she is will actually appreciate it!
Template Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Dang, I really feel for you. You got used. You may feel it, but you probably don't want to accept it. Take this is as a lesson and learn. You and I are cut from the same mold buddy, and I know exactly how you feel. We put ourselves out in a vulnerable position, and in the end, we wind up hurting the most. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've done what you've done to the best of your ability. That's all anyone can ask for. There is no such this as the perfect BF, or the perfect GF. There ISN'T! and I challenge anyone who think that can contradict that. You give give give, and got nothing in return. And maybe that's the lesson the next time... give, take, give, take, give, take... hmmm sounds like a healthy relationship. Listen to Akklavi, she speaks the truth. When she says Being kind or doing the "right thing" guarantees nothing with some people", she is absolutely right. There are people that selfish in the world. And you know what, those same people will never be happy. They are the same people, when they dump you will say, "I want a guy that does ABC." Guess what, you probably did ABC. You don't want these people in your life. They are miserable people that truly don't know what they want, because when they do have it, they don't want it. I say good riddance, and let some other woman find out how good you can be to her.
Author fofiffs Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Dang, I really feel for you. You got used. You may feel it, but you probably don't want to accept it. Take this is as a lesson and learn. You and I are cut from the same mold buddy, and I know exactly how you feel. We put ourselves out in a vulnerable position, and in the end, we wind up hurting the most. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've done what you've done to the best of your ability. That's all anyone can ask for. There is no such this as the perfect BF, or the perfect GF. There ISN'T! and I challenge anyone who think that can contradict that. You give give give, and got nothing in return. And maybe that's the lesson the next time... give, take, give, take, give, take... hmmm sounds like a healthy relationship. Listen to Akklavi, she speaks the truth. When she says Being kind or doing the "right thing" guarantees nothing with some people", she is absolutely right. There are people that selfish in the world. And you know what, those same people will never be happy. They are the same people, when they dump you will say, "I want a guy that does ABC." Guess what, you probably did ABC. You don't want these people in your life. They are miserable people that truly don't know what they want, because when they do have it, they don't want it. I say good riddance, and let some other woman find out how good you can be to her. Your right she did use me and I let myself be used. I was just to blind to see it from the beginning. I realized this when I checked her myspace profile. This guy she is apparently with now, she is so in love with already. She's already talking about how she is in it for the long run, and how he means so much to her than anyone she has loved at all. She use to tell me similar thins to that. But I guess that's how she is and she will keep doing it to every guy she hooks up with. She's the type of person that always needs somebody there for her. She can't do things on her own. But I really do feel sorry for her baby because she is exposing her to the cruel things she does. So yup good riddance, as for now I just want to be by myself and enjoy the great things life has to offer. I'm young and I know someday i'll find that perfect girl that doesn't NEED me but loves me for who I am and not what I am worth.
SRV Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 -A few questions for you, what happened to the relationship/biological father to her child? -She is 20, plays poker all the time, has no job, seems like no ambition, whilst you are going to college, took on a responsibility that was not actually yours? -All I can say is, RUN and never look back, you dodged one here. -You can and will do a lot better without her. Concentrate on your education, things will fall into place. She was not the girl for you.
Author fofiffs Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 -A few questions for you, what happened to the relationship/biological father to her child? -She is 20, plays poker all the time, has no job, seems like no ambition, whilst you are going to college, took on a responsibility that was not actually yours? -All I can say is, RUN and never look back, you dodged one here. -You can and will do a lot better without her. Concentrate on your education, things will fall into place. She was not the girl for you. I've never met the real father. But from what she told me was that he cheated on him and that he did drugs. The funny thing is he was never there for her while she was pregnant. I was there for the appointments and everything. I was there basically the entire pregnancy and then after. He only saw the baby once and that was after she gave birth to the baby. Even after we broke up I was asking her if I could just still see the baby. But she wouldn't even give me that. But you know what it's her loss not mine. This new guy she is with is probably just trying to get in her pants. But now I could care less knowing that she could do this to me after everything I did for her. I'm just worred about the baby because I know not just any other guy out there would want to take care of a baby that is not even theirs.
GorillaTheater Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 You sound like a good and decent guy. The situation you're in sucks, no doubt, but learn from it. You will meet much better women than this one.
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