Template Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 You guys ever get tired swirling in your own stew. Ever since I broke up with my ex, I've been grieving, and self loathing, depressed, about all the why, when, only-if, just going in circles in my head. I'm really getting sick and tired of it. In fact, I just realized today what's been going on in my head, and I'm just angry at myself for allowing it to go on for so long. Do I want her back? No. Do I want her to contact me? No. Do I even want her as a friend? No. Do I even care what's going on in her life? No. Why did I put myself in this self-destructive cycle, I have no idea. Even today, someone told me that she's still trying to find a job. The only thing I could said was, "That sucks, I wish her luck in finding a job in this economy." Hell, that's the same thing I said about my buddies back in San Antonio, who are also looking for jobs. I'm done looking for answers. I'm not going to get them, and more importantly, I don't care. I just want to enjoy life, and although the reason I'm in this city is because of her in the first place, I'm going to make this my town, and the first step is reveling in the Tar Heels National championship (not where I went to college, but always my fave). Sorry guys, just had to vent.
brokenglass Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I can totally relate to the feeling of swirling in my own stew, dwelling over the why's and when's and what if's, the maybe's and the who know's...except I want my ex back. Its so frustrating sitting here at work, or at our empty home, and just running through things in my mind that I could do to help me get my mind off running things through my head. Its sometimes just an endless rain of emotions, I do wish it would go away. It does when I see her and spend time with her and our son, during those times I am very focused.
alwayssme Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Trust me I know what you mean...You go around in circles and circles...It kind of becomes like 'routine" for awhile...Wake up, go to school, do this, do that...and think about my ex...I completely understand what you mean...I think it's just a part of the healing...Answers wouldnt solve anything anyway..."Why did you leave when you promised we would always be together?" "Because things change, my feelings changed." "why did you have to hurt me?" "it wasnt intentional, i lov eyou, i cant help that i want to experience life without you." Screw it!!! At the end of the day, the questions dont matter...their remorse or lack of it doesnt matter...because HEARTBREAK is a part of life...if you try to see the bigger picture, you'll see that although the pain and the heartache was REAL, afterall you DID learn alot...some good lessons and some lessons that open your eyes and make u see that nothing is guaranteed...i still love my ex and at times i blank out thinking about "what happened" but life goes on....they have moved on and we will too someday!
anni1979 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 It's so interesting that you posted this, because I was thinking something very similar today. I have so many questions for my ex, about things that happened during our relationship, about specific reasons why he left, etc etc. It's frustrating because the self sabbotaging part of myself immediately thinks "oh gee I should send him and email and ask, it will be great closure!" - which is of course complete crap. Any contact would simply lead to more hurt and frustration. Today I realized that I will never get the answers to those questions - AND THAT IS OKAY. I will survive without having the answers. I get this on a rational level, now I just need to accept it emotionally.
Hersheys Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. I don't even want my ex back after what he put me through BUT I just can't bring myself to that point of normalcy where I'm just not thinking and feeling like crap all the time.
anni1979 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. I don't even want my ex back after what he put me through BUT I just can't bring myself to that point of normalcy where I'm just not thinking and feeling like crap all the time. My sister said something to me the other day which was amazing. She said that I need to look at this like I've just gone through a major illness, like pneumonia. The worst part of it is over, but my body is damaged and I have to treat it well in order to let it heal - and it's going to take some time. But for awhile we're going to feel like crap, and understandably so, considering what we've gone through. I think we all beat up on ourselves so much because we think we should be fine - but why should we be fine?? This is hard, period.
kizik Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Even today, someone told me that she's still trying to find a job. The only thing I could said was, "That sucks, I wish her luck in finding a job in this economy." Do you enjoy it when your friends tell you about her? I think you should ask them to STOP talking about her, or get some *actual* friends. Anyway, I get it. You don't even want anything to do with her, but you still find yourself thinking about her. I go to a shrink, and I mentioned to her that I do the same self-torturing things that you do, Template. She brought up some questions: "Why do we do this to ourselves when all it brings about is pain? Can we stop? How do we stop?" My ex-GF does not give a SH*T about me. Guaranteed. So why the F*CK do I keep thinking about her, and what she thinks of me? Answer: I need a new GF.
openbook08 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 "Why do we do this to ourselves when all it brings about is pain? Can we stop? How do we stop?" My ex-BF does not give a SH*T about me. Guaranteed. So why the F*CK do I keep thinking about him, and what he thinks of me? Answer: i need a new BF!!! (hope u didnt mind me editing ur post to BF)
Author Template Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Do you enjoy it when your friends tell you about her? I think you should ask them to STOP talking about her, or get some *actual* friends. Anyway, I get it. You don't even want anything to do with her, but you still find yourself thinking about her. I go to a shrink, and I mentioned to her that I do the same self-torturing things that you do, Template. She brought up some questions: "Why do we do this to ourselves when all it brings about is pain? Can we stop? How do we stop?" My ex-GF does not give a SH*T about me. Guaranteed. So why the F*CK do I keep thinking about her, and what she thinks of me? Answer: I need a new GF. Well I used the term "friends" loosely. I'm management in IT, and I'm always dealing with tech recruiters for positions, temp, contract, and perm. She is also in the same field as me, so when the topic of needing people comes up, or just the market in general, sometimes her names comes up. We know some of the same people, yet these same people didn't know that we were together; so I don't fault them. I'm just tired of the fact that I do find myself going back into old habits of thinking about the breakup, and getting all depressed. When I finally start being rational again, I think back and say to myself "What the hell! It's over, its past, who cares!", and I'm just mad at myself. I wish I could say I need a GF, but that's not true. I just need to learn to be by myself, and be comfortable with being who I am. If I get into a relationship now, it's just a band-aid, and seriously, no decent human being deserves to be a band-aid.
Author Template Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 Hey guys, Thanks for all the replies. It's good to know that I'm not alone, and I'm normal (relatively anyways), but it's sad to hear that we do go through it. Ranting like I did, actually did help me alleviate some anxiety off of my chest, and I hope it helped some of you as well.
EmperorR Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 your almost there:), i remembered when I reached that part, I still think of my ex fiance, but I don't care, I don't care who she is screwing i don't care if shes stripping if she's homeless on the curb, i don't care if she wants me back. When you reach this point you realize like what was I doing for so long so bent out of shape.
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