no contact and levels

April 8, 2009

wanted to see what others think about this,

dated a girl for 3 years was my first etc etc, went NC and it hurt a lot, and i still do miss her.

dated a girl for 3 months, went NC and was hard at first as in the first week, but then after was really easy and didnt miss her at all.

i am thinkin NC is the easy thing to do if the relationship wasn't that long. and if you were in a ltr with someone then going NC is like going against natural instinct, almost like trying to take a punch to the face without blinking or flinching.

April 8, 2009

Nc is the way to go Always, no one gets their ex back by begging pleading and sticking around

April 8, 2009

just read the letter she wrote me when i found out about her seeing him, i was looking through emails and making space and i never showed this email to anyone before. i couldnt bare to read it back then.

.. its below, she seemed really nice and calm and said >

Hey (my name)

Finally got some time to myself to thought I would reply to your email. I read it quite a few times over. The first half of the email made me smile, made me happy thinking of all our happy times - oh and those cookies we got in ****** that day, you didnt pay for them I did hehe!! anyway... I will always always remember everything that you wrote about - they are some of my fondest memories. You were, after all, my first love. We grew up together, the most influential times of our lives and we were lucky enough to share them with each other.

But (my name), I have not changed my mind. No letter or email will change it. I know exactly how you feel and I also know exactly how I feel and I'm so sorry I cant feel the same as you.

When you said "You know deep down I am the best guy for you and I know in my head and heart you are the best girl for me"

i'm sorry to say this but i honestly dont think you're right. I feel that we can both be so much happier on our own or with other people or whatever.

Who knows. I just really want for you to move on and accept that that part of me and you is over. Completely.

I know it is a shame as we were together for so long but like I said I will take with me only the good times and good memories and I hope that you do the same. You were my first love and I will always have a place for you in my heart and I hope you know that I will always be here for you if you ever need anything at all.. all you need to do is pick up the phone.

I need to tell you I have started seeing *****. I dont know if it will go anywhere, and its quite nice to not know. I'm not planning anything and I didnt plan to start seeing him but it just happened. I'm just taking whatever life has to throw at me and I want you to do the same. I really want for you to be happy and I think it is so so amazing how far you have come from our time in *******. You have loads of friends and you're at uni doing really well.. I am very happy for you. I mean, you're in France right now on a snow boarding trip!!!! thats totally amazing! I'm jealous lol!

So.. I hope you will be happy in whatever you choose in life like I said i will always be here for you take life as it comes and enjoy yourself (my name)!! dont think too much.. be spontaneous! and I hope you've not broken any bones in France lol.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that was the last i heard of her really, well the last time she ever wrote me and was the first time i knew for sure she was seeing him. she wrote and sent me this when i was in france.

was i wrong to go into NC? it seems like i was way to gutted about the whole thing and thought id punish her with going nc and was really immature that i couldn't handle it. and i couldnt be man enough to just reply nicely to that email.

granted a week after i got this, i called her and had a chat, she still wouldn't changer her mind, and i wished her and him good luck. then went into NC with the advice here.

reading this now makes me want to email her. not to get her back but to say sorry for losing touch and hope she is doing well and .

the last time i emailed her, her bf (the one she started seeing in this letter above that she talks about) and is still with, he emailed me back. but i didnt read it cause it would probably be not nice to me. but i havnt done anything wrong?

do you think her words were not genuine? cause when all this happened and i started to go NC she became more and more distant, then once nc had been held for 3 months and i decided to txt her she didnt return any txts that i sent her, even when she was not with him! she didnt even send a happy bday to me that year.

then when i saw her at x mass in my home town for the first time in a long time (year) we caught up etc, was REALLY odd seeing her, but then emotions got the better of me and i just had a go at her, putting my side of the story out there once and for all, and saying how hurt i was that she went off with him after knowing him for 3 weeks and i had stuck with her for 3 years etc. she went of crying, i chased after her to apologize and she told me to f off. and then i never heard from her.

so a month later after x mass before i was going away on a holiday and before her bday, i emailed , asking if it was her email still (i was drunk) and thats all i said. she just didnt reply. he emailed me back, but i didnt read it.

but looking back reading this letter, she was saying she was so sorry she couldnt feel the same as me. So reading this again after a year and a half almost, makes me read it in a different light, she was being honest and i couldnt except it, i couldnt except she didnt want me, she wanted him. but she wanted the best for me, so why should i hold it agasint her that she wanted to be happy herself and she geniunly believes we would be happier on our own or whatever.

she took a risk, it didnt have to work out for them, and they even split twice before. but now they live together and she is 100% in love with him.

insight and thoughts would be good. i dont know what im after here. im pretty confused. and i guess feel responsible that we dont talk. although im aware she didnt need to date this guy right after me.

thanks ever so much for reading it those who reply

April 8, 2009

wanted to see what others think about this,

dated a girl for 3 years was my first etc etc, went NC and it hurt a lot, and i still do miss her.

dated a girl for 3 months, went NC and was hard at first as in the first week, but then after was really easy and didnt miss her at all.

i am thinkin NC is the easy thing to do if the relationship wasn't that long. and if you were in a ltr with someone then going NC is like going against natural instinct, almost like trying to take a punch to the face without blinking or flinching.

NC is the right thing to do if you want to heal and get over someone, regardless of the duration. Ofcourse it's harder to stick with if you dated them for more than just a few months; they were that much more ingrained in your life, habits, more long term memories.

I'd say breaking NC to talk to an ex is more like taking a punch to the face.

April 8, 2009

just read the letter she wrote me when i found out about her seeing him, i was looking through emails and making space and i never showed this email to anyone before. i couldnt bare to read it back then.

.. its below, she seemed really nice and calm and said >

Hey (my name)

Finally got some time to myself to thought I would reply to your email. I read it quite a few times over. The first half of the email made me smile, made me happy thinking of all our happy times - oh and those cookies we got in ****** that day, you didnt pay for them I did hehe!! anyway... I will always always remember everything that you wrote about - they are some of my fondest memories. You were, after all, my first love. We grew up together, the most influential times of our lives and we were lucky enough to share them with each other.

But (my name), I have not changed my mind. No letter or email will change it. I know exactly how you feel and I also know exactly how I feel and I'm so sorry I cant feel the same as you.

When you said "You know deep down I am the best guy for you and I know in my head and heart you are the best girl for me"

i'm sorry to say this but i honestly dont think you're right. I feel that we can both be so much happier on our own or with other people or whatever.
Who knows. I just really want for you to move on and accept that that part of me and you is over. Completely.
I know it is a shame as we were together for so long but like I said I will take with me only the good times and good memories and I hope that you do the same. You were my first love and I will always have a place for you in my heart and I hope you know that I will always be here for you if you ever need anything at all.. all you need to do is pick up the phone.

I need to tell you I have started seeing *****. I dont know if it will go anywhere, and its quite nice to not know. I'm not planning anything and I didnt plan to start seeing him but it just happened. I'm just taking whatever life has to throw at me and I want you to do the same. I really want for you to be happy and I think it is so so amazing how far you have come from our time in *******. You have loads of friends and you're at uni doing really well.. I am very happy for you. I mean, you're in France right now on a snow boarding trip!!!! thats totally amazing! I'm jealous lol!

So.. I hope you will be happy in whatever you choose in life like I said i will always be here for you take life as it comes and enjoy yourself (my name)!! dont think too much.. be spontaneous! and I hope you've not broken any bones in France lol.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that was the last i heard of her really, well the last time she ever wrote me and was the first time i knew for sure she was seeing him. she wrote and sent me this when i was in france.

was i wrong to go into NC? it seems like i was way to gutted about the whole thing and thought id punish her with going nc and was really immature that i couldn't handle it. and i couldnt be man enough to just reply nicely to that email.

granted a week after i got this, i called her and had a chat, she still wouldn't changer her mind, and i wished her and him good luck. then went into NC with the advice here.

reading this now makes me want to email her. not to get her back but to say sorry for losing touch and hope she is doing well and .

the last time i emailed her, her bf (the one she started seeing in this letter above that she talks about) and is still with, he emailed me back. but i didnt read it cause it would probably be not nice to me. but i havnt done anything wrong?

do you think her words were not genuine? cause when all this happened and i started to go NC she became more and more distant, then once nc had been held for 3 months and i decided to txt her she didnt return any txts that i sent her, even when she was not with him! she didnt even send a happy bday to me that year.

then when i saw her at x mass in my home town for the first time in a long time (year) we caught up etc, was REALLY odd seeing her, but then emotions got the better of me and i just had a go at her, putting my side of the story out there once and for all, and saying how hurt i was that she went off with him after knowing him for 3 weeks and i had stuck with her for 3 years etc. she went of crying, i chased after her to apologize and she told me to f off. and then i never heard from her.

so a month later after x mass before i was going away on a holiday and before her bday, i emailed , asking if it was her email still (i was drunk) and thats all i said. she just didnt reply. he emailed me back, but i didnt read it.

but looking back reading this letter, she was saying she was so sorry she couldnt feel the same as me. So reading this again after a year and a half almost, makes me read it in a different light, she was being honest and i couldnt except it, i couldnt except she didnt want me, she wanted him. but she wanted the best for me, so why should i hold it agasint her that she wanted to be happy herself and she geniunly believes we would be happier on our own or whatever.

she took a risk, it didnt have to work out for them, and they even split twice before. but now they live together and she is 100% in love with him.

insight and thoughts would be good. i dont know what im after here. im pretty confused. and i guess feel responsible that we dont talk. although im aware she didnt need to date this guy right after me.

thanks ever so much for reading it those who reply

Peter.

You're a good guy.........but

You gotta stop agonizing yourself over the past dude.

Stop rereading her notes and analyzing whether or not you think NC was a good idea.

It's in the past man, and it has to stay there.

Her note was pretty clear back then and it's clear now. Whether or not they broke up for a while, it's clear she didn't want to get back with you.

Stop beating yourself up over how you handled the breakup. The fact is, it happened, she didnt' want a 2nd chance.

It's been a year man, I know your pain, but you gotta let it go man.

Stop dragging yourself through the dirt. Delete these emails you have from her.

I gotta be blunt mate - how the *%$#! are you gonna fully get over this chick if you keep rooting around in the past?

Let it go and live.

April 8, 2009

NC is the right thing to do if you want to heal and get over someone, regardless of the duration. Ofcourse it's harder to stick with if you dated them for more than just a few months; they were that much more ingrained in your life, habits, more long term memories.

I'd say breaking NC to talk to an ex is more like taking a punch to the face.

yeah common sense i guess, didnt look at it that way.

i posted "the letter" she wrote to me when it was all going down.

also forgot to mention that after that letter she txt me saying never speak to her family again because i upset them

all i did was call her mum and explain how i didnt no she was seeing him. she made out she had already told me.

all i want is that in the future we can be friends. i guess i didnt want this space between us, but it had to happen.

and i knew it was a "damned if i do, damned if i dont" if i didnt tell her what i thought of her actions at the end

be as blunt as you like man, its the best way to be. straight up.

April 8, 2009

yeah common sense i guess, didnt look at it that way.

i posted "the letter" she wrote to me when it was all going down.

also forgot to mention that after that letter she txt me saying never speak to her family again because i upset them

all i did was call her mum and explain how i didnt no she was seeing him. she made out she had already told me.

all i want is that in the future we can be friends. i guess i didnt want this space between us, but it had to happen.

be as blunt as you like man, its the best way to be. straight up.

Hey Pete, your not ready to be friends yet. Let more time pass, delete all old emails, put away all pictures, etc......... 6 months or a year from now when your healed and dating someone else, then and only then can you make contact and start to build a friendship. Put it all behind you for now and work on getting over her. You can and probably will be friends again, but not now, your no where near ready.

April 8, 2009

yeah common sense i guess, didnt look at it that way.

i posted "the letter" she wrote to me when it was all going down.

also forgot to mention that after that letter she txt me saying never speak to her family again because i upset them

all i did was call her mum and explain how i didnt no she was seeing him. she made out she had already told me.

all i want is that in the future we can be friends. i guess i didnt want this space between us, but it had to happen.

and i knew it was a "damned if i do, damned if i dont" if i didnt tell her what i thought of her actions at the end
be as blunt as you like man, its the best way to be. straight up.

Look Pete, I know the pain you feel, for 6 months all I did was think about if I'd done things differently, would things have been different.

But this isn't superman or star trek where we can turn back time and fix things. I've learned from how I handled things, and I'm sure my ex has too. She made her choices in life, and I'm making mine.

I wish my ex well, truly - she was one in a million.

But i've got to leave her in the past, which is what I'm doing.

Maybe in a few years, when I no longer have any emotions attached to her memory, I can be in touch with her and catch up.

But until then, she's gotta stay in the past.

You aren't ready for friendship. And you won't be the longer you keep looking at stuff from back then.

As Fox said, delete everything, or at least put it far away from reach, and one day perhaps you can track her down and catch up, but only when you no longer have feelings for her, or have moved onto someone else

April 8, 2009

ok thanks guys for your support and kind words. mean a lot to me!

i have deleted all pictures of her off my phone and will delete that email to.

i am ready for a clean slate as it were!

April 8, 2009

I have no traces of my ex fiancée nine not even a picture, even my latest ex none all pixutres deleted and shredded, I can't even contact her if I want because I never memorized her number and deleted it the same day she dumped me

April 9, 2009

I have no traces of my ex fiancée nine not even a picture, even my latest ex none all pixutres deleted and shredded, I can't even contact her if I want because I never memorized her number and deleted it the same day she dumped me

hmm thats an awful long time with someone, seems sad to get rid of it all?

could keep it in a box somewhere

April 9, 2009

the time will come when you can look at pictures..remember memories and be ok.. just takes time..

i found a card recently and my daughter whipped it out of my hand into the bin;) bless her.. i just said yea trash just like the crap inside..

she said.. he did mean what he wrote.. he just took another path..

keep walkin ass hole was my reply:laugh:

i still have a big box full of letters.. cards silly memos and stuff

one day i trash them too

peter... one day at a time:)

April 12, 2009

thanks for these replies, helped a lot in the was NC the right thing.

however i am second questioning my actions when i saw her the x mass just gone. when i had a go at her about how she treated me after the break up etc and how mean she was. and about her moving on after 3 weeks. ( i was drinking, and was swearing an awful lot)

well she got upset ran off, told me to f off when i went after her to apologize. and now i am thinking that i bullied her? and i was a bad person for treating her that way.

i could have got her number and we could have been civil. but i kinda blew that. either way though i knew it would be a damned if i do damned if i dont situation, id still constantly have a grudge and angry dreams of shouting at her. so i AM glad i said what i said, otherwise in my eyes she would have always got away with it. and now when i see her, all id want to say is "sorry for shouting at you last time, im glad your happy and doing well. take care, see you later".

i also know that when i txt her before i left where i was living to return home, i said to her

hey its me, just thought id let you know im moving back home soon, so would be nice to see you before i go, as i may not see you again.

guess what... she didnt reply. i mean, that is pure coldness

April 12, 2009

Hey Peterpan, I feel for you bro.....

You didn't do a thing wrong, matter of fact from what I gather from your story, you were with her for 3 yrs, and she goes off and starts seeing this guy like after 3 weeks? Don't feel bad because you let her know how u felt....

I am so sick of how most people somehow think your a stronger person for hiding your feelings. You know something? After spending 3 yrs with her and she somehow thinks sending off an email (no matter how well intended and yes I do believe she was sincere) is magically supposed to make everything fine???? F*** her! YOU HAD A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY!! Don't suppress it, and you damn well had every right to let her know.... But you kept it inside. No wonder everything flew out when you finally did see her.... You can't keep that sh** bottled up, it's toxic and will literally kill you over time. Or you end up getting drunk and going off on her disrespectfully....(ok that wasn't the best way to tell her, but again don't feel too bad.... It had to come out somehow.) She knows the person you are after spending 3 yrs together, so I wouldn't worry about one bad scene.... she will get over it.

It pissess me off how some people don't want to be held accountable for anything. She doesn't want to take responsiblity. She hurt you, and I'm sure she isnt a bad person, and I'm sure she never meant to do it, but she did..... and so you were just supposed to be 'oh wow, hey no problem'??? She discounted your feelings. And Definitely you did the right thing going NC after that talk, if she wanted to contact you she would have.

Btw, I do agree with some of the above comments you aren't ready to be friends. I don't necessarily agree, however with putting a time on how long it takes to get over someone.. Everyone is different, and things have to be resolved in your head and heart... Each of us comes to terms with things in our own way.... no matter how long it takes.... But it might make things speed up if you really learn from the experience.

and i knew it was a "damned if i do, damned if i dont" if i didnt tell her what i thought of her actions at the end
be as blunt as you like man, its the best way to be. straight up.

You can be blunt too, matter of fact you shoud always be blunt and straight up, especially with a girlfriend... I was extremely blunt with my ex and she hung on every word I ever said. It showed her that I had respect for her and myself, that I was honest and that I wasn't about to put up with any nonsense.

Your feelings are VALID! Don't second guess your gut, what you did was for a reason. Just make sure it isn't your ego guiding your gut instincts.

April 12, 2009

Hey Peterpan, I feel for you bro.....
You didn't do a thing wrong, matter of fact from what I gather from your story, you were with her for 3 yrs, and she goes off and starts seeing this guy like after 3 weeks? Don't feel bad because you let her know how u felt....
I am so sick of how most people somehow think your a stronger person for hiding your feelings. You know something? After spending 3 yrs with her and she somehow thinks sending off an email (no matter how well intended and yes I do believe she was sincere) is magically supposed to make everything fine???? F*** her! YOU HAD A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY!! Don't suppress it, and you damn well had every right to let her know.... But you kept it inside. No wonder everything flew out when you finally did see her.... You can't keep that sh** bottled up, it's toxic and will literally kill you over time. Or you end up getting drunk and going off on her disrespectfully....(ok that wasn't the best way to tell her, but again don't feel too bad.... It had to come out somehow.) She knows the person you are after spending 3 yrs together, so I wouldn't worry about one bad scene.... she will get over it.

It pissess me off how some people don't want to be held accountable for anything. She doesn't want to take responsiblity. She hurt you, and I'm sure she isnt a bad person, and I'm sure she never meant to do it, but she did..... and so you were just supposed to be 'oh wow, hey no problem'??? She discounted your feelings. And Definitely you did the right thing going NC after that talk, if she wanted to contact you she would have.

Btw, I do agree with some of the above comments you aren't ready to be friends. I don't necessarily agree, however with putting a time on how long it takes to get over someone.. Everyone is different, and things have to be resolved in your head and heart... Each of us comes to terms with things in our own way.... no matter how long it takes.... But it might make things speed up if you really learn from the experience.

You can be blunt too, matter of fact you shoud always be blunt and straight up, especially with a girlfriend... I was extremely blunt with my ex and she hung on every word I ever said. It showed her that I had respect for her and myself, that I was honest and that I wasn't about to put up with any nonsense.

Your feelings are VALID! Don't second guess your gut, what you did was for a reason. Just make sure it isn't your ego guiding your gut instincts.

hey mate thanks for your reply, makes me feel better

your damn right about the angry and it being bottled up, and sadly came out when drunk, but as you said, it would have come out one way or another.

and yeah she pretty much found him within 3 weeks and ran with it. yes we were on and off but still, i let her know my feelings and yeah your right she was sincere in the email, but through an EMAIL. thats just disrespectful.

yeah she will get over the bad scene.

"It pissess me off how some people don't want to be held accountable for anything. She doesn't want to take responsiblity."

thats exactly right man, she didnt want to take any responsibility for her actions, hence lying to her mum that she had already told me about him... and then telling me via mail. so basically had been dating him without my knowledge. and yes we had said we were single, but we still lived together! and slept with each other right up till the end just before she met him.

i dont need that ****. but its hard, cause was with her for 3 years. i looked up to her more than i ever thought i would or could. it wasnt my ego at all, your right. it was from the heart, i couldnt care less now about her choosing him over me. back then it was ego but when i told her how i felt it was bottled up emotions pouring out.

its because we never or "i" never got to see her when it all happened. so when i did, it was as if it had just happened.

well i hope she is happy. and i do hope to be her friend one day. but who knows

x

Sign In

no contact and levels

Recommended Posts

Peter_pan

EmperorR

Peter_pan

northstar1

northstar1

Peter_pan

foxh1234

northstar1

Peter_pan

EmperorR

Peter_pan

sultry33

Peter_pan

Capten

Peter_pan

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...