prettylove Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hi, I've been with my bf for nearly 3 years. this 3 years has been filled with love, physical, emotional and mental abuse. yes, he hits me as he has a very short temper and not only that, he insults and degrades me whenever and wherever even in front of his friends. we fought over this many times and i did try to talk to him nicely whenever he hurt me by doing all that. i did try to walk out of this many times but we always end up being back together. i don't really know why its difficult to just leave him. stupidity. familiarity. fear. love. maybe perhaps i don't have a hard-as-a-rock heart to just leave and walk away from this relationship. i always look back on our good times and those things he did for me and i'll just crumble away. and sometimes when i ignored him, he'll start to accuse me of cheating etc and i'll be like an idiot trying to prove to him that i wasn't. he has somewhat destroyed my self-esteem. i used to be a very strong person who would not tolerate such nonsense. before him, i could just leave a relationship without turning back but now.. i don't know where the old me has gone to. whenever he hurt me, i always have this strong urge to get back at him. i have stopped doing things because i thought of settling down. i don't quite understand myself why i'm wasting my time with him. maybe perhaps i always hope that he'll change and my efforts will be paid off eventually. like tonight he said something hurtful to me. i stormed off. and i have this urge to just get back at him or ignore him like i always do until he says sorry(which is very rare). at times i feel that i've reached my max patience level but at the end of the day, i'll always come back to him. i just don't know what to do.
2sure Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 What gives you the idea that if you stay with him, if nothing changes, that you will get different results? Yes, your self esteem is shot to hell. You have to get out right now. Once you have walked away, you will be surprised at how quickly you can get it back. But you have to walk away. Each time you get back together with him, you lose more of yourself. You still have something left.
EnigmasMuse Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 So are you asking if you should cheat or not? If so, my answer would be NO do not cheat. But I do think you should walk away for good! You can't keep going back.... when you do, its because YES he has destroyed your self esteem. Once you break free from this toxic/abusive relationship and NOT go back, you'll be much better off. Maybe seek counseling so someone can help you break free.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Oh sweetie I think something in you eventually has to snap. I think the reason you can't leave is as you said a combination of low self-esteem, familiarity, love and fear. I think with time, it will hit you, that you just can't and wont take anymore. Until then...you either have to force yourself to be ready, or quietly psyche yourself up to leave (keep yourself out of the vicinity of physical violence).
lostsoulmate Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 IMO there are only two things in life that are certain. CHANGE AND DEATH. We can decide when things change, we can not decide when to die. Only you can CHANGE the situation you are in. It is scary, but only you can make it better with the changes you want. Be careful with someone like this. The shoe can be on his foot one day when he decides when you die or get very hurt.
ATJNL Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 leave..dont get me wrong there are alot of things we can settle for...but physcial abuse is never one of them...you are wayyyy better than that, and no matter what the situation you dont deserve it...I too lived this type of relationship...sounds like theres no kids...thank god...just get out before there is... You will realize you never needed him and never will
jazzlovr1990 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 dont take that ish...leave, you dont need that
Dexter Morgan Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 If this guy is physically abusive, what do you think he'd do if he found out you cheat(if you ended up doing that)? I'd break up with him if I were you and move on. Cheating on him may enrage him and he just might do more harm this time.
hopesndreams Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Cheating on him isn't the answer, your self esteem is already rock bottom. Cheating on a loser scum that enjoys hitting a woman will only get you the biggest beating of your life, if he finds out, and chances are he will find out. Don't confuse yourself by thinking your in love with this guy because you aren't, you are dependent on him and because of his treatment toward you there is a lot of self-loathing. The best thing for you to do is dump this jerk! If you don't dump him you might end up marrying him and having his kids and believe me....that is no picnic! Get out now while you have the chance. You owe him nothing, save yourself, there are tons of great guys out there that would never lay a finger on ya. i don't have a hard-as-a-rock heart to just leave and walk away from this relationship. Then use your mind. He doesn't deserve your heart.
Author prettylove Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 he ended this relationship. i feel so numb at this point in time. as hard as i try to fight my urge to beg him, i'm using my BRAINS to NOT let this happen again. i feel somewhat relieved that he made this decision for me for if not, i don't think i can make mine to leave him for good. i realised that after last night, after all that i have tolerated (things he said, things he did to me), its just not worth it anymore. i'm only 21 years of age and i can't waste any more years taking in the crap. yeah, you're right. something in me must snap. the only way to get through with this is to go cold turkey. no contact at all. cos if i do, i'm afraid i might just slip. there's light at the end of the tunnel. this is it.
openbook08 Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 you asked - to cheat or not to cheat? answer is : you already were. cheating. yourself out of a fabulous rship with a man who will love and respect you. yourself out of a happy life. yourself. breaking up is horrible. and it hurts. and its sad. but what was the alternative for you?? horrible.hurt.sad. relationship. let yourself grieve, there is nothing wrong with that but yes remain NC. keep posting and we will help you anyway we can. you deserve better and sweetheart there IS better for you XX hugs XX
firefight Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Consider yourself lucky that you are out and FREE! I am trying to deal with understanding the whole controlling/abusive thing myself as I believe my ex gf is now in that type of relationship. I don't care who ended it, what ever you do PLEASE DO NOT GO BACK! Do not contact, see him talk to him or anything at all. From what research I've done on controlling and abusive relationships, he may have broke up with you to further manipulate and have power over you when he comes back to you (I am pretty sure he will try). Please don't confuse this with love... It is not love, it is nothing but manipulation for power because he is deeply insecure and has a need to control anything in his life, especially YOU! This type of guy (low life, loser)... will not change his ways..... ever! If he cannot control you he will just move on to someone else he can control. In time, I guarantee that you will end up resenting him and maybe even hating him, once all the emotions settle down and you are able to see things clearly.
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