Nikki Sahagin Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hi everyone thanks for reading. I wrote another thread recently which I posted in 2 different forums...I think I called it 'not strong enough to stay or go'. If you haven't already read it, please do. If not i'll summarise it briefly! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. We got together when he was in a 4 month relationship with a friend of mine. He then broke up with her and we became exclusive. He was my first kiss, first sexual partner and first love. We have had a lot of ups and downs usually brough on by something else. For instance, for about 6 months I was on the pill which played havoc with my hormones. I became depressed and angry, cried every day and hit him I think 3 times. He hit my once in retaliation and we both cried and forgave one another. I came off the pill and my attitude changed abruptly. Then I had to deal with his big life change; his job. When we first started going out, neither of us had jobs, I was going to uni and he'd just left a job, so we saw ALLLL the time. With his job he was working 11-8, home by 9. We would see each other for 2 hours and then go to sleep. Then he'd leave to go to work and me to uni. I missed him but it wasnt just the work as much as it was that he often worked saturdays too, but would never see me on a friday or saturday which I found suspicious. The few times we've gone out together have often ended it rows. So he goes out with his friends, me with mine - we used to all go out together. I've just realised this isn't so brief! Recently he has stopped being so interested in sex, even when we went away on holiday and I had a bad feeling. I snooped on his pc and found conversations to two girls. A pregnant girl (not his) and a girl he met online years before me. The nature of the conversations upset me but I couldn't decide if it was harmless flirting or something more serious. I felt a lot of anger about this at first, but now its kind of faded in my mind. I printed off one of the conversations just to prove in my mind that i'm not lessening what he's said. I confided to a male friend that I haven't been able to speak to since i've been with my boyfriend about my unhappiness and he said seeing as he has just gone through a painful breakup, if I do it, we can go travelling together just as friends...but as the perfect distraction to whats happened! I know if I went travelling with this friend, there would be no possibility of a friendship with my boyfriend now. I feel very pushed out of my boyfriends life. We rarely go out with others, or rarely see on a friday or saturday. I can't tell if its me not understanding the stress of his job and his need for space, or if its him not understanding my need for closeness and passion. I am scared to be the one to make the decision. I actually want HIM to break up with ME, so that it would take the power and control and potential of regret off of my mind and I could move on and not look back. I know no-one can tell me to stay or go, but does anyone have any insights? Should I also admit I snooped? And get these issues into the air?
Treasa Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I see all sorts of red flags here. So he can FLIRT with other girls but you can't even talk to other guys? That's not right. Tell him you're unhappy with how things have been going, and calmly list the reasons why. Tell him you want some time to think about things, and then take that time. See if you're happier when you aren't worrying about him and feeling miserable over how he treats you. And then act accordingly.
Thomas X Forever Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 But keep in mind-- DON'T tell him you caught him/you were snooping unless you ABSOLUTELY WANT TO BREAK UP. Because once that goes down, it is irreversible damage.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 But keep in mind-- DON'T tell him you caught him/you were snooping unless you ABSOLUTELY WANT TO BREAK UP. Because once that goes down, it is irreversible damage. Do you not think thats the only way to get the issues into the open? Also PM me lol
Thomas X Forever Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 My account isn't established, I can't PM you Go download AIM and send an IM to "Not ThomasX"
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