What type of "environment" fosters FWB relationships?

[Trialbyfire]

Straight up, I've never had an FWB relationship before since I can't compartmentalize sex and bonding. An FWB appears to lack chemistry and respect, solely physical, "me" type gratification. Without those elements, I honestly can't fathom wanting to do anyone or for that matter, wanting someone like this, as a friend.

 

So...alpha, to answer your question, I don't have a clue what environment fosters FWB relationships.

[alphamale]

work- as in function long term.....

 

how did you mean 'work' in your earlier post?

if FWB is long term then its a relaitonship, innit?

 

So...alpha, to answer your question, I don't have a clue what environment fosters FWB relationships.

either do i but i do know they only work for a short time - basically at some point one or the other wants more.

[2sure]

Ive a had a couple of FWB relationships, and I think I address what I think you are asking...which is how to get one?

 

As other posters have said - the best ones and only healthy ones are between two people who are attracted to each other but for whatever reasons could not accomodate a whole dating relationship with each other. Either because you both like being single or because your lives just dont match up that way. But you like each other. There has to be a true affection, some humor, etc.

 

A neighbor is good. Location, location, location. If you already know each other, there is no stressing about trying to impress, which is nice.

 

Someone from a class or club meeting is good because you can also go out for a drink or lunch, no strings attached.

 

If one or the other senses the other is getting vulnerable or too attached...as a friend, you are obligated to stop.

[alphamale]

As other posters have said - the best ones and only healthy ones are between two people who are attracted to each other but for whatever reasons could not accomodate a whole dating relationship with each other. Either because you both like being single or because your lives just dont match up that way. But you like each other. There has to be a true affection, some humor, etc.

yea but what if you're a great well-rounded guy/gal and most of these people end up falling in love with you? then how does it work?

[2sure]

Same way it always does...

 

Just raise the bar and find a FWB who is also better than average.

[fral945]

Going tangental to a similar thread...what type of situations or environments do Friend With Benefits (FWB) usually occur?

 

I would guess it usually happens when the woman really likes/loves the man and he doesn't really reciprocate emotionally. Ergo, she is good enough to have sexual relations with but not good enough to get emotionally involved with.

 

I mean it would be extremely difficult for FWB to occur when the man likes the woman but she doesn't like him back, innit? In that case she most likely puts him in the friends zone.

 

What say you?

 

I’d say your statements are generally is true. A FWB seems (at least to me) generally seems to be an ambiguous arrangement and usually with the female thinking there is the potential for more. I’m sure there are exceptions (i.e., women out there capable of FWB and where they lead the man on, more organized FWB relationships where both partners are clear about the arrangement, etc). I just think those are the minority and your statements cover the majority.

 

yea but what if you're a great well-rounded guy/gal and most of these people end up falling in love with you? then how does it work?

 

Not very well. Nearly all the women I’ve dated and considered short term relationships wanted and pushed for more eventually. I see a few of my past relationships now more as FWBs because I knew they weren’t going to go far but stayed in them anyway for the sexual benefits. I think that is fairly common for men in the early part of dating and relationships. Too bad I can’t find more women who don’t think I’m good enough for a relationship but good enough for sex.

 

FWB's seems great on paper but in practice I haven't found it to work very well in real life.

[laRubiaBonita]

if FWB is long term then its a relaitonship, innit?

 

yes, being friends with someone constitutes a relationship. but FWB does not necessarily mean a romantic/ involved relationship.....

 

it could be just a friendly one in which you are very sexually compatible- but for whatever reason never got to that BF/GF state... maybe the pair knew they were not healthy as a pair.... but were great as friends and lovers and when both were single they would hang out and hook up.

 

some people can have these types of relationships, but some people can't..... and like i said, each circumstance is likely slightly different.

[alphamale]

I’d say your statements are generally is true. A FWB seems (at least to me) generally seems to be an ambiguous arrangement and usually with the female thinking there is the potential for more. I’m sure there are exceptions (i.e., women out there capable of FWB and where they lead the man on, more organized FWB relationships where both partners are clear about the arrangement, etc). I just think those are the minority and your statements cover the majority....

 

 

FWB's seems great on paper but in practice I haven't found it to work very well in real life.

yes, these are teh points i was trying to make

[laRubiaBonita]

well there are always exceptions to the "looks good on paper" rule

[alphamale]

well there are always exceptions to the "looks good on paper" rule

who said there wasn't? there are exceptions to everything in life

[Ocean-Blue]

The whole FWB set-up is sad. I don't understand why any woman would willingly go along with it. Unless you're using him for sex, it's totally pointless. Even if you don't want any sort of emotional attachment, wouldn't it feel weird? I mean, you're nothing more than a hole to him.

 

People need to have some more self respect.

[Porn_Guy]

The whole FWB set-up is sad. I don't understand why any woman would willingly go along with it.

i think alphamale pointed out correctly that FWB usually happens when the women likes the man a lot more and therefore becomes willing to take only sex and nothing else from the man

 

its sort of akin to the guy who likes a girl but gets thrown into the "friends zone" and hangs around like a door mat waiting for his opening - which never comes

[Lizzie60]

I will have to disagree here..

 

I know for a fact, that some women, have absolutely no emotional commitment but yet, do enjoy the sex with a man..

 

This could go both ways.. the man can get emotionally involved while the woman only uses him for sex.

 

I know it's usually the opposite.. but to think that only men use women for sex is somewhat ridiculous..

[Ocean-Blue]

i think alphamale pointed out correctly that FWB usually happens when the women likes the man a lot more and therefore becomes willing to take only sex and nothing else from the man

 

its sort of akin to the guy who likes a girl but gets thrown into the "friends zone" and hangs around like a door mat waiting for his opening - which never comes

 

So basically, she'll take him anyway she can get him, huh? That's attractive.

 

I will have to disagree here..

 

I know for a fact, that some women, have absolutely no emotional commitment but yet, do enjoy the sex with a man..

 

This could go both ways.. the man can get emotionally involved while the woman only uses him for sex.

 

I know it's usually the opposite.. but to think that only men use women for sex is somewhat ridiculous..

 

I have no doubt there are women like this, Lizzie. But I think it takes a great deal of independence, etc. to be able to get down and intimate with a man and remain unattached. I just can't see this happening smoothly. At some point, he'll get attached, because she's so elusive and unattainable.

 

That said, I do sometimes wonder what it'd be like to have sex with random guys. A girl can dream... But thinking about it is one thing. Actually undressing in front of a guy who is nothing more than a cheap [email protected] dunno.

[alphamale]

A girl can dream...

indeed she can

[Ocean-Blue]

indeed she can

 

You're so full of yourself.

[allina]

i don't believe it can work long term

 

 

 

Ok, but I'm saying it can, based on my experience.

 

i am still friends with a great guy i have been friends with over 10 years... it can work.

 

but everyone and each circumstance will be different.

 

I agree.

[johan]

I think of you as a friend, Allina.

[RecordProducer]

I mean it would be extremely difficult for FWB to occur when the man likes the woman but she doesn't like him back, innit? In that case she most likely puts him in the friends zone.

 

What say you?

I met a guy who liked me so much, he asked me to be his girlfriend after the first date. Well, everything was good for a week or so, and then I told him I just wanted a casual relationship. He was offended .

Exes also often become FWB.

[Isolde]

TBF, I don't think casual sex situations are advisable, but I disagree that the sex involved is necessarily of the "me first" type. Some people are very giving sexually and like to give others pleasure in that way. It's possible to care enough about your sexual partner to use protection/be straightforward/end the FWB if they start developing feelings; people that compartmentalize to this extent, while they may or may not have issues, don't necessarily lack a soul.

[alphamale]

I met a guy who liked me so much, he asked me to be his girlfriend after the first date. .

buah hah aha ah ha h aha hahahahaaa

[Trialbyfire]

TBF, I don't think casual sex situations are advisable, but I disagree that the sex involved is necessarily of the "me first" type. Some people are very giving sexually and like to give others pleasure in that way. It's possible to care enough about your sexual partner to use protection/be straightforward/end the FWB if they start developing feelings; people that compartmentalize to this extent, while they may or may not have issues, don't necessarily lack a soul.

I dunno Isolde. The phrase "you're good enough to eff but..." just doesn't get my bodily fluids flowing and most definitely isn't respectful. Mutual usage ain't my thing.

 

But again, that's just my opinion and opinions are a dime a dozen!

[Isolde]

I dunno Isolde. The phrase "you're good enough to eff but..." just doesn't get my bodily fluids flowing and most definitely isn't respectful. Mutual usage ain't my thing.

 

But again, that's just my opinion and opinions are a dime a dozen!

 

Yeah, it is kind of unsexy if you think about it, but if it's truly mutual, I see no reason to denigrate people who choose to do this. If two people are saying, "Let's just enjoy each other's company for a while," how exactly is that so much different from a STR?

 

There are plenty of bad committed relationships wherein people totally use each other, I d on't see that honest FWB interactions are the root of all evil, even though I don't choose to partake in them. *shrugs*

[Trialbyfire]

Straight up, I've never had an FWB relationship before since I can't compartmentalize sex and bonding. An FWB appears to lack chemistry and respect, solely physical, "me" type gratification. Without those elements, I honestly can't fathom wanting to do anyone or for that matter, wanting someone like this, as a friend.

 

So...alpha, to answer your question, I don't have a clue what environment fosters FWB relationships.

 

Yeah, it is kind of unsexy if you think about it, but if it's truly mutual, I see no reason to denigrate people who choose to do this. If two people are saying, "Let's just enjoy each other's company for a while," how exactly is that so much different from a STR?

 

There are plenty of bad committed relationships wherein people totally use each other, I d on't see that honest FWB interactions are the root of all evil, even though I don't choose to partake in them. *shrugs*

I've quoted what I said originally and stand by it. It doesn't denigrate anyone and is my opinion. Note I said "appears" and also clearly stated that I've never had one before. Where you drew the conclusion that it's the root of all evils/soul less, I'm not certain. I've clearly expressed that I don't understand this type of arrangement and realistically speaking, aren't terribly interested in finding out for myself through experience, how these things work!

[Isolde]

Fair enough. I don't argue with your premise that this type of arrangement seems cold, clinical and deeply unsatisfying.