winnie_pooh Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hi everyone~ I'm new to this forum, so forgive me if I'm posting this at the wrong place. I'm currently dating a guy whose ex totally detests me. How do I know? Well, she spread hurtful gossip about me, and of course it got back to me because we lived in a small community at the time. The problem is, even though I don't feel that she's better than me or anything, I find myself being super sensitive about her, whether it's someone mentioning her name, or seeing her photos online, or hearing things about her. I don't consciously feel jealous of her because I know they won't be getting back together, but I feel this seemingly insatiable curiosity about her. I even constantly look at her public online photo albums. Is this normal? Can someone please offer some advice? Thank you~
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 You'd like to know what you're being compared to (in his mind). I'm sure the curiosity was piqued because of her behavior to you. It's interesting to figure out why an SO was attracted to such a person in the first place and now they're attracted to you. For instance, my BF's xGF was a total witch. She was hardly ever in a good mood (have heard this from my BF, his mom and dad, and from her current BF - so it's not lines he's feeding me) and I am the kind of person that laughs a lot - I'm in a good mood a good deal of the time. In fact, it was one of the first things he commented about me. He's a pretty easy-going guy. For the life of me I can't figure out why he stayed with somebody so ornery for so long (they were together like 5 years). He has a picture of her in this huge photo collage of a bunch of his friends and I found myself really looking at it the other day. I'm not jealous of her at all - simply curious as to what kind of person she was. I find the comparison favorable for ME, so in a shallow way (I suppose), I'm happy about that. LOL So maybe you're just trying to get a feel for what their relationship was about. What did and did not work. I also firmly believe that you can get a good idea of what somebody's about by their past relationships. I don't mean that it defines them - it just gives an idea as to what kinds of lessons they've been presented with and you can get a feel for what kind of character they have. I don't know if that helped or not.
era Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hi winnie pooh, There already was a recent thread on this topic. Dig it... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184167/
Author winnie_pooh Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Thank you SoulSearch_CO...I don't know why but your response had a really calming/soothing effect on me, thank you so much! I read the other thread, and it looks like the girl in that thread is feeling insecure and feels that the BF is simply replacing his ex with her. I actually don't feel like that at all. If anything, my BF's ex is almost the opposite of me...she's older and rather motherly (cooks, cleans...etc) whereas I'm more young-spirited. Sometimes I wonder if I feel this way because this is the first BF I've dated who has an ex...my previous BFs hadn't dated before they dated me...
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