Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I think this is the right category to post in. Anyways, for over a year, I have been dating/having a friends with benefits relationship with a man. It did not start out as a friends with benefits relationship as I am certain that he liked me (at least in the beginning). However, it seemed to evolve into one. We do go out for dinner, talk about our personal lives, and well have sex. I suppose I have some feelings for him. When we were together, we would have a great time - the conversation and so on was great. He did not use a condom however so I wanted to know that if he was having sex with other people. In fact, I specifically asked if he was having sex with this one woman. He told me "no" on all of these occasions. Recently, I found out that he was having a sex only relationship with another women for months. Thus, he was lying to me. What would you have done in this situation?
alphamale Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 What would you have done in this situation? since you said its a pseudo-FWB situation you really don't have a leg to stand on. accept the relationship the way it is or leave him and move on i would suggest the latter
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 A Pseudo friends with benefit situation and not having a leg to stand on? I am a bit confused about that - i am sure I still have a leg to stand on. We were "semi involved" apparently but when I found out that he was having sex and lied to me about it. I pretty much made it clear that I didnt want to have sex with a liar. lol Just seeking opinions as I strangely miss him as I have known him over a year.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 We were "semi involved" . you are either involved or not involved...there is no "semi"
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 If you look it up on google, you will see the term semi-involved used quite often. lol However, that is not the issue - the issue is that he lied to me. For instance, if he told me if it was friends with benefits and he was having sex with other people AND was wearing a condom, it would be a different situation entirely.
Enema Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I would have broken it off too. The height of irresponsibility to lie about having sex with other people when you're having unprotected sex with me.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Yes ... just pointing out though that the woman he was having sex with was not having sex with other people. Not that I am sticking up for him - just clarifying.
northstar1 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I think this is the right category to post in. Anyways, for over a year, I have been dating/having a friends with benefits relationship with a man. It did not start out as a friends with benefits relationship as I am certain that he liked me (at least in the beginning). However, it seemed to evolve into one. We do go out for dinner, talk about our personal lives, and well have sex. I suppose I have some feelings for him. When we were together, we would have a great time - the conversation and so on was great. He did not use a condom however so I wanted to know that if he was having sex with other people. In fact, I specifically asked if he was having sex with this one woman. He told me "no" on all of these occasions. Recently, I found out that he was having a sex only relationship with another women for months. Thus, he was lying to me. What would you have done in this situation? Well, the fact is he lied to you after you asked him. The unprotected sex is a bit disturbing on top of that. If you've been FWB for a year, why didn't it ever turn into a relationship?
DarkestDreams Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 The issue is that you didn't protect yourself during sex! Considering that it was a FWB situation, you should have assumed that he might be having sex with other women, regardless of whether he admitted it or not. The fact that he lied is a problem, and if I were you I'd be equally pissed, not so much for screwing other women but for putting your health at risk. I think that's what you need to emphasize the next time you talk to him or he might assume you're acting like a jealous gf. You should get tested soon and be more careful next time. I hope this won't be a lesson learned the hard way for you.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Again I didnt think that it was a friends with benefits situation - it seemed to evolve into it. I thought it was a bit more than that though. I am naive ... what can I say? He works in the health field and I trusted him. Lesson learned. However I am pretty sure that he would not put his own health at risk and was careful about who he was having sex with. I did emphasize the health point with him ... and of course the "lying" aspect as well.
Lizzie60 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Bottom line.. it's YOUR responsibility to protect YOURSELF.. and you did not... now... He lied to you.. shame on him.. however.. he didn't owe you any explanations as it was only FWB relationship.. not an exclusive one.. You live.. you learn.. If you don't like the fact that he WILL lie .. move on.. most men lie at one point..
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Ok again ... he didnt tell me it was a FWB relationship. I never have seeked out a FWB relationship in the past. In my opinion - and how well we knew each other, he did owe me an explanation. Anyways ... just wanted to make sure that I made the right decision.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Woah! I didnt realize that I would be the one to blame here as well. Talk about "blaming the victim" lol. I however have learned not to be so trusting in the future. Thanks!
Lizzie60 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Ok again ... he didnt tell me it was a FWB relationship. I never have seeked out a FWB relationship in the past. In my opinion - and how well we knew each other, he did owe me an explanation. Anyways ... just wanted to make sure that I made the right decision. Sorry but he DIDN'T owe you anything..
mr.dream merchant Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 First and foremost, get tested. Secondly, you are both putting yourselves at risk by having unprotected sex with people you aren't exclusive with. In your case, with one guy. In his guy, with god knows how many other women besides you. I do believe he should not have lied. But then again if you two weren't fully exclusive I don't think you'd be in the right for being upset over him sleeping with other women. But I don't think that's the case here...is it? No matter what field he is in always used protection. Protection, protection, protection, until you have cold hard printed facts that he is clean then. Even then that won't be good enough because who knows if he's having unprotected sex with other women? Who knows who those women are having unprotected sex with? And who knows where the partners of those women have been? The amount of risk you're putting yourself at is exponential. If it were me, I'd be pissed he lied about ****ing other people. But if it were me, I would've already assumed my FWB was ****ing other people. So it'd just be about the lying really. Again, use protection please. Get tested.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Again he never said it was FWB. And no I didnt know that FWB meant having sex with other people. Now I do. however again I asked him on several occasions and he told me "no he wasnt having sex with other people".
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Lizzie - He definitely did owe me something. I did know him a long time. I dont think that you know us personally so I dont think that you can properly answer that. However thanks for taking the time to answer this thread.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Did the two of you ever talk being exclusive? Some people need to have that talk in order to assume its an exclusive relationship. Otherwise they'll just use the absence of that talk as an excuse to continue seeing other people, even when they know that you may have a lot of feelings invested in them. Guys do this alot, some females to. I always stress talking being exclusive as soon as you notice your feelings for someone getting deeper because if not you're possibly setting yourself up for disappointment.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks mr dream! Yes I am not too experienced in relationships so I will use this experience as a learning one I suppose. I dont think we had that talk - but perhaps we should have. I did ask what we were once. Again ... I guess I have learned something if nothing else.
DarkestDreams Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 It might come off like everyone is blaming you here, but I don't think that's the case. The bottom line is you are the one who needs to look out after yourself, not only sex wise, but in a more general sense. If you don't, nobody else will. It sounds like your relationship was never really defined, despite the fact you've been seeing each other for a year. Whether it was a FWB situation or not, whether he had the right to sleep with other people at the same time or not is really irrelevant at this point. What matters is he lied to you. That's it, that's all you need right there. Best of luck to you
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 The reason why I posted here occurs because I seem to miss him. However, he lied to me and was irresponsible about the condom situation. That is why I wanted the input from others to ensure that I made the right decision in letting him go.
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Dark - dont worry I am not taking it personally. I still believe it is his fault as I (mistakenly) trusted him. And yes he did lie - which sucks.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 And no I didnt know that FWB meant having sex with other people. Now I do. FWB = having sex with someone without any commitment or relationship = you can have sex with as many people as you can handle or get
Lizzie60 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 The reason why I posted here occurs because I seem to miss him. However, he lied to me and was irresponsible about the condom situation. That is why I wanted the input from others to ensure that I made the right decision in letting him go. Huh??? why put all the blame on him about the condom.. unless he removed it during the session.. you are just as irresponsible to have had sex with him NOT wearing a condom.. you can say 'no' you know..
Author Canada_Girl Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Lizzie - I did ask him to wear one initially. He couldnt. and I trusted him. please get beyond this.
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