Jiggly 2K3 Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 I am just wondering what peoples opinions are about religion being the only reason for a break up? My girlfriend, of over 1.5 years, dumped me over 2 months ago, and I have reason to believe it is because I am not Christian. She is a very devout christian, and I am a liberal muslim. The break up was very sudden, as she went away to a bible camp, came back and told me we should take a break, went away to bible camp again, and then dumped me. This all happened in a time fraem of about 2 weeks. I should say that intitally, for the first month after the break, she didn't give me the time of day at all to talk, or anything at all. So I stopped trying altogetehr. After a few weeks of not hearing from me, she sent me an email apologizing for her disrespect, begging for forgivness and asking me not to be mad, and saying I was still her best friend. It wasn't patheitc, but kinda desperate. She also admitted that she still had feelings for me. Since then, we have kept in contact via email, and she called me a few weeks back, out of the blue, because she "missed my voice". But I have decided to cut her out of my life altogether, as my feelings for her are still very strong, so when she lingers around as a "friend" I get distracetd by false hope, and the rest of my life gets negelcted because she is all I can think about. I think I know there is no hope for any kind of reconciliation. What bothers me about the situation is I know neither of us cheated on each other, we loved each other dearly, and we were both a good boyfriend/girlfriend to each other. We had our problems like any other couple, but for the most part, we got along great. So now, 2 months later, she is still the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. This girl should be so easy to get over because, well, for the reason she dumped me. I mean, if she can't accept me for who I am, then forget her, right? When we were dating, she always told me she didn't need a Christian guy (I was somehwat insecure, and made jokes about it). We even got intimate, something which she said REALLY REALLY meant alot to her. In the end, it was all lies, and so it should be really easy to get over this girl, but it isn't...I think this is a perfect example of how love doesn't conquer all... Has anybody else been in a situation similar to mine? Please share your thoughts, experiences and advice. It is much appreciated.
Zankon Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 Well well, my girlfriend and I are from different religions + - and it was never an obstacle. We were curious about what the other's religion is about but it was it. No disrespect nothing. Probably she didn't like your jokes about religion... who knows In your situation, I think there are two possibilities: 1- either she's an extremist, period. 2- Somebody is in that camp But my opinion is, be yourself and get another one
jalexy Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 I am sorry that you have come to such a crappy situation. I guess in my OPINION she isnt very Christian in the first place. Breaking up with someone because of their religion makes you a poor person. Thats just my idea. just move on and have a good time
HokeyReligions Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 In every Christian-based faith that I am aware of one of the key teachings is to love God first and all else after--including significant other. An honest born-again Christian would have a major struggle with this. Some religious practices require that a person adopt or convert to their religion officially in order to marry. She could be grieving over the loss of the relationship and doesn't want to lose you, but is confused and conflicted about how you might fit into her lifestyle. A true love and belief in God should be something wonderful and of the most importance to a person and they would naturally want to share that love and devotion to God with their family. Not being able to share this newly acknowledged foundation for her life could then become a relationship-breaker. You say that your religious background is not that important in the relationship, but if you were to marry and have kids - how would you want your kids raised? And what if your wife insisted on raising them according to her belief only and not schooling them at all about your faith? I know a couple who thought they had a great compromise in their marriage - they were very happy and a great couple. Everything seemed wonderful when she got pregnant. After the baby was born both of their parents wanted to introduce the child to their religions. The couple felt that it would be a good thing to do -- they didn't want their child to grow up with no faith at all, just because the parents don't practice doesn't mean they have lost their faith. Arguments insued and the marriage fell apart.
Tony T Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 I don't think your relationship with her was all lies. But she was told something at those retreats that convinced her to break away from you. Many religions are terrified that members will defect if they get too close to those of other beliefs. These primitive ideas actually still exist in places and this is what probably happened. If she is so easily convinced to break up with you, you don't need her. Stop even thinking about the situation. You have done the right thing by not replying to her emails and moving on with your life. Sometimes these things work out but when somebody is a very devout Christian, it just ain't gonna happen with a liberal or conservative Muslim. You should have known that from the start. I am amazed that people in this century still live in the dark ages when it comes to these matters. Who the hell should care? Anyway, she's not the girl of your dreams...and be very careful next time, expecting the worst if you pair yourself up with somebody whose religion may not be compatible or tolerant of your own.
moimeme Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 Breaking up with someone because of your religion makes you a devoutly religious person. There are some, and while I don't agree that any one religion is so correct that one must not marry someone outside of that religion, I respect that some people feel otherwise.
moimeme Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 Yeesh people are fast today! I go to answer jalexy and Tony and Hokey whip in in a flash LOL.
lucifer Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 she was propbably brainwashed at "bible camp"
alaskangrizzly Posted November 25, 2003 Posted November 25, 2003 It has nothing to do with being brainwashed. Some people are just to ignorant to understand that sometimes breaking p for personal beliefs is something worth giving respect to. My ex-fiancee and I were together for three years when we broke up. We were both Christians until our last year together and I denounced my faith. It clearly states in the bible, in many places, that a Christian may not marry a non-Christian. It hurt me very badly to give up my soul-mate and best-friend; however, I knew that to ask any more of her would be making her a hypocrite and compromising her Christianity. Your ex-girlfriend did what she had to do. In my opinion, you should respect her in the fact that, unlike most other Christians, she "walked the walk" and didn't just "talk the talk." ~Justin
Arabess Posted November 25, 2003 Posted November 25, 2003 Depending on how 'devout' you are about your particular faith...I think it's absoluely essential for both people to agree if the relationship is to continue. There are families, what type of wedding, how to raise children....and many other issues which can change from religion to religion. I think if you don't see eye to eye on it.....then it's a good chance it'll come back and greet you on down the road.
FIORDALIZA Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 i agree 100% with alaskangrizzly, i think if you are a devouted christian, you should love, honor your god before any man on earth, for you shall love him with all you heart soul and mind, he is the king of king, I have been with my son's father for about 9 yrs and just became a christian about 2yr ago and now im trying to evagilize my son's father to become a christian and so far he has acepted jesus into his heart as his lord and savior and we are planning a wedding like god wants it and if my son's fateher had not done and had redicule me for my belife in god i would had ended my relation with my son's father of 9 yrs because a true christian would never comprise when it comes to god.....
JUSTME3 Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 A persons beliefs in reference to differences in religion are the issue not differences in religion. My exs mother was a muslim and his father a jew. They were one of the happiest couples I have ever known. His mother was actually disowned by her family for many years due to their union. Religion is only an issue if you believe it is. Unfortunatly it appears your ex was brain washed into believing it is an issue. Flordaliza it is horrifying to me that you say you would of left your husband if he did not convert to your religion. I do believe the bible states that the only reason to divorce is infidelity. To think that you would of thrown out the vows of your marraige, upset your childrens life and devestated your husband in the name of religion is exactly why I stay clear of "religious" people (not to be confused with spiritual or god loving people). They have a tendency to focus on being right rather than being kind...on dogma rather than love and tolerance.
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