shawn33 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 she is with me but she has told me she is torn between the 2. I have been trying to find sitistics on who the wife turns to in the end. If you can help thanks. If you want to know she is sexualy happy with me and I try emotionaly with her but i think her lover is better in that area but she told me he isnt good sexual do to him having heath problems hes impotant. I want it to end im trying to give her time but im not sharing my wife. I work for a living he doesnt he on disablity he also has a live in girlfiend of 18 years that most likely doesnt know , should i tell her? What i have to say is this guy has my wife believing eveything he says in which he doesnt have a pot to piss in. thanks for letting me vent a bit
hopesndreams Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 You may think she is "with" you because you both still live together. Truth be known she is not really "with" you at all. She is "with" her lover, mentally. She tells you that he can't get it up, but how much of that can you really believe? My favourite saying on here is...How can you tell if a cheater is lying? Their lips move....There is SO much truth in that saying. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't know if they want you or the other guy? She could drag this out forever. Right now she can continue like this indefinitely if YOU let her. Tell her to make her decision NOW. If you don't do this you will lose her in the end anyway, she will have zero respect for you just letting this continue. Not that she has any respect for you now anyway. Decision is yours, not hers. You're in the drivers seat. Yes, tell her lovers gf if you know who she is. Fill her in.
Bryanp Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Shawn, I think you need a reality check. She is torn between her lover and you because their are no consequences to her actions. You are sitting back and letting her have her lover while living with you? What is wrong with this picture? I would not believe anything she tells you about her lovemaking with the OM. She is totally playing you and telling you what you want to hear. I seriously doubt he is impotent. You must certainly tell the OM's girlfriend. Why have you not? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be allowing you to have a lover on the side and be so accepting as you have been? Your wife continues in this behavior because she believes you are a doormat and will accept her having sex with another man while being married to you. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She is playing you for a total fool. Clearly she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? It is time to get your head out of the sand. Why are you sitting back allowing her to humiliate and disrespect you in the worst possible way and putting your health at risk for STD's? By not telling his girlfriend about the affair you are enabling the affair to continue. What is wrong with you?
carhill Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 So, what's your biggest fear here? Fear is like money; it never lies
Reggie Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 So, what's your biggest fear here? Fear is like money; it never lies I agree. What is keeping you in this abusive relationship? Gotta be fear.
jmargel Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Shawn, first off how long have you been married? How old are you two? When did this affair start? How did she treat you before all of this? As long as you tolerate her behavior she will continue it. Bryan is right, she has faced NO consequences for her actions. You roll over and piddle on yourself when she slaps you in the face by her continued cheating and lying. Unless you start respecting yourself, standing up for yourself and start making YOURSELF happy then it will continue to get worse. If I was in your shoes (and I was once cheated on) I would demand she get out of the house and to end all contact with you. Stop being her safety net, stop playing this game. If she wants you, she has to EARN that back. She has to EARN that trust back by ending it all with him and start going to counseling. Your own self-worth should not be based on whether you are with her or not. Good chance she has either cheated on you in the past or will in the future unless she gets a major attitude/personality overhaul. Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Question is, how long will it take before you become insane over this? It's time to end this chapter.
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Does you wife know that he has a live-in gf? Definitely tell the live-in gf what's going on, and tell your wife about the gf if she doesn't know already. Your wife is never going to leave you for an unemployed impotent guy who already has a gf, but neither will she get rid of him as long as she can continue playing you for a fool. My advice would be to dump her, move out, and find a decent woman who won't cheat on you - but if you really want to keep your wife then tell the gf what's going on and insist that the affair ends NOW.
Darth Vader Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 she is with me but she has told me she is torn between the 2. I have been trying to find sitistics on who the wife turns to in the end. If you can help thanks. If you want to know she is sexualy happy with me and I try emotionaly with her but i think her lover is better in that area but she told me he isnt good sexual do to him having heath problems hes impotant. I want it to end im trying to give her time but im not sharing my wife. I work for a living he doesnt he on disablity he also has a live in girlfiend of 18 years that most likely doesnt know , should i tell her? What i have to say is this guy has my wife believing eveything he says in which he doesnt have a pot to piss in. thanks for letting me vent a bit Why are you still with this woman or whatever? You can't tell us that you love her, she apparently doesn't love you or she would never have rode the OM. BTW, the sex was totally mind blowing, your wife is seriously gaslighting you, I think you know that, now lose this cheap woman and get someone else much better!
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 No, she's not torn, she wants both. If you don't want to give her a buffet selection, take your dish elsewhere...
Dexter Morgan Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 shawn, Make her mind up for her. Kick her out and tell her to go be with the other man. then get yourself a good divorce lawyer. Why are you even thinking about competing for your own wife? She doesn't deserve time to decide. Decide for her. There is a better life out there for you that does NOT include her.
Athena Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I agree with posters who say KICK her OUT and make it clear to her that you do not accept her infidelity. Its a joke that she is seriously courting some over-the-hill, has-been complete with a live-in- g/f over YOU -- her husband! Show some respect for yourself and throw her out.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 You need to do a couple of things: 1) Tell his live-in GF what her BF is up to behind her back. This is because you want to make it as difficult as possible for the affair to continue. Affairs thrive in secrecy. Take that away. 2) Once you've done that, lay down the law with your W. Enough of this "giving her time" crap. All that does is enable her. You should tell her that she has to make a decision within 24 hours, and that if she doesn't, you'll make it for her. And by that, I mean you pack her bags.
Author shawn33 Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 No, she's not torn, she wants both. If you don't want to give her a buffet selection, take your dish elsewhere... Trialbyfire do you have an email address i can tell you the whole story. Looking at your profile you been here a while and have knowledge id also like a womans point of view to. thanks to all the other posters.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Trialbyfire do you have an email address i can tell you the whole story. Looking at your profile you been here a while and have knowledge id also like a womans point of view to. thanks to all the other posters. Most people are cautious to give out personal stuff like that on here, but if you post a bunch, you will get the ability to Private Message her on this site. I recommend you take that route.
lostsunsets Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 she is with me but she has told me she is torn between the 2. I have been trying to find sitistics on who the wife turns to in the end. If you can help thanks. If you want to know she is sexualy happy with me and I try emotionaly with her but i think her lover is better in that area but she told me he isnt good sexual do to him having heath problems hes impotant. I want it to end im trying to give her time but im not sharing my wife. I work for a living he doesnt he on disablity he also has a live in girlfiend of 18 years that most likely doesnt know , should i tell her? What i have to say is this guy has my wife believing eveything he says in which he doesnt have a pot to piss in. thanks for letting me vent a bit In the first place all cheating women say that the other guy isn't good sexually. This is a lie in hopes that you will not feel as threatened by him, while she continues to have sex with him. You are a fool to believe a thing she says. Secondly, you are looking at statistics ?!?!? What for? The only statistic you should be interest in, is that 100% of your wife is screwing someone else. You need to get up in her grill and tell her that you won't be sharing her anymore. In fact, pack her a bag. And tell her to get out until she can decide. When she does, have her call you so you can let her know if you want her back, which most likely you won't. WHY ARE BETRAYED HUSBANDS SO WEAK? THE LONGER YOU LET HER EAT CAKE THE FURTHER SHE PULLS AWAY FROM YOU AND THE CLOSER SHE GETS TO HIM. YOU ARE ALLOWING HER TO SLOWLY REPLACE YOU WITH THE OTHER MAN, UNTIL SHE IS READY TO DUMP YOU, OR HAVE HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU.
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Here are her options - She gets help by going to counselling so she can figure this out. She also has to END it with him, go full no contact so she can focus on reconnecting with you and fixing the marriage. OR, you tell her to move out and be prepared for a divorce. She can't have it both ways..It is cruel and unfair to you! Yes we know you love her and don't want to lose her, but if you allow her to stay in the house and still 'date' her OM, SHE is the one who gets to have her cake and it eat too... Right now she has TWO men meeting her needs! WTF and how selfish is that? How long can YOU survive like this? Knowing what she's doing and still have her lay next to you at night. You would also benefit from counselling, I'm sure this has taken it's toll on you.
lostsunsets Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 How long can YOU survive like this? Knowing what she's doing and still have her lay next to you at night. that is, unless she decides to sleep next to OM some nights.
Author shawn33 Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 ok ill post the whole story on a new thread its going to be a long one but thanks to all those who help.
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