IceIceBaby Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He met my parents about six months into it and is always attending family functions, holidays, etc. I have never met his parents and never been invited. His family lives three states away so I know its not easy. I have asked why I've never been invited and never really got an answer. Well I finally did and his reason was that he just never really thought about it. And that he thought things were going well. He also says it's not about me. Does this seem strange to anyone else? How can someone not think about it for three years? Is this just a guy thing or does this guy just really not want me to meet his parents? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 This seems very odd to me. What has he got to hide? If a guy hasn't introduced you to his parents after three years, he's obviously not taking the relationship very seriously!
2sure Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 If he is estranged from his parents and does not go to see them himself for holidays, etc. then it would seem he does not want to share his life with them period. But if he visits them...just without you - after 3 years, he is either hiding them from you or the other way around. Unless he has mentioned that they are criminals, or maybe insane, and that he is doing you a favor.... You can assume its you.
LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 If he is estranged from his parents and does not go to see them himself for holidays, etc. then it would seem he does not want to share his life with them period. But if he visits them...just without you - after 3 years, he is either hiding them from you or the other way around. Unless he has mentioned that they are criminals, or maybe insane, and that he is doing you a favor.... You can assume its you. All of above makes a lot of sense. Anyone would question it so I don't blame you. Look at his family vs. yours: does he seem as close to his as you are, does he talk to them often, make a point to visit or attend gatherings? Not everyone has that kind of relationship with their parents, especially if far away...you might just come from a more traditional upbringing than he...or, he just doesn't want it to be serious enough for you to meet his family...but then you'd think it would bother him to meet yours, too, so I don't know. But if his relationship appears to be similar to that of yours, it's definitely odd that he hasn't included you.
cat-power Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 He goes to your family and he mingles with your friends ?...in that case I wouldn't be worried. I have moved heaven and hell to keep any bf's away from my father...not my mother, and many have met her....but they come as a package deal unfortuntately. Why this is the case is another long story which I won't go into. But yeah...I could understand if he has the same reasons I do.
carhill Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 So, OP, in three years, how many times has he visited his parents?
LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 He goes to your family and he mingles with your friends ?...in that case I wouldn't be worried. I have moved heaven and hell to keep any bf's away from my father...not my mother, and many have met her....but they come as a package deal unfortuntately. Why this is the case is another long story which I won't go into. But yeah...I could understand if he has the same reasons I do. Exactly, not everyone has what might be perceived as a "normal" relationship with their families...for some, a serious relationship just doesn't necessarily correlate with meeting the family, he might even just be plain emabarrassed about them for some reason.
Katherineos123 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 After 3 years, and still no introduction to the family, I would be a little worried... Has he ever mentioned a strained relationship with his family to you before? If not, why dont you ask him? I know that is a pretty personal question, but if you guys have been dating that long, I dont think he would be uncomfortable answering it... Because as 2sure said, it seems as though something is awry, its either you, or them, thats he's hiding.
Author IceIceBaby Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 He's told me about his parents and they seem normal. His family definitely isn't as close as mine, but mine is abnormally close. I come from an Italian family where big family dinners are very common. Carhill - He's been home probably 7-8 times since we started dating. We started dating in January of 2006. I brought him home to meet my family in June. I thought for sure it would have happened sometime in that first year. But here were are, three years later and no meeting yet. Also, they have come out here twice. Once it was a holiday weekend and I had plans to go home. He asked me to stay to have dinner with them. I didn't hear from him all weekend. We spoke a few hours ago and he says he's stupid and didn't realize how much it affected me. I still think he should have at least had some interest in having them meet me.
Stone Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 He sounds like my brother, he just doesn't let me or the rest of our faimly in to his personal life never did, never will.... His faimly may be overbearing in his eyes, embarassing etc,maybe he doesn't need or want their opinion about you because he has no need for it, he may just want to keep them at arms length.
carhill Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 We spoke a few hours ago and he says he's stupid and didn't realize how much it affected me. Nah, stupid would be not buying two airline tickets while prices are so low
LoveLace Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Well maybe now that he realizes how important it is to you, he will follow through. He just didn't see it in the same light as you so now he has the chance to show you he cares if you care.
Recommended Posts