sexibanez Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 My ex and I were in a relationship for 7 years. We were 19 and are now both 26 - I have never been with anyone else. 3 years ago I moved 200 miles away to London and promised i'd come back at the end of the year, but i had so much fun i decided to stay on another year. Then i promised i'd be back in the 2nd year but ended up staying for the third year due to work commitments (I am a teacher). During the last year, my gf and I were fighting and constantly arguing over minor things - this underlied the resentment she had for me staying in london, I was also becoming lazy as id be tired when i saw her (almost every weekend). But we still loved each other and that's why she didnt leave me for so long. About a month ago, we argued online, and she just snapped and had enough, I left work for the week and tried to reconcile but she said she was unhappy and felt better for the break up. It's weird, at first she wanted a break for a month, then til the summer, and now she says she never wants back with me but hopes to still be friends. She has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship whom i have a good relationip with and have known since he was one. But I wasn't there for them in the three years i was away, and i was becoming an old man before my time. I hear that she had a fling (a kiss as far as i know) with some guy in her lab, and they went california together as part of a conference but i drove myself mad thinking about what was happening. My friends have been great and told me its none of my business anymore and i need to forget about her and give her the space she wanted. Theyve also been forcing me to go out and at least to pretend i was having fun and not moping about. I havent contacted her for 2-3 weeks and the other day she initiated a chat online and i was quite distant (trying to be cool!), even though she said she missed me heaps but said "but that's to be expected you were such a huge part of my life". Yesterday i talked to her online again and reciprocated those feelings of missing her too, but it didnt go beyond that. We agreed to contact each other sporadically until July, when the term ends and i move back to our homeown, she said "Then we can be friends...or at least try to be", and i told her that we'd see what happened. ____________________ During our time apart: I have taken a good, hard, long look at myself. I realise now that I was no fun, that I was too controlling and that I was really lazy, coupled with the fact that I neglected her for three years and never moved back, and argued most of the time. Its not hard to see what was wrong really! Changes I have made: Sparked off my social life and having more fun, arranging a job and house in my hometown for when i come back, becoming more active, Finally understood that she's the one i want to be with for the rest of my life. It was difficult for me to commit because my family have strict religious views and wouldnt accept her, so i was always afraid to move back and make an honest woman out of her. Plus not having been with anyone else, I didn't know whether I needed to try out other people before settling with her. This break up has made me see that nothing matters more than her. Not my families views, I have no doubts, I just want her back. I am afraid that I cant do ANYTHING while i am away in london til july, we speak sporadically but im afraid she will find someone and move on. What should I do? I am adament I want her back but she's not playing ball at the moment - I have had minimal contact but miss her intensely. I havent told her any of my changes for fear that it is too soon and she wont believe me. Perhaps she WANTS to be young and single. My friends say it is easier for me to go out and meet someone than for her as she has a child etc, finding time and someone willing to go through with that will be harder. But shes such a wonderful person I am afraid July will coe too late.... Gosh I am very sorry this is so long but I need your advice guys, many thanks.
boldjack Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Dude, I think it's over between you two. She is already seeing other people and is referring to you in the past tense. She has moved on. You can possibly start something new with her, but you will have to be very upfront with her and try to ignore the other guys. You are just one of many who realizes this woman's worth. She will go with the one who suits her best. If it were me, I wouldn't hold out any hope, but take it extremely easy.
Author sexibanez Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Man that really doesnt help me. She really wanted to know about when we were to contact and stuff, is there no way I can save this? I told her i didnt care what she did with other men while we were apart, but i move back in the summer and i am going to get a place in an area she'd like to live as we talked about when we were together. I'm just stuck in London until then. I have been with er for a long time and am good with her and her boy, is there nothing I can do? Should I try to get back together now and ditch my job?
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