hereandnow Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Haven't posted in a while, but here goes. Was doing really well. I'm at about 6 months post breakup of a relationship that lasted a little over 6 months. Really feeling pretty good about things. Then I end up at dinner with her yesterday. I had been doing really good with avoiding her. I actually saw her on the highway yesterday morning and she called me, so that may have precipitated me into feeling the way I do now. We chatted for a second. Anyway, some friends invited me out to dinner last night. I should have known better, that she would probably have been there. Heck, I even saw her car there and didn't turn around, so I was asking for it. Anyway long story short I'm a bit knotted up again this morning. It's funny but whenever I see her once it seems like I subconsciously (and probably a little consciously) try to run into her again soon. Kind of a "when it rains it pours" kind of thing. All replies, feedback, and support are greatly appreciated! They always help tremendously!
Meaplus3 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Hey, don't beat yourself up over this. So it made you feel good to see her. after all your were once in an R and feelings take time to go away. Now, You probably should avoid her in the future if you ever want to break free from this past R. Thing's take time. You will get there. Mea:)
Author hereandnow Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I really wouldn't say it felt good to see her. Thank God I wasn't actually eating and was just meeting some people, so I could and did duck out early. I just feel like such an idiot when I'm around her like that. Usually I'm outgoing, joking, etc. When she's there now I just end up being unusually quiet. I mean, not completely catatonic or anything, I added a little something to the mix, but not my usual style. Afterward the other girls I was there with said "Oh, that's why you were all quiet." My heart just gets to racing. The other issue, and 'm probably just paranoid, is that I think she may be wanting to date one of my friends, who was there. Like I said, I may just being paranoid, but that is eating up my serenity level as well. Like I said before, all replies/input are greatly appreciated!
kizik Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Hmmm... why, again, in the name of the Lord, did you allow yourself to see her? There is nothing good that can come from seeing an ex. I understand that you didn't see her intentionally, and that seeing her was a bi-product of your group dinner... but you should have left as soon as you saw her car. You're going to get over this quickly, I'm sure. But in the future - don't allow yourself to see her. You can never overestimate the effect that'll have on you.
Author hereandnow Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Thanks Mea and Kizik. Kizik, you're absolutely right about the fact that you can never over-estimate the effect seeing an ex will have. I never thought about it in those exact words, but I've felt it over and over again. I have this pattern of going for a while without seeing her, then something will happen, maybe a chance encounter, and I'll run through all the emotions again, have a text exchange, etc. Each time I seem to bounce back quicker, and the time between each incident gets longer and longer. Still, it's not the quickest route to full recovery. I was just talking the other day about how great I was feeling, how I was almost completely over it. Been trying to get myself out there and date, but no one who fits the "profile" has popped up recently. At least no one single! Thanks guys, you're helping. Keep the posts up!
Author hereandnow Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I was just outside my apartment smoking and she happened to drive by. Aaaaarrgh! What are the odds! D****it!
Meaplus3 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I was just outside my apartment smoking and she happened to drive by. Aaaaarrgh! What are the odds! D****it! Then quit smoking. Now seriously, that is odd. Did she see you? Mea:)
kizik Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I have this pattern of going for a while without seeing her, then something will happen, maybe a chance encounter, and I'll run through all the emotions again, have a text exchange, etc. Each time I seem to bounce back quicker, and the time between each incident gets longer and longer. Still, it's not the quickest route to full recovery. I was just talking the other day about how great I was feeling, how I was almost completely over it. Been trying to get myself out there and date, but no one who fits the "profile" has popped up recently. At least no one single! Thanks guys, you're helping. Keep the posts up! Hereandnow, you're talking to the right person, leastways in regards to seeing an ex. My ex and I broke up back in May, and I've "seen" her three times since then. (You can go look at my old posts if you really care.) The reason I say "seen" is because that's all it's been; once at a concert, again driving in my neighborhood (kind of like your little sighting some minutes ago), and again about a month ago when she was waiting at a bus stop. It sucks, b/c to begin with, I am not 100% sure it was her (except for the driving thing, when I recognized her license plate). Not knowing if it's them, but suspecting it is, can drive one crazy. Because then you start thinking, "Am I imagining this? Am I still that hung up on her?" So in a sick way, I envy your recent contact with her; at least you knew it was her. But having said that, I completely understand why you acted the way you did in front of her. As you say, you're usually pretty funny and outgoing - but around her, you clam up, get quiet and nervous, etc. To me, this is just proof of the negative effect she has on you. She makes you tense, and not yourself. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Stop your texting, and all voluntary contact. I am proud of myself for the simple reason that each time I've seen her, it's been completely coincidental. In the near-year since we've been broken up, I've contacted her a total of one time, and that was to say "Good luck." Good luck to you, H&N. POST 1800. I rock.
Author hereandnow Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I don't think she saw me. Unfortunately I just initiated a text exchange. She sent one back. I'm a fool. I can't help it when weirdness like this goes down. See what I mean by "when it rains it pours." I'm not in a small town either. Over 400,000 people.
Meaplus3 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I don't think she saw me. Unfortunately I just initiated a text exchange. She sent one back. I'm a fool. I can't help it when weirdness like this goes down. See what I mean by "when it rains it pours." I'm not in a small town either. Over 400,000 people. Hmmmm.. now what are your expecting by beign in contact with her again? Mea:)
Author hereandnow Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Expecting, another emotional hangover! Wanting, now, I guess I still have that hope of reconciliation. It comes and it goes. Sometimes I'm looking ahead and feeling great about what the future may hold, etc. and sometimes, especially when I have contact with her, the hope comes back. You can tell me again if you want, but I do know all about no contact. Anyway, the text exchange was actually rather nice. Longest one we ever had, and that includes during the R. She wants to see my new place. We'll see how I feel about everything tomorrow. This may go without saying, but I was the dumpee.
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