john_kingston Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 My girlfriend and I had an argument 3 weeks ago. Then the next day after the argument, she went back to her home country for 3 weeks, so the argument was never settled. During these 3 weeks, we still talked online everyday. At first, she said she is confused about her feelings but towards the end of those 3 weeks she said she is sure she lost her feelings for me. She came back yesterday and I took my friend's advice, went to meet her at the airport with roses. She didn't look excited and actually reacted rather coldly. She said when she saw me she didn't think I am special anymore. It's just like a friend picking her up at the airport. When we got home, I apologised for the argument. She said she really appreciate it but she thinks it is not the argument itself that bothered her. It's just that it prompted her to think about our relationship and she thinks we are just not meant to be together. She also told me that during those 3 weeks, she didn't miss me and she realized I don't give her the happiness that her family and friends back home give her (i was like duh...we're only together for 3-4 months but of course I didn't say that out). After saying all that she said she wants to breakup with me. I knew it is pointless to explain my position further, so I just agreed to the breakup and she said she knows that we'll still be good friends. She left again today for another 3 weeks. I sent her a letter saying I am feeling fine and respect her decision to separate now. I also attached a photo of us to the letter (she wanted that photo before she went home 3 weeks away). She then texted me and said "thank for the letter and photo. hope to talk to you soon". I know I have to cut off contact with her now (she doesn't really have internet/phone access now anyway). But I am just wondering what should I do when she is back? Should I talk with her normally and treat her as a friend and see what happens? Is it still worth trying? Also, another complication is that we are going to share a flat together with 3 of my friends next year. Even when we were in a relationship, she told me she was unsure about staying with me and my friends next year, but since she wanted to stay with me so much she said she didn't mind. When she said we are breaking up, I asked her if she has changed her mind. She told me she is still going to stay with us because she thinks she should keep her promise and she doesn't feel anything will be strange. I just feel this is not right...how can we share a flat when we have broken up (even though there'll be 3 other people around)? I'm just totally confused now! Any thoughts will be very helpful! By the way, we were only together for 3-4 months.
Author john_kingston Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 by the way, just an additional piece of info. during the "break-up" talk, I suggested to work things out. she told me since she is leaving again for 3 weeks the next day and then after she gets back we have to prepare for finals (we are still in college), she thinks she will just completely lose her feelings for me then and we wouldn't have time to deal with relationship problems anyway...this is her reason for not wanting to try work things out (of course her other reason is that she thinks it can't be worked out)
Ilovehim Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 please listen to me!! when people treat you like this (meaning i no longer want to be with you, you dont make me feel special and blah blh)..think of yuorself...WHO THE F*** is this person to tell you stuff like that?? you go to the airport with flowers she acts coldly...treat her how she treats you...show her you dont care....and dont be overly friendly...indifference is what kills people...even after they say the crap they say...this is not the case of "pride over love" because the love is not there so dont lose your pride as well....
Author john_kingston Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 thanks. any other thoughts? I am really confused...
Excellent Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 If she is acting cold, you act cold. If she is acting sweet, be sweet (but no crawling) back. The point here is to not reward her for her indifference to you. It's feeding her ego and pushing her further away when you do this. Right now, she looks down on you. She sees you as a spineless wuss, and not as a man. As my ex did, because i came running everytime she wanted after the break. The minute i stopped doing that, and stopped caring what she was up to, she changed. I've been into this for 2 months now, and her arrogance is gone, i'm pretty sure her relationship with her rebound fellow has failed too. I have even caught her giving me the "i miss you face" at work. Basically, i have showed her, or atleast given the impression that i have moved on, and that i don't need her to continue on living. 2 months of NC made me realize that yeah, what we had was good, i care about her and wish her well, but i don't NEED her. Always be polite, but firm against her if she wants anything. Be cheerfull, but don't act desperate. Turn her down when she has the time, and set a new time/date if she wants to do something. Always on your terms. She will start to wonder.
mark982 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 i sure as hell wouldn't be picking her up at the airport again.take this time to put her things in storage,clean her out from your life.
alwayssme Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 it's amazing how you can be so sweet to someone and they repay you with a cold attitude and so much pain. Do it once, shame on you. Do it twice shame on me....DO NOT beg to someone who is treating you like crap...LOVE YOURSELF!!
Author john_kingston Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 If she is acting cold, you act cold. If she is acting sweet, be sweet (but no crawling) back. The point here is to not reward her for her indifference to you. It's feeding her ego and pushing her further away when you do this. Right now, she looks down on you. She sees you as a spineless wuss, and not as a man. As my ex did, because i came running everytime she wanted after the break. The minute i stopped doing that, and stopped caring what she was up to, she changed. I've been into this for 2 months now, and her arrogance is gone, i'm pretty sure her relationship with her rebound fellow has failed too. I have even caught her giving me the "i miss you face" at work. Basically, i have showed her, or atleast given the impression that i have moved on, and that i don't need her to continue on living. 2 months of NC made me realize that yeah, what we had was good, i care about her and wish her well, but i don't NEED her. Always be polite, but firm against her if she wants anything. Be cheerfull, but don't act desperate. Turn her down when she has the time, and set a new time/date if she wants to do something. Always on your terms. She will start to wonder. thanks! she is in many of my classes so probably i will see her a lot...like everyday when she's back. so when i see her just smile/greet her and don't initiate convo? i don't know how to treat her when i see her again... btw, today she texted my friend and asked him how i am doing. what does that mean? i am still keeping up NC. how long do u think i should keep it for?
Excellent Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 thanks! she is in many of my classes so probably i will see her a lot...like everyday when she's back. so when i see her just smile/greet her and don't initiate convo? i don't know how to treat her when i see her again... btw, today she texted my friend and asked him how i am doing. what does that mean? i am still keeping up NC. how long do u think i should keep it for? When you meet her in person, you throw up a smile, say hello, and move on. If she wants to talk, you can either let her talk and and steer the conversation, or say you don't have time, in a polite manner. If you talk, don't give her anything about your love-life or anything, thats not her business anymore. If she wants to talk about her love-life, brag or whatever, you just smile and change the subject like you don't even care. Stick to this, it's going to be hard as hell in the beginning, so you really have to suck it up. Never, ever, give her any attention unless she deserves it. Don't give her that tranquilizer-gaze in class or anything, women pick up on these things so much better than we stupid brutes do Jolly good, she is texting your friends. Make sure you give the same impression to your friends then. You are fine, happy and enjoying life as it is right now. And don't talk about your ex to your friends, if they have contact with her. The point is to show her that you don't need her. You have moved on, or is starting to move on way faster than she thought. Make her wonder until it becomes unbearable. If she calls you, be cheerfull, keep the conversation short. If she wants to hang out, remember: your terms only. It's a good way to test her and see if she is starting to come around again. Hope this helps, good luck buddy. Oh, and by the way, delete and block her from facebook, msn, and things like that. If she asks, just tell her you are not ready to be her friend right now, perhaps some other time. If she gets upset, mad or whatever, just explain that this is just how it is right now, in a calm and cool manner.
Recommended Posts