* * * no contact - my story - the positive and negative - ? * * *

[Charmaine_Champagne]

I initiated NC almost 2 months ago after my ex made it extremely obvious in a very immature way that he no longer wanted to be with me (ignoring me, mind games,etc.. see other threads) We were together 6 years so it has been very difficult. The first few weeks were a nightmare, not eating, not sleeping, not actually being able to concentrate on anything and constantly checking my phone/emails every 5 minutes to see if he had called. I thought of him all the time.

 

So it's been almost 2 months now since he has heard from me and in that time I have only had 2 meaningless texts from him which pretty much said nothing. I can honestly say that NC has helped me. I've got to a point now where I no longer expect to hear from him because it has been so long (compared to someone who would contact me 5 times a day to now nothing) But as time has passed I have got used to him not being in my life and not contacting me that it would actually be very weird and awkward if he did make contact or if I was ever to be in his company or bump into him.

 

Don't get me wrong I am far from being 'healed' afterall 6 years is a long time and I still think of him alot- though not as much. However, as time has passed I have come to accept he was to blame whereas at the start I tortured myself thinking it was something I had done. But I now know you can't be responsible for other peoples actions. I still have down days but generally now I have moved on to feelings of anger towards what he did to me and I now realize I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I am so glad now when I look back that I didn't beg or plead.

 

I have also noticed that since the break up I have made more effort with people in general and I am noticing I am actually more friendly towards others. I am quite a quiet person and I was worried about being lonely but I have made new friends and have made more effort to hang out with my old friends too. With my ex I was always with him, every text on my phone would be from him whereas now it is full of new contacts. I see now that I was tied down with my ex and while I do feel lonely at times, when i'm busy and socializing I enjoy my freedom.

 

NC has helped me move on and cope on my own and i'm starting to get used to it and it has helped me to accept that we will not be together again. I can't go back to how he treated me it was unacceptable. I feel that I was 'tied down' with him and that our relationship had become a habit and I am also look back and see his flaws and notice that he was controlling.

 

BUT.. despite all this progress I am still struggling with the idea that he doesn't care. He hasn't heard anything from me in 2 whole months.. no calls, no texts, no emails nothing. I don't use social networking sites, we don't live in the same area or have the same friends so he has no way of knowing what I am up to. It's almost as if I have vanished off the face of the earth. I guess I am still annoyed that he hasn't really tried to even see if i'm ok, if i'm still alive or if i'm dead!

 

I know that NC is not a way to get your ex back and I know after how badly he treated me it was my only option and that it is helping me to cope and heal. But my friends/family who know him told me they thought he would crawl back eventually. It's not that I really want him back mainly because I know I can't take him back, I can't be a doormat.. but I would quite like an answer or even an apology or even a sign that he thinks about me after 6 years or misses me or wonders what i'm up to! I haven't even had a private call to my phone even to see if my number is the same. Basically I am struggling with the idea that after 6 years and 2 months NC he doesn't seem to care if i'm alive or dead and this was a guy who professed his love to me in an almost obsessive way.

 

Friends have suggested that he probably does miss me and think of me but because of how it ended he doesn't know how to contact me as he might have to admit his guilt, give me an explanation or say sorry and he doesn't want to do that. alternatively he may have a new g/f

I just struggle with the idea that he doesn't care and that he isn't even phased or puzzled by my NC. If he was surely he would call?

 

 

(I appreciate this is long but any advice is welcome.. thanks guys.. and I know some of you will post that it doesn't matter what he thinks and that i need to keep moving on but 6 years is a long time and while NC is helping me I still do have feelings for him and miss him deep down so I would like him to feel the same.. i appreciate I may contradict myself in this thread.. I miss him like hell but i can't go back at the same time after 6 years i'd like to know he cares.. i'd rather have friendship in time that just nothing at all- a stranger after 6 years.. but then i'm not hearing much from his side either apart from 2 meaningless texts one of which was blank!! does he even care?)

[exclusive.]

I feel exactly the same, although I was not with my ex for 6 years I was with her for only a year but I definitely fell for her extraordinarily deeply. She has not contacted me for the passed 2 months, not even replied to contact I have made breaking my own NC and it does make you think did I really not mean that much to them?

 

Problem is, we shall never get a reply Charmaine so my advice really - is to stop asking the question and accept that their love hoenstly, probably wasnt true love otherwise - they would not be our ex's.

 

Look to the prospect of meeting someone in the future who will make you feel secure and loved for the rest of your life. Thats what I do and Im only filled with excitement.

[Lippy2]

I to am struggling with this. I was with my ex for 5 years and he needed to step back. I just broke NC after 6 weeks. Although he did repsond to my text, it hurts like hell to think that this person doesn't call, text or otherwise and that it seems like you don't matter in there life anymore. It's a tough pill to swallow but as everyone keeps telling me, actions speak louder than words.

 

They very well might care or they might not, but their not here and that says something.

[anni1979]

This is my take on the situation:

 

It could be that he doesn't care. Maybe he's not thinking about you at all. Maybe he's already seeing someone else.

 

OR... he's going through exactly the same thing that you are. He's trying to move on, and knows that no contact is the best thing for both of you.

[EmperorR]

Been 7 months never got anything from my ex fiance, I don't care if she ever contacts me again.

 

The best thing to do when you go NC, LET GO, stop worrying if they are going to contact you or not, work on yourself, and let it be, no one knows the future.

[northstar1]

I feel exactly the same, although I was not with my ex for 6 years I was with her for only a year but I definitely fell for her extraordinarily deeply. She has not contacted me for the passed 2 months, not even replied to contact I have made breaking my own NC and it does make you think did I really not mean that much to them?

 

Problem is, we shall never get a reply Charmaine so my advice really - is to stop asking the question and accept that their love hoenstly, probably wasnt true love otherwise - they would not be our ex's.

 

Look to the prospect of meeting someone in the future who will make you feel secure and loved for the rest of your life. Thats what I do and Im only filled with excitement.

 

Don't believe that you didn't have true love. I know the bitterness of a breakup can make it seem what you had didn't matter.

 

It did at that moment in time. Just remember that

 

Very few things last forever sadly.

[Ilovehim]

Hey...well one thing I want to say to you that made me wish I had done was NOT BEGGED OR PLEADED..If you read my other thread, I feel soo embarrased for HOW BROKEN he saw me...and after all that he only TEXTED me...trust me I know hoe you feel but be proud of yourself...after 6 years not many people handle the situations as gracefully as you do..

 

And I am not trying to give you false hope, Im jsut stating my opinion...Usually a blank text or not texting at all AFTER YOU HAVENT BEGGED OR PLEADED doesnt show he doesnt care...trust me unless our ex'es are HORRIBLE HEARTLESS people, most of them do care...however that doesnt mean they are "in love" anymore...i know IT SUCKS!! but you cannot spend so much time with someone and not care about them...even if you had a friend who was A GIRL..and if you two stopped talking..you would be highly upset right?? let alone someone who was your significant other...even if you fall out of love, that person will ALWAYS ALWAYS be someone special, no matter how many months/years pass....you never forget about someone...however unfortuantely someday people do become strangers and I use the term "special" in the sense that, you shared something big with this person for a good part of their life, they wont forget you but that doesnt mean they will be in love with you and think about you 24/7 but at times you will cross their mind...

 

 

and within two years he is DEF. thiinking about you and feels alot of guilt believe me...he misses you but if he doesnt want to be with you, (or even if he does) he wouldnt know HOW to contact you...in any case if he is truly a responsible decent person, he is probably just waiting for some time to pass before he makes the move...this is just my opinion though, i could be wrong.