Nikki Sahagin Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I've been under a lot of stress and pressure lately which has caused me to completely re-evaluate not just myself, but others. I don't know if its something related to age (19, 20 soon) but nearly everyone I know is so immature and there only idea of fun is the same old drinking, breaking hearts, unprotected sex and drugs. This is a generalisation but all in all, I find this to be the case. I've always prided myself on being a 'good girl'. I grew up with no boundaries but never have rebelled. Of course i've done 1 or 2 bad things in my life, but the point for me is, I feel i've grown up and matured and learnt to be better than that - not to just continue following the same pattern of being selfish and childish. In some ways I think I am too much of an old head on young shoulders and I just have no patience and no time for what I see to be completely pointless frivolities. Sometimes I think i'm just a bit of an anti-socious and overly serious person. But I kind of feel a lot that considering I try hard to be a good person and a nice person, I don't much get my way, whereas complete ******* seem to. That's probably a skewed perception. I guess I feel for being so 'good' and 'nice' and 'kind' I deserve something back and i've realised that there is no real 'reward' for being good....just as there isn't always a 'punishment' for being bad. But I mean I have friends that have had babies at 16 because they never used protection and cheated on their boyfriends, they have no jobs, no education - but a big fat council house and benefits. And my reward for working hard at uni, revision, assessments, work? DEBT. I kind of look around me and maybe its more my perception changing reality but all I see around me is people being bad, being selfish, being immoral, and ENJOYING it and getting away with it and it makes me feel allienated and disconnected from other people, particularly those around my age. I guess what i'm asking is, how do you keep the motivation to be good and nice when you see people all around you advancing through ****ing up others? I don't want to not be good, but I just have so much anger and bitterness at what I perceive to be unfair and unjust.
EllieBean Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Who ever said that life was fair? The only satisfaction you will get from being good is the satisfaction of doing your best and being true to your own morality. I am also a bit serious, and perhaps anti-social given that I don't like to socialise with people who are immature and silly. My own conscience is what encourages me to be good, and what directs me to avoid people who do things I consider to be wrong. Many people of all ages behave badly, but if you look there are plenty of decent people around too, so just stick with them and avoid the bad people
nana yaw II Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 lol.. what? who are you to moralise what others do? people are people, with their own thoughts, values and attitudes. thus, how they behave is their own prerogative, and not something you even have to spend time thinking about. besides, most 19 year olds like having fun. they are young. duh..
m-j Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 KUDOS NIKKI. I have the same struggles sometimes - I have had my time when I was about your age when I did actually rebel (against my parents I think) and if I had my time again I probably wouldn't have done the things I did. Unfortunately, you might find it to be a good few years before your peers enjoy the same levels of maturity as you. I am nearly 22 and I still have some friends that slut around and drink too much. I can only hope that us "good girls" end up with a healthy relationship, good career, kids when we WANT them and the knowledge that we did it all ourselves.
eNc Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 From a guys perspective... I'd much rather have a girl like you than some **** up who sluts around a lot. Maybe the people who are currently your friends, aren't really your true friends, and are more like acquaintances. It takes people time to find a true friend, and even when you think you've found someone, you never fully know if you are a match. That's just how life is. I find that at the age of 21, most of the people I knew to be my friends are too immature and haven't realized a path in life. This is very common but sooner or later it will be apparent that they will either remain the same all their life, or mature and become successful people. Personally I value you "good girls" out there, hopefully you will find someone right for you. The only thing is that you're going to have a hard time finding a healthy long relationship with you friend's as company. Try meeting some new people who are opposite of your immature friends, and doing something else without your current friends for a change. Who knows, you may decided that you get a long better with your new friends than your old ones!
Woggle Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I have come to terms with the fact that this is a dog eat dog world and the good are often on the losing end of things. I accept that as part of life but people should not be mad when I can play their game better than they do. You will find a few great people in your life that you can truly trust and you should cherish your relationships with those people.
IrishCarBomb Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I guess I feel for being so 'good' and 'nice' and 'kind' I deserve something back and i've realised that there is no real 'reward' for being good....just as there isn't always a 'punishment' for being bad. Awww... You little whipper-snappers are so cute 'n' naive.
westernxer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 I guess what i'm asking is, how do you keep the motivation to be good and nice when you see people all around you advancing through ****ing up others? I don't want to not be good, but I just have so much anger and bitterness at what I perceive to be unfair and unjust. Welcome to adulthood. LOL
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 ...I guess what i'm asking is, how do you keep the motivation to be good and nice when you see people all around you advancing through ****ing up others? I don't want to not be good, but I just have so much anger and bitterness at what I perceive to be unfair and unjust. You sound like I was when young. I think you need something to fill the void. you have a conscience, but you don't know how to point it in a good direction.... Nikki, you know of course that trying to change others is impossible. it is like climbing a mountain of marbles. The only person you can change is you. You seem in this world but not of it..... you could do much worse than to study a bit of buddhism. You see, the Buddha also saw many things that were not satisfactory. But he understood the only way to find a way through this was to find ways for himself to change. I don't say be buddhist. I say read what it has to offer, in answer to your questions. Because every question you ask above, is answered.
monkey00 Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Although you may not feel good about doing the good/right things in life, you should be happy that you're far ahead of your peers at your current age. It takes quite a bit of wisdom and maturity to do what you know that it allows you to be true to yourself and morals. True, maybe the losers and lazies who got by in life did it by f*cking up. But realistically think about it 10 years from now they will be regretting what they did, while you on the other hand will have had no regrets. Out of all this, you get respect for walking the path you did. I'm in my mid 20's and the friends who are my age are either unemployed or are trying to figure out what they want to do. My other friends who are almost 30 are employed but they behave so immature and childish in some ways that it drives me up the wall. I question often what it takes for some people to finally decide that they want to grow up/be an adult. I think you should feel more pride and honor for being 19 and having so much of these things in your life figured out. A lot of people don't. Where they fail you succeed. There may be some shortcuts to life, but there are no shortcuts to your pride and self-respect.
Rav Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Have you ever been to a coffee shop or walking down the street where someone seemed to be just high on life managed-through gesture or something as simple as a smile-to pass along a bit of their joy to you? Remember how good that felt, and then try to do that for someone else. And to dispel the notion that I'm some sort of Richard Simmons optimist, I'll pass along my favorite anecdote about life from Kurt Vonnegut: There was once a talking deer who lived in the forests of New York. One winter was especially tough and he had to wander abroad to find food. He eventually became hopelessly entangled on a barbed wire fence trying to get to a farm and began to contemplate his life. A farmer eventually noticed this marvelous talking deer and as he approached with his shotgun to put it out of it's misery he heard it say, "What the @#*# was that all about?" Cheers
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