missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I've been seeing this great guy for 2 weeks now and the feelings we have for each other are really intense. He's quite emotional and actually tells me how he feels and doesn't play games like most men that I've met. Scary and exciting at the same time for us both. We met on a dating site and there was an instant connection and we've gone out quite a few times all ready and we are both comfortable with one another. Yesterday he told me that he'd been engaged and his X ended it ended it on Christmas Eve and a month later (to the day) it was his birthday. Only 2 of his friends came out with him that night and he said it wasn't a good night at all and he hadn't even wanted to be there at all. I really want to do something special for him as a way to sorta make up for the birthday that didn't go to well and I don't want to wait until next year. Does anyone have any sweet ideas for me? I all ready asked if he'd let me take him out that day and he's said yes. It will also be 1 month since we met,so hopefully extra special. I was thinking of getting him a cupcake at this specialty bakery for him. What other ideas would be good? Oh and inexpensive please since I'm broke.
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I think the main part of giving someone a great birthday is generally to make a fuss of them... phone him and play Stevie Wonder's "Happy Birthday" down the phone, get him a nice card and a token gift, spend time with him and make him feel special. A cupcake is a good idea! Perhaps you could also have dinner in the evening, cooked at home if you're broke, with an inexpensive bottle of wine? Even something as simple as pasta and a ready made dessert would make a good impression. If you're spending the day with him too, you could just go out walking somewhere, like in the park or along the beach... if the weather is nice you could perhaps take a mini picnic with strawberries and sparkling wine. It depends what he likes to do really... something thoughtful and personal is always nice.
Author missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I've made him dinner at my place before and probably will again. I love the idea of a little picnic though! That could really work. The bakery with the cupcakes is close to my work and close to a really nice park that we can meet at after work and I can surprise him with the cupcake and a small and thoughtful gift. Maybe even a CD that I make for him. The reason for the cupcake from that bakery is b/c of the way they present even one little cupcake,they make it seem super special. Also all they make is cupcakes! My boss actually got me a cupcake there and I loved how I felt when she got me that and I really want this guy to have that same feeling.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Well, if you're eating at your house, how about balloons? A birthday just isn't the same for me unless there are balloons. My BF gave me a balloon (one of those foil things) for my bday and I thought it was so sweet. Simple, but it was a little extra "thing." I liked all the other ideas mentioned - the cupcake, the CD, the Stevie Wonder song (that actually made me "awwww"!).
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 My boss actually got me a cupcake there and I loved how I felt when she got me that and I really want this guy to have that same feeling.Your boss made you feel special because she is an authoritative figure - above you. Chasing after this guy and going out of your way to make him feel special, after only two weeks, will place you right beneath him (figuratively). My advice: resist the urge to glorify him openly. Be spontaneous. He wants to enjoy his time with you, he doesn't need to be pampered, as though his pleasure is more important than yours. He knows that three years down the road, you won't put 300% effort into making special days for him (and if you do, you won't be interesting - don't be fooled by him NOT playing games). He wants to know the real you - who you will be every day: are you witty, sexy, cheerful, slightly unpredicatble, caring, passionate...? It's not his birthday. Nonetheless, I am not saying the idea is bad. I am just saying that your attitude (He is wonderful and open, I want to put a crown on his precious head) will place you from the dating section into the breakup section of this forum. Be a lady and let HIM pamper YOU!
Author missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 But Record Producer,he does pamper me! When there is a man in my life I tend to do little things for them to make them feel special,as long as they do the same for me of course and he sure does.
Island Girl Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 While I think all of the ideas here are fabulous, I do agree with Record Producer that there should be a little more time invested here. You guys are already moving awfully fast. Don't be in such a rush to pack these already exciting days. It will mean more and be more thoughtful if you do this same thing a few months from now - out of the blue. And -- sorry if I misread this - but his fiance called off his engagement this last Christmas? As in just 3 months ago? If so this is even more of a reason to just enjoy dating for now and hold off on the creating fanfare special occasion stuff.
prettybaby Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I think this is a terrible idea. You've been seeing him for TWO WEEKS. There is no need to "make up" for a bad birthday, when: you're not even in a serious relationship with this guy yetyou had nothing to do with it being messed up in the first place anywayhis birthday was over 4 months ago, so wtf? And why would you want to remind him of some messed up break up? Just keep dating him, pamper him if you want, but don't "make up for a bad birthday". Focus on this growing into a healthy relationship, at a healthy pace. And then organize something super cool for his next birthday. Anything birthday related would make you look like you're eagerly trying to prove that you're better than his ex. Bad move in my opinion.
Author missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Hmmm... you've all given a few things to think about here. It really wasn't that long ago and I know he still has some hurt left. I'm a little to scared of it going to fast,but he's been super honest with me about things b/c he doesn't want to hurt me. We both know we are happy with each other and it's exciting and scary BUT we also know we need to take it slow as well. I think I'm trying to be both his friend and the girl he's seeing,if that make sense. I don't need to prove that I'm better then the x was and I wouldn't want him to think I'm trying to. I think I'll hold off on the fake birthday thing and work extra hard to plan something great for next year if we are still seeing each other. I know if we are he'll be in a much better place then. For now I think I'll make him a CD and give that to him on April 24th to mark the day that we met. The CD will have songs that we danced to when we went out one night. So nothing to over the top and it doesn't cost me a penny!
Author missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Thanks prettybaby! He now knows about the CD though! He guessed when I asked what songs we danced to at the club the other night! I am now annoyed with him...lol! Oh well
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Oh, I thought it was actually his birthday! I thought you meant his last birthday was bad, and you wanted to give him a good birthday this year. If it's not even his birthday, definitely don't go playing him birthday songs and stuff, lol. Having said that, it's always nice to receive a small but thoughtful surprise for no reason - a cupcake, an invitation to meet in the park for coffee, a cd or book you think he'll like... My bf and I do little things for each other all the time, it's what keeps our relationship feeling special.
Author missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Yeah I was going to do a little fake birthday thing,but nothing big at all. Instead I think I'll do the cupcake thing and a meeting at the park in a couple of weeks. Next year I can do something BIG with his friends and make sure he has a great day/night.
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 But Record Producer,he does pamper me! Good. Let him. Respond with gratitude, not with returning the "pampership." When there is a man in my life I tend to do little things for them to make them feel special,as long as they do the same for me of course and he sure does.They all sure did the same: became exes! he's been super honest with me about things b/c he doesn't want to hurt me. !Honey, after two weeks, you have no clue as to which degree he's honest with you. His "in love" behavior might just be "in like" feelings. Slow down if you want him to fall in love with you. Don't be too available. He is acting like he doesn't play games, because he doesn't want YOU to play games with him. You don't really know which game he's playing. For all I know he's not over his fiancee who broke up with him 4 months ago - and he's trying to use you to bring HER back. Thanks prettybaby! He now knows about the CD though! He guessed when I asked what songs we danced to at the club the other night! I am now annoyed with him...lol! Oh well And he also didn't tell you NOT to do anything special for him, right? He's such a special guy. A real gentleman says Please, don't do anything for me. Just show up and smile.
Author missmich Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Record Producer I'm not so sure your really understanding what's going on here,in my real life. I think that maybe I've chosen the wrong words to explain things or maybe your reading it wrong. I don't know why you had to throw this in: "They all sure did the same: became exes!" My former bf's have nothing at all to do with anyone in my life now. The reasons things ended with former bf's didn't have anything to do with me doing anything special for them and them not returning the favor or anything. Think maybe you just tossed that in to be mean. But,that's just my opinion and I could have also read what you meant wrong. He isn't acting like he's in love with me. He's actually told me he isn't ready for that now even though he is over his x. He could be lying about that and he could be using me,sure but he doesn't act like he is and I choose to believe what he's telling me. We're having fun (not having sex though) and are happy and even though the feelings are intense we are taking things slow b/c neither of us know for sure what's ahead of us. I asked if I could take him out on the 24th of April and he said ok,if you really wany want to,but you don't have to. He has no idea why I want to take him out that day and he hasn't asked me for anything. When he guessed about me making the CD for him he said he didn't need me to make him anything at all,but it's something I enjoyed doing. I wanted him to have something to listen to while he drove to and from work that reminded him a little of me and how much fun we had and to share a few of my fave songs with him. I don't see any harm at all when in new or older relationship,serious or not to do little things for someone to show you care and are considerate. So yeah after he's opened the door to the car for me I do lean over and open his for him.
era Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Record Producer I'm not so sure your really understanding what's going on here Think maybe you just tossed that in to be mean. Hi missmich Don't listen to other women on here who are jealous of your happiness. Gosh, we must live in the same city - the cute cupcake bakery right by the park , right? LOL... Yes, the cupcake idea is a lovely gesture. And they come in a sweet, little box you can carry to the park. It's a great idea Do it to celebrate your 1 month anniversary...don't mention anything about his birthday though.
Author missmich Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks Era! Yeah,now that I see some advice from others I don't think it's a good idea to have a fake little birthday. better to just celebrate us. lol The bakery is super cute. They make a simple little cupcake feel so special! I'm a nanny and my boss brought me one day for Valentines day! It's called Petite Gateau.
missdependant Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Do something simple and fun. I've found some fun times at the science museum, art museum, aquariums, zoos, etc. They aren't that expensive if you pack your own lunch. Picnics, local concerts are always a fun time even if you don't dig the music.. Hanging out at either of your homes and renting a movie, ordering take-out. Hiking... college sports games (usually relatively cheap). Go to a cheap diner, bake him a cake, cook him something really simple like spaghetti, buy the stuff for a banana split or strawberry shortcakes then go enjoy a day at the park, by a lake, at the beach or something outdoors. Outdoors are usually nice, because it's either free or VERY cheap, fun and active. :-) Don't go too over the top since you've just met. But those are some simple fun things to do.
Peaceandlove Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Hey, what about waiting two months until its his 'half birthday' and the whole bday thing wont seem completely out of place- plus by then you will have gotten to know each other better Hope it works out for you! xx
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Missmich, I am sorry that I sounded mean - that was honestly not my intention. How old are yuo anyway? I don't know why you had to throw this in: "They all sure did the same: became exes!" Because doing small things for each other apparently doesn't make relationships last. So search for and focus on the things that DO make them last. We all focus on the wrong things, way to often. He will stay with you if he likes you a lot and if you treat him right. That's all. Extra effort puts you in a bad position. I am just trying to be helpful. I am sorry if it was too much of unsolicited advice. He isn't acting like he's in love with me. He's actually told me he isn't ready for that now even though he is over his x. He isn't acting like he's in love? Then why do you want to do special things for him, to make him fall in love? I am really curious as to what your motivation is. Are you in love with him? One more thing: did his ex-fiancee dump him 4 months ago and leave him beroken-hearted? If this was only 4 months ago, then he is either NOT over her or he is in love with you, if he could get over her so quickly.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 What other ideas would be good? Oh and inexpensive please since I'm broke. a night full of hot sex will cost you nothing and make him quite pleased
bean1 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Please don't take offence to what RecordProducer is saying, because you are getting a lot of good information, even if you don't want to hear it. You are setting yourself up as a rebound girl or even a motherly-type figure by trying to make his world special after the "pain" of his breakup. He has male or even female friends for that.
Author missmich Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Hey, what about waiting two months until its his 'half birthday' and the whole bday thing wont seem completely out of place- plus by then you will have gotten to know each other better Hope it works out for you! xx That sounds like a GREAT idea! Some people do actually celebrate their 1/2 birthday! Thanks for that idea.
Trialbyfire Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 OP, I agree that you have to be cautious with someone who's newly out of a broken engagement, especially when he's already said he's not ready for anything serious. If it weren't for the above, I think your ideas for the cupcake and CD are sweet and to spoil him if you want. If it takes games to reel a man in, he's not worth the effort. What you want is a guy who'll meet you halfway.
Peaceandlove Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I used to be with a guy for 5 years, and since I'm giving with the people I feel strongly about I was the same with him- pampered him and spoiled him rotten really result- he became very complacent and wouldn't even make an effort for MY birthday, in essence I had become his doormat. Just take it easy as it seems that you are a very generous person- make sure he really appreciates and let him pamper you too. Value yourself and he'll appreciate you even more
Recommended Posts