now_what Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Hi all - Made it through my first week of being single and I didn't expect this - I'm feeling lonely. I hadn't really felt that away over the past 6 months since my husband left - why is it hitting me now? Why are all these thoughts creeping into my head? Maybe reality is sinking in - 1. He cheated on me and left me for another woman. 2. He insisted that we divorce right away - so we were not living a lie. 3. He is with someone else who he preferred to me, his wife of 30 years. 4. I am alone. Some other things happened over this past week too, which may be affecting my feelings - our little rabbit died, I know sounds dumb, but we had her for almost nine years and she suddenly became ill and died a few days later. She was being treated for an inner ear infection, but became so weak she couldn't even stand. I just held her and stroked her on Thursday night for a few hours. I finally set her down so I could put something in the washer and when I came back to her she had died. Also, my daughter got her driver's license on Saturday - I was so happy for her because she was so happy - but it was like she grew up and sprouted large wings right before my eyes. We went to a play at her high school and it just made me so sad afterwards, all the couples walking out together and my daughter with her group of friends (as it should be). I have never felt so alone in my life. All I could think of was - my husband didn't want to be with me anymore, he chose a "new path" - his words - with a woman he barely knew at the time. I think I hate him. Also, I thought my daughter would call her dad and let him know she got her license - but she didn't. She said she just didn't think about it. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that since the dissolution is final she may distance herself from him or vice versa. I hope I am wrong about that. We have shared parenting, but essentially she doesn't have to see him unless she wants to. And you would have thought, that something as important as parents divorcing, my husband would have at least said something to our children (25, 23, 16) but not a word. I guess as far as he was concerned he had just crossed another item off of his to do list - get divorced - no big deal. The kids all know he was cheating on me and is living with "the other woman", but then again he has not mentioned one word about her to them. You would think that someone so important to him would deserve a mention to his children - nope. I really do hate him right now. I had thought that he and I could still be friendly around each other with a new relationship, not as a couple but as parents to our children - but the way I feel right now, I would really prefer to not see or speak to him much at all.
Author now_what Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated! I'm so sick of this roller coaster ride.
gwynieatpain Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I have been reading your posts. Writing your feeling all out will make you feel better. You are not alone. Though I have never been married nor having kids, I have gone through a broken engagement it hurt like hell. Yesterday was exactly half year after the break up and I felt so alone. I hate him also. But I hope I can let go of all these one day and find my significant others. Sorry, really have no good advice here. Just wanna let you know that you are not alone ... hang in there.
Author now_what Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for the words of support. I'm sorry about your breakup - rejection is just so unbelievably painful. You just wonder when the heartache will end. I don't know why the loneliness is hitting me now - my husband - oops, ex, has physically been gone since September, but emotionally gone much longer than that. It just seems like he rushed through this whole thing 6 1/2 months from his leaving until we became divorced. He's always been one to rush things, then regret it later. I'm sure things will get better for both of us in time.
NINEBREAKER Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 i wasted the entirety of my highschool life with the same girl who didn't care about me. i thought she did but things got sour as time flew. she had the most adorable smile. and i miss her smiling face. it hurts so unbearly painful. but this is not the end. thats why i continue to make an atempt at filling the void. with someone else. i hope i can find someone who will not hurt me the way she did.
Author now_what Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 I've heard over and over again that when you least expect it, the right person will come into your life. I think we have to believe this. It's impossible to say why those who did love us or at least said they did could cause so much pain and I think you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out their actions.
NINEBREAKER Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I've heard over and over again that when you least expect it, the right person will come into your life. I think we have to believe this. It's impossible to say why those who did love us or at least said they did could cause so much pain and I think you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out their actions. you'll find once you stop looking. thats what my aunt said. that how it always is with my freinds. the moment they stopped looking for one they wound up with one. hell one actually got married. at the age of 25. dont worry calm down and let things come to you
Author now_what Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 I've started getting all kinds of legal notifications from the child support agency and I'm slightly pissed off that I have to deal with this. My daughter's dad should be HERE with her and me and not living with some biker chick in some little run down house in a town with less than 1000 people. He should just be getting paid and putting money in our checking account instead of having money withheld from his check and sent to me. And I got a copy of the court order requiring me to have insurance for my daughter - they are sending a letter to my employer to start withholding from my check to provide insurance for her. I am ALREADY providing insurance for her - I don't need a letter sent demanding that I am in compliance. I have always provided for my daughter in every way possible and even more so since her dad snuck out of the house. He calls her every couple of weeks and sees her about once a month. That's not really shared parenting. The way I see it I am the only one being a real parent. I am here with her, for her, seeing that she is happy and taken care of. He is living with his true love with not another care in the world. They can go out and ride and go to the bar without having to give it another thought, just living the free and easy lifestyle. I do not envy him though, I am exactly where I want to be - with my daughter and nearby to my older children and grandchildren. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. It just makes me sad and angry that this was not enough for my ex.
gwynieatpain Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 I have always provided for my daughter in every way possible and even more so since her dad snuck out of the house. He calls her every couple of weeks and sees her about once a month. That's not really shared parenting. The way I see it I am the only one being a real parent. I am here with her, for her, seeing that she is happy and taken care of. He is living with his true love with not another care in the world. They can go out and ride and go to the bar without having to give it another thought, just living the free and easy lifestyle. I do not envy him though, I am exactly where I want to be - with my daughter and nearby to my older children and grandchildren. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. It just makes me sad and angry that this was not enough for my ex. I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through all these legal mess. I'm younger my advice may not be helpful. But please, please don't do this to yourself by whispering 'my ex-H is living with his "TRUE" love and having a worry-free life' blah blah blah, it hurts YOU. There's no TRUE love to him. His true love is himself. Someone does these to his family knows nothing about love. I mean, it's ok to be sad and angry sometimes. I hate my ex also. Same time I can't be happier for the break up after knowing that he cheated (many times with different women while we were engaged), picked up random girls every weekend, and started doing drugs (found that out by our closest friends lately). Yes he's still very rich and earning good money, but now I have zero respect to him. You are strong, so please keep it on. After few months you will be thankful for what you are doing now. I also sure that your daughters are very proud of you right now as you have been very positive to your life ahead.
Author now_what Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 I'm mostly being sarcastic about calling my ex's girlfriend his "true love". My sister and I share a name for this woman, that is not quite so nice - skank bike whore (am I allowed to say that here?). What kind of woman allows a married man that she barely knows to move in with her. Yes, he is in love with himself - it's all about him right now. I don't know if you have read my earlier posts where I tell my whole story? I think my ex is having an extreme mid-life crisis. About two years ago he got a motorcycle and became obsessed with pretending to be a biker and constantly "riding". As soon as he got the bike, our relationship went steadily downhill. I'm not surprised at all that he took off to be with a woman that "rides". It just completes the "biker" transformation. What is funny, is that I have read several stories from men who did the same thing, got a motorcycle, always riding, start questioning their lives, decide that they don't love their spouse anymore, get divorced and live to regret it. I believe one day he will come to his senses, but his actions are something he will have to live with, I will not be waiting around for him, and he has hurt his relationships with his children.
DJMarky Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 now_what, I am sorry to hear about your situation. It really puts mine in perspective as mine was a relatively short relationship. I can't say I know what you are going through, but I can say that you sound caring, dedicated, strong and intelligent. I am sure you will meet a man who will appreciate these traits.
gwynieatpain Posted April 10, 2009 Posted April 10, 2009 My sister and I share a name for this woman, that is not quite so nice - skank bike whore (am I allowed to say that here?). :lmao::lmao: Same here, my mother and I share a name for my ex - Universal Adapter, that he can 'plug in' anywhere around the world. I don't know if you have read my earlier posts where I tell my whole story? I think my ex is having an extreme mid-life crisis. About two years ago he got a motorcycle and became obsessed with pretending to be a biker and constantly "riding". As soon as he got the bike, our relationship went steadily downhill. I'm not surprised at all that he took off to be with a woman that "rides". It just completes the "biker" transformation. What is funny, is that I have read several stories from men who did the same thing, got a motorcycle, always riding, start questioning their lives, decide that they don't love their spouse anymore, get divorced and live to regret it. I believe one day he will come to his senses, but his actions are something he will have to live with, I will not be waiting around for him, and he has hurt his relationships with his children. Yes I have read your story from the begining and am very sorry to hear that. From what you have described my ex probably has a pre-mature mid-life crisis. Since his bro moved out, he started living in his own fantasy of bachelor life, thought he was god's gift to woman - well educated, young, rich, 'handsome' and 'has a body like Brad Pitt' . Yes, he self-indulges every sec of his life. To complete 'the millionaire bachelor' transformation, he has to first let go of his baggage - me, whom he proposed to 2.5 years ago when he was still struggling at the begining of his career. It's just sad to know that someone was so close to you in the past has turned into a complete stranger today. I have also read stories about obsessions that ruin relationships, they are all very sad. I'm pretty sure your ex-H will soon regret for his biker dreamer behavior. But he made his bed so let him sleep with it. Don't waste your time.
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