Kina Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I've been dating my boyfriend for over 8 years now, and it just feels like it isn't going anywhere. We've had a few years seeing each other regularly, a couple years of long distance relationship, and almost a year now of living together. This has been the first serious relationship for both of us. We're both in college - I'm getting a masters, he's almost done with his undergrad - and working, too, so things have been pretty stressful lately. We got engaged about four years ago, right before I left the country for a job (I know, great time to get engaged, right? It seemed like a good idea at the time). While I was gone, we talked and IM'd all the time, he came and visited me a couple times, I came home and visited several times, we had the usual long distance hardships but we made it through. Now, though, I'm not really sure where the relationship is headed. He's a great guy, and I love him dearly, but I feel sort of unfulfilled at the same time. I'm not sure coming back and living with him was a good career move for me, even though I'm getting a degree, and I feel like I've been subconsciously taking out my frustration on him. He doesn't want to get married until he finishes school, and I agree...in fact I'm not sure I really want to marry him at all. I don't know if that's just cold feet, or disillusionment after dating someone for so long, or a sign that something is seriously wrong here. He, on the other hand, is completely unwaveringly loving and faithful (aside from the not getting married thing - but I think that if I really wanted to get married sooner, he would be fine with that, too). He's my best friend, I know he'd stick with me through anything, and I don't want to hurt him. I also don't know if I will ever have this kind of connection with anyone else - I'm closer to him than I am to my closest girl friends. He's not perfect, of course - he's forgetful, plays too many video games, and has various other faults that I can live with. He puts up with my faults, too. I just feel ambivalent about the whole thing, sometimes. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Kina, I'm going to guess it's the 7-year itch. http://www.ojar.com/view_13070.htm It does exist. You just have to decide if you want to give in, or see if something can be worked out. Being together that long I would imagine a deep sense of comfort with each other has set in. You two might want to consider seeing what you can do to add some of the spice back to the relationship. I'm sure you could find some resources or suggestions on the internet by googling about spicing up a marriage (even if you aren't legally married, for all intents and purposes it sounds like you are).
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