Sprokkett Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Hey all, I have posted a few times before, but, that was when talk of divorce was not mentioned... NOW, she wants a divorce... Go figure! Anyway, we both live in a house with our 2 kids, and even though she wants to get a divorce, (she does not want to seek therapy btw just she wants to see a mediator and work out the specifics of the divorce), she does not mind if I live in the house for awhile... I'm confused... She has told me that me being around does not bother her, because she does not care for me or love me in that way anymore... I would love to hear others who are in similar situations or can shed some feedback. Right now she appears so comfortable with this divorce and I am the one who wants to work things out... However, as soon as I can get the money, and the divorce is final, I believe the right thing to do is leave the house and get a place of my own. Of course, I will see my kids, but I assume she will get full custody... I just am having a hard time with how someone can go from loving you forever and always being there for you, to I want a divorce because of the way you have treated me verbally these past few years... I mean, she even went thru a phase of thinking she was attracted to women, which I did not believe however I did find out that she did kiss one to experience it. And was not really turned on... I dunno, everyday I am getting more courage and confidence in myself and that what really hurts me the most is that my kids will not get the full exposure of having two parents raise them or take them to parks, Disney world, etc... I mentioned to her what if I found another women and started dating, and she said it would bother her a little bit, but not enough to get back together with me... Whats that all about??? She also says that she still loves me as does her family, and that we can get thru this divorce together... Anyway, any input is appreciated...
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I would recommend you try to get a place of your own sooner rather than later - she obviously doesn't want to work on your marriage, so the sooner you get out of there and get on with your life the better. Your kids will cope - having divorced parents is common nowadays, and they'll be better off with two happy divorced parents than with two married parents who don't get on. She loves you as a friend, because you're the father of her children and she's known you for a long time, but she apparently has no romantic feelings left for you. Hopefully you're young enough to meet someone else who does want to have a relationship with you...
andrewmoquin09 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Yes Ellie, you're definitely right that divorced parents are common nowadays, and the children can cope up with it, but it will be very great if the family is intact.There is no greater happiness than having a complete family with you. So Sprokkett, just don't give up on making things right.She did mentioned that she still loves you, so, just hold on to that chance that you can still both work out your relationship.
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 People often say (and even convince themselves) that they don't care about their partners. Sometimes people do that because they feel like victims (and this is the case with her). Your first job is to find out if she cares about you. The best "measuring tool" is separation. This is where the true feelings come out. But you must show your best self after you split: be always cheerful, fresh, energetic, etc. Let her see that you are managing just fine without her. If she loves you, this will devastate her. If not, you will know that her love is dead and you need to move on. If she loves you, the next move would be to show her that you have changed what she didn't like about you (while separated) and that you're remorseful about your previous behavior. If she loves you: when/if she sees a change and makes sure it's permanent, she'll take you back. Even divorce doesn't stand in the way when two people are meant to be together. Some couples get back together after a divorce.
Gowithflow Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Of course, I will see my kids, but I assume she will get full custody... ... Whatever you do, do not give up custody. Insist on joint legal and physical custody. Also, do not give her any money without some sort of agreement. There's no rule or law stating that she has to stay in love with you. She has given up and that's her choice. You can be nice, but also make sure to protect yourself from her. Don't do her any favors that will cost you in the future.
Author Sprokkett Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 Thank you all for the advice... Much appreciated... I am at the point of what I know I need to do, and what my body and emotions sometimes get in the way... I just need to worry about me right now and keep my kids involved in my life. I love them and they see that... Right now, my pain is the memories of past family events and what they will look like in the future... I can't help but think what the holidays will be like and going to watch my son's baseball game by myself or with my new girlfriend!
mark982 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 ditch the new gf idea.focus on you and your kids right now,do not give her any $$,unless required to do so by courts. and why are you gonna move out? she don't love you let her go.protect yourself financially,new accts, call credit reporting agancies that no new accts opened in your name.cancel any credit cards jointly owned.also don't be thinking she'll get the kids,why is a father any less a perent than the mother.read some of gunny's posts on child custody.
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