Should I continue no contact or respond?

[dsm2m2]

Hello everyone. Although this is my first post, I have been reading this boards for a while. I appreciate any advice I can get.

 

To make a long story short, My girlfriend broke up with me almost two months ago after two years together. She said she wanted to experience being single and felt like we were constantly arguing all the time about stupid stuff. (We are both in college and I was her first serious relationship). She gave me the "I still want us to be friends" line and "you are still my best friend".

 

for the first few weeks I tried begging and pleading and that got me nowhere.

 

I then tried being friends, but she was just leading me on and I was always there when SHE needed me, but when she was out with friends or had something to do, I got ignored.

 

I tried going no contact that lasted 5 days, but we ended up seeing each other at a party and began talking and hanging out again. This time she was extremely flirty with me and was asking me questions like if I was seeing anyone, or if I had been with anyone etc.

 

After a week of us hanging out again being flirty, getting close etc, I asked her out on a date. She accepted and confirmed it the morning we were supposed to go out. Later in the day she feeds me some lame excuse why she cannot go and just stops replying to me and ignores me the rest of the day/night. I find out from a mutual friend that she just decided to go out with her friends instead and blew me off.

 

I decided that was the last straw and started no contact again. She texted me the very next day about something random and was acting like she forgot she just totally blew me off the night before. I didn't respond. After that, I have gotten 2-3 texts a day from her ranging from "Ok, I'm sorry" to "I want to see you" to "Grow the F*ck up and say something" to simple "hey what are you doing?". I have even gotten some late night texts at like 1 am asking what I was doing, and asking if I was with another girl. I have not responded to any of these. It has now been 12 days no contact for me.

 

I would still like things to work out between us, but obviously it would have to be on my terms and she would have to be the one that initiates it. My question is, if I want things to work out, should I try going limited contact and be short when I respond, or do I need to just continue no contact to help myself get over it, and if she does come back to me and say she is sorry and wants to try things again, cross that bridge if it comes.

[BCCA]

do I need to just continue no contact to help myself get over it, and if she does come back to me and say she is sorry and wants to try things again, cross that bridge if it comes.

 

Yup.

 

A lousy text message isn't really much of an effort. And dont forget that she tried to play dumb at first, and only said sorry when she realized you were pissed. Unless she can suck it up, and either call/come see you to say she made a mistake and wants to make it work, shes only leading you on for her own benefit.

 

You're doing the right thing man, keep strong.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

That is the exact mentality that you need to take. She is trying to use you. You are a back burner plan right now. Don't settle for that. If she wants to be single let it go. I was given that same excuse about 5 months ago. We were together a little bit longer, but I just got over it. It takes some time. The best thing you can do is not have contact. Text messages and emails do not prove anything. If she calls and tries to talk like she is your best friend still, tell her I'm sorry but I am not a crutch to be leaned on right now. She may come back, she may not. Life goes on either way.

 

You have the right idea just stick to it.

[Aerorobyn]

Continue with NC. Don't give in to any of her pathetic attempts to be friends or whatever.

 

I'm going through the same thing. ******* was with me nearly two years, then one day pops out of nowhere with, "I want to be single. I don't want to be obligated to anyone. Blah Blah Blah." Begging and pleading never gets us (dumpees) anywhere.

 

Don't try being her friend. Don't be there for her at all. Even if she falls of a bike with a broken leg and calls you for help...ignore her, let mommy and daddy come after her. Then she'll know how it feels not to have that person there for you...the one who was always there for you.

 

Good luck, by the way.

[dsm2m2]

I appreciate the replies.

 

For the first week or so I was doing pretty good, not really thinking about her. But all of a sudden these last two days I can't get her out of my head. Not sure if my initial anger has subsided or what. I am going to continue with no contact, besides all the texts and a few calls, she really hasn't show me that she wants to make any effort to apologize, or reconcile. Seems like she is still just thinking about herself.

[Living_For_Me]

This girl does not deserve you mate. Stay NC or make contact at your own peril.

 

I know you're sweating bullets inside wanting to just contact her in any way shape or form, but trust me after the contact ends you will be disappointed in yourself because you couldn't control your emotions.

 

Stay strong, stay busy.

[Excellent]

Agreed. Unless she is willingly to hang out with you on your terms, nc is the way to go.

[dsm2m2]

Update:

 

So after about 3 weeks of no contact I get a text from her around 11 p.m. saying how she is really upset and needs to talk to me now in person. Before I could even respond she calls me. I answer and she is crying and says she needs to talk to me about everything thats been going on between us, and her family and she cannot take not talking anymore.

 

She comes and picks me up and begins letting everything out thats been going on about her family, friends, and us. I probably said 5 words in the first hour.

 

After discussing the whole family issue she starts talking about us and apologizes for blowing me off and talks about why certain things happend and how shes missed me over the past two weeks and how it killed her that I didn't talk to her etc. etc. A lot of heart felt things and some explanations to things that I had thought about, but the words "I want you back" never came.

 

Now I realize that she has not said anything about us getting back together, and that I may very well have been her shoulder to cry on in a time of need, but I could just not find the heart to tell her no or ignore her, as I am the only one who she has ever talked to about her family issue and only I knew how big of a deal it really was to her.

 

After we ended the conversation I had her drop me back off and she began texting me when she got home. Just laughing and saying how it was really good to see me and how she missed me etc. I tried to respond with short messages back trying not to get into any long conversation, but she just kept on bringing up random things to talk about. I finally told her I was going to bed and said goodnight. I woke up this morning to a "good morning, happy easter text" and asking what my plans were today. I have yet to respond.

 

With all of that being said, she brought up the fact that we had prior plans for her to be my date for an event coming up here in the next two weeks. She still really wants to go with me, and I have not found another date and would still really like her to go as well. This was the first time it was brought up since the breakup and all I said was that I would like to think about it as tonight is the first time we have talked in three weeks. She said ok but that she still really wanted to go with me. The event is out of town and we would be spending the weekend together.

 

Question is, do I ask her to go with me still? If so, how do I act over the next two weeks leading up the event. School puts some distance between us so I do not have to see her if I do not want to during those two weeks. The event will be in a type of romantic enviornment and she knows this and still wants to go. I figure that this would be a good chance to show her the romantic side of me again without it being akward if she pulls the "friend" card and just show her an overall good weekend. Do I ask her with no expectations and see just how it goes? And do I go LC until I see her as well?

 

I would still like things to work out between us because I do have alot of fun when I am around her, still find her very attractive, and haven't really connected with anyone like this before, but at the same time I realize that I don't need her in my life. Although it was only about 3 weeks no contact, it kind of put in perspective for me how silly some of the things we fought about were and that things did not have to be so serious all the time as the normally tended to be.

 

Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out. Let me know what you think!

[copaisking]

honestly, you only want to take her because you want her back.

 

She obviously has figured out that single life isn't that much fun but she still doesn't want you back 100%, so you're the back up plan right now.

 

If you take a step back and look at it from a different frame... she get a free weekend away and no attachment sex... then she can give you the 'it was what it was' speech when you get back...

[esther0123]

make it dead-clear on what she wants... the more you're in the gray area, the more hurt you will be. if this going to the event as a date isn't going to mean you two getting back together (and i assume thats what you're hoping for), don't go. say no.. coming from experience man. don't let her take control over you. your well being comes before hers now.

[gavinus]

Hi this was posted by badbrit. When my ex contacted me with one text message, I read this, it helped me, I hope it helps you, be strong

 

 

"Some girls are just nasty and those girls do it on purpose as they like to manipulate and play with you. They get a kick out of it.

Some girls are confused and sometimes miss you, think about you or have regrets and feel lonely. They have remaining feelings for you and have not made a cast iron decision to never be with you again. However you will never end up happy with the girl in this situation, it does not often go back to being a mutual and happy relationship. Once the love and attraction has faded it will always remain diminished. Even if you reconcille, she will go in the future as she did the first time and it will hurt like hell the second time.

Some girls do not actually want you but like to know they have the option to get you back if they so choose and so do not want you to stray too far from their net.

Some girls love attention and need it for a false sense of self worth. They have low self esteem and only validation from the other sex makes them feel good about themselves. They need attention and do not want to feel that someone they have flirted with, been with, desired etc does not value them. They thirst attention.

Some girls need a wake up call, they need to lose something to realise its worth. They regret their decision to finish with someone as like the ticking clock on the mantelpiece, they did not notice it ticking until it stopped.

You decide which you think she is, you will try and believe she is the last one, but that kind of girl does more than text with a question like that and then does nothing. She GIVES something rather than TAKING. Your girl here takes takes takes but does not even give you a crumb.

In all cases except the rare rare rare last one, the only solution is to ignore them. The last case will do a lot more than she did. You gave this girl the validation she needed and what did she give you in return except continued pain, disappointment, false hope but sadness? Some girls."

[mark982]

how you like your head being played with? she's gonna drive you crazy, just drop and move on.