canadianguyy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Okay, So I am about 20 years old and I have been seeing the same girl since i was 17, everything until last week was as mushy-gushy as it was when we first met. It was very evident that I loved her and she loved me, a lot... very very few arguments and I never thought about other girls, and she always told me how I was the only one for me... about a week and a half ago she broke it off with me, no real explanation at first. I was at her place and ended up driving an hour and a half home at 2am after the largest argument in our entire time together... she cried her eyes out because she "felt bad" and I was shocked because her decision seemed like it came from nowhere, now signs of any unhappiness (just the day before we were discussing plans for the summer, cottages, niagra falls etc...) So the next day we decided I that we had better talk... she explained to me she was incredibly busy this week with exams (which I have no doubt in my mind at all) and then the day ended up okay, she wouldnt stop kissing me (and of course i'm not going to stop her). but we decided that a little less contact while she focus'd on her exams and passing all of her courses for the next few weeks were what was needed. I was 100% fine with it. But lately she has been very weird: now she is telling me she needs her space, and after a few happy conversations (that still ended with "i love you" and "i miss you") they started to get very negative. I remain perfectly calm and she over reacts... crying, yelling etc. over how stressed she is and I am only adding stress to her life. I understand she is very very stressed, but all I am doing is trying to reach out and help her, even if we are broken up for good I still want to help her and hear from her occasionally... so 1 week to the day of being broken up, (we had talked every day and id say 4 out of 3 of the days we had amazing talks about how we dont regret anything we've done together, and we were both positive we want this to work after the work load on her is off)... I found out my dad is going through his second divorce and he begins to call me every night upset because he wants his marriage to work, and his wife is being outrageous, and demanding a divorce. AND on top of that my mom's health has taken a turn for the worse and she has to go 5 hours away for major surgery for a chance to fix it... After all this news, and almost 3 days of no contact with ex girlfriend (she has been very busy and i respect that) i needed to talk to her, after 4 years I had hoped she'd want to help... I held my urges for about a day and then decided to call... she picked up and hung up and then texted back saying "Im busy what do you want" i texted back and said "just wondered how things are going give me a call when you have time"... I recieved no response... then got a text at 2am her telling me she was STILL doing hw. now here is my problem, I need someone to talk to. and can't talk to dad about mom's health problems, and cant talk to mom about dad's divorce... so the one person I have loved and grown with for the last 4 years isnt there to turn to, and needs space... my question: do i give her the space still, or tell her we need to talk? in my opinion she needs the space which i understand and respect, and I will stand by her side, but on that note I also need someone to talk to when I start feeling down about things... she tells me she wants this to work but then gets frusterated when i try to reach out to her, I havent told her about any of these problems because she wont let me... I have no doubt in my mind that she is as busy as she says she is as all her friends and my friends that are in her course are just as busy right now... also i have no reason to believe there is another guy involved.... help?
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 How are you so sure that there is no guy involved? I can't imagine a flip like that without someone new being in the picture. It really is hard to lose somebody that has been your sounding board for years. My XH was my best friend for 5 years - I talked to him about EVERYTHING. But you have to learn to let go. It is pretty impersonal, but how about posting here (in respective forums) about your problems? At least you could get them off your chest. Could also get some feedback and empathy. At least it's better than absolutely nothing at all. She doesn't sound like she's in a very good place to support you right now. The timing is ****ty, but what can be done really? She asked for a break-up, you should respect that. She probably thinks you're trying to get back with her still.
Author canadianguyy Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 she's told me several times she wants this to work, but shes very up and down (due to stress and time of her month)... the thing is i think she needs a break from us to get her work done, and shes so snappy when I call because she feels like shes wasting her time (school is the rest of her life, I am just a long term relation ship... I respect that she wants to take some time off of us to get work done) I know there is no guy because shes invited me over every weekend from friday when i leave work until sunday or monday morning when i return to work (depending on how much homework she has).. she works until 10 monday nights, and has a night class until 10 wednesday nights... that gives her tuesdays and thursdays to have a relationship, working around her piles of homework and girlfriends... I just don't see it happening... and I also am good friends with her roomate who has assured me countless times, it is a solid NO on the other guy issue.... the part that bothers me the most is how she copes with stress, and explodes on everyone (and mainly the boyfriend) like most girls, and how she is treating me... although i agree there must be something else, a lot of other options i don't really see viable answers at all, besides stress. she has been a 90 average student all her life but is really struggling in the 60%'s this year, and has alot of outside pressure and alot relying on her doing well (scholarships etc.) the most painful part is how shes being antisocial towards me and incredibly hostile lately, but sometimes back to her normal self... everything has been fine until this point, conversation-wise we never stop. we are very playful, make each other laugh etc. no arguments and intimately everything is great.. one minute she is saying she needs space because she "is not ready", then the next she loves me and misses me, but needs to get her work done... very strange, but I actually am confident things will get better, i just dont know how to deal with 'the now'.
WhyamIhere. Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 she's told me several times she wants this to work, but shes very up and down (due to stress and time of her month)... the thing is i think she needs a break from us to get her work done, and shes so snappy when I call because she feels like shes wasting her time (school is the rest of her life, I am just a long term relation ship... I respect that she wants to take some time off of us to get work done) I know there is no guy because shes invited me over every weekend from friday when i leave work until sunday or monday morning when i return to work (depending on how much homework she has).. she works until 10 monday nights, and has a night class until 10 wednesday nights... that gives her tuesdays and thursdays to have a relationship, working around her piles of homework and girlfriends... I just don't see it happening... and I also am good friends with her roomate who has assured me countless times, it is a solid NO on the other guy issue.... the part that bothers me the most is how she copes with stress, and explodes on everyone (and mainly the boyfriend) like most girls, and how she is treating me... although i agree there must be something else, a lot of other options i don't really see viable answers at all, besides stress. she has been a 90 average student all her life but is really struggling in the 60%'s this year, and has alot of outside pressure and alot relying on her doing well (scholarships etc.) the most painful part is how shes being antisocial towards me and incredibly hostile lately, but sometimes back to her normal self... everything has been fine until this point, conversation-wise we never stop. we are very playful, make each other laugh etc. no arguments and intimately everything is great.. one minute she is saying she needs space because she "is not ready", then the next she loves me and misses me, but needs to get her work done... very strange, but I actually am confident things will get better, i just dont know how to deal with 'the now'. Dude me and your gf have similar traits. The truth is you sound like a good guy to me so she just doesn't want to break your heart. I bet there is another guy (she isn't doing anything.....yet) but i doubt she has made a move because she is loyal. Save your heart and your time and let it fade out. Your young like me and still have your whole life ahead of you, don't let her ruin it because she will if you do. Be smart man and good luck, I feel you because my gf is going through what you are.
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