bittersweet1989 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half, and we have a wonderful emotional and physical relationship. We ALWAYS make sure the other is satisfied in some way. I go down on him majority of the time before sex...but he wont go down on me. He says he tried it for a like a second and half with another girl a long time ago and was completely disgusted and just can't bring himself to do it again. I have never felt comfortable with another man (other than him) to allow them to go down on me b/c I am a little self-conscious. He has asked me if that bothers me that he doesn't once, and I lied and said No b/c I AM self-conscious and I don't think I'd enjoy it if I knew he was completely disgusted. My problem is I have always fantasized about it, and I really see a future with this man...but what if I never get to find out what it feels like...I have heard it is amazing. I wouldn't break up with him over it or anything but I mean...do you think I should ask him? Is it normal for guys not to enjoy doing it? Should I just let it go or what???
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 If you do it for him, it's only polite for him to reciprocate. A lot of guys do enjoy it - my bf loves it because it turns him on and he enjoys giving me pleasure. If your bf doesn't want to give you oral sex, stop giving him oral sex too, and see how long it takes him to change his mind. Not wanting to reciprocate would be a deal breaker for me... NB: Shaving your pussy might help with encouraging him to do it
Constantine Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Im a guy and going down on my gf is one of my favorite things to do. Honestly. I remember when i first tried a long time ago i didnt really fancy it that much, but once i saw/felt her reaction it really made me go for it and i have loved it ever since. It usually means you get a ton in return also so its for selfish reasons as well. I have male friends that refuse to do it, but i dont really get their reasons... for some it's a macho thing that they dont wanna "be on their knees", and some are just lazy. I have converted a few of them and they have thanked me ever since as its opened up their sexual relationship and taken it to the next level. I would say the reason your bf is giving is kinda lame and EllieBean's suggestion to stop giving him oral sex is well worth a try. Ofcourse hygiene is important, but im guessing thats not an issue here. I know he would love doing it if he just gets over that first hurdle! Another tip i would give if he does try is to not be afraid to give directions, different women like it done differently and you would both save some time if you tell him how you like it done. Good luck!
Author bittersweet1989 Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 Well...damn. Idk it really does bother me, because he is the only man I have ever been with...which I don't regret at all...I just wish he wanted to be a little more...freaky lol. He is 4 years older and did all sorts of crazy stuff (like threesomes and who knows what else...i stopped asking questions after that lol) when he was away at college, and he has been with 8 girls before me. We were listening to that song "Don't you wish your gf was a freak like me" and was like nooo ewww i don't want my gf to be a freak blah blah. So now I worry about saying stuff that's "too freaky" and I feel like I have to supress my horniness. lol I don't know...he says he worries that i didn't get a chance to do all that crazy college stuff..but i don't feel like i need it as long as he can satisfy me...which he can but its always the same old same stuff...i feel almost embarrassed to bring it up with him...and actually i tried to send him some sort of sexy pictures a long time ago and he didn't really like them and it upset me and he said it was b/c he likes the sweet, innocent me and i'm like ummm ok...what should i do??? i feel like he is holding back with me
Mr. Lucky Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 He has asked me if that bothers me that he doesn't once, and I lied and said No b/c I AM self-conscious and I don't think I'd enjoy it if I knew he was completely disgusted. Oral sex aside, you should at least be able to be truthful with him about issues that are important to you. I don't think you're doing him any favors by letting him continue to believe that what he's doing is OK... Mr. Lucky
Author bittersweet1989 Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 thanks mr. lucky you have a point...i should let him know how i feel. but i don't want to pressure him either.
mark982 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 bittersweet, i just don't get his disgust with it, was his former gf lacking on being clean? this is "really" something you're gonna have to talk to him about, a fulfilling sex life is very important part of a relationship,maybe he just hate hair(shave it),this is strange,damn near everyone i know love to please their wives or gf's.
Island Girl Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 You are going to have to quit worrying about what he has said about freakiness, etc and be yourself. If you don't you'll be here posting about how you are completely unhappy in your relationship because you have to always act like you are somebody else. And you are lying when you say you both make sure the other is satisfied because you are wanting something and he is definitely not giving. So you aren't satisfied with that. If he won't do it then you shouldn't either. The BJs stop. If he is unwilling to discuss it or make some accommodations then I hate to tell you but from that and everything else you posted here it's kind of doomed.
kakui215 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I see 2 problems for you as a couple to deal with: 1) It sounds like he's suffering from the old "Madonna-Whore Complex". (Look it up on the net if you're not familier with it.). You should call him out on that and challenge him to deal with it. 2) Neither one of you is able to communicate your wants and needs clearly and directly. Before you take any steps towards long-term commitment (e.g., marriage), you need to get to a point where you can speak openly to each other about these sorts of issues. The 2 of you should start listening to Dan Savage's "lovecast" (i.e. podcast) regularly. He often talks about the importance of couples in LTRs being "GGG" with each other. (I'll let you look that up too since I don't have time right now.). If my wife and I had taken that sort of advice back when we were at your point in our relationship, we would have saved ourselves years of emotional turmoil.
voldigicam Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Thanks for the GGG hint. I'll agree on the communication. It's difficult. I IM my SO the difficult things because she locks up with words. So there's many ways to go about that. If he continues to refuse, well. Hard to tell how important it is without experience. You could, with his knowledge, arrange for someone else to demonstrate. Maybe you have an interested girlfriend or something. That's a socially inappropriate choice by most standards, but would give you some basis for deciding how important it is. If you don't LIKE blowing him, but do anyway, then maybe you could point this out and be insistent. And stop doing that.
Heroic Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Time to visit one of your local adult boutiques and buy some flavored lube. Go to a boutique and not a sleaze store, might even give you both some other interesting ideas. I have only heard horror stories from other guys so I was reluctant to try going down on the wife myself. A bit of lube got me into it, now I love the taste and I love the experience that we can share. You need to encourage your BF to experience all of your body.
Enema Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I only do it when my wife is shaved, but your guy's being a baby. Tried it one time for one second and that's the end of it? But oh honey, would you suck me instead? As everyone else has said, you need to stop trying to protect his feelings and start thinking about yours.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I would never give oral if I wasn't getting any. That's just not fair! For me, it would be a dealbreaker, no question.
boldjack Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 This post makes no sense to me. What real man wouldn't want to give pleasure back to his woman, after she has given it to him? Hairy or bare, I will eat my woman whenever she wants, because she will s**k me whenever I want. How in the hell could there ever be a problem with this?
boldjack Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Bitter, Your bf sounds like a pansy, find a man who is willing to give what he gets.
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 and actually i tried to send him some sort of sexy pictures a long time ago and he didn't really like them and it upset me and he said it was b/c he likes the sweet, innocent me and i'm like ummm ok...what should i do??? i feel like he is holding back with me OK, this guy obviously has the Madonna-whore complex. Google it. People with this complex see their wives as saints, but have sex on the side with the "whores," which are all other women who would give him sex. Don't marry him. He needs some schmuck of a girl who is genuinely not interested in sex or anything hedonistic. You're too normal to put up with his issues.
parky1969 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I agree with others try it in the shower first or with some toys, or lick body-chocolate...having a compatible sex life is pretty fundamental for your future. Go to a day spa so you feel gorgeous; be honest with him, get him horny, turn off the lights and let the sexual awakening begin!!
parky1969 Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Hey I just read your earlier reply...that sentiment he expresses like sex is 'naughty' or 'dirty' ...look he's probably been brainwashed by his upbringing!! (which is hard for you to change.) I suggest giving it a go but really don;t persevere - Sex is too important to compromise your needs in what is normal, natural, fundamental part of human existance. As a last effort, take him to a tantric sex class - it might open his mind!
lovebubble Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 well, you really can't make somebody enjoy something that they don't want any involvement in.. so, the fact that he has no desire to do it at all leaves little hope. HE has to come to a point where HE wants to do it and decides that he enjoys it.. which could be never so, unless you're fine with that prospect i would be a little put off by it. alot of guys LOVE it.. and then some just don't.
Author bittersweet1989 Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 wow! lol i appreciate all the advice and replies but the things about how are relationship is doomed and all that other nonsense is ridiculous. although the idea of receiving oral sounds nice and enjoyable it is absolutely NOT a deal breaker in our relationship. we have great sex even if it is not oral and we connect on so many levels. (and he never makes me give it to him i do it b/c i like to!) i just really wanted to know if other men felt the same way or maybe if other women were going through the same thing. i actually am somewhat to blame. i am very very self concious and when he has asked me if it bothered me that he didn't do it i said no...which was kinda a lie but i'm so worried i wont feel comfortable with myself down there to let him do it. plus there are plenty of other ways he satisfies me, and is never ever selfish about him getting there and not making sure i have. maybe it's just something we'll have to try further down the road. i do think it has something to do with his upbringing as well...he sees the woman he is going to spend the rest of his life with (possibly me) on a higher pedistal than other woman and is very old fashioned in that sense. honestly i need to be more honest and open with him before i can start complaining about it. i am just nervous b/c we don't normally talk a whole lot about that kind of stuff. and every relationship could use a little work and honestly that's the only area that i feel needs a little push. in the meantime i will continue to enjoy all the sex we do share together!!! thanks for all yall's advice!!!!!
AnthonyF Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 wow! lol i appreciate all the advice and replies but the things about how are relationship is doomed and all that other nonsense is ridiculous. although the idea of receiving oral sounds nice and enjoyable it is absolutely NOT a deal breaker in our relationship. we have great sex even if it is not oral and we connect on so many levels. (and he never makes me give it to him i do it b/c i like to!) i just really wanted to know if other men felt the same way or maybe if other women were going through the same thing. i actually am somewhat to blame. i am very very self concious and when he has asked me if it bothered me that he didn't do it i said no...which was kinda a lie but i'm so worried i wont feel comfortable with myself down there to let him do it. plus there are plenty of other ways he satisfies me, and is never ever selfish about him getting there and not making sure i have. maybe it's just something we'll have to try further down the road. i do think it has something to do with his upbringing as well...he sees the woman he is going to spend the rest of his life with (possibly me) on a higher pedistal than other woman and is very old fashioned in that sense. honestly i need to be more honest and open with him before i can start complaining about it. i am just nervous b/c we don't normally talk a whole lot about that kind of stuff. and every relationship could use a little work and honestly that's the only area that i feel needs a little push. in the meantime i will continue to enjoy all the sex we do share together!!! thanks for all yall's advice!!!!! Funny how some women swear by oral and some like you think sex is great without it.... Wonder why us males are so confused. However Bittersweet you do have a relationship problem based on oral and the Madonna/Whore complex. You may be okay today, but be sure, because a male who is so repressed and has such issues, it will rear it's head sometime down the road. I compartmentalize sexual acts. Some have much more active lives, imaginations, needs and kinks. Oral is at the vanilla end of the spectrum and you have a long road ahead. Proceed with caution.
BettyBoop Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 My recent ex had the same issues your b/f has - although he went down on me once for like 30 seconds, and then quit and said "well, you're not getting anywhere so..." and I could all along tell how he didn't enjoy giving me one bit. So I never asked for it again. I ended it with him, but not because of the oral - you're right it's not a deal breaker when you love someone. However, am with someone now who DOES give me and shows me he enjoys it...it's way nicer than someone who won't. I suggest you tell him that just because it was a bad previous experience - he should be willing to try again for you. I don't recommend stop giving him oral...that's not the way to solve a problem by forcing someone to do something they don't want to, rather make him realise why he should be wanting to.
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