Groovy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I am seeing this guy who is great emotionally and intellectually. However he is practically anorexic in his weight and I don't know if I can be physically attracted to him. He doesn't seem to eat much is 5'11" and I'm guessing weighs maybe 140 at most (even 130 wouldn't surprise me)? His chest is sunken in, his arms like twigs and his torso barely there. He almost looks sick. Would I be heartless to say I just don't feel a physical chemistry? We've gone out on a few dates and he seems to like me..... And if I shouldn't tell a guy that what should I tell him? And please do not tell me I am superficial and judge me like some loveshackers seem to enjoy. I do not blame myself for being what I feel physical chemistry with and what I don't. That's kind of out of my control.....
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 No, you aren't superficial - if you're not attracted to him, then you're not attracted to him. Sometimes a guy's personality is nice enough that you can compromise on looks, but if you're not attracted to him at all you can't force it. It would perhaps upset him if you came out and said there was no physical chemistry, so perhaps just tell him you really like him as a person but think you two would work better as friends. I once had the same problem: I met a really nice, intelligent guy who weighed perhaps 120-130 pounds, and I dated him because I liked his personality, but no matter how much I tried there was simply no chemistry and we ended up just being friends. Eventually I ended the relationship because I just felt no attraction for him at all and we were like brother and sister. Now I am not a shallow person, in general my bfs haven't been handsome and I dated them for their personality, but I just couldn't get over my complete lack of attraction to this guy. I think it was because he was so skinny, I just didn't see him as the sort of manly and protective guy I wanted to be with. I've now realised that I like my guys to be taller and heavier than me (even if only slightly) otherwise I won't be attracted to them at all, and that particular guy might be better suited to a more petite girl.
LovieDove24 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I agree with Ellie. There is nothing wrong with being unattracted to someonw. If his personality fit completely with you and there was amazing chemistry, I believe that the "skinny" portion of his package would be overridden with an eagerness to experience more. Since you do not feel that way but are still focusing on the skinny factore, I say its time to move on.
samspade Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I agree, you're not being superficial. Physical attraction is still a huge factor, even if it's less of one for women than for men. Just don't state that as a reason. The "chemistry" thing is sufficient. There are probably women out there who are into emaciated guys, so he'll get along just fine. You can't choose who you're attracted to, so don't blame yourself.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 130-140 lbs for a man who is 5'11" is extremely skinny. So this guy has a sunken bird chest and is possibly anorexic? I am amazed you went out with him after you saw what he looks like - it sounds like he either has an extremely high metabolism or isn't very healthy. If you aren't physically attracted to him at all (it sounds like you might be slightly repulsed), don't waste any more time with this guy.
Jaytb Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 And please do not tell me I am superficial and judge me like some loveshackers seem to enjoy. Alright, since you said please No, not shallow at all. Tell him to eat a sandwich (or 2) (or twenty.)
mr.dream merchant Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I'm surprised there isn't a parade of butt hurt male posters in here crying about how its very immature, pigheaded, and irrational to want someone you're PHYSICALLY. ATTRACTED. TO. Yeah, its a pot shot at all bitching female posters in the younger women thread. To the OP, no you aren't shallow. Tell buddy to holler at those protein shakes and start lifting weights and eating a bunch. Or just tell him he looks to sick for you. He probably has a huge cack though.
Jaytb Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I'm surprised there isn't a parade of butt hurt male posters in here crying about how its very immature, pigheaded, and irrational to want someone you're PHYSICALLY. ATTRACTED. TO. Yeah, its a pot shot at all bitching female posters in the younger women thread. To the OP, no you aren't shallow. Tell buddy to holler at those protein shakes and start lifting weights and eating a bunch. Or just tell him he looks to sick for you. He probably has a huge cack though. None of us are thin enough to be offended .
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