Wicked Child Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 So after almost 2 years of dating drought, I've gone out with a few guys in the last couple months...For some reason, all of them have been the sensitive, romantic musician type (i'm a sucker for a man that can work an instrument.) Much the type that I thought I was into...or at least the type i'm instantly attracted to, anyways...My problem lies herein: The most recent one, has come on very strong and passionately...something I thought I wanted and would enjoy...He's smart, talented, articulate, stable....more than I can say for the man I spent 6 years with (he was a slacking, jobless stoner..oh the mistakes we make when in love.) I expressed that I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in a relationship yet..the dating game has kinda helped me to realize that (i think) I don't really want a commitment until I'm actually in love with someone...It would seem pointless to me to give myself to anyone I wasn't in love with, cos I go all in...I don't half ass my relationships...Well, I can't really figure out why I'm just kinda wishy washy on this one...It's everything I've ever hoped for in a rel, but it just isn't explosive like I thought it would be...Am I doomed for @$$holes? Maybe just not ready for a rel. or the right person hasn't come along...I'm involved in a FWB type thing with someone else...Which doesn't really have any bearing on this (even though I don't really wanna give up this awesome sex we have) but maybe I'm not admitting something to myself. Blah...I'm starting to think I've been completely wrong in what I want romantically in a man....
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 So to paraphrase: you met a guy who seemed to be everything you wanted, but you're just not feeling it and you're not sure why? He seems perfect but there are are just no fireworks? Firstly I would say you're obviously not very committed to the relationship if you're having sex with someone else, and the guy you're dating would probably be upset if he knew what you were doing. If you're not prepared to be faithful to the guy, and don't want to give up the awesome sex with your lover, then do the guy a favour and cut him loose so he can find someone who will actually be faithful to him. Secondly, perhaps the fact that you still feel the need to have sex with someone else says a lot about your relationship with this guy? He may be romantic and nice - on paper - but perhaps there's no physical chemistry, no spark? Otherwise you'd want to have sex with him rather than with your lover. If there's no spark then perhaps you shouldn't be dating him - just because someone is romantic that doesn't mean you'll find him physically attractive. If there's no attraction there, let him go to find someone who does find him attractive, and continue looking for someone just as romantic who is also has that physical spark.
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