4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 A friend of mine in a LTA(10yrs), recently he felt tired and want to break it up with the MW. She has no kid. Usually when she called he pick up the phone immediatly. This past few times he didn't pick up her phone called, than she started to text. Said that she love him & miss him. He is trying to step out of the picture so she can work on her marriaged. She is ignored the problem at home with her H. But she didn't want to get a D. My friend truely love this woman and believe that she is also truely love him. Otherwise why she would be having A with him for the last 10yrs. Even those he know that she is selfish and care for herself. By having two men in her life. Do you think by ignored her called & her text. She will make up her mind and divorce her H. I think that what my friend trying to see if she will D by ignored her call & text.
herenow Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Do you think by ignored her called & her text. She will make up her mind and divorce her H. I think that what my friend trying to see if she will D by ignored her call & text. No, I do not think she will leave her H for your friend.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 But why did she said she love him & miss him. That make him think she will leave.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She says it so that he will stick around, so that he is there when she feels like having her cake. She will not leave her H, not after 10 years.
herenow Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 There are words and actions. What have her actions told your friend?
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 She says it so that he will stick around, so that he is there when she feels like having her cake. She will not leave her H, not after 10 years. I told him if she truely love him, she would leave before than. But she gave him lot of reasons, to make him believed that is why she couldn't leave her H.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 And she will continue telling those lies. Until your friend comes to his senses and ends the affair.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 There are words and actions. What have her actions told your friend? No action and not even mentioned she will leave her H. He just waitting around for her to leave.
Owl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She's never told him that she'd leave her husbandfor him. She's never shown him that she'd leave her husband for him. But after 10 years, your friend still believes that she will leave her husband for him. Your friend is deliberately fooling himself. You will probably never convince him that he's wasting his time, because he won't want to believe you. I'd tell your friend that he's wasting his time, but I wouldn't expect him to change his ways. And then, you should decide if you want to keep him as your friend...because who would want to keep a friend who would try to steal away another man's wife?
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 She's never told him that she'd leave her husbandfor him. She's never shown him that she'd leave her husband for him. But after 10 years, your friend still believes that she will leave her husband for him. Your friend is deliberately fooling himself. You will probably never convince him that he's wasting his time, because he won't want to believe you. I'd tell your friend that he's wasting his time, but I wouldn't expect him to change his ways. And then, you should decide if you want to keep him as your friend...because who would want to keep a friend who would try to steal away another man's wife? I understand what you mean, and he also know it's not right to have the A. That why he trying to move on, but she is continued to contact him. I'm trying to lead him on the right path, which is telling him that she will not leave her H. He starting to drift away from her even those it hard. But i told him time will heal.
Confused4Now Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 No action and not even mentioned she will leave her H. He just waitting around for her to leave. Honestly 10 years shows me she likes things status quo....without knowing more of the story as to why she's staying....it doesn't sound like she's going to move. Bummer 10 years is a long time.....damn
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Honestly 10 years shows me she likes things status quo....without knowing more of the story as to why she's staying....it doesn't sound like she's going to move. Bummer 10 years is a long time.....damn Financial is one of the reason that she staying in the M. She claim that she don't love her H, but didn't want to D either.
Owl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I understand what you mean, and he also know it's not right to have the A. That why he trying to move on, but she is continued to contact him. I'm trying to lead him on the right path, which is telling him that she will not leave her H. He starting to drift away from her even those it hard. But i told him time will heal. Then tell your friend that HE needs to be the "man" in this relationship...and end it. He needs to tell her that it's over, block her calls/emails/IMs, and take active measures to end the affair. As a "man"...he has control over his actions, and knows his weaknesses...and blocking her would help him do the right thing regardless of his own weakness. Stop "drifting away from her"...start deliberately CHOOSING TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Financial is one of the reason that she staying in the M. She claim that she don't love her H, but didn't want to D either. Again it's a lie. Yes, financial reasons may be one reason for staying but does she really not love her husband or her life with him? There are no children either so it's not that they are together "for their sake". Only she and her H really know what is going on between them. Your friend only knows what she chooses to tell him. I have been the MW, I know the lies, the bull**** that can be said and it is all done to keep the OM for when it suits.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 I know it easy to say than done. He think that he can do it moving on. It already been a few days that he didn't contact her, which the other woman think that he little bit different, so that why she calling. I told him that he can do it, just not so easy to do all at once. Take it day by day.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I was curious about your level of concern regarding your friend so I had a look at your past posts. Since November 2007, you have started 10 threads and the overwhelming majority have been about your friend and this affair. In the middle of all that is a thread where you say that you love a man who is having an affair. I think you should stop worrying about your friend's hopeless love for a MW and start dealing with your hopeless love for your friend. I am sorry if this sounds cruel but you also need to move on. He is too deep in the mire of the affair. He is not interested in having a relationship with you. Just as many posters on here have said your friend should give up and move on, so should you. You are wasting your life and your heart on someone who will never be with you. It is you who needs to do NC and start rebuilding your life without your friend.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 I was curious about your level of concern regarding your friend so I had a look at your past posts. Since November 2007, you have started 10 threads and the overwhelming majority have been about your friend and this affair. In the middle of all that is a thread where you say that you love a man who is having an affair. I think you should stop worrying about your friend's hopeless love for a MW and start dealing with your hopeless love for your friend. I am sorry if this sounds cruel but you also need to move on. He is too deep in the mire of the affair. He is not interested in having a relationship with you. Just as many posters on here have said your friend should give up and move on, so should you. You are wasting your life and your heart on someone who will never be with you. It is you who needs to do NC and start rebuilding your life without your friend. Yes, I did start a thread about it. He is someone that I concerned more than a relationship with this OW. But it's his health that I'm concern.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 No, this is your obsession. You have started several threads about him. Look to yourself first. Think about what you would tell your friend about his affair and how he should end it, he is wasting his time, etc. Now tell yourself exactly the same things about your relationship with your friend.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 No, this is your obsession. You have started several threads about him. Look to yourself first. Think about what you would tell your friend about his affair and how he should end it, he is wasting his time, etc. Now tell yourself exactly the same things about your relationship with your friend. You don't have to tell me what to do.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 You came on here asking for advice. You got advice.
Author 4everloveu Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 You came on here asking for advice. You got advice. I don't need advice for myself.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Ok. I think you do. You disagree. Goodnight and good luck.
Recommended Posts