Deena Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Hi all, Here I go (as brief as I can ) with my problem, hope someone can help. I had my first proper boyfriend FL 20 years ago and we did love each other but our familys didnt approve and we broke up. After the break up there were instances where for insatance his family approved but me being too proud refused on acount that he is listening to them and not his heart. We were first love to each other. He got married first (apparently to a woman 5 years older than him who trapped him by getting preganant). Without him knowing that I know he made the women preganant he askes me to get back together. For some reason I kept on thinking about the women he impreganated and the child,and I refused, although I still loved him. I got married to another man (as I was preganant). Three years after birth of my son he contacts me (our mutual friend gave him my number) and that was 11 years ago. We said we will be friends. My marriage broke down (I think I sabotged it due to my first love). Whith my FL I only slept once 8 years ago when I found out he has got a autistic child. We said we will reamin friends or forget each other if we can. Lately he has started to flirt and suggest it to have sex. He also said he is waiting for kids to get a bit older a 13 and 10 at the moment. His wife found the txt msg. He said to me not to contact him until he contacts me. I replied that if he respects his wife so much what the hell he wants from me? I didnt get any reply yet. Although I belive we still love each other and I tried to get him out of my mind for last 20 years I dont think I could be the OW. I said to him are u trying to use me as you are still married and he replied that to him his marriage was a financial contract just like any other bussines. What do you think I should do?
Owl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 End any and all contact with him. It's that simple. Maybe not easy...but not complicated. He's married, and he's not leaving her. There's nothing left to consider.
jj33 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Ditto. He found you 2x he can find you again if he leaves one day.
NewSunrise Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 He has no respect for his W, you or himself. He's a dog. And like a dog, he keeps pizzing on the same tree and you keep letting him.
bentnotbroken Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 You control this situation. If you don't want him in your life, or to hurt his wife and family, you won't let this go any further. Just because he finds you, doesn't mean you need to respond.
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 He got married first (apparently to a woman 5 years older than him who trapped him by getting preganant). Is this what you assume or do you know this for a fact? He also said he is waiting for kids to get a bit older a 13 and 10 at the moment. His wife found the txt msg. He said to me not to contact him until he contacts me. Leave him alone. You don't want to be the OW, his affair partner, so just live your life without him in it. The past is the past and just because you still love him and he may still love you, doesn't mean you two HAVE to have eachother. Even in an affair setting. Let it go and focus on either ending or fixing your own marriage. I'm sure right now HE has alot to deal with at home since his wife found the text..That and having an austic child to look after isn't easy either. This man ISN'T going to leave his wife and kids, even if he says when they're older..Even MORE SO because one of them is austic.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 What do you think I should do? You really have to ask?:confused:
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I said to him are u trying to use me as you are still married and he replied that to him his marriage was a financial contract just like any other bussines. IF this is true, why then why this: His wife found the txt msg. He said to me not to contact him until he contacts me. I replied that if he respects his wife so much what the hell he wants from me? I didnt get any reply yet. This man is a LIAR so just because he is telling you negative stuff about his wife and marriage, doesn't mean it's true. I hope you realize this.. It seems all he is looking for is some action on the side.
2sure Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Its sad that both he & his wife , and you & your husband got married because you were pregnant, or "trapped' as you put it. But certainly, after so many years, and apparently other children - this isnt relevant at all. You ask what you should do. He has asked you not to contact him again - so I'm not sure what else there is TO do? He prefers to save his marriage regardless of his reasons - than have any contact with you. It is difficlt to be rejected no matter what the circumstance. But unless you plan on harrassing him or his family - why contact him if he has told you not to?
Queen of Hearts Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 It's glaringly obvoius you two weren't meant to be together. Don't try to force something that was not meant to be.
Author Deena Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Is this what you assume or do you know this for a fact? Apperantly yes, she lied about contraception on their first child this was confirmed by our mutual friend and apparently the W wanted another child (girl ideally, instead they got autistic boy) and my ex didnt, the W threatnead with divorce and never to see his first born if he didnt comply. To whichwayisup For last 10 years we said many times to stop any conatct because the W would suspect any msg he would get (he also long ago told her about our history and appaerntly she got jelous) so if he gets annonymous call she would accusse him of seeing me. But as soon as three months past he will phone with any pathetic excuse to start talking again. Only recently he mentioned sex, before we had normal conversation and he knows I m not going to comply with that. He was also shy to express his feelings, is he using the notion let have some fun to find out how i feel as we didnt express our feelings openly for 20 years, or is he keeping me in arms length if his situation ever change as he knows I wont have sex with him just for sake of sex.
Owl Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 He's not going to leave his wife for you. You're not willing to have sex with him just to have sex with him. Where do you see this relationship headed?
jj33 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 He expects to be able to wear you down. He is counting on the fact that you are tied in enough emotionally that eventually if you dont meet someone else in the meantime, you will crack and agree to what he wants. Dont do that to yourself.
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