Go NC today!

[EmperorR]

From my experience, after a breakup the first thing you want to do is contact your ex, beg, plead, say the classic I'll change I love you more than anything etc.

 

Point is your ex may love you but not in love with you, they didn't just wake up and say I'm going to break up with so and so, this plan was put into motion for a while.

 

Do you actually think anything you do is going to bring them back? Sorry no poem you write, no song you sing, no flowers you send, no proclamation of love is going to change their mind. Besides that why do you want your ex to think of you as a desperate pathetic clingy person.

 

It sucks but you can't make someone love you or want to be with you, only they can make their decision. And folks that is why you go nc, you keep your dignity, you don't look desperate or pathetic, you take this time to work on you heal your broken heart, and maybe your ex will look at you in a differet light.

 

Notice after a breakup how your ex doesn't call or text at all, but your itching every minute looking at your phone checking your email, unblocking them from your IM messenger when they come online. It's because it doesn't phase them there already emotionally attached there ok with it, there not standing by the phone waiiting for a phone call or a text, there out having fun while your in your bed.

 

 

Trust me I know how hard NC is, after my ex fiancé cheated and left me I kept breaking it time and time untill I finally got serious and boy did it help every day the pain went away a little at a time, the constant checking phone, facebook fades, you think about your ex a little less every day, you take them off the pedastool you set up for them, and then you get to the point of not caring.

 

Trust me, the thinking your ex will forget about you if you don't contact you is a sham, trust me no one can just stop thinking of you just like that. Look I've been through it all, saying I would never love trust again, but the world has a funny way of working things out.

 

This helped me, always think from their shoes, if you dumped someone would you want them begging you and pleading?

 

Spelling mistakes? I'm on my iphone so sorry if there are any.

 

Start NC today, your not a car you don't depreciate in value, always remember that.

[JooLee]

its more of a "get over it". it takes time but u do reach it.

and then you're in peace

things do get better!

[Surfer Dude]

Finally a good post.

 

Also I'd like to add that people should go f*ck someone as soon as they get dumped. Rebounds do wonders for your self esteem and they break the illusion that your ex is a "special person" with whom you shared "that special irreplaceable bond".

 

No one is irreplaceable, there are 6 billion people in the world and every single one is a special and unique person. You could find something to love about anyone if you took time to know them.

 

Break that sappy desperate attachment for your ex and retake your power back.

[EmperorR]

I'd also like to add, after a breakup I look at ex like a enemy who has cornered me; and I need to retreat (no contact) to regain my forces and take the power back.

 

After a breakup you feel not wanted lonely etc. Your at your weakest so why contact someone who did this you? Your basically by being friends surrending your pride dignity and yourself.

[wheresmysunshine]

Emperor- This I couldn't agree with more! NC is the only way to go. I've done the begging pleading crap 2.5 years ago when he dumped me for a co-worker. Didn't work, just fed his ego. Then I went NC and he kept persisting me, through calls, txts and emails. Begging me back, pleading and apologizing to change. After 4mths I did go back to him.. here I am dumped again for a co-worker... this time engaged to him with a house together. I strictly went NC this time! It's been 5 days NC, of course NC from him either which is the part that kills me. I really have no urge to contact him, but I guess I look forward for the begging/pleading from him to begin again. So far nothing but I am holding my ground.

It is the most difficult but I am filling my time with literally being on these boards and reading when i'm not working. Sometimes I think he's completely moved on from me finally when he is not making any contact... but in the back of my head I know it's only a matter of time before he realizes what he's done (well the game he likes to play) and he will be making contact.

These "dumpers" play the same game.. it's our job to stay strong and not initiate any contact. I remember one time when we had broken up I got on my knees and begged him to please not do this, take me back, I will do anything! He actually looked at me and called me pathetic for doing that! and turned around and walked out of the house. These people have a real Illness! They are emotionally detached! its discusting!

[Aerorobyn]

I agree--NC really does work wonders. I'm feeling better after 9 days of NC, but I know after later this afternoon that will all come crashing down (I have a lab with him, we're lab partners, so I'll have to work with him and all for 2-2.5 hours).

[Aerorobyn]

Emperor- This I couldn't agree with more! NC is the only way to go. I've done the begging pleading crap 2.5 years ago when he dumped me for a co-worker. Didn't work, just fed his ego. Then I went NC and he kept persisting me, through calls, txts and emails. Begging me back, pleading and apologizing to change. After 4mths I did go back to him.. here I am dumped again for a co-worker... this time engaged to him with a house together. I strictly went NC this time! It's been 5 days NC, of course NC from him either which is the part that kills me. I really have no urge to contact him, but I guess I look forward for the begging/pleading from him to begin again. So far nothing but I am holding my ground.

It is the most difficult but I am filling my time with literally being on these boards and reading when i'm not working. Sometimes I think he's completely moved on from me finally when he is not making any contact... but in the back of my head I know it's only a matter of time before he realizes what he's done (well the game he likes to play) and he will be making contact.

These "dumpers" play the same game.. it's our job to stay strong and not initiate any contact. I remember one time when we had broken up I got on my knees and begged him to please not do this, take me back, I will do anything! He actually looked at me and called me pathetic for doing that! and turned around and walked out of the house. These people have a real Illness! They are emotionally detached! its discusting!

 

Don't feel so ashamed about being called "pathetic" ...I think that's happened to many of us dumpees. The last time I tried the whole begging and pleading thing with my ex, he came back at me with very rude, hateful, and hurtful remarks. He basically told me that my feelings of love that I still had for him were very creepy. It hurt, obviously, because it had only been two weeks since the breakup. Two years together--how is love going to disappear in two weeks, jerk? Anyways--I think he pretty much called me pathetic too.

 

If you don't mind, how long did you do the whole begging and pleading thing with him? And how long after you began NC did he start to try initiating contact with you? I am also looking forward to the day when/if he comes begging and pleading...who will be the pathetic one then?

 

By the way--I saw your pic and the new girls pic in the Post Your Picture thread. I wouldn't worry about it so much...you're much prettier than she is. Something must be wrong in your ex's head to go for her.

[wheresmysunshine]

Don't feel so ashamed about being called "pathetic" ...I think that's happened to many of us dumpees. The last time I tried the whole begging and pleading thing with my ex, he came back at me with very rude, hateful, and hurtful remarks. He basically told me that my feelings of love that I still had for him were very creepy. It hurt, obviously, because it had only been two weeks since the breakup. Two years together--how is love going to disappear in two weeks, jerk? Anyways--I think he pretty much called me pathetic too.

 

If you don't mind, how long did you do the whole begging and pleading thing with him? And how long after you began NC did he start to try initiating contact with you? I am also looking forward to the day when/if he comes begging and pleading...who will be the pathetic one then?

 

By the way--I saw your pic and the new girls pic in the Post Your Picture thread. I wouldn't worry about it so much...you're much prettier than she is. Something must be wrong in your ex's head to go for her.

 

Thank you Aero! You are very pretty as well. They have no clue what they bleep they are doing when they leave something so good. I think it really sucks that you are trying to do the NC thing but that you still have lab together. god I would feel like that defeats the whole purpose. Are you in a college lab? or grad school??

Well 2.5 years ago when we broke up for 4 mths total, I begged him for about 2 weeks. then I stopped because he was so cold and cruel, calling me names and also calling me a stalker and yes the creepy thing came out too! Then I decided to go NC and it worked, he was begging me back, and he actually went for a cute co-worker during that time but ended up choosing me in the long run.

This time totally baffles me because he proposed last may after us being together for 7 years and we bought our first house this past august. So we were in much deeper ****. We even just booked a mexico trip for this may that cost $2000 total. He threw it all away once again for this co-worker, whom u saw the pic of.

I moved out last monday, he contacted me on tuesday evening after I went back and got the cats. But his contact was cruel and to tell me what I could and couldn't take from the house when I came back again. I didn't feed into this. I'm staying with a friend who lives about 30 mins from where our house is. It is only temporary until I save money from my job to move back to the state my family is in but secretly I am hoping for him to start the begging again bc it just feels good. I know its stupid but I am not at all happy to be single again. I thought my life was planned. I still have kept our wedding website up bc I can't bear to take it down.

[Aerorobyn]

Thank you Aero! You are very pretty as well. They have no clue what they bleep they are doing when they leave something so good. I think it really sucks that you are trying to do the NC thing but that you still have lab together. god I would feel like that defeats the whole purpose. Are you in a college lab? or grad school??

Well 2.5 years ago when we broke up for 4 mths total, I begged him for about 2 weeks. then I stopped because he was so cold and cruel, calling me names and also calling me a stalker and yes the creepy thing came out too! Then I decided to go NC and it worked, he was begging me back, and he actually went for a cute co-worker during that time but ended up choosing me in the long run.

This time totally baffles me because he proposed last may after us being together for 7 years and we bought our first house this past august. So we were in much deeper ****. We even just booked a mexico trip for this may that cost $2000 total. He threw it all away once again for this co-worker, whom u saw the pic of.

I moved out last monday, he contacted me on tuesday evening after I went back and got the cats. But his contact was cruel and to tell me what I could and couldn't take from the house when I came back again. I didn't feed into this. I'm staying with a friend who lives about 30 mins from where our house is. It is only temporary until I save money from my job to move back to the state my family is in but secretly I am hoping for him to start the begging again bc it just feels good. I know its stupid but I am not at all happy to be single again. I thought my life was planned. I still have kept our wedding website up bc I can't bear to take it down.

 

Thank you! I've actually tried bringing myself "up" in my looks. I sort of let myself go after we'd been together for a while, and when he broke up with me I got new clothes, did my hair the way he used to like when we first got together (should've seen his face when I came in with the new hair he used to love, lol). But yeah, I'm in college...its a lab for my college physics class that we have together.

 

They really don't know what they're missing out on. Are you serious--one leaves for a not-so-attractive girl, and the other leaves so he can spend his hours hanging out in the library and going to see movies with four guy friends on the weekend. Losers, indeed.

 

I know you still love this guy, because I still love my ex, but would you really consider taking him back if he came around again? I mean...he's an ass for treating you like that. Engagement and everything, he threw it all away for nothing. If I were you, I'd go on that Mexico trip with some hunky guy, and see how he feels about that.

[wheresmysunshine]

LOL.. well I can't go on that trip because it was in both our names... I guess you can't change the names on the airline tickets or hotel reservation. But None of it was my money! hehehe he paid for it all and I was supposed to give him half towards it but never did. What a dumbas*. Oh well sucks for him, also sucks he put down $2000 on our wedding venue that he can't get back. Oh and he took his engagement ring back as well which was another $8000 or so and I don't think he will be able to pawn it for that much. He must think he has some sort of power because of financial security or something.

as far as taking him back.. i don't think he will be coming to his sense anytime soon but even if he did, I will take his begging as an ego boost for a while and maybe it will help me move on. I honestly don't know what he could possibly do to even win me back but I am not gonna even get my hopes up at this point in case this time it is truly over.

[EmperorR]

I'll keep adding, why do you contact the ex? It won't make you feel better. They will not forget about you trust me, you remember your grade 1 teacher right? Heck I remember the greeter at my local walmart, so if you honestly think your ex "forgot" about you it's a sham.

 

The best thing to do is NOTHING, trust me you can't screw up nothing:)

[yeex]

Finally a good post.

 

Also I'd like to add that people should go f*ck someone as soon as they get dumped. Rebounds do wonders for your self esteem and they break the illusion that your ex is a "special person" with whom you shared "that special irreplaceable bond".

Unfortunately this not work all the time. I have f*cked somebody right after a breakup and we did not click as good in bed. That made me miss my ex even more. But I did stay strong with the NC and got over it.

[lonelypiscesguy]

I agree--NC really does work wonders. I'm feeling better after 9 days of NC, but I know after later this afternoon that will all come crashing down (I have a lab with him, we're lab partners, so I'll have to work with him and all for 2-2.5 hours).

Oh, sweetie (BTW, I do think you're sweet, that's why I call you that, no offense.), can't you do something about that?

[Peter_pan]

i dont think nc works in all cases. i can see exactly why it helps but in the long run, i dont think it does.

 

you will still think of them and miss them, maybe wonder what they are up to.

 

and you may feel a bit pathetic for not talking to them ever again, i mean if they were your first etc, isnt that just wrong? you shared something no one is going to take away regardless of how many other people you/they shag from after you split up.

 

and if there with someone new, well nc is going to make it easier on them anyway, and makes it a hell of a lot easier for them to move on,

 

lets say, for example, you have a really bad pain in your leg, if it stopped hurting you or causing you to think about it, i bet you would just feel 100 times better and not ever think about it again. however, if the pain constantly annoyed you or came back from time to time, then of course it would remind you of it.

 

basically if you hang in there even if they are seeing x y and z, when it goes wrong, there is the possibility if you stayed in contact that you could get them back. if you burn the bridges then its impossible and your only option is to move on

[foxh1234]

i dont think nc works in all cases. i can see exactly why it helps but in the long run, i dont think it does.

 

you will still think of them and miss them, maybe wonder what they are up to.

 

and you may feel a bit pathetic for not talking to them ever again, i mean if they were your first etc, isnt that just wrong? you shared something no one is going to take away regardless of how many other people you/they shag from after you split up.

 

and if there with someone new, well nc is going to make it easier on them anyway, and makes it a hell of a lot easier for them to move on,

 

lets say, for example, you have a really bad pain in your leg, if it stopped hurting you or causing you to think about it, i bet you would just feel 100 times better and not ever think about it again. however, if the pain constantly annoyed you or came back from time to time, then of course it would remind you of it.

 

basically if you hang in there even if they are seeing x y and z, when it goes wrong, there is the possibility if you stayed in contact that you could get them back. if you burn the bridges then its impossible and your only option is to move on

 

Your kidding right ? You really want to hang around while your ex has sex with another guy and wait for crumbs or wait until they break up so you can get another chance. That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. have a little self respect PP. If your ex leaves you for another man, staying around and being her lap dog will make you look pathetic and any respect she had for you will be gone. It is really simple- Staying friends with your ex after being dumped helps them move on and hurts you. It allows them to have you when they want you and also they have their new F buddy for sex. Once they get over you, they throw you away and they never think about you again. The best advice is still the simplest, go NC, move on with out them and don't look back. If they come back crawling, your in control and can make up your mind if you want to try again. Hanging around hoping for her to break up with the new guy is pathetic and makes you look like a spineless loser with no self esteem.

[Peter_pan]

Your kidding right ? You really want to hang around while your ex has sex with another guy and wait for crumbs or wait until they break up so you can get another chance. That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. have a little self respect PP. If your ex leaves you for another man, staying around and being her lap dog will make you look pathetic and any respect she had for you will be gone. It is really simple- Staying friends with your ex after being dumped helps them move on and hurts you. It allows them to have you when they want you and also they have their new F buddy for sex. Once they get over you, they throw you away and they never think about you again. The best advice is still the simplest, go NC, move on with out them and don't look back. If they come back crawling, your in control and can make up your mind if you want to try again. Hanging around hoping for her to break up with the new guy is pathetic and makes you look like a spineless loser with no self esteem.

 

ok well when you put it that way i can see your point. and NC would be the most respectable route

 

but thats if they left you for another guy, if you mutually agreed to break up and then time went by say a couple months of being "together" and not "together" but still being a couple basically, even living in same flat, but with the intention of getting back together, and then for them to go off with someone else, what do you do here?

 

this is why i feel bad for the NC, cause i wasnt strong enough to handle her moving on

 

what do you do in that case, which is mine lol. i mean i did go NC and thats what happened.

[foxh1234]

ok well when you put it that way i can see your point. and NC would be the most respectable route

 

but thats if they left you for another guy, if you mutually agreed to break up and then time went by say a couple months of being "together" and not "together" but still being a couple basically, even living in same flat, but with the intention of getting back together, and then for them to go off with someone else, what do you do here?

 

this is why i feel bad for the NC, cause i wasnt strong enough to handle her moving on

 

what do you do in that case, which is mine lol. i mean i did go NC and thats what happened.

 

Hi Pete, I don't see the difference. Bottom line is she decided she didn't want to try with you again and found another guy. Once that decision is made, I say walk away. hanging around being her friend while she has a new and exciting love life with anothe dude seems crazy to me. Staying in contact while she is in a relationship hoping it will break up so you can get another chance is a waste of your time IMO. How long will you wait ? What if she breaks up with the first guy but wants to try a few more guys before deciding if your the one. Is that OK too ? I guess it boils down to this Pete- Why be anyones lap dog ? She chose to start a relationship with the other guy and never wanted to retry with you. That's her decision, let her live with that decision.

Why would you wait around for someone who could throw you away so easily ? That's the big question to ask. I say f**k them, life is way too short to lower yourself to lapdog status. Just my opinion though, if you feel like waiting around for another chance is right, good luck with it.

.

[Peter_pan]

Hi Pete, I don't see the difference. Bottom line is she decided she didn't want to try with you again and found another guy. Once that decision is made, I say walk away. hanging around being her friend while she has a new and exciting love life with anothe dude seems crazy to me. Staying in contact while she is in a relationship hoping it will break up so you can get another chance is a waste of your time IMO. How long will you wait ? What if she breaks up with the first guy but wants to try a few more guys before deciding if your the one. Is that OK too ? I guess it boils down to this Pete- Why be anyones lap dog ? She chose to start a relationship with the other guy and never wanted to retry with you. That's her decision, let her live with that decision.

Why would you wait around for someone who could throw you away so easily ? That's the big question to ask. I say f**k them, life is way too short to lower yourself to lapdog status. Just my opinion though, if you feel like waiting around for another chance is right, good luck with it.

.

 

thanks for the reply on that note mate. that is really sound advice. your totally right! and i did wait around, 2 months in fact, but even when she split with him she didnt return my txt's.

 

really glad you hit the nail on the head with my situation, cause i felt really bad that it was my fault for the agreement to break up, mainly because i didnt no if she was the one and wanted freedom again, to be a "lad" again and not feel like a 40 year old in a 20 year old body.

 

i do still hope that one day we will meet up and it will fall into place. but its highly unlikely and i hope i meet someone better, or more suitable for me.

 

untill then, she will always have a place in my heart i guess and i still cant believe she would do such a thing. kinda feels like she turned into a completely different person around that time and was like i never knew her.

 

when i spoke to her at x mass it was more like the person i used to no. buti dont know anymore

 

she is with him so thats that