girlcrazy Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 the woman im interested in has revealed to me in a very open and honest manner how she contracted herpes from the father of her most recent baby. She said it appeared almost as a bug bite on her butt and was diagnosed at the hospital at time of delivery. She is taking Valtrex medication to suppress it from coming back and to this day has not had a reoccurrence. I really like this girl but there are obstacles to overcome if i am to become her significant other. She is still seeing the father of her baby on a limited basis, despite having changed the locks on her apartment and kicking him out. He still comes over a couple times a week to see his baby and she lets him stay over night although im not sure if they are still sexually active (but i plan to ask). She has told me she is just seeing him because she needs his money and i believe her and i dont think that makes her a bad person when i consider all the details.. too many to list here in one post. So I dont know if a meaningful relationship is in the cards for me with this woman however i am still attracted to her and if not for her bringing her std status to my attention probably would have already had intimate relations with her. Some of the lesser things i could do would be just to adopt a sex pending a relationship develops attitude towards her. Or we could just engage in foreplay and similar activities but not go all the way. My instinct, and not just my sex drive, but my brain too is telling me to make love to her because i am developing real feelings for her as someone i may be interested in trying to develop a real relationship with, also i am very much attracted to her. The development of a relationship depends solely on my ability to earn the money necessary to provide for her and her children, although she has not asked this of me i know it is what would be necessary. Currently she hangs out with me and we chill and listen to music together all the time. This is her choice, she chooses to be with me now even though i have no money because I believe she likes me. I guess my biggest worry is not so much how it would affect me directly if I contracted genital herpes myself but moreover I am concerned with how I would deal with telling a future potential partner about it without having them walking away. I fear most that I would choose to cheat &lie and not tell a future potential partner and claim i didnt know, take suppression medicine and hope for the best, and that would make me a bad guy. I dont know what else to write, im so confused.. I need to make a decision on my own that I will be comfortable with and can hopefully say i wont regret regardless which way. appreciate any enlightenment, my brain hurts and is all consumed
mental_traveller Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 She's just had a kid, has herpes, and is regularly having sex with another guy in return for money. What's the catch? (sarcasm)
Author girlcrazy Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 for a mental traveler you sure dont travel far! yes she had a baby. yes she admitted to me he gave her hsv2. no, she threw him out, changed the locks, but lets him see his baby. and none of these things really change the way i feel about her.. try getting your head around that...
Ty Webb Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Dont contract that disease. I willing did so thinking i would be with this girl the rest of my life. She dumped me and now i have this and can't admit this to anyone but my therapist. So now i can't have another relationship. I have isolated myself from every one even my family. My life is over socially, maybe completly. DON"T DO IT!!! You will regret it the rest of your life. If i didn't have this disease, i would be normal. i have it and it has destroyed me.
sotired Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Well Herpes isn't the end of the world....It is kind of like the common cold of stds and many more people have it than you'd imagine. Do a lot of research on it....talk to your doctor about the risks if you have protected sex with her, etc. Personal opinion, go for it if she is 100% commited to you. But this girl is seeing her ex just for cash? Not so much...
lifelessonlearned Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 the fact that she was able to tell you about something so shameful and embarassing should tell you that she cares about you. but I think you should wait till the ex bf is out of the picture before you get too intimate with her. there's still a lot of questions about the extent of their relationship, so i would just wait for things to become more clear before you do anything. but i'm glad you have not turned your back on her, you're one of a kind.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 the father of her most recent baby. ... She is still seeing the father of her baby ... The father of which baby?
Enema Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Almost 2 billion women on the planet and you choose the one with multiple kids, desperate for money with STD's. I'm sure you "really like her"... but dang, you could really like a few million other people without the catches. It's not worth it.
Touche Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Almost 2 billion women on the planet and you choose the one with multiple kids, desperate for money with STD's. I'm sure you "really like her"... but dang, you could really like a few million other people without the catches. It's not worth it. Totally agree. And it sounds like she's still sleeping with her ex. Is that for the money? You know what that makes her? Ugh. You said: She is still seeing the father of her baby on a limited basis, despite having changed the locks on her apartment and kicking him out. He still comes over a couple times a week to see his baby and she lets him stay over night This has nowhere to go but down...train wreck in the making. No doubt about it. Sorry.
pandagirl Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I really wish people would educate themselves on the subject of herpes. I am not promiscuous (only have slept with four men, and I'm 31), but got it from a cheating boyfriend. Yeah, it sucks, but it's not the end of the world. I educated myself and the fact is, if I do not have a outbreak, I take valtrex and my partner and I use protection, there is less than a 1% chance that he will get herpes. Pretty small, in fact, the same risk of getting pregnant with a condom on. Of course, no one WANTS herpes, but it doesn't make someone not worth dating since you can largely prevent transmission!
Touche Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Just to clear something up...so to speak. I was not telling the OP to run because of the herpes. I actually think that in this case, contracting the herpes virus would be the least of his problems where this girl is concerned.
mclovin Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 If you're truly in love with this person and you think you'll spend the rest of your life with her, then, you can overlook it and continue to move forward. HSV is more common that people think. It's more of a skin disease the occurs at times (outbreaks). But, see your doctor and ask about ways to protect yourself. I'm not a doctor, but I'll be honest with 'ya here. Condoms are not as effective against this virus, as it can be with HIV, Clamydia, Hepititis, etc. HSV and HPV can be contracted through just briefly rubbing your genitals against one another because the virus is actually active in the skin. So, I'm not saying condoms are not your best option, but they will not be as effective. Also, avoid sex during outbreaks.
subdued Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 You need to ask her how she feels about her ex, how she feels about you, and whether or not she is sleeping with her ex. She should not be sleeping in the same house with her ex without your being there if you are going to be having a relationship with her. Don't cave into excuses just because you have feelings for her. Don't assume she is thinking anything without asking her first. One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is to assume what the other person is thinking based on what they are thinking or what they want the other person to be thinking.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I really wish people would educate themselves on the subject of herpes. I educated myself and the fact is, if I do not have a outbreak, I take valtrex and my partner and I use protection, there is less than a 1% chance that he will get herpes. Pretty small, in fact, the same risk of getting pregnant with a condom on. So much for the educated one: The pregnancy-with-a-condom numbers reference proper and consistent use of a condom for a whole year, and the rate is nearer to 97% than to 99%. The 99% rate is that of birth control pills used consistently and correctly for a whole year. There is a reason why home schooling entails more than a child sitting at home by himself all day.
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