wonderifshelikesme Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 So things have been going great with this girl, she's gorgeous, I love her personality, smart, etc...and she really likes me as well. She's a family friend and our families have always tried to get us together but it was bad timing for some reason or another. Well...we started hanging out and I guess both came out with the fact we have lilked each other for a long time and everything felt so natural and great. She wants a relationship too, which she has made clear. I'm thinking I would date this girl...she's great, but I have never been with a bi-sexual girl. Shoot, none of my girlfriends in the past would even try anything like that and she's definitely bi-sexual. She has probably been with hotter girls than me =) Hah...umm so I haven't discussed it much with her...but I don't even know what to expect! I will probably have that discussion with her at some point this week but I'm not sure even what to say or what to think. I am thinking it will be a good idea to set some ground rules and I should probably think of some questions I need to ask/know. I am very much not a jealous person and I am open to the idea of a 3-some (of course) but I hear that typically causes problems in a relationship. I don't know if she would even want to do that, she may not at all...umm anyways have any of you guys had a bi-sexual girlfriend or are any of you bi-sexual girls? Any advice, tips, anything you guys may have for me? We aren't in a committed relationship yet but I know that if I want to do it...it's there. I really like this girl as a person and if I do ultimately take that leap I don't want this to end up causing a problem later. Thanks in advance for any replies, I am somewhat clueless here...
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Um... just because she's bisexual that doesn't mean she doesn't want a committed relationship with one person, male or female. You're kind of jumping the gun by assuming she would be into threesomes. Perhaps you should clarify with her that she would be happy just being in a relationship with a man, i.e. if you guys commit to each other would she be happy never to be with a girl again?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Uh oh. be careful. things tend to get really bonkers if she doesnt recognize boundries. I wouldnt put my whole self into the relationship so soon. take your time.
Author wonderifshelikesme Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 Well...I was thinking about threesomes because I couldn't help it but I am not just assuming she's going to be like "Hey come join me in a threesome baby" but it was more like a fantasy that I think most guys might have when they are possibly going to date a beautiful bisexual gal. I like the girl for her, and I do understand that's a part of her personality. I don't know if she would have the expectation of being completely just with me or if she would have the expectation of being with me and possibly a girl at some point (be it with a three-some or just by herself). I also wonder if at some point she would not be content if she isn't with a girl? I know she really likes me and she's a sweetheart and would be faithful but I've just never been in a situation like this so I don't even know where to start?
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Ask her then! It's perfectly reasonable to ask a bisexual person if they'd be prepared to be in a commited relationship with someone of your gender, and not feel that they were missing out on being with someone of the opposite gender. Nobody can give you any answers except your gf.
voldigicam Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I may look at things funny. Just a disclaimer. I don't see why her orientation really is much of your business. Or why what she might do when she's not with you should be your business. But that's probably a different attitude. I tend not to be possessive. If she desires girls, she's going to continue to desire girls. I desire boys and continue to desire boys. This isn't going to stop. I don't go with boys because I decided not to 20 years ago when I met my current SO. It does bother me sometimes. I have slipped up a couple of times for real cuties. But this was my decision and not her insistence. I'm not sure whether you don't want her to see girls, or whether you want her to see girls so long as you're able to watch or participate. Don't get too excited - once the girls get together, they'll wear the guys out and keep going without you. The guys end up in the living room watching the game and drinking beer, trying not to hear what the girls are up to. Best course of action might be to talk openly about it and come to some agreement. Can make it a funny conversation. That's better than the "pretend he's not really bi" approach of my SO. Hey, that's pretty much the approach I take with me!!
Author wonderifshelikesme Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 All good advice and thank you. I would be game to join in of course but I'm sure that would be more of her thing. I imagine I couldn't keep up that long haha... I don't mind at all what she likes or wants to do but I think if we didn't discuss then it could be a problem because we have different expectations. I suppose I'll just go with it and we will have a non-awkward conversation and I'll just see how things feel natural...
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 What if she says yes to a threesome but it is you, her and another man? Sorry but why should you think just because she is bisexual, she would be fair game for your proposal? Would you suggest this to a straight girl?
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 All good advice and thank you. I would be game to join in of course but I'm sure that would be more of her thing. I imagine I couldn't keep up that long haha... I don't mind at all what she likes or wants to do but I think if we didn't discuss then it could be a problem because we have different expectations. I suppose I'll just go with it and we will have a non-awkward conversation and I'll just see how things feel natural... Yes, just go with the flow for a bit. Make sure to get an idea of what she wants out of your relationship, and make it clear what your boundaries are like when it comes to her hooking up with other women (without you!).
yongyong Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 have fun, I am sure you won't marry that kind of female species.
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Well...I was thinking about threesomes because I couldn't help it but I am not just assuming she's going to be like "Hey come join me in a threesome baby" but it was more like a fantasy that I think most guys might have when they are possibly going to date a beautiful bisexual gal. So, did you have threesomes with your ex-girlfriends and other MEN - since they were heterosexual, then you would have to include a man in the threesome, right? What do threesomes have to do with her orientation? Do you imagine bisexual people as people who are dating both sexes at the same time? You don't seem concerned about her orientation; you seem hopeful about having a threesome with some of the girls that she can get, and you can't. Or at least this is what surfaces from your words. I would be utterly offended if my partner suggested a threesome, especially at the beginning. It would show me that he thinks I am his sexual experiment. She wants the girls for herself, not for YOU. You said you weren't a jealous person, so let her have her gay flings on the side, if you both agree to it. If not, let her know that you expect her to be faithful. Maybe she only wants committed relationships, regardless of the gender, and won't even want to be with other girls while with you. How would you feel if you told her you were bisexual, and she said "OK, bring some of your guys to have sex with ME"?
flash582 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 How would you feel if you told her you were bisexual, and she said "OK, bring some of your guys to have sex with ME"? Or, in a slightly different tack on the same point ... OK ... can I bring one of my Ex Girlfriends, one that broke my heart and that I still have some feelings for, and watch you have sex with her? Or why don't you invite one of your ex girlfriends, one that broke your heart, and watch me do things to her that you can't? This is a almost certain recipe for a Quick out the door with your ass type action. I've had a few BiSexual friends .... they are typically having RELATIONSHIPS with people of both sexes, but you can't assume that they're doing it immorally and are serial cheaters. And if you are really wanting a Relationship .... I'd let this stay a fantasy for a LONGGGG time.
amymarieca Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 See, this is the reason why I never tell any guys that am dating that I am bisexual. They automatically think I am going to have a threesome with them just because I am into girls. That is so presumptuous and it really puts me off. I highly recommend not bringing it up with her if you really want this relationship to work out. It makes bisexual women feel like they are just sex toys.
Dark-Farmer Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Don't be so rash to jump and attack someone who is just confused about an issue. Just becuase he is thinking about a threesome. I dated a girl who was bi sexual and i was equally confused. I wasn't expecting or even wanting a threesome, i still thought about it because i wasn't completely sure what being bi sexual truly meant. I really think this is the case here. But as some people above said it means they just simply "can" be attracted to either sex. But i would say they don't necessarily want to be in a relationship with more that one person at a time any more than a heterosexual person would. I personally would leave the issue alone completely, i learn that it's not a big deal. If she wants a relationship with you it's that simple, she probably wouldn't want to be with anyone else (male or female). If you like her just approach it like a normal relationship and Enjoy!
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 A bisexual person is a person who enjoys sex with either gender. But she has chosen to be with you. A person of the opposite sex. So to every intent and purpose, she is in a heterosexual relationship, as a heterosexual woman. The fact that she also enjoys sex with women is not relevant to your relationship with her. Do not bring anything else up at all - until such a time as she does. There may be a future point when she expresses a desire to be with a woman. This will not automatically mean a threesome. She will probably (if it ever happens at all) state that she 'misses' that type of sex. She would, in this case, be seeing how you might feel about her having an affair, or a fling. This would mean she wants to be unfaithful to you. Cross that bridge if ever you actually come to it. Which may not ever happen. For now - this is just boy-girl. Be happy with that.
samspade Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Right now, focus on her. The threesome conversation may come up, and it may not. If it does, just be cool about it. Don't be over-eager but express that you'd be willing to explore that with her. In the meantime, enjoy the ride with her and don't worry about a third party.
monkey00 Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 There are a lot of girls out there that claim to be bi-sexual aren't truly bi-sexual. Often these are young girls who are still trying to figure out their sexuality (by experiencing a more promiscuous side to themselves) and don't know what they want.
Author wonderifshelikesme Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 Sincerely appreciate all the replies, whether you appeared to be overly presumptive about my intent or not. Apologize for not getting back--have been absolutely swamped at work and busy with my...new girlfriend. Look, if I did not choose the best wording in my initial post, for this I am also sorry. It was late, I was giddy, and I just didn't put the time into it that I probably should have. Nevertheless, forget I mention three-somes. That is an after-thought and I never intended to bring it up, but wanted to be prepared for it if she did (becuase it's not a stretch to think she would--seeing as I have known her for many years). I am just confused and was looking for guidance is all...and to be honest the reason why is because I know that if I let myself go with this girl...I would fall hard and fast and so would she. We have known each other many years and we always had this mental/physical/emotional attraction, shared the same passion for life and adventure, ambitious yet easy-going, etc...but she's really everything I wanted and apparently she feels similarly about me. Knowing this it scared me, particularly that I may not understand exactly what she wants/needs from her partner because I'm inexperienced or ignorant. My last ex...I really thought I would marry the girl and she supposedly felt the same way but I had my doubts after she cheated on me with her ex and such. This was the first time in my life I ever said, "I would marry this girl" and I guess it blindsided me, confused me, and broke my heart when she completely disrespected me. Look, I have a big heart and tend to be a little naive because I don't see the "negative" or "down side" and this breakup tore me up...add on graduating college and becoming an adult "responsible for myself", living in constant fear of not paying rent because I would lose my job (finance industry), and working 60 hour week...I slipped into one of the darkest places in my life. I became phsically addicted to opiate drugs and terribly lost in this world. Not the person I wanted to be because I'm a really good guy and I love people and life so much. Thankfully, I decided to turn from despair and become the person I love and I got some help and overcame the addiction and made other positive changes in my life. It's now almost 2 years since the girl broke my heart and sober for over a year but I just don't want to go anywhere down that road if I could avoid it. So...it just scared me because this girl I met...I knew that if we got into a relationship we would both fall hard, would be very passionate, etc with our background. I just didn't want to have my heart broke again a year later because I didn't understand something I should have...didn't ask a question I should have...didn't have a discussion...wasn't prepared for something...am not being a good boyfriend...all these things. Excuse me but I am in a totally new situation and am totally inexperienced and ignorant and was just looking for guidance. I realize her being bisexual doesn't imply a threesome nor does it imply she can't have a completely monogomous (sp?) and committed relationship and be in love with me. I also realize I've never dated a bisexual girl and I would be a fool to act like I know what I'm doing. She's very sexually adventurous and has talked of past threesomes--but she's also grown and matured. I never planned to bring up the conversation but wanted to be prepared if she did. Sure it's a fantasy but honestly it would be easier for me probably if this never happened. She has been in past relationships with girls but also talks about girls like an "object" as many guys I know do. Her comments are equally as dirty as frat guys sometimes...and almost seems like she views girls as "fun for a night" but I know she has had several ex-girlfriends. She says that she "never checks out guys" but she does check out girls and will comment about that if I'm with her. I don't care because I'm secure enough and not jealous but I don't know what this all means long-term. I really really like this girl and she makes me so happy but I just wonder if I can really do it for her...long-term? Will the novelty wear off and she misses being with girls? Will she talk to me about it if she does feel this way? We are very compatible sexually and I'm also adventurous but perhaps I just don't do it for her and she's very caring and puts on the facade because she loves me and wants to be committed. If that's the case...it can't work long term. Maybe I'm dumb and just paranoid and everything will be fine but I don't think it's unreasonable to want to understand your partner and relationship because you just haven't been in a similar situation. Thanks again and for any new replies--would love your advice/experiences. Sorry if this is jumbled, I found 15 mins at work to come post. This is a really cool forum and I bet has helped many people out throughout the years. Thanks again... --K
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