gavinus Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Basically my ex and me went out for 3 years, she dumped me. She had/has major anger problems which I allowed her to take out on me. She dumped me 8 weeks ago, blamed me for her anger and I have been NC for 4 weeks. I got a text about 10 days ago saying, could I let her know if I got the email she sent, and could I let her know how much $$$ she ows me for breaking something of mine awhile ago. Most of the advice from the last tread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184130/ said to not reply because that will only make her feel good. 2 weeks before I sent her a text saying how I felt about her and she replied. The problem for me now is that I don't want to have this last contact as me being the guy who did not bother even to respond. I want to be remembered as the nice guy who did the right thing and held no grudges becuase it feels right for me, but then again am I being a doormat? as the text she sent me told me nothing about her feelings, what so ever, thanks in advance.
EllieBean Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 It seems kind of rude not to reply when she just wanted to pay you what she owes you - it would have been polite to say that you got the email and she owes you x amount. You could reply and just say how much she owes you, and you don't hold any grudges and hope you can still be civil if you happen to cross paths. That's common decency, it's not being a doormat. Being a doormat is when you moan pathetically "I still luuuuurve you!!" and chase her like a puppy dog after she's already dumped you. My advice would be to reply, keep it civil and don't be pathetic and emotional, get the money she owes you and wish her well.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I don't know if I wrote this to you before but if I haven't....there is no purpose of replying to her. She is only doing that to find a way to keep talking to you. You wanted to move on, so here is your opportunity...move on.
JooLee Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 i think u shud jus tell her the amount she owes you. let her send u the money. n disappear. no need to stay and hav small talks.
Author gavinus Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I suppose my question is why does she want to keep talking to me? When we split she said among other things, she did not respect me, love me, was not proud of me. She also said to my face she only stayed with me becuase she could settle for me but was looking for more. She also blamed me for her anger and she said my personality was one she could never accept and she should have left a year earlier. So because she said these horrible things to me, why on earth did she contact me??
boldjack Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 Do not respond in any way. She is feeling guilty for how she treated you and is looking for validation. She certainly doesn't love or respect you, but will keep you hanging until some sure thing comes along.
JooLee Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 doesnt matter why. she is being selfish and she would do whatever it takes to get what she wants. perharps she's feeling guilty- whatever it is. she said what she said she has done what she did. and no one deserved to be treated the way u did. let her pay you. and then tell her to jump off a building
Author gavinus Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 I am having a hard time, I want to contact her and tell her I am hurting!! I must be strong....I have kept up NC for 5 weeks now, been broken up 9 weeks, the pain is still ongoing, any positive advice is welcome
boldjack Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Validation in that she needs to validate her anger with you and her decision to dump you. She is having doubts about ending the relationship, but won't admit them. She also is "leaving the door open", in case her new life w/o you turns out to be not so good. She is being manipulativem making you jump thru hoops without giving anything in return. Don't reply ever. Move on.
copaisking Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 ignore her. She's using you as an emotional tampon. The money is well spent if it means getting out of an anger filled relationship
Author gavinus Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 am trying guys, some days it seems ok, other days like now, the pain really hurts, I loved her, she treated me bad, and I am the one who is suffering, and it seems my reward for NC is to be alone its hard to see the light.
boldjack Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 Dude, you need to change your attitude. Start looking at this as a narrow escape from a bad situation.NC means you can go out and find someone new and exciting, and don't have to tell the ex anything!! Don't sit an dwell on the past, give the future a chance.:)
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